Sweet (Tea) Out Of (Pot) Luck

, | Tennessee, USA | Uncategorized

(We are having our annual Christmas party/potluck dinner one Sunday night at our fast food restaurant. I’ve placed signs showing we are closed and have blocked off the drive thru. One of my fellow employees notices a man standing at the counter.)

Me: “Hi sir, can I help you with something?”

Customer: “I have been standing here for five minutes and I haven’t been helped! Give me a number one with a sweet tea.”

Me: “Well, we are closed on Sundays. This is our Christmas Party.”

Customer: “Closed? All the lights are on!”

Me: “Well, we need them for the party.”

Customer: “I have never heard of such a thing. So I can’t get that number one?”

Me: “No sir, all of our machines are off. We are closed.”

Customer: “What about a sweet tea?”

Me: “Sir, we are closed. We don’t have anything we can give to customers.”

(The customer sees our buffet-style employee potluck.)

Customer: “Well, can I get a plate?”

Gobble Grunt Gobble

| San Jose, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [restaurant], how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I was wondering if you guys sold male chicken?”

Me: “We do sell chicken, but I am not sure we know the gender.”

Customer: “But someone told me that you guys sold male chicken for Thanksgiving dinners.”

Me: “Thanksgiving dinner? Are you talking about a turkey?”

Customer: “Yeah! The male chicken!”

He Prefers The Strong And Silent Type

| Melbourne, Australia | Uncategorized

(An older customer enters the restaurant and walks straight to the bar where I’m drying glasses. Note that I’m female.)

Me: “Yes sir, how can I help you?”

Customer: “No, that won’t do.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “That’s a weak mentality. None of this, ‘Yes sir, no sir,’ business. You need to have confidence in yourself, men don’t like women without confidence!”

Me: “Uh, I’m sorry sir. See, my job is–”

Customer: “Still with the yes sir, no sir! I don’t like it. Stop it!”

Me: *says nothing*

Customer: “Better.” *walks off to a table*

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

An Un-Usual Request

, | Bangor, ME, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I’ll just have my usual.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, we don’t know your usual.”

Customer: “They know it on [other location in town].”

Me: “We’re not that location, sir. What would you like?”

Customer: “Just call ’em up and ask. I’ll wait!”

Some Years Are More Golden Than Others

| New Mexico, USA | Uncategorized

(Note: I work at a restaurant where I have to wear an extremely conservative uniform with minimal makeup and jewelry. I’m serving two elderly ladies.)

Me: “Hey guys, how are y’all doing today? What can I get for you to drink?”

Customer #1: “Coffee.”

Customer #2: “Me too, please.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll have that right out for you.”

Customer #1 to #2: “Doesn’t she look like a gold digger?”

Customer #2: “I was thinking the same thing!” *to me* “Honey, are you a gold digger?”

Me: “Um, no, ma’am. I am just a waitress.”

Customer #1: “Well, come on now dear. It’s obvious that you’re a gold digger.”

Customer #2: “It’s nothing to be ashamed of! Be proud! In all my years of living, I’ve learned it’s the best thing to do–be a gold digger!”

Me: “What?”

Customer #2: “It’s okay to be a gold digger, honey. I’m sure you’re a very good one! You look like you’d be great at it.”

Customer #1: “Yes! Well, I’m glad we know that you’re a gold digger now. I’m proud of you. I’d like cream with my coffee.”

Me: “O…Okay, I’ll have that right out…”

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