October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Telling Porkies

| Wollongong, NSW, Australia | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

(A family sits at a table in a restaurant specializing in steak dishes.)

Me: “Hi guys, welcome to [restaurant]. Let me just tell you about today’s special, the prime rib with–”

Customer: “We don’t need to hear this. Just stop.”

Me:”So, you already know about the special? Great! Would you like to start with any–”

Customer: “No! We’re vegetarians!”

Me: “Oh, alright, well we have a few vegetarian dishes on this–”

Customer: “No! Listen, we know what we want already.”

Me: “Okay, great. Go ahead.”

Customer: “Finally! The kids will have the chicken nuggets, my husband will have the chicken burger, and I’ll have the chicken strip salad.”

Me: “Sure. Anything else?”

Husband: “I’ll have extra bacon on the burger.”

Obviously Not A People Person

| New York City, NY, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

(We have booths at which we can only seat groups of 3 or more. There is a couple with their young child sitting in one. A couple came in and I went to seat them.)

Me: “Hi, are you here to eat, or are you just having some drinks?”

Customer: “Eating, can we take a booth?”

Me: “Sorry, but we need to save them for groups of three or more.”

Customer: “What about them?” *motions at the couple with their child*

Me: “They have 3 people sitting there.”

Customer: “What? Babies aren’t people!”

Bean There, Done That

| Seattle, WA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, sir, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I just came from Mexico. I had some good beans there. What were they? Ah, yes! Frijoles!”

Me: “Sir, frijoles is just the word for beans in Spanish.”

Customer: “No! I had special beans in Mexico and they were called frijoles! Get me frijoles!”

Me: “Sir, we only have refried beans at this deli. These are frijoles. Would you like these, or something else?”

Customer: “Frijoles! How is this so difficult to understand?”

Me: “Sir, frijoles are beans…in Spanish.”

Customer: “Then get me beans in Spanish!”

A Heated Topic

| Nova Scotia, Canada | Food & Drink, Math & Science, Top

(Note: a lunch party is sitting outside on our deck, which overlooks the waterfront.)

Me: “How is everything, folks?”

Customer: “Oh, the food’s great! It’s just a bit chilly out here.”

Me: “If you’d like, I can move you to a table inside, where it’s warmer.”

Customer: “Actually, could you just turn up the heat?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “The heat? Could you turn it up out here?”

Me: “There is no heating system.”

Customer: “Then, what’s that?” *points to railing around the deck*

Me: “That’s the railing.”

Customer: “No it’s not, it’s a heater! It’s warm!” *touches railing as to show me how warm it is*

Me: “It’s warm because its been sitting in the sun.”

Customer: “Don’t try to trick me! I’m a scientist, and I know that heaters make things warm!”

Clearer Than Black And White

| Ireland | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

Customer: “Can I get a milkshake, please?”

Me: “What flavor?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “What flavor?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “What flavor?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Customers friend: “She said what flavor.”

Customer: “Oh, I thought she was saying ‘White flavor’. I just thought that’s what they call vanilla in their country!”

Page 193/264First...191192193194195...Last