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  • Not-So-Great Expectations

    | Okemos, MI, USA |

    (It was Memorial Day, and my restaurant happened to be open, although business was very slow. I then received a phone call.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, can you tell me if **** restaurant is open today? *naming a competitor*

    Me: “Uh, I really don’t know if they’re open. You know you called ****, right?”

    Caller: “Of course I do, I just assumed you would know if they were open.”

    Me: “Ma’am, we’re not affiliated with them. We really don’t keep track of what other restaurants in the area do with regard to their business hours.”

    Caller: “You’re not being very helpful. I think there should be something you should be able to do.”

    Me: “Have you tried calling them?”

    Caller: “Of course I’ve tried calling them. I’m not an idiot.”

    Me: “What did they say when they answered?”

    Caller: “No one picked up. I called four different times, and no one answered.”

    Me: “Well, that probably means that they’re closed today. If no one is working there, I mean.”

    Caller: “I just want to make sure – can you send someone over there to check?”

    Me: “Um, no, we can’t.”

    Caller: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because we work here. I can’t send an employee out of the restaurant to drive down the road and find out if a competitor is open today. If you really want to find out, I suggest you drive there yourself.”

    Caller: “I’m not going to waste my time and drive to a restaurant where no one answered the phone! My time is valuable.”

    Me: *losing patience* “Clearly.”

    Caller: “Look, I don’t see why this is so difficult. Just send someone down there to see if they’re open. It’s not like you’re working today.”

    Me: “Actually, we are working. Our restaurant is open today.”

    Caller: “Oh, do you have any specials?”

    Me: “…”

    Random Acts of Specificity

    , | Fort Collins, CO, USA |

    Me: “What else do you want?”

    Customer: “Peppers.”

    Me: “Which kind?”

    Customer: “… Peppers.”

    Me: “We have three kinds of peppers not including salt and pepper. Which kind of these do you want?”

    Customer: “PEPPERS.”

    Me: “Do you want banana peppers, jalapeno peppers, or green peppers?”

    Customer: “PEP-PERS.”

    Me: “Do you want these?” *holds up the green peppers*

    Customer: “Yes, those! Jesus Christ, don’t you guys know what a green pepper is?!”

    Bacon, Lettuce and Taxes

    | Springfield, IL, USA |

    Me: *after completing an order* “Thank you; your total is $8.28.”

    Customer: “$8.28? How is that? The #2 meal is $6.99, and it’s only 69 cents to make it a large! That’s not $8.28.”

    Me: “Umm…there’s a 60 cent tax.”

    Customer: “I didn’t order no tax!”

    Me: “No, there’s a tax on the food.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want tax on my sandwich!”

    Me: “Sales tax?”

    Customer: “Oh. OH! Sorry.”

    Associate: *to me* “For the love of God, was she serious?!”

    Something With Sprinkles, I’d Wager…

    , | Ontario, Canada |

    Me: “How can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “I’ll take a large coffee and something for my wife…maybe an apple cruller?”

    (He pays for his stuff and I see him walk out to a car parked right in front of the store. He gets in, but the car doesn’t move. After about a minute, he storms back into the store.)

    Customer: *loudly* “What kind of donut do you recommend for a hatchet-faced old witch?!

    Me: “Uh….”

    It’s All In The Details

    | Noord-Brabant, Netherlands |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hello, I had a High Tea a few days ago at your place. Could I speak to your manager?”

    Me: “Yes, but perhaps I could help you as well?”

    Customer: “No, I would like to speak with your manager.”

    Me: “All right, one moment please.” *hands over the phone to the manager*

    Manager: “Hello, what could I help you with?”

    Customer: “I’m sorry, but I really have to complain about this: a few days ago we had this High Tea at your place, but the napkins weren’t good.”

    Manager: “What was wrong with the napkins?”

    Customer: “The napkins weren’t folded like in the photograph in the restaurant information folder we got.”

    Manager: Uh…I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “They weren’t folded like in the picture!”

    Manager: “Was there anything else that didn’t go well?”

    Customer: *pauses* “No, the rest of it was actually wonderful. The cakes and sandwiches were lovely, and the service was really good. There was nothing wrong with that.”

    Manager: “…”

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