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  • They’ve Gone Off The Reservation

    | MN, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I’m working the to-go counter at a restaurant, answering phone calls. Most calls are food orders, but it’s not uncommon to receive reservation requests as well. It’s a rather busy night, and there’s roughly a 30-minute wait for a table.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I’d like to make a reservation for twenty, please.”

    Me: “All right, that shouldn’t be a problem. When should we expect you?”

    Caller: “In about two minutes. We’re pulling into the parking lot right now.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customers Of Substance

    | Tallahassee, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

    (I clean up the table after a group of boys leave. I look on the floor and see a bag of illegal substance. I give it to the manager and she calls the police. After the police leave, one of the boys comes back in and walks to their same table trying to find something.)

    Me: *to customer* “It’s not there anymore.”

    Customer: “Yeah, can I have that back?”

    Me: “Sir, I gave it to the police.”

    Customer: “So, I can’t have it back?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Well, it’s not mine anyway. It’s my friend’s.”

    Me: “You came back to claim something illegal that’s not even yours…”

    Customer: “Yeah…”

    Me: “You should probably leave before the police come back.”

    (My coworkers and I couldn’t stop laughing about it all night! Silly college students!)

    Dairy Drama Queen

    | Germany | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work part-time in the kitchen of a small bistro, where we sell homemade sandwiches amongst other things. We have lots of vegan options since it’s become very popular in our college town, and my boss makes sure all kitchen staff knows exactly what’s in the vegan foods if customers ask. This happens as I spend my day off sitting in the bistro next to the counter doing homework.)

    Customer: ”You rang up my veggie sandwich as 4€! It says 3.80€ on the tag.”

    Server: ”I’m sorry, ma’am, you said you wanted the vegan sandwich, not the veggie sandwich. The vegan is 4€. I can change it if you want.”

    Customer: ”No, I want vegan! Why is vegan more expensive? It has the same vegetables on it!”

    Server: *being a new worker, she doesn’t know the entire selection yet* ”[My Name]? Do you know why the vegan is more expensive?”

    Me: *to the customer* ”The vegetarian sandwich has a cream cheese spread from [Local Producer]. The vegan spread is actually made by our kitchen, with tofu instead of cream cheese, and different ingredients than the veggie one.”

    Customer: ”Hmpf! Well, you should make all your spreads yourself if you want to make sure they’re vegetarian!”

    Me: ”Ma’am, [Local Producer] ONLY makes vegetarian food. They’re well known for it. Also, if we made all the spreads ourselves, all of the sandwiches would be more expensive.”

    Customer: ”Whatever. I’ll take the vegan one. Wait! Is it lactose-free?! I’m lactose-intolerant.”

    Me: ”Vegan always means lactose-free. There’s absolutely no dairy in vegan food.”

    Customer: ”How would you know?!”

    Me: ”I work in the kitchen. I made the spread on the sandwich you’re buying. I know exactly what I put into it, and there was no dairy involved.”

    Customer: ”Well, you’re not at work now! How am I supposed to trust that?!”

    Not So Fast Food

    , | TX, USA | Food & Drink, Time

    (The district manager of the fast food chain is in the building making sure everything is up to standards, so the store manager is a bit tense. I am working on the drive-thru window, where we have a target time of 90 seconds from starting the order to delivering the food. A driver pulls up to the order box.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Uh… I’d like a… hmm, number… three? And… uh, no pickles on that.”

    Me: “All right, number three with no pickles. What would you like to drink?”

    Customer: “Umm, make it… a, uh… Sprite. No, wait. Uh, do you have… diet Sprite?”

    Me: *eyeing my timer and wishing he’d hurry up* “No, sorry. Is regular Sprite okay?”

    Customer: “No, change it to… a Coke.”

    Manager: “[My Name], timer’s ticking.”

    Me: “So I have a number three, no pickles, Coke to drink. Will that be all for you today?”

    Customer: “No, no, I’m not done. I also want… a number…” *trails off and starts talking to someone else in the car* “…a number nine.”

    Me: “And the drink with that?”

    Manager: “You’re usually good on the drive through, but if you don’t hurry this up you’ll be in trouble.”

    (I mouth ‘sorry!’ at him.)

    Customer: “A milkshake to drink.”

    Me: “Yes, sir, which flavor?”

    Customer: “Uh… chocolate? No, not chocolate… Umm… Strawberry. Yeah, strawberry.”

    Me: “Anything else?”

    Customer: “Uh…”

    Manager: “What is taking you so long?!”

    (He grabs a headset to listen in on the order.)

    Customer: “I want a… uh… kid’s meal. With… uh… hmm… chicken nuggets.”

    Me: “And the drink for that one, sir?”

    Customer: “Ummm…”

    Manager: *with his headset muted* “…Oh. Carry on.”

    Regrade The Service

    | NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque, School

    (I’m a high school student, and I work at my dad’s sports grill. I am bussing a table when I recognize an old middle school teacher. His friend then decides to strike up a conversation.)

    Friend: “Hey, cutie, can I buy you a drink?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, drinking on the job is prohibited. Also, I’m underage.”

    Friend: “Well.” *winks* “You don’t look underage.”

    Teacher: “I had her in eighth grade… three years ago.”

    Friend: *shrinking and turning red* “Oh…”

    Me: “Yeah…”

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