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    Totally Loopy, Thru-And-Thru

    , | Texas, USA |

    (My store has a drive-thru menu board before the actual board where customers order. It only has pictures on it, no electronics of any sort.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I already gave my order to the first guy and he told me to pull up to the second board.”

    Me: “That’s not possible, ma’am. There’s no one who could take your order at that first board. Can I take your order?”

    Customer: “I already told you I gave my order to the first guy. He knows it. Ask him.”

    Me: “Could you repeat it for me?”

    Customer: “NO! I’m driving up now.”

    (The customer drives up and I finally get her to repeat her order, which turns out to be a lot of food. I ask her to pull to the front door, which is literally twenty feet from the drive-thru window. Instead, she drives out of the drive-thru lane, drives around the entire store, and comes back in the drive-thru lane. She pulls up and looks at me again.)

    Customer: “I told the guy at the first board that I was parked and he told me to pull right up. I hope you are nice because the last girl was really rude to me.”

    Me: “…”

    Everything But

    , | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Man: “I want to get a drink.”

    Me: “Sure. We have Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, lemonade, root beer, iced tea, shakes, or smoothies.”

    Man: “I’ll have an orange soda.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we only have Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, lemonade, root beer, iced tea, shakes, or smoothies.”

    Man: “I’ll take fruit punch.”

    Me: “No, we only have Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, lemonade, root beer, iced tea, shakes, or smoothies.”

    Man: “Pink lemonade?”

    Me: “It’s regular yellow. Is that okay?”

    Man: “No, I’ll have the raspberry tea.”

    Me: “It’s unsweetened.”

    Man: “What kind of place is this?! Is there ANYTHING to drink here?”

    Me: “YES! Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, lemonade, root beer, iced tea, shakes, or smoothies.”

    Man: “I’ll just have a cup of ice.”

    Me: “…”

    Dumbest. Question. Ever.

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    Customer: “So the pork…is that like, fish?”

    Me: “Noo…it’s like, pig.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    Someone Who Actually Lives Under A Rock

    | Atlanta, GA, USA |

    (A man has been waiting for a table at a full restaurant for 15 minutes. A family of four walks in with reservations and is immediately seated. The man approaches the hostess.)

    Man: “I’ve been waiting here for 15 minutes. Why were they seated before me?”

    Hostess: “I’m sorry, sir, but they called to reserve a table.”

    Man: “What, just because they called they get a table right when they come in?”

    Hostess: “Yes, sir, they called ahead to reserve a table.”

    Man: “Well, that’s dumb! So if I go outside and call can I come back in and get a table right now?”

    Hostess: “No sir, I’m sorry, but we require at least a couple hours notice for reservations.”

    Man: “Well that’s G** d*** stupid! So he calls and gets a table right away, but I can’t call and get a table? What the h*** is wrong with this place?”

    *man storms out*

    Honey, You Don’t Know The Half Of It

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (I was helping out a fellow co-worker by serving about three people at of her tables some decaf. At this point, the pitcher was half full.)

    Me: “Is there anything else I can get for you?”

    (The customer takes a sip of the decaf, makes a face, and SPITS IT OUT all over the table.)

    Old Man: “Excuse me!”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

    Old Man: “You’re almost out of coffee. Do you know what this means?”

    Me: “…that I have to make another pot?”

    Old Man: “I taste coffee bean residue in here. I require that you give me another pitcher.”

    Me: “No problem, sir…”

    (I go and fetch the other decaf pitcher, which is also half full.)

    Me: “Will this one do, sir?”

    Old Man: “What is with you people trying to give me the bottom of the pitcher? I’M NOT A BOTTOM MAN!”

    (I immediately ran back to the kitchen and laughed for about 10 minutes.)

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