The (ever)Last(ing) Supper

, | Houston, TX, USA | Top

(I work as a cook at a pizza place. A tall and thin customer comes in and begins to place an order with the cashier.)

Customer: “Yeah, I want the large pepperoni.”

Cashier: “For here?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Cashier: “Would you like anything with that?”

Customer: “Yeah, let me have the spaghetti dinner.”

Cashier: “Oh, did you want that instead of the pizza?”

Customer: “Naw, I want the pizza too. Can I get extra garlic bread?”

Cashier: “Um, sure.”

Customer: “Sweet. Can I also get one of them open-faced sandwiches? The roast beef and cheese…and can you add some sausage to the sandwich too?

Cashier: “Yeah…”

Customer: “…and a salad. What kind of salad do you have?”

Cashier: “Well, we have a small side salad, or a larger dinner salad…”

Customer: “Well…”

Me: *speaking over the counter* “We also have the antipasto salad! It’s pretty big!”

Customer: “Yeah! I want that!”

Cashier: “Um…is there anything else?”

Customer: *looks around, and sees the bags of potato chips on
“Yeah, those look good. Give me two bags of chips!”

Cashier: “Okay…is there anything else?”

Customer: “Naw, I think that’s it.”

Cashier: “Do you need us to box up any of this to go?”

Customer: “Naw.”

Cashier: “Will you have anything to drink with this?”

Customer: “Oh yeah, I totally forgot! I’ll have a small Coke!”

(When we finally brought the food out to the customer, it was a LOT of food. Surprisingly, the customer stayed in the restaurant for over 4 hours, and he ate almost everything!)

Not How You A-Dress A Customer

, | Manchester, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, [pizza delivery]. Can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to order some pizzas, please.”

Me: “No problem.”

(The call proceeds normally; she orders two pizzas and we make a little small talk.)

Customer: “Can you deliver them, please?”

Me: “Sure, address?”

Customer: *long pause* “Pardon?”

Me: “The address?”

Customer: *long pause again* “I’d like to speak to your manager now, please.”

Me: “Is there a problem?”

Customer: “Just put your manager on!”

(I call my manager over.)

Manager: “Hello, what appears to be the issue?”

(The manager talks with the customer for a while. He eventually hangs up, throws the order slip in the trash, and bursts out laughing.)

Me: “What was all that about?”

Manager: “She thought you were asking if she was wearing ‘a dress’ and wanted to complain.”

Lost In Translation

| Avon, IN, USA | Bizarre

(I’m a host at a restaurant and am talking to a customer after ringing them out.)

Customer: “So, are you in high school?”

Me: “No, I’m in college.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s great! What do you want to do with your degree?”

Me: “Well, I’m majoring in history. I want to get a Ph.D. and be a professor.”

Customer: “Oh, you shouldn’t do that. You should be an air traffic controller!”

Me: “Um…I don’t know if that’s the right job for me. It would be a little too stressful.”

Customer: “But you know what the worst job in the world is?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Translator.”

Me: “A translator? Why?”

Customer: “Because the government kills them.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “It’s true, my husband was in the Navy for 35 years, and after secret meetings the translators knew too much, so they would take them out back and shoot them.”

Me: “Oh. Wow, that’s…terrible. I guess I won’t be a translator then.”

Customer: “Good. Remember, become an air traffic controller!”

Temporal Retentive

| Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

(I work at a restaurant as a hostess. I see a customer, her young daughter, and her mother on their way out so I bid them farewell.)

Me: “Have a nice night. Thanks for coming!” *smile*

(The customer gives me a long stare and then mimics me.)

Customer: *sarcastically* “Have a nice night…”

Customer’s mother: “Can I have your store’s phone number and your name? I would like to complain about your behavior!”

(I don’t know what this is about, but I still give them the phone number. Two hours later…)

Manager: “Hey, a lady just called and complained about you.”

Me: “Really? What did she say?”

Manager: “You told her to have a nice night.”

Me: “What’s wrong with that?”

Manager: “It was still light outside.”

Extremely Public Education

, | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, can I take your order?”

Drive-thru customer: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

Me: “Can I take your order?”

Drive-thru customer: “I know, I heard you. But why would you ask that question like that?”

Me: “Um, I need to know what food to have prepared for you.”

Drive-thru customer: “Don’t get smart with me! I heard what you said, and I would prefer it if you’d word your sentence differently.”

Me: “Oh, okay. May I take your order?”

Drive-thru customer: “That’s better! Yes, you may!”

Me: “Okay, what would you like?”

Drive-thru customer: “I’m not sure yet. Give me a minute!”

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