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    Stupidity That Defies Explanation

    , | London, England, UK | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Money

    (I work in a fast food restaurant as a cashier. A grumpy old man approaches my counter with a voucher.)

    Me: “Good morning. How can I help?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a bacon and egg muffin with a coffee, and I have a voucher.”

    (I take the voucher and ring it up at the discounted price.)

    Me: “That’ll be £1.99, please.”

    Customer: “What?” *complete with a puzzled/angry expression*

    Me: “That’ll cost you one pound and 99 pence, sir.”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “…I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I want to use this voucher, for a free coffee.”

    Me: “Yes, with the voucher that costs £1.99.”

    Customer: “No, no.”

    Me: “Yes, it does, sir. The voucher is for a ‘free coffee with the purchase of a muffin.’ The bacon egg muffin is £1.99, and that’s all you’re paying so the coffee is free.”

    Customer: “NO, I want a BACON AND EGG MUFFIN, and I want to use this voucher for a free coffee.”

    Me: *at a loss for words* “Well… yeah, that’s fine, but it will cost you £1.99.”

    Customer: “No, I’m not following you. You’ve lost me.”

    Me: “Okay. You want a bacon egg muffin, and a coffee, yeah?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Right, and you have a voucher. It says if you BUY a muffin, the coffee is free, yeah?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Okay. So you must buy the muffin, which costs £1.99—”

    Customer: “—no! I want to use the voucher.”

    Me: “I’m sorry but I can’t explain it any more simply than that. The voucher says you need to buy a muffin to get a free coffee.”

    Customer: “You’ve lost me; I want to speak to someone else.”

    (I find my manager, who comes to my aid.)

    Manager: “Hi, what was it you wanted?”

    Customer: “I want a bacon and egg muffin and a coffee with this voucher!”

    Manager: “Okay that’ll be £1.99 please.”

    (The customer hands over £1.99 with no qualms! I can finally serve the idiot.)

    Customer: *in a condescending tone* “That wasn’t difficult now, was it?”

    Me: *in an even more condescending tone* “Nope, it really wasn’t.”

    The Cake Order Is A Lie

    | Hamilton, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (As in many establishments, whenever we answer the phone we always answer with the name of our store, and our location.)

    Me: “[Restaurant], Hamilton. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I ordered a cake from you guys and I’m supposed to pick it up tomorrow. I want some information changed with the writing on the cake.”

    Me: “Okay, could you please give me your information so I can find your order sheet.”

    (Customer proceeds to give me his information. We are an extremely small store and so any cake order is simply posted on a cork-board and easy to find. I cannot find his order and I start feeling anxious.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t seem to be able to locate your order sheet.”

    (The customer starts getting very angry, calling us incompetent and that he specifically remembers placing this order, etc. I’m trying hard to keep it together because I am not used to people talking to me in the way this customer is. I try to see what I can do.)

    Me: “Sir, if you wouldn’t mind calling me back in ten minutes, I’m going to look through the whole store to see if I can find your cake order.”

    Customer: “You do that!”

    (He hangs up. We have two freezers: one in the front of the store and one in the back. None of the cake orders match his description. I wait for his call back with a sinking feeling in my stomach. I answer the phone, again with the name of the store and location.)

    Me: “[Restaurant], Hamilton. How can I help you?”

    Customer: *angrily* “Well? Did you find it?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I couldn’t.”

    Customer: “Well you’d better fix this because this is all your fault and you’re going to ruin my mother’s birthday and I’m coming in tomorrow and it better be done! I can’t believe this. Do you even understand how irresponsible you are? How would you feel if someone f***ed up your order?!”

    Me: “I would be upset as well, sir. I understand your anger.”

    Customer: *condescendingly* “Well, that’s real diplomatic of you, kid.”

    (He gives me his order again, then hangs up the phone. I’m really upset now and shaky, and I should have done this before, but I page my manager. When she calls me back, I tearfully explain the whole situation and she’s thoroughly angry at this guy. She has me call the only two other locations we have to check if they have the cake order, which they didn’t.)

    Manager: “Wait a minute. Just humour me and call [Famous Ice Cream Chain] and see if they have his cake order.”

    (Dubiously, I call the store. Please note, the names of our stores sound NOTHING ALIKE.)

    Other Store: “How can I help you?

    Me: “Hi, I’m calling from [Restaurant]. I just got a call from angry customer about his cake order. Do you happen to have [Customer]’s cake order?”

    Other Store: “Yup. We sure do!”

    Me: “Oh, my god, I’m so mad. I’m going to call you back.”

    (I hang up and then call my manager.)

    Me: “He totally ordered the cake from the other store!

    Manager: “I knew it! And you answered the phone with our store name, right?”

    Me: “Of course. Twice!”

    Manager: “Okay, this is what you’re going to do. Call the store back, tell them to make the changes, and tell them to add this note. ‘Dear, sir, we have made the necessary changes to the cake as you have requested, DESPITE the fact that you called the wrong store multiple times, and we’re extremely rude to an employee of [Restaurant]. You are never to call [Restaurant] and order a cake from us. Sincerely, [Restaurant].”

    (I called the other store, explained the situation, and I dictated the note to them, which they wrote down gleefully. I never found out if they actually gave the note with the cake but we never got a call from him again. Would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when he picked up his cake!)

    Should Have Put A Lid On It

    , | FL, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (The customer enters the restaurant and looks confused. I take his order and notice he often mumbles words to himself. Once he is done ordering I hand him his cups which he goes to fill up and once he comes back, I notice he has a lid on only one cup.)

    Me: “Sir, do you need a lid for that second drink?”

    Customer: *thinks for a moment* “Nah, I already blew my lid this morning.” *walks away*

    Trying To Con The Family Business

    | Exeter, England, UK | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

    (I take a male customer’s order with him constantly asking about prices.)

    Customer: “Oh, can we have the family discount?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I always get a discount here. The owner lets me.”

    Me: “He hasn’t told me anything…”

    Customer: “Yeah, the owner is my brother and he always gives me the family discount.”

    Me: “Okay, then… let me just ask him.”

    (I signal the owner over as the customer panics and goes bright red. His family also start nudging him.)

    Me: “Uh, your brother wants a discount.”

    (The customer sheepishly smiles as the owner explodes in happiness.)

    Owner: “Oh, my God, Jenny! I didn’t know you’d had a sex change. If you wanted to do that you could have at least kept your hair. Also you’ve put on a h*** of a lot of weight and lost over a foot in height! Why would you do that?”

    (The whole restaurant was looking and the customer’s family rushed him out quicker than the owner could continue talking. Some bosses are awesome.)

    Putting The Green Into The Machine

    , | Seattle, WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    (The customer orders her food and starts to drive off before the total was told.)

    Employee: “The total will be $10.27.”

    Customer: *muffled, because she’s pulled forward* “Did you received my $20.”

    Employee: “I’m sorry.”

    Customer: *still muffled* “Did you get my $20?”

    Employee: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Could you please pull up to the first window and we’ll take care of it?”

    (The customer pulls up to the drive thru window.)

    Customer: “I was asking if you received my $20. I put it in the machine.”

    Employee: *trying not to laugh* “Ma’am, we don’t have a machine. We take cash at the window.”

    Customer: “Oh, I guess my money is outside, then.”

    (One of the employees was sent out to get the customers money from the drive thru speaker.)

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