History And Cookbooks Are Written By The Victors

| Calgary, Alberta, Canada | Food & Drink, Health & Body, History

(An older lady is looking through the buffet, when she comes to our Japanese section. She eyes the sashimi.)

Customer: “Oh! Is this smoked salmon?”

Me: “No ma’am, it’s actually sashimi, the Japanese way of serving fish, so it’s cleaned and served raw.”

Customer: “Raw? That can’t be healthy! Are you sure you are allowed to serve raw fish? Someone could get sick!”

Me: “I can assure you, raw salmon won’t get anyone sick. We have served this for years.”

Customer: “But it’s raw! Someone will get sick! That’s what raw fish does – gets people sick!”

Me: “Ma’am, the Japanese have been eating raw fish for centuries. I think it will be OK.”

Customer: “Well, they also lost World War 2. I don’t think this is safe!”

Me: “…”

How To Scam A Scammer, Part 6

, | Tacoma, WA, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m a customer waiting for my pizza and overhear this conversation.)

Cashier, to another customer: “Hey, what can I get you?”

Customer: “Just a bottle of water, please.”

Cashier: “Sure, that’ll come to $1.09.”

(The customer hands him two dollars, and then pauses.)

Customer: “Actually, could I get you to exchange these five ones for a five?”

Cashier: “Sure.”

Customer: “Oh, wait… can I exchange the two fives for a ten?”

(This continues for a few minutes until the cashier smiles and says that he has to get back to work helping me, since my pizza is ready. The guy leaves.)

Me: “People like that always make me nervous. I’ve had bad run-ins with short changers.”

Cashier: “Yeah, I was wise to his game, though.”

Me: “Oh, yeah?”

Cashier: “Yeah. He shorted himself two dollars.”

Related:
How To Scam A Scammer, Part 5
How To Scam A Scammer, Part 4
How To Scam A Scammer, Part 3
How To Scam A Scammer, Part 2
Lesson 1, How To Scam A Scammer

Actually, He’s Only Friends With Dorothy

| Ft. Worth, TX, USA | Uncategorized

(While making a drink for my table, I overhear a woman approach my manager.)

Customer: “You’re the manager, right?”

Manager: “Yeah, how can I help you?”

Customer: “One of your employees just said a very dirty word as that table over there!”

Manager: “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am. What did they say?”

Customer: *lowers her voice* “The “p” word.”

Manager: “I’m very sorry. Who said it, now?”

(The customer then points to an openly gay male employee, the store’s
trainer.)

Customer: “Him, right there. He was going on about his girlfriend’s hot… you know!”

Manager: “Did he say ‘eww’ afterwards?”

Actually, We’re Saving Them For WW3

| Sydney, Australia (not USA yet) | Uncategorized

(At our restaurant, an American tourist tries to pay for his meal in American currency.)

Me: “Sorry, sir. We can only accept Australian Dollars here.”

Customer: “What? What are you talking about? Isn’t this like, our colony?”

Me: “I assure you, sir, Australia has never been an American colony. We were, however, once controlled by the British.”

Customer: “But… wasn’t it you we beat in World War 2?!”

What A Kilo-Moron

, | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, can you tell me how big an order of breadsticks is?”

Me: “Well, a small is 6, and a large is 12.”

(The customer and his wife confer for a moment before he turns back to me.)

Customer: “We’re from the States; we don’t use the metric system. Can you convert it?”

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