How To Narrowly Avoid An Argument

, | Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

(It is late at night and I have been in the order taker booth in the drive-thru. The lane itself can be narrow at some points and many customers sometimes struggle in navigating it. A customer drives up and I can see that he has trouble navigating the drive-thru lane.)

Customer: “Your drive-thru is really narrow. You should fix it.”

Me: *with a weird look* “Well, I didn’t design the bloody thing 30-plus years ago, so why are you telling me?”

(The customer then remained silent during the rest of the transaction and drove off.)

A Big Mayo No No

| WA, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I am pregnant, and I find my brain occasionally ceases functioning. I often find myself at a loss for words. One night, while picking up dinner at a popular submarine sandwich shop, I confidently asked the young man making my sandwich for ‘brown mayonnaise.’)

Employee: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Brown mayonnaise?”

Employee: “I… but… brown? Mayonnaise?”

Me: “Yes, please! Just a little bit, though.”

Employee: “I’m just so sorry, but I’ve never heard of brown mayonnaise, and we definitely don’t have any. I have regular mayonnaise, light mayonnaise, yellow mustard, brow… oh!” *grabs his bottle of brown mustard and offers it to me just as my brains clicks on*

Me: “Did I seriously just ask you for brown mayonnaise, like, three times? I’m so sorry. Mustard. I definitely meant mustard.”

Employee: “Thank goodness, because brown mayonnaise does not sound good at ALL.”

(I had to agree.)

More Money, More Problems

| Warwick, RI, USA | Bad Behavior

(It is a very busy day, and our small restaurant is crawling with customers. One woman comes in wearing very “fancy” clothing. This is the interaction that followed.)

Woman: “I’ll have a small latte and two cheeseburgers, right now!”

Me: “I’d be happy to serve you, but as you can see we’re very busy right now.”

Woman: “Make it snappy!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I’ll try.”

(Not even one minute later, and this happens.)

Woman: “I demand to be served right now!”

Me: “One moment, please.”

Woman: “Do you have any idea who I am?! I can buy and sell you! Do you see my clothes?! I’m f****** rich!”

Me: “With all due respect, ma’am, I have a job to do. Could you please sit down in that room over there, so as to not irritate the other customers?”

Woman: “What did you say!? Did you just tell me to s*** in that room!? Are you implying I’m mad because I haven’t gone to the bathroom!? That is disgusting!”

(At this point my boss has come out to watch, and has been secretly observing the woman for the minute or so. He decides to come out of the shadows and help me out.)

Boss: “Ma’am, you’re disgusting! You think because you have more money than some people, that you are entitled to service before other people, and said that you can buy and sell my employee. I’m going to ask that you get out of my store right now!”

Woman: “Well, I never! I’m not coming here ever again!”

Me & Boss: “Okay, thanks!”

Can’t Think Under The Box

| Tulsa, OK, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: *calling* “You didn’t give me my entire order.”

Me: “I’m sorry, what was your order?”

Customer: “I got a 16-piece family meal, and you didn’t give me my fries!”

(I had bagged the order myself, and knew the fries were in a box in the same bag as the box of hushpuppies.)

Me: “Did you look under the hushpuppies?”

Customer: “Yes, there is nothing in there but the hushpuppies.”

Me: “No, not the same box as the hushpuppies. Did you take the hushpuppies out and look under them?”

Customer: “Yes. We took ALL the hushpuppies out. There aren’t any fries in here at all. We are coming back up to get our money back.”

Me: *sigh* “Did you take the hushpuppies out of the box, or did you take the box out of the bag?”

Customer: “We took the hushpuppies out.”

Me: “Take the box out of the bag.”

Customer: “Oh, there’s a whole ‘nother box here.”

Me: *in Bill Engvall voice* “Here’s your fries!”

A Meaty Proposition

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work at a sub shop for about a year, where customers may have the employees customize their sandwich as it being made. A customer and presumably his girlfriend come in when it’s slow.)

Customer: “Hey, I’m hungry.”

Me: “Yes, sir, what would you like?”

Customer: “Is this the stuff I can get?”

(Gestures to the pans of food laid out for assembly.)

Me: “Yes, sir, and here are the types of bread.”

Customer: “Cool. I want wheat, and all the meats.”

Me: “All of them?”

Customer: “Yeah, I want all of these.”

Me: “That’s going to be very expensive.”

Customer: “Why?”

(I don’t make the sandwich, instead calculating what the whole single sandwich would cost with every additional meat including steak, chicken, bacon, ham, salami, bologna, turkey, and tuna. Something like twenty five bucks. Once he hears that, he looks at me like I was eating live scorpions and shoos his lady-friend right out of the door.)

Manager: *rubbing his temples* “I’m so glad I retire next month.”

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