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    An Order Of Ice And Fire

    , | Hattiesburg, MS, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (I am ordering food through the drive-thru:)

    Carhop: “Here’s your hot fudge sundae. Sorry, it’s a bit melted.”

    Me: “That’s fine.”

    Carhop: “And here’s your molten cake sundae. Sorry, it’s a bit melted as well.”

    Me: “Well, it’s got hot fudge.”

    Carhop: “Yeah, but people complain a lot that the ice cream doesn’t look a certain way.”

    Me: *sarcastically* “How dare you mix hot and cold because I ordered it!”

    Chipping Away Until You Get The Answer

    , | MI, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Funny Names

    (An elderly customer walks into my store.)

    Me: “Hi! I can take your order when you’re ready!”

    Customer: “I’d like some chips.”

    (The customer doesn’t have a noticeable accent so I assume he isn’t from England.)

    Me: “We don’t have chips, but would you like fries instead?”

    Customer: “No, I’d like some chips!”

    (The elderly customer then points to the chocolate chip cookies we have sitting out front.)

    Customer: “You know what I want! I want chips!”

    Me: “Oh, you mean chocolate chips!”

    Customer: “No! Chips!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand. If you’d like I can get my manager and see if he knows what you’re talking about?”

    Customer: “I don’t want your manager! I want chips! You know they’re like chips of chicken!”

    Me: “Oh, you mean chicken nuggets?”

    Customer: “Yes! There you go! Chicken chips! See, I told you, you had chips!”

    Don’t Always Have To Scream For Ice-Cream

    | WI, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (It is a busy night in the drive thru. I am trying desperately to catch up on the significant line, and the previous customer had asked for directions at the window after receiving her food. We sometimes miscalculate and get our dessert items ready too early, so the next customer’s ice cream is getting a little ‘melty.’ I know I should re-scoop it, but the line is so long and I hope she won’t mind.)

    Me: “Here’s your ice cream. [Price], please.”

    Customer: “I don’t mean to be a b****, as I know it’s not your fault they asked for directions, but could you re-scoop this for me?”

    Me: *ashamed* “Of course. I’m sorry.”

    (I get her a new one. She produces a $10 bill.)

    Customer: “Can you break this ten into two fives for me?”

    Me: “Here you are.”

    Customer:  *only takes one of the bills* “That one’s for you! Thanks for getting me a new ice cream!”

    Me: *astounded* “Thank you so much!”

    Making A Fresh Start In A New City

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (It is 20 minutes before close. A man comes in alone and demands to be seated in the closed half of the restaurant. He insists this is the only ‘real’ part of the restaurant. My coworker takes his initial order then sends me over to continue with him. He’s ordered something that only comes as an add-on to an entrée, but he wants it first while he’s deciding on the entrée. This is no problem and I go to drop off his drink.)

    Customer: “Limes are very precious in this city. So precious. Do you have any limes?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. I can get you some if you like.”

    Customer: “Yes, both lemon and lime are so precious.”

    (I fetch him some.)

    Me: “Did you decide on an entrée this evening or do you still need a few minutes?”

    Customer: “What time do you close?”

    Me: “10 pm.”

    Customer: “[City] is terrible! Nothing stays open. If we were in a different city you’d be open till midnight at least.”

    Me: “Well, they do stay open in some areas where there’s things around them that are open later like movie theatres. But we find here people don’t really come in for dinner so late. Did you need another minute with the menus?”

    Customer: “This city is terrible. I hate this place so much. All the stores are awful. Everything is awful.”

    (Another guest is trying to hail me so I politely excuse myself from the still-ranting man. A few minutes later I bring him the add-on he wanted as a starter.)

    Customer: *in a demanding tone of voice* “Is it cold?!”

    Me: *glancing at the clearly steaming food* “No, sir. It’s hot.”

    Customer: “If you’re sure.”

    Me: “Did you decide on an entrée? I can get them cooking it while you’re eating.”

    Customer: “I’ll have chicken.”

    Me: *thinking of the dozen diverse items on the menu that contain chicken* “Chicken, sir?”

    Customer: “Yes, but only if it’s fresh. It needs to be really fresh! You need to give it the smell test. If you haven’t stuck your nose into the burger it’s not really fresh! If it’s not fresh I’ll just send it right back!”

    Me: *thinking that we’ve at least narrowed it down to the four chicken burger options* “Absolutely, sir. I’ll triple check with the kitchen, but our chicken is generally really fresh. Do you know which of the chicken burgers you’d like?”

    Customer: “No, no, no! You’re not listening! You have to listen to your customers! It . Must. Be. Fresh. I know it’s not! I eat here all the time and it’s not. This place is terrible. All the restaurants in this city are terrible.”

    Me: “I’m sorry if you’ve had a bad experience, sir. I can tell you that our chicken today is very fresh. Is there a particular burger you’d like?”

    Customer: “I’ve called head office and left a message for the CEO, you know. They didn’t care about freshness. No one cares about freshness. You’re not even listening! You have to listen to your customers! You know what, f*** it! I’ll just take this to go.”

    (I go get him a take out box and he puts the hot food in that, dumps the salad out onto the table and the floor and storms out. He paid for the add-on and even left me a one cent tip.)

    No Refunds From A Fire Sale

    | Clemmons, NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (There is a customer in the drive thru when we have to evacuate all of the employees due to a fire. The cashier has already taken her money but lays it down on the counter.)

    Cashier: “The building is on fire. We have to leave.”

    (An hour later, we are standing there watching it burn as the firefighters try to put it out. The same customer walks up.)

    Customer: “I demand to see a manager.”

    Me: “That would be me. May I ask what you need?”

    Customer: “Can I get either my food or my money back since I already paid for it?”

    Me: “Sure. Would you like that extra, extra well done?”


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