Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,200 thumbs up)
  • Milton Goes To The Buffet

    , | Vancouver, WA, USA |

    (I’m a cashier at a buffet restaurant. A customer walks up and is kinda twitchy. We go through the transaction and I am about to staple the receipt to the ticket…)

    Customer: “NO! DON’T STAPLE! DON’T STAPLE! I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU STAPLE MY TICKET…!”

    Me: “Uh, okay sir, I won’t staple it for you…”

    (All of a sudden, the customer calms down. He smiles, and walks away, only to later approach me again.)

    Customer: “Ma’am, I think there is a problem in your bathrooms.”

    Me: “Okay, what is the problem?”

    Customer: “Well, in the men’s bathroom the left… left… faucet has very… very… poor water pressure.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “I will come in again, and if you have not fixed this problem by then, I’m afraid I’m going to have to speak with a manager.”

    Me: “Okay, sir. I will let a manager know.”

    Customer: “Please do so… immediately.”

    Me: “Immediately.”

    Customer: *smiles a creepy smile and walks away*

    Related: Milton from Office Space

    I Think I Struck Me Some Gold, Pa

    | New Berlin, Wisconsin, USA |

    (It was our restaurant’s policy to keep the front door unlocked after closing if there were still customers seated in the dining room. ¬†Unfortunately, this meant people were free to wander in, even though we couldn’t serve them. One night, a teenage couple came in after we were closed.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, we’re closed.”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “I can’t perform any more transactions; I don’t have a cash register anymore.”

    Customer: “So, what, everything’s free?”

    Hulk Smash Bagels

    , | California, USA | Top

    (I am cashier at a small cafe in California. Two tourists, a man and his teenage son, walk into the cafe. His son decides what he wants and his father starts yelling at him.)

    Me: “Sir, what’s wrong? Something I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Can you get me a sandwich and a soda? Oh, and get this guy some soup.”

    Customer’s son: “Dad, I don’t want some soup! I just want a bagel!”

    Customer: “SON, YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO ME WHEN YOU EAT BAGELS! YOU KNOW IT BRINGS BAD MEMORIES!” *storms out*

    Customer’s son: “Dad!” *runs after him*

    (From that day onward, I always suggested the soup.)

    Coworkers: They Make Life Worth Living, Part 2

    , | Denver, CO, USA | Top

    (Everyone I work with knows I’m gay. A customer has just paid for her order.)

    Customer: “Stop staring at my boobs!”

    Me: “Huh?”

    Customer: “You heard me!”

    Me: “Lady, I was just counting the money you gave me.”

    Customer: “No, you were staring at my boobs and pretending to count the money. Let me talk to your manager right now! I’m going to get you fired!”

    (Before I can say anything, one of my male coworkers comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my chest.)

    Coworker: “I’m the manager. Are you bothering my boyfriend?”

    Customer: *takes her food and leaves*

    Coworker’s girlfriend, to me: “Hey, wanna come over tonight?”

    Related:
    Coworkers: They Make Life Worth Living

    The Only Thing Toasted Is His Mind

    , | Commerce Township, MI, USA |

    Customer: “I don’t want my sandwich toasted.”

    Me: “No problem, sir. We actually don’t have a toaster here, so you don’t have to worry.”

    Customer: “OH YES YOU DO! The last sandwich I got was toasted!”

    Me: “Um. Are you sure it was from this store?”

    Customer: “Yes. It was from this exact store, and it was toasted so bad I almost couldn’t eat it.”

    Me: “I’m not sure how that’s possible, sir. We honestly don’t have a toaster, and we never have.”

    Customer: “Oh, so now I don’t know what toasted bread looks like?”

    Me: “I–”

    Customer: “The top of my bread was brown. And do you know what makes bread brown?”

    Me: “The crust?”

    Customer: “A TOASTER!”

    (Seriously, no toaster. Ever. At all.)

    Page 190/230First...188189190191192...Last