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  • This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 4
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    Comes With Free Broadsword

    , | Connecticut, USA |

    (I’m working drive through when the headset beeps.)

    Me:: “Hi, welcome to *** Donuts, what can I get you?”

    Customer:: “Hi, I’ll have a barbarian cream!”

    Me:: “…a what?”

    Customer: “A barbarian cream!”

    Me: “…you mean a Bavarian cream?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that!”

    Who Needs Brains When You Have Money

    | New Hartford, NY, USA |

    ( I worked as a waiter at a country club with a bunch of really “Old Money” snobs. )

    Me: “We have a steak (of some kind, I don’t remember). And dude does it sound good!”

    Old Money: “Ahem! Excuse me! Did you just say dude?”

    Me: “Why yes sir. I did, I was just saying how good this dish sounds.”

    Old Money: “Well, excuse me young man. Dude AIN’T a word.”

    (At this point I’m thinking…are you seriously trying to debate this with an English Major by saying “Ain’t?”)

    Me: “Well sir, actually it is. A dude is a rich old man, like yourself, from the East who thinks they can live on a ranch in the West. And just for the record sir! ‘Ain’t’ is NOT a word! ”

    (Needless to say, I wasn’t allowed to wait that Old Man or his family at the Country Club ever again.)

    Alignment, Lawful Good; Wisdom, -6

    , | Englewood, FL, USA |

    Customer: “Yes, do your combo meals come with a Coke?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, they come with fries and a drink.”

    Customer: “But what if I wanted something other than Coke?”

    Me: “Well, you fill your drink yourself around the corner over there, so you can get whatever you want.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.” *customer places order*

    Me: *sets out tray with receipt on top*

    Customer: *looks at receipt, suddenly frowns* “Hey, it says ‘Coke’ on here for a drink. I didn’t order a Coke!”

    Me: “That just means you ordered a drink.”

    Customer: “But I didn’t want a Coke!”

    Me: “That’s fine, ma’am. You can put whatever you’d like in your drink at the drink machines back there.”

    Customer: “BUT IT SAYS COKE ON THE RECEIPT!”

    Me: “All of the soft drinks are the same prices. It doesn’t matter what it says on the receipt.”

    Customer: “Oh…” *leaves with her cup and fills her drink*

    Coworkers: *laugh for the next ten minutes*

    Nonsensical Hypotheticals

    , | San Diego, CA, USA |

    (Customer has pulled up the the drive-thru after ordering a coffee.)

    Customer: “Can you add the cream and sugar for me?”

    Me: “It’s against policy to do that to prevent contamination.”

    Customer: “Well, what if I had no arms?”

    Me: *dumb founded*

    Customer: “If I spill the cream as I’m adding it while driving, I’m going to sue you!”

    Me: “Sir, you’re in a parking lot. You can pull over.”

    *customer speeds off*

    Manager: “If he didn’t have arms, how would he be driving?!”

    How OJ Might Order OJ

    , | Midwest USA |

    Customer at a drive-through: “Do you have orange juice, not an orange drink?”

    Me: “Yes, we have orange juice.”

    Customer: “I asked if you have orange juice, not an orange drink!”

    Me: “And I said we do have orange juice…”

    Customer, yelling: “Why don’t you answer my question!”

    Me: “I did…twice…”

    Customer: “F**k you! I don’t need to take this!”

    Me: “Oooookay then…”


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