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    My Parents Threatened To Do This Monthly

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (I worked at a sandwich place. The order area had a counter. A man walks in carrying his year old child, and sets the child on the counter.)

    Man: “Do you guys take trades?”

    Carrie 3: Disaster In The Deli

    , | Choctaw, OK, USA |

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [restaurant], what can I get get you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, which of these sandwiches are five dollars?”

    Me: “Just these eight behind me.”

    (I point to a very large sign that has a giant “5″ on it and a list of our five dollar footlong subs.)

    Customer: “Oh, okay…”

    (She gives me the order of three subs and I make them.)

    Me: “Okay, that’ll be $20.47.”

    Customer: “What?! Why the h*** are they that expensive? You said that they were five dollars!!”

    (By this time all the yelling she’s doing has turned her face blood red: this is important for later in the story.)

    Me: “Well yes, those eight over there. All three of the ones you ordered are not.”

    Customer: “That’s not true! I got them off the board you told me about!”

    (She points at the board NEXT to the one I talked about which lists our six inch subs.)

    Me: “No, ma’am, that’s our six inch board. The one next to it with the GIANT FIVE on it are the five dollar subs.”

    Customer: “Well, aren’t you a f***ing carnival weasel! You said those were five dollars!”

    Me: “I’m sorry for the misunderstanding–wait, did you just call me a carnival weasel?”

    Customer: “YOU HEARD ME, CAAARNIVAAL WEEASELLLL!”

    Me: “Alright. Well, ma’am, I’m getting a line here so would you just like me to remake your sandwiches so we can move?”

    Customer: “F*** YOU!”

    (She suddenly gets a massive nose bleed which gets all over the counter and the floor. As she storms out cursing and bleeding, the customers applaud and even help me clean it up before ordering. )

    Coworker: “She called you a carnival weasel!”

    Me: “Yeeeaah. Well, have fun with that…”

    (I still see that lady every now and then come up to the door, see me, turn around and leave.)

    Neverending Query

    | Beaufort, SC, USA |

    (The phone rings at 11pm, although our restaurant has been closed since 10pm.)

    Me: “Thank you for choosing ***, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’d like to place an order for delivery.”

    Me: “Sorry ma’am, we’re closed.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand, why are you answering the phone?”

    Me: “I have to. Even though we’re closed, we still might get important phone calls.”

    Customer: “I still don’t understand, why are you closed?”

    Me: “We have regular business hours to follow, and on weekdays we’re only open till 10pm.”

    Customer: “But I don’t understand… why are you answering the phone if you’re closed, then?”

    Me: *face desk*

    (It went in circles like that for about ten minutes. I finally got tired of her ‘why’ questions and it had really had been a horrible night… so, I hung up the phone.)

    Me, to other employees: “You wouldn’t believe this lady…”

    *phone rings*

    Me: “Thank you for choosing ***, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “So why are you still answering the phone if you’re closed?”

    Me: *multiple face desks*

    A Fine Line Between Smarta** and Dumba**

    , | Ontario, Canada | Top

    (I work at a popular fast food restaurant. Drive-through customers should be aware that we can hear every word they say.)

    Coworker: “Hi, welcome to ***. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I just need a minute to decide.”

    Coworker: “No problem, just let me know when you are ready.”

    (The customer talks to his passengers, while we listen…)

    Customer, to his passengers: “I should ask for something dumb on my ice cream, just to see what they say. How about pickles? They would probably just ignore me. Oh, I know… tomatoes!”

    Customer, to my coworker: “Okay, I’m ready.”

    Coworker: “Alright, go ahead…”

    Customer: “I’d like an ice cream sundae with tomatoes on it, please.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, due to the recent recall in the States, we aren’t serving tomatoes right now. Can I offer you a sundae with pickles instead?”

    Customer: *drives off without ordering anything*

    Directionally Challenged

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Me: “Hello! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I need a Whopper, two large fries, and a shake.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t sell those here. Burger King is next door.”

    Customer: “OH!”

    (He walks into my dining room and promptly returns to the counter. He appears slightly confused.)

    Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “Yeah!¬†I thought you said Burger King was next door.”

    Me: “Yes sir, it is.”

    (I proceed to walk with him back to the dining room and point next door.)

    Me: “If you come back this way and go through our side exit, you can walk right over to Burger King.”

    Customer: “OH!”

    (I follow him back to the area near the side door and point him in that direction. He appears to be on his way to a Whopper, two fries and a shake when I hear our restroom door open and close. Sure enough, moments later he appears at my counter again.)

    Customer: “Why did you send me to the bathroom?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Please follow me.”

    (I escort the gentleman out the side door and tell him Burger King is next door.)

    Customer: “OH!¬†Thank you!”

    (He starts walking toward the front of both my building and Burger King. I feel confident he is going to get there. I was wrong. He walks around my building and through the parking lot, and is last seen heading towards an empty lot and the railroad tracks.)

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