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    Bacon, Lettuce and Taxes

    | Springfield, IL, USA |

    Me: *after completing an order* “Thank you; your total is $8.28.”

    Customer: “$8.28? How is that? The #2 meal is $6.99, and it’s only 69 cents to make it a large! That’s not $8.28.”

    Me: “Umm…there’s a 60 cent tax.”

    Customer: “I didn’t order no tax!”

    Me: “No, there’s a tax on the food.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want tax on my sandwich!”

    Me: “Sales tax?”

    Customer: “Oh. OH! Sorry.”

    Associate: *to me* “For the love of God, was she serious?!”

    Something With Sprinkles, I’d Wager…

    , | Ontario, Canada |

    Me: “How can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “I’ll take a large coffee and something for my wife…maybe an apple cruller?”

    (He pays for his stuff and I see him walk out to a car parked right in front of the store. He gets in, but the car doesn’t move. After about a minute, he storms back into the store.)

    Customer: *loudly* “What kind of donut do you recommend for a hatchet-faced old witch?!

    Me: “Uh….”

    It’s All In The Details

    | Noord-Brabant, Netherlands |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hello, I had a High Tea a few days ago at your place. Could I speak to your manager?”

    Me: “Yes, but perhaps I could help you as well?”

    Customer: “No, I would like to speak with your manager.”

    Me: “All right, one moment please.” *hands over the phone to the manager*

    Manager: “Hello, what could I help you with?”

    Customer: “I’m sorry, but I really have to complain about this: a few days ago we had this High Tea at your place, but the napkins weren’t good.”

    Manager: “What was wrong with the napkins?”

    Customer: “The napkins weren’t folded like in the photograph in the restaurant information folder we got.”

    Manager: Uh…I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “They weren’t folded like in the picture!”

    Manager: “Was there anything else that didn’t go well?”

    Customer: *pauses* “No, the rest of it was actually wonderful. The cakes and sandwiches were lovely, and the service was really good. There was nothing wrong with that.”

    Manager: “…”

    It Comes And Goes

    | Derby, UK |

    Customer: “Miss, is this a diet soda or a regular?”

    Me: “Diet, sir – it’s what you ordered.”

    Customer: “Are you SURE it’s diet?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I poured it myself.”

    Customer: “Well, it had better be, because I’m allergic to sugar!”

    Me: *later, taking the food order* “…and what would you like for dessert, sir?”

    Customer: “Oh, I’ll have the chocolate cheesecake sundae.”

    He Who Eats Less, Laughs Best

    , | Evergreen, CO, USA | Top

    (While I’m working, I see this teenage girl pull up in an really nice car. With her orange spray tan and expensive clothing, I could tell it would be interesting.)

    Me: “Hey, what could I get for you today?”

    Customer: “You’re going to make me a non-fat shake with non-fat mix, non-fat milk and non-fat chocolate.

    Me: “Oh, Ok…I’ll have that done for you in just a second.”

    (Right before I start to blend the shake, she speaks up:)

    Customer: “So since you work here, do you eat a lot of ice cream?”

    Me: “Well, I suppose I eat enough to be able to recommend stuff to customers….”

    Customer: “Well, you just look like you eat a lot of ice cream. You might want to quit your job before you get too fat.”

    Me: “Thanks for that advice.”

    (While my coworker rings her up, I proceed to add 5 pumps of chocolate syrup, extra chocolate chips, and tons of extra ingredients to her shake, putting it up to a total of about 4,000 calories.)

    Customer: *taking a drink* “At least you can make a decent shake.”

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