July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Stir, Yes, Sir!

, | Rochester, NY, USA | Uncategorized

Coworker: “Thank you for choosing [fast food restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Medium! Coffee! Two! Equal!”

Coworker: “Okay, will that be all?”

Customer: “NOOO! Medium! Coffee! Two! Cream! Three! Equal!”

Coworker: “Okay, two medium coffees. Will that be all?”

Customer: “NOOO! Medium! Honey! Lemon! Tea! Three! Splendid!”

Coworker: “Okay, will there be anything else?”

Customer: “YESSS! Large! Coffee! French Vanilla! Double! Double!”

Coworker: “Is that all?”

Customer: “YESSS!”

Tall Is The New Small

| Denver, CO, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, ladies. What can I start you off to drink?”

Customer: “I’ll have a draft beer.”

Me: “Certainly. Would you like the 12 ounce or the 18 ounce?”

Customer: “Oh, bring me the tall.”

(I return with her large beer in a scooner that looks like a mini fishbowl.)

Customer: “Good Lord, this is your 12 ounce?”

Me: “No, ma’am. That’s the 18 ounce. I’m sorry, I must have misheard you. I thought you said the tall beer. Let me go fix that.”

Customer: “I did say tall. Tall is small, you know.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We’re not [coffee chain]. In beer language, tall means large.

Customer: “Well, you’re just behind on the times. Everybody knows tall is small!”

The Fearsome Foursome

| Flint, MI, USA | Uncategorized

(Note: I’m taking a drive-thru order.)

Me: “Welcome to [restaurant]. What can I get you today?”

Customer: “I’d like a large coffee with four creams and four sugars in it.”

Me: “That was a large coffee with quadruple cream and sugar?”

Customer: “No, you dumb f***! I wanted a large coffee with four creams and four sugars!”

Me: “Ma’am, quadruple means four.”

Customer: “Oh…”

You Can’t Scam Your Cake And Eat It Too

| Oshawa, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “So, can I get you anything else?”

Customer: “No, I’d like to make a complaint. The chicken was dirty. You didn’t wash it off before cooking it. Could you take it off my bill?”

Me: “But you still ate it?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “You would get a discount if you sent it back, but you ate it.”

Customer: “Can I speak to your manager?”

(The manager comes out and they talk for a moment.)

Manager: “Alright, so I’ll just bring you your bill then.”

Customer: “But my friend told me if I complained, I’d get my meal free.”

Manager: “You ate the meal, so you don’t get a discount.”

Customer: “I didn’t bring any money, because I thought I wouldn’t have to pay!”

Now Accepting Cash, Checks And Cheez-Its

| Massachusetts, USA | Top

(The cafe owners often bring their little one-year old girl with them, who sometimes plays with the register while standing on a crate. One day while I’m working on something else a few feet away, she’s doing this as a customer approaches.)

Customer: “I’d like to order a sandwich to go.”

Me: “Sure, I’ll be there in one minute. Let me just wash my hands.”

Customer: “Yeah, but she can take my order now!” *points to the little girl*

Me: “She’s just playing. She can’t actually ring you up.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “She’s one.”

Customer: *heavy sigh*

Toddler: “Cheese?”

Related:
Now Accepting Cash, Checks, And Fingerpaint

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