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  • Got Him Out Of A Pickle
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    Floats and Brimstone

    , | Minnesota, MN, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me!”

    Me: “Yes sir?”

    Customer: “I need a new root beer float; the ice cream in this one is melting.”

    Me: “Well, I can get you a new one, but it’s a hot day so the same thing will eventually happen.”

    Customer: “I asked for a root beer float! Not root beer soup!”

    Me: “I can’t control the weather sir, but I’ll see what I can do.”

    (I get him a new float, but by the time I get it out to him, it’s starting to melt.)

    Customer: “This one’s melting too!”

    Me: “It’s still hot out–but it will taste the same, I promise.”

    Customer: “Promise me something else too.”

    Me: “Okay?”

    Customer: “Go to hell!”

    Me: “It appears we’re both already there, sir. That’s why your ice cream is melting.”

    Guerilla Marketing At Its Finest

    | Waterloo, Ontario, Canada |

    Customer: “Come here! I’m going to bite your nipples off!”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Aww…I’m sorry. Listen, come by my office and I’ll give you a free massage.” *gives me his business card*

    Normal Time Vs. Customer Time

    | Portsmouth, UK | Food & Drink, Top

    Me: “Hello sir, can I help?”

    Customer: “I want the 20 piece bargain bucket.”

    Me: “Well, there will be a five minute wait. We have only just opened and don’t have that quantity cooked yet.”

    Customer: “Fine.”

    (He pays and takes a seat. About three minutes later, he approaches the counter again.)

    Customer: “Where the f*** is my food?! I have been waiting half an hour!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir. We have only been open five minutes there is no way you have been waiting thirty minutes.”

    In The Name Of All That Is Cheesy

    , | Pittsburgh, PA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling *** Pizza, would you like the special?”

    Caller: “No thanks, I’d just like a large Quattro Cheese pizza.”

    Me: “Sure, no problem.”

    Caller: “And… no feta on one side.”

    Me: “Okay, no feta on one side.”

    Caller: “I mean it! NO feta on the one side! GOD HELP YOU IF THERE IS FETA!”

    Me: “Okay, no feta on one side!”

    A Sticky Proposition

    | Amsterdam, Holland |

    Me: “Would you like mayonnaise on your croquette?”

    Customer: “Yes, please… but not on the croquette itself. Do you have a cup or something?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh, well… just put it in my hand, then.”

    Me: “… Mayonnaise?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: ‘… in your hand?”

    Customer: “Yes, yes!”

    Me: “Are you sure?”

    Customer: Yes!”

    Me: *fills the customer’s hand with mayonnaise*

    Customer: “Thank you!” *smiles and leaves*

    Me, to my manager: “I need a break.”

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