One Plate Of Hot Air, Coming Right Up

| Lexington, KY, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’d like the tofu & veggie dish, but I want that with no tofu.”

Me: “Sure! We could add in chicken, or beef, or–”

Customer: “No, I don’t want that. I just don’t like tofu.”

Me: “I understand that. I don’t really care for it, myself.”

Customer: “It’s not even a veggie…Oh, and can I have no veggies in that?”

Me: “…What?”

Customer: “I don’t want any veggies in that, either.”

Me: “So…you want the tofu & veggie dish with no tofu, no meat, and no veggies?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Elemental State Of Confusion

| California, USA | Top

(I had just brought a table their glasses of water before coming back to take their orders.)

Customer: “There’s something in my water! I demand a new one right away!”

(She holds up an ice cube in her hand to show me.)

Me: “Oh OK, I’ll bring you one without ice.”

Customer: “Without what?”

Me: “Ice.”

Customer: “Ice? Huh?”

Me: “Um…ice cubes.”

(She looks at me blankly.)

Me: “The little cubes of frozen water…”

Customer: “FROZEN WATER! That’s crazy…why is it in my glass?”

Me: “To keep your water cold.”

Customer: “Well, if I wanted that I would’ve ordered an iced water! Haven’t you ever been to Starbucks? That’s the way a REAL restaurant does it.”

Me: “…”

Every Valet’s Dream Come True

| Lake Tahoe, CA/NV, USA | Top

(A man pulls into the parking lot with a beautiful 1972 Rolls Royce. As a general rule, when someone comes in with a car that nice I just let them park it themselves right up front. This conversation takes place as he is leaving the restaurant.)

Customer: “I need you to pull my car around for me.”

Me: “I never took the keys from you.”

Customer: “The keys are in the ignition. Please go get my car.”

Me: “Well, if you insist…”

(I pull the car around VERY carefully.)

Customer: “That was completely unacceptable. I want you to drive around again, only this time when you start off, do a burnout!”

Simple Conversations, Even Simpler Minds

| St. Augustine, FL, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer comes up to the window where you pick up your order after your number was called. All he ordered was a biscuit.)

Customer: “Biscuit?”

Cook: “Biscuit.”

Customer: *cocks head to one side* “Biscuit?”

Cook: “Biscuit.”

Customer: *cocks head to other side* “BISCUIT?”

Cook: *picks up biscuit, shows the customer each side slowly* “Bis-cuit.”

Customer: “OH! BISCUIT!” *proceeds to take plate to table*

Dysfunctional Doppelgangers

, | Cooby, Australia | Uncategorized

(An old, drunken man stumbles in to our fast food restaurant.)

Me: “Hello, how are you tonight sir?”

(He stumbles to the front counter, leans over, and stares intently at my name badge.)

Me: “Umm, can I help you?”

Drunken customer: *reads my badge* “Tahiiinaaa..”

Me: “…yes?”

Drunken customer: “That’s a really pretty name. I want your name. Sell me your name!”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t sell you my name… do you want some chicken?”

Drunken customer: “I. WANT. YOUR. NAME!”

(Suddenly, the drunken guy lunges over the counter and rips my badge off of my shirt and runs out of the store laughing.)

Me, to my manager: “I think I need a new shirt…”

Page 202/250First...200201202203204...Last