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    Finger Lickin’ Good Parenting

    , | Windsor, CA, USA |

    (A man walks up to our hot case with his wife and two little girls.)

    Me: “Hi! How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi – we wanted to get some chicken strips.”

    (As I am taking his order, I notice his daughters licking the hot case glass.)

    Me: “Excuse me sir, but your daughters are licking the glass.”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Well…aside from the fact that the glass is hot, we cleaned it this morning with a chemical cleaner to wash off a layer of grease build-up.”

    Customer: “So?”

    Me: “The chemical we used is a known carcinogen. I might suggest that you stop your daughters from ingesting it.”

    Customer: “Look, lady. You’ve obviously never been a parent. When you have kids, you’ll learn that it’s MUCH easier to just let your kids do whatever they want.”

    It Was Only A Suggestion

    , | Norcross, GA, USA |

    Me: “All right sir, here’s your meal.”

    Customer: “Thanks a lot!”

    Me: “Have a nice day.”

    Customer: *serious* “Don’t tell me what to do!”

    Customer Of The Week: The Epicure

    | Lithia Springs, GA, USA | Old Comics

    Customer Of The Week: The Epicure
    Created by our friends at Quitting Time

    Original Story

    So That’s The Difference…

    | Lithia Springs, GA, USA |

    Me: “Ma’am, are you ready to order?”

    Customer: “Yes…how many pieces come in the grilled chicken meal?”

    Me: “It comes with one, but we can put on a second for $2 extra, no problem at all.” ¬†

    Customer: “Okay, do that, then.” ¬†

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. That comes with two sides, what would you like?”

    Customer: “Just give me a double order of the steamed veggies, please. I’m a vegetarian.”

    Me: ¬†*surprised* ¬†”All right, well, are you sure you want the chicken, then? It’s made of actual meat….”

    Customer: *angrily* “I said I’m VEGETARIAN, not a damn VEGAN!”

    Me: “…yes, ma’am, my apologies.”

    (I then retreat to the back to enter in her order. As I do so, the manager walks up.)

    Manager: “You look annoyed; something wrong?”

    Me: “Just wishing we served alcohol…I could use a shot.”

    Man Cannot Live By Water Alone

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. ¬†Can I get you anything to drink?”

    Customer: “Yes, please. I would like a glass of water.”

    Me: “Coming right up.”

    Me: delivering the water* “There you are, ma’am. Have you decided what you want to order?”

    Customer: *downing the water* “Wow, this water is great. Do you happen to have any more, sweetie?”

    Me: “Er…yeah we do. Do you want another glass?”

    Customer: “I would appreciate it.”

    (I go to get her another glass of water, and as soon as I come back, she begins to speak up about the menu.)

    Customer: “Oh Lord! Don’t you have any vegetarian stuff here?”

    Me: “I’m sorry miss, but this is a bar and grill. We have salads, but they all come with chicken or beef.”

    Customer: “That’s inhumane! Don’t you know what you’re doing to the animals?”

    Me: “I think you should go to a vegan restaurant. What did you expect from a bar and grill?”

    Customer: “Don’t give me your sass! I just want some non-animal food! Don’t you have any of that?”

    Me: “Well..we have grilled cheese, and–”

    Customer: *cutting me off* “WHAT?! CHEESE COMES FROM MILK, WHICH COMES FROM COWS! I’M NOT EATING THAT!”

    Me: “I’m sorry then, ma’am, there’s really nothing for you here. Please quiet down; you’re disturbing the other customers.”

    Customer #2: *from across the room* “Listen to what he tells you, you stupid b****!”

    Customer: “Goodness! You god**** animal murderers deserve to go to hell! *pause* “Er, sonny, may I get another glass of that water?”

    Me: “OUT!”

    Customer #2: *from across the room* “Mmm… murder.”

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