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    While We’re At It, Here’s A Check For A Gazillion Bucks

    , | Indiana, USA | Top

    (My pizza place recently stopped accepting checks, due to a large number of returned checks.  We have a large sign in the lobby, and a smaller sign at the register.)

    Customer: “What?! ¬†I can’t write a check?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we no longer accept checks. ¬†We simply get too many returned for insufficient funds.”

    Customer: ¬†”But I was going to write a check…”

    Me: ¬†”We accept credit cards, or you can use your debit card for that checking account.”

    Customer: ¬†”I can’t use my debit card! I don’t have enough money in my account!”

    (And THAT is why we no longer take checks!)

    How About Our Boogers, Lint And Toejam Sandwich

    | Fayetteville, TN, USA |

    Customer: “I want to know why you made his sandwich before you finished making mine.”

    Worker: “… because yours wasn’t finished heating up yet.”

    Customer: “I didn’t want a hot sandwich.”

    Worker: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Company rules say we’re required to heat the bacon for a BLT.”

    Customer: “I didn’t ASK for bacon!”

    Worker: “You ordered a BLT…”

    Customer: “I know. I didn’t want bacon!”

    Worker: “BLTs have bacon on them, ma’am.”

    Customer: “No they don’t!”

    Worker: “Perhaps you wanted the BMT instead?”

    Customer: “NO! I ASKED FOR A BLT AND THAT’S WHAT I WANT.”

    Worker:That has bacon on it.”

    Customer: “A BLT DOES NOT COME WITH BACON!”

    Red + Blue = Purple (Bruises)

    , | Central Illinois, USA |

    (It’s a slow night at our fast food/sandwich shop, so we’re chatting with the customers. ¬†This particular customer is a regular, and is discussing birthday presents with my coworker.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I got my kids guns for their birthdays!”

    Coworker: “How old are they?!”

    Customer: “In their 20s.”

    Coworker, shocked: “But guns kill people!”

    Customer: “Well, they may need to protect themselves someday, you know.”

    Coworker: “From what? Wild animals?”

    Customer: “No, from Democrats!”

    (My coworker gets very offended, and a rather loud debate ensues between them as I try helplessly to control my laughter.)

    Don’t Press Your Luck

    , | Lowell, MA, USA |

    Me: “Welcome to ***, may I take your order?”

    Drive-thru customer: “Yeah, I’ll take the double cheeseburger.”

    Me: “Okay, would you like to make it a value meal?”

    Drive-thru customer: *screaming* “DON’T INSULT MY INTELLIGENCE! IF I WANTED A VALUE MEAL, I WOULD HAVE SAID VALUE MEAL!”

    Me: “Fine, that will be $1.87 at window two.”

    (He drives up, I take his money and hand him the food.)

    Drive-thru customer: “I’m gonna need ketchup for the fries.”

    Me: “Sir, you only ordered the sandwich, not the value meal. I can ring up an order of fries now if you’d like.”

    Drive-thru customer: “No, you screwed up my order! I’m NOT paying for extra fries!”

    (Fed up, I throw some fries in a bag and hand them to him.)

    Customer: “Wait, is it too late to substitute onion rings??”

    Me: *slams window shut*

    He Obviously Gets His Smarts From Mom

    | New Lenox, IL, USA |

    Little Boy: “Can I have a medium Icee?”

    Me: “Sure! ¬†That’ll be $1.48.”

    (The little boy hands me $1.50 and I give him his change.  He scampers off to get his Icee as his dad stomps up.)

    Dad: “Can I get another medium Icee for my daughter?”

    Me: “Sure, It’s $1.48.”

    (The dad pays and I give him his cup.  By this time the boy is back, happily drinking his Icee and standing next to his dad.)

    Dad: (rudely) “WELL?! Where’s my Icee!?”

    Me: (confused) “Uh, the cup is right there, sir.”

    (The little boy is trying to get his dad’s attention to tell him where the Icee machine is located (it’s self serve). However, the dad is ignoring him and yelling at me.)

    Dad: “I PAID FOR AN ICEE, NOW WHERE IS MY ICEE!?”

    Me: “Sir, the machine is around the corner.”

    Dad: “Finally! God, are you simple or something?!”

    Me: “!?”

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