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    Bananas For Vanana

    , | Florida, USA |

    Me: “Welcome to ***, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like some banana ice cream.”

    Me: “Sure thing.”

    (She pays and leaves. A moment later, she storms in, literally pushing people out of the way.)

    Customer: “This is not what I ordered!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I’ll be happy to change that for you.”

    Customer: “You better!”

    Me: “So, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Banana ice cream.”

    Me: “Banana? That’s what I served you earlier. Is that not banana?”

    Customer: “No. I said banana!”

    Me: “Yes, banana.”

    Customer:: “You taste it! It’s not banana! I said banana!

    Me: “Ma’am, I’ll be happy to give you a new bowl. Perhaps, since we mix our own ice cream, the banana taste wasn’t mixed all the way through.”

    Customer: “Listen, I said banana, not banana!”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “BANANA BANANA BANANA!”

    Me: “Banana?”

    (Suddenly, her B’s turn into V’s…)

    Customer: “Vanana!”

    Me: “Oh my God. Vanilla?”

    Customer: “Yes you dumb, b****! VANANA!”

    Something Smells Fishy

    | Orlando, FL, USA |

    (I used to work at a theme restaurant that had a huge, double arch aquarium at the entrance to the dining area. We had staff members who would clean the tanks from the inside in full scuba gear. The tanks were filled with brightly colored, tropical fish.)

    Patron: “Oooh! Is he there to paint the fish?”

    Me: “I’m… sorry?”

    Patron: “The fish. Is he in there to paint them?”

    Me: “Oh no, ma’am, the paint would wash off if we did it underwater. He takes them out to paint them.”

    Patron: “You take them out? That’s horrible? How do they breathe?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, it’s very quick. We use an airbrush and stencils. It really only takes a few seconds. And since the paint is misted on, it dries almost instantly.”

    Patron: “Well, that’s a relief!”

    Basic Subtraction, Part 2

    | New York, NY, USA |

    Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, can I have a small pork fried rice, please? Without pork.”

    Me: “A small pork fried rice, without pork?”

    Customer: “Yes… can you add some chicken to that?”

    Me: “Um, so you want a small chicken fried rice?”

    Customer: “No. I want a small pork fried rice, no pork, with chicken.”

    Me: “Sure… anything else?”

    Customer: “Yes, I also need a small chicken and broccoli.”

    Me: “Sure, is that all?”

    Customer: “Yes…” *pauses* “Oh… and no broccoli in the chicken and broccoli!”

    Related:
    Basic Subtraction, How I Miss Thee

    Thank God For Grandmothers

    , | Seattle, WA, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, but can you please take a look at this pizza here?”

    Me: “Uh… well, that looks pretty delicious to me.”

    Customer: “It looks very lumpy.”

    Me: “Well, it’s a pizza, and you’ve chosen some pretty lumpy toppings there.”

    Customer: “Well, look here how all the toppings seem to be all on one side.”

    Me: “Is that a problem?”

    Customer: “Yes. It’s uneven.” *stares intently at me*

    Me: “Well sir, my grandmother’s cookies look about like that and they taste absolutely delicious every time she makes them.”

    Customer: *laughs and leaves without further complaining*

    (Phew!)

    Leave The Jingles At Home, Please

    , | Connecticut, USA |

    Customer: *singing and dancing* “FIVE! FIVE DOLLAR! FIVE DOLLAR FOOT LONG!”

    Me: “For that, I am charging you double.”

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