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    Someone Who Actually Lives Under A Rock

    | Atlanta, GA, USA |

    (A man has been waiting for a table at a full restaurant for 15 minutes. A family of four walks in with reservations and is immediately seated. The man approaches the hostess.)

    Man: “I’ve been waiting here for 15 minutes. Why were they seated before me?”

    Hostess: “I’m sorry, sir, but they called to reserve a table.”

    Man: “What, just because they called they get a table right when they come in?”

    Hostess: “Yes, sir, they called ahead to reserve a table.”

    Man: “Well, that’s dumb! So if I go outside and call can I come back in and get a table right now?”

    Hostess: “No sir, I’m sorry, but we require at least a couple hours notice for reservations.”

    Man: “Well that’s G** d*** stupid! So he calls and gets a table right away, but I can’t call and get a table? What the h*** is wrong with this place?”

    *man storms out*

    Honey, You Don’t Know The Half Of It

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (I was helping out a fellow co-worker by serving about three people at of her tables some decaf. At this point, the pitcher was half full.)

    Me: “Is there anything else I can get for you?”

    (The customer takes a sip of the decaf, makes a face, and SPITS IT OUT all over the table.)

    Old Man: “Excuse me!”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

    Old Man: “You’re almost out of coffee. Do you know what this means?”

    Me: “…that I have to make another pot?”

    Old Man: “I taste coffee bean residue in here. I require that you give me another pitcher.”

    Me: “No problem, sir…”

    (I go and fetch the other decaf pitcher, which is also half full.)

    Me: “Will this one do, sir?”

    Old Man: “What is with you people trying to give me the bottom of the pitcher? I’M NOT A BOTTOM MAN!”

    (I immediately ran back to the kitchen and laughed for about 10 minutes.)

    Well Played, Indeed

    , | North Dakota, USA | Top

    (This is a friend’s experience while working at a popular fast food place on the overnight shift.)

    Employee: “Thanks for calling, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi. I came through drive-thru earlier tonight, and there’s something wrong with my food.”

    Employee: “Um, okay…what’s wrong exactly?”

    Customer: “Well, I ordered ***, and there was a used condom on the sandwich.”

    Employee, holding in a laugh: “Sir, that’s impossible. We don’t practice safe sex here.”

    Customer: “Well played.” *hangs up*

    Weight Watchers Rejects

    , | Waco, TX, USA |

    Lady: “How many slices come on the 8-inch pizza?”

    Waiter: “Well usually we cut it into 6, but we can make it four, or eight or ten. Whatever you want.”

    Lady: “Better just make it six…I don’t think I can eat more than six slices.”

    How About A Side Of Hypocrisy

    , | Charlottesville, VA, USA |

    Me: *preparing a gyro wrap for a customer* “Would you like cheese on it?”

    Customer: “Oh my God, no! I’m a VEGAN! Don’t you know what they do to cows in those horrible farms? They force them to get pregnant all the time, and then they take away their babies and kill them so we humans can steal their milk! Dairy products are cruelty! ”

    Me: “Okay, okay. No cheese. Moving along. What sauces would you like on that?”

    Customer: “Tzatziki sauce, please.”

    (Note: the particular brand of tzatziki we purchased included both yogurt and sour cream.)

    Me: “Ah, I’m afraid that’s a dairy prod–”

    Customer: “I DON’T CARE! PUT IT ON!”


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