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    Like Son, Like Father

    | Ottawa, Canada |

    (I bring a couple and their child place settings and a colouring mat for the 6 year old.)

    Me: “Hi, can I get you guys started with something to drink?”

    Father: “Sure, I’ll have a Pepsi, and bring me another one of those place mats. I like to colour while I wait.”

    Me: *laughs* “You and the boy are going to have a bit of a contest, eh?

    (I obviously thought he was making a joke.)

    Father: *agitated* “Yeah, is that a problem?”

    Me: “Uh, not at all sir…would you like Barney the dinosaur or Spongebob?”

    Back In My Day, A Feather Duster Was Enough

    | Lexington, KY, USA |

    (I was going to get some milk out of a refrigerator while my coworker was taking an order at the drive-thru. Here is the conversation that took place.)

    Coworker: “Okay, please pull up to the window.”


    Me: *leaning out of the refrigerator* “Did she say…”

    Coworker: “…a pay phone?”

    (As far as we can guess, her child had said something to her and we just overheard her!)

    Tits Hard To Think When The Weather’s Nipply

    , | United Kingdom |

    Customer: “Can I get a chicken sandwich?”

    Me: “Sure. Which bread would you like it on?”

    Customer: “Chicken.”

    Me: “…Uh, okay, but which bread?”

    Customer: “Chicken.”

    Me: “Sir, which bread would you like?”

    Customer: “CHICKEN!”

    Me: *pointing at the bread* “Bread!”

    Customer: “Oh, bread! I thought you were saying breast.”

    (I don’t know whether to hate my accent or the types of customers we get late at night.)

    Saved By The Belle

    , | California |

    (I used to work at a popular ice cream store, where they mix your ice cream. We got really busy during the weekends, with lines out the door. This happened as I was going down the line asking customers for their order.)

    Me: “Hello, what would you like today?”

    Customer: “Are you high?”

    Me: “Uh…what?”

    Customer: “Your eyes are REALLY red. That’s okay, I’m cool with it…I am sure it makes this job more fun.” *grins*

    Me: “Um, I’m not high. I have contacts and they make my eyes really red.”

    Customer: “Oh, gotcha.” *winks*

    (At this point, I am hoping I dont lose my job for something this stupid.)

    Me: “So what can I get you?”

    Customer: “Nothing, I am just looking.”

    Lady next to customer: “I know you are not high dear, don’t panic.” *gives me a tip*

    Better Ask The Halibut First

    | Berkeley, CA, USA |

    Customer: “I’d like the halibut. Is there any way you can make that vegan?”

    Me: “Other than by making it not be a fish, no.”

    Customer: “Good point.”

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