By Jove, I Think He’s Figured It Out

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA |

Me: “Hey there, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to know the 9 types of lemonade you have.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, we only have ONE kind of lemonade and we’re out of it.”

Customer: “Okay, but what are your 9 different types?”

Me: “Sir, I don’t think you understand. We only have one kind of lemonade and we’re currently out of it.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(The customer walks away, only to come back five minutes later.)

Customer: “If I ask you the same question from earlier, you’re still going to give me the same answer, aren’t you?”

Me: “Yes…”

I Came, I Complained, I Became An Employee

| Houston, TX, USA |

Customer: “I’d like a table for two, please.”

Me:” For two? Alright, it should only be about a minute. We have some tables being cleaned right now.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

(Thirty seconds later…)

Customer: “Oh my God! what is taking so long?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, our busser is still cleaning the table. He should be done in a couple of minutes.”

Customer: “Ugh! Well, this is just taking forever. Y’know, at my house, it wouldn’t take me this long to clean up my table!”

Me: “Umm… want a job?”

Customer: “What?! Oh…that was good.” *smiles*

(After that, she calmly waited for the table to be cleaned.)

If A Tree Falls In A Forest…

| Melbourne, Australia |

Me: “Welcome to [restaurant] how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to book a table for three for tonight.”

Me: “No problem, we have one available, what time would you like to come in?”

Customer: “Around 1 am.”

Me: “Um, sir, we close at 11 pm.”

Customer: “But I want a table at 1 am. You should stay open and wait for us.”

Me: “Are you joking?”

Customer: “No, I am not joking. If you wont give me a table at, 1 am I won’t come and eat at your restaurant!”

Me: “Well, you can come here at 1 am, but no one will be here.”

Customer: “Well, I’m going to come down there at 1 am and knock until you open the door!”

Me: “Okay… see you then, sir…”

History And Cookbooks Are Written By The Victors

| Calgary, Alberta, Canada | Food & Drink, Health & Body, History

(An older lady is looking through the buffet, when she comes to our Japanese section. She eyes the sashimi.)

Customer: “Oh! Is this smoked salmon?”

Me: “No ma’am, it’s actually sashimi, the Japanese way of serving fish, so it’s cleaned and served raw.”

Customer: “Raw? That can’t be healthy! Are you sure you are allowed to serve raw fish? Someone could get sick!”

Me: “I can assure you, raw salmon won’t get anyone sick. We have served this for years.”

Customer: “But it’s raw! Someone will get sick! That’s what raw fish does – gets people sick!”

Me: “Ma’am, the Japanese have been eating raw fish for centuries. I think it will be OK.”

Customer: “Well, they also lost World War 2. I don’t think this is safe!”

Me: “…”

How To Scam A Scammer, Part 6

, | Tacoma, WA, USA |

(I’m a customer waiting for my pizza and overhear this conversation.)

Cashier, to another customer: “Hey, what can I get you?”

Customer: “Just a bottle of water, please.”

Cashier: “Sure, that’ll come to $1.09.”

(The customer hands him two dollars, and then pauses.)

Customer: “Actually, could I get you to exchange these five ones for a five?”

Cashier: “Sure.”

Customer: “Oh, wait… can I exchange the two fives for a ten?”

(This continues for a few minutes until the cashier smiles and says that he has to get back to work helping me, since my pizza is ready. The guy leaves.)

Me: “People like that always make me nervous. I’ve had bad run-ins with short changers.”

Cashier: “Yeah, I was wise to his game, though.”

Me: “Oh, yeah?”

Cashier: “Yeah. He shorted himself two dollars.”

Related:
How To Scam A Scammer, Part 5
How To Scam A Scammer, Part 4
How To Scam A Scammer, Part 3
How To Scam A Scammer, Part 2
Lesson 1, How To Scam A Scammer

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