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    Introducing The Sandwich Air

    , | California, USA |

    (There is an incredibly long line in the store. A man who had recently gotten his order filled cuts to the front of the line and slams his sandwich on the counter.)

    Customer: “I don’t know what’s wrong with you people… you don’t know how to make a sandwich! The people who worked here before knew how to make sandwiches!”

    Me: “Um… excuse me?”

    Customer: “The OTHER people always SQUISHED the sandwiches.”

    (He holds up his sandwich.)

    Customer: “LOOK AT THIS! How am I supposed to fit this in my mouth?”

    Me: “Umm… wouldn’t it be just as easy if you–”

    Customer: “NO! FIX IT!”

    Me: “Okay…”

    (I flatten the sandwich slightly.)

    Me: “How’s that?”

    Customer: “SQUISH IT!”

    (I manage to smash the sandwich down to about a half an inch thick.)

    Me: “Better?”

    Customer: *takes the sandwich* “Well I guess you CAN learn.”

    Catastrophe Averted

    , | Trenton, ON, Canada | Top

    (I work at a fast food restaurant and was taking money. My co-worker was taking drive-thru orders right beside me.)

    Coworker: “Hi there, welcome to ***. What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Give me one ranch wrap. That’s all.”

    Coworker: “Would you like your wrap crispy or grill?”

    Customer: “No, I want it ranch.”

    Coworker: “Yes, but would you like the chicken crispy or grilled?”

    Customer: “RANCH!”

    Coworker: “CRISPY OR GRILLED?”

    Customer: “LISTEN TO ME, YOU LITTLE SH–oh, um, crispy…”

    Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota, Part 3

    , | Ottawa, ON, Canada |

    Me: “Hello ma’am, and welcome to ***. What can I get for you today?”

    Woman w/ son: “I’d like two burgers, one of them on a sesame-seedless bun, please.”

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry, but we’re actually out of seedless buns right now.”

    Woman w/ son: “How dare you! My son has deathly allergies to a lot of things, I’ll have you know!”

    Me: “Ma’am, is he allergic to sesame seeds?”

    Woman w/ son: “No, he isn’t.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, the only difference between seeded and seedless buns are the sesame seeds, so it will be fine for your son to eat one with seeds.”

    Woman w/ son: “HOW F**KING DARE YOU! YOU DON’T TELL ME WHAT MY SON CAN OR CANNOT EAT! I WANT A SEEDLESS BUN, D**N YOU! GET ME YOUR MANAGER!”

    Me: “Yes, of course. Just one moment.”

    (I go and get the manager and explain the situation. My manager, NOT a people person, grabs a seeded bun and proceeds to the front with a knife.)

    Manager: “HERE IS YOUR D**N SEEDLESS BUN!”

    (My manager slices off the top half of the bun and throws it on the counter.)

    Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am.”

    Woman w/ son: “Oh, shut the f**k up.”

    Related:
    Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota, Part 2
    Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota

    He Does Have A Good Point

    , | Munising, MI, USA |

    (A man walks through the service door into the kitchen of the restaurant. I work the drive-thru, right next to the service door.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Man: “Hi, I’d like to order some food.”

    Me: “Um, I think you went in the wrong door, sir.”

    Man: “No, I didn’t. That door says ‘service’ on it.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to go up front to the dining room.”

    Man: “Can’t you just take my order here?”

    Me: “Um, I suppose…”

    (I take his order, make his drink, and the cooks make his food. I hand it to him.)

    Man: “Thanks! I’ll be sure to come back!”

    Me: “Can you use the main door next time?”

    Man: “Why? I got such good service through the service door!”

    (As soon as he leaves, the cooks and I burst out laughing.)

    Me Customer, Me Hungry

    , | Sacramento, CA, USA |

    (A new delivery driver mistakenly delivered the wrong pizza. This is the phone call I got about it, as the manager on duty.)

    Customer: “Hi, I ordered a pizza from you guys a while ago, and they delivered the wrong one.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry! What was your order?”

    Customer: “Mushrooms and green onions… the one we got had sausage. We can’t eat sausage! We’re vegetarians!”

    Me: “Okay, do you still have the pizza? We can come by and switch them for you.”

    Customer: “No, we ate it.”

    Me: “You ate it?”

    Customer: “Yes! Now, I’d like to get my money back. It was the wrong pizza.”

    Me: “So… you want me to give you your money back… for a pizza you already ate.”

    Customer: “Well we didn’t LOOK at it, we just ate it.”

    (Eventually we settled the deal by giving the customer some in-store credit. Who doesn’t look at a pizza before they start shoveling it into their mouths?)

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