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    Simple Coke For Simple Folk

    | Fort Worth, TX, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss, but what is in your black currant tea?”

    Me: “Oh, it’s just black currant tea.”

    Customer:¬†”But what’s in it?”

    Me: “Dried black currant tea leaves.”

    Customer: “But what’s in it?”

    Me: “Black. Currant. Tea.”

    Customer: “But you aren’t telling me what’s in it!”

    Me:¬†”Ma’am, the tea distributors pluck leaves from a black currant plant. Then, they dry them out, and package them. Then, we pour hot water over the tea leaves, which infuses the hot water with the flavor of the tea.”

    Customer: “But what’s in it?”

    (My boss comes over.)

    Boss:¬†”Ma’am, would you like a Coke?”

    Of All The Lies To Tell

    | Evansville, IN, USA | Top

    Snooty customer: “I want a milkshake, but I want it made THICK. Last time I had a shake here, it was like drinking ice cream flavored water!”

    Me: “I can assure you that I can make you a very thick milkshake, ma’am. What flavor would you like?”

    Snooty customer: “A milkshake! I want a milkshake!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. What FLAVOR of milkshake would you like?”

    Snooty customer: “I told you I wanted an extra chocolaty chocolate one!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. One extra chocolaty chocolate milkshake, thick.”

    (I fill the milkshake cup with chocolate ice cream and use hot fudge sauce instead of chocolate syrup. I add maybe a tablespoon of milk. I get it mixed up, ring her up and she leaves. A few minutes later she returns, cuts in front of about 10 people waiting in line and slams her milkshake on the counter.)

    Snooty customer: “I want to talk to a manager! I want to know why no one here can do their d*** job!”

    Manager: “How can I help you, ma’am?”

    Snooty customer: “I told that girl there I wanted a normal chocolate milkshake, and this is so thick I can’t get it through the straw! I just gave myself a headache trying to drink this thing! I demand double my money back, a free milkshake and some Ibuprofen!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, I was standing right behind her when you placed your order. She made you what you asked for. An extra chocolaty shake that was thick. I am not returning your money or giving you a new milkshake.”

    Snooty customer: “But, my husband is Dr. *** and I always get what I want!”

    (Suddenly, another customer who has been standing in line and watching the whole thing speaks up.)

    Another customer: “Excuse me B****, but Dr. *** is my BROTHER and you sure as h*** aren’t his wife, you d*** liar!”

    Snooty customer: *leaves in a huff*

    (My manager gave the other customer her entire order on the house. She deserved it, whether it was true or not.)

    Don’t Mess With Mum

    | Sydney, Australia | Food & Drink

    (I’m working in a busy cafe that my mum owns. A man approaches the counter with his plate; it is empty.)

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Mum: “Yes?”

    Customer: “This food had too much oil in it.”

    (The plate is hidden from her view by the large counter, behind which, she is washing dishes.)

    Mum: “Oh…? What, you want me to make you another one? You’d still have to pay for at least one.”

    Customer: “No, I want a refund.”

    Mum: “Can I see the plate?”

    (Customer holds up plate; it is basically empty: some left over slices of lettuce, a little bit of bread.)

    Customer: “There was too much oil. I didn’t like it.”

    Mum: “But… you finished it off. How can you finish a whole meal you hate? Are you kidding me?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Mum: “Get the f*** out of my store!”

    Customer: “What?”

    Mum: “F*** off!”

    Thy Laziness Knows No Bounds

    | Canada |

    Me: “**** Restaurant, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “I’d like to order a delivery.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t do deliveries.”

    Caller: “So, you expect me to come all the way over… to eat your food?!”

    Me: “Umm… yeah, if you want.”

    Caller: “Goodbye!” *hangs up*

    Related:
    Thy Gluttony Knows No Bounds

    Whipped

    | Syracuse, NY, USA |

    Customer: “Can I get a pumpernickel bagel and a plain bagel in a bag?”

    (I get him his bagels. He looks at the bag with a wistful expression.)

    Customer: “Pumpernickel bagel.”

    Me: “Yep.”

    Customer: “Keeps the peace at home, you know?”

    Me: “Um, sure.”

    Customer: “Really does. Twenty-three… no, thirty-four years of marriage and it’s come to this. Pumpernickel bagel.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Pumpernickel… bagel.” *leaves*

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