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    Johnny Something-Seed

    | Baltimore, MD, USA |

    (I’m a cashier at a cafe-style restaurant.)

    Me: “Can I help you sir?”

    Customer: “Sure, I’d like the turkey sandwich with everything on it.”

    Me: “Okay, and what side would you like with that: chips, bread, or an apple?”

    Customer: “An apple? What’s an apple?”

    Me: “…a red fruit.”

    Customer: “Oh! I’ll take that.”

    Math Is Your Friend, Part 4

    | Ohio, USA |

    Customer: “What’s the difference between the three fingers and finger fingers?”

    Me: “Well, the three fingers comes with three chicken fingers, and the five fingers comes with five.”

    Customer: “So, which one has more chicken?”

    Me: “The five fingers.”

    Customer: “Are the five fingers bigger?”

    Me: “No, the chicken fingers are the exact same size. You just get two more with the five fingers.”

    Customer: “This is too confusing! I’ll just have a cheeseburger.”

    Related:
    Math Is Your Friend, Part 3
    Math Is Your Friend, Part 2
    Math Is Your Friend

    Clucks Can Be Deceiving

    | Ohio, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I just ordered sweet and sour chicken from your establishment, and one of my pieces of chicken is shaped like a fish.”

    Me: “Well, the chicken is in all different shapes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “So it’s not fish? It’s still chicken?”

    Me: “Uh, yes.”

    Customer: “Oh, OK!”

    A Snake Eating Its Own Tail

    , | Essex, VT, USA |

    (It’s late at night and only one manager, another employee, and I are working. I’m manning the drive-thru when a car pulls up.)

    Customer: *over speaker* “I just came through the drive-thru, and I got a fish sandwich.”

    Me: “Okay, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “There was a bite in my sandwich!”

    Me: “I’m sorry? Please drive around and I’ll see what I can do.”

    Customer: *at window* “What you can do, young lady, is get me a new sandwich.”

    Me: “Um, sir, nobody here would have taken a bite of your sandwich. Are you sure it didn’t just break off?”

    Customer: “NO! Give me a new sandwich! I just tasted this sandwich and it tasted terrible.”

    Me: “Wait – you bit the sandwich after you found a bite?”

    Customer: “No, you idiot! I bit the sandwich, and I need another one!”

    Me: “…”

    Old MacDonald Had A Meal

    | Australia |

    (I’m a waitress at a restaurant, and an elderly man just ordered a steak.)

    Me: “How would you like your steak, sir?”

    Customer: “Alive.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Alive. I want it alive.”

    Me: “I’m not sure I get you sir – do you mean rare?”

    Customer: “No. Alive! When I poke my fork in, it will have to say ‘MOO!'”

    Me: “…I’m not sure we can arrange that for you, sir. It’s impossible.”

    Customer: “You’re saying it’s impossible for you to bring a cow in here?”

    Me: “That’s right, sir.”

    Customer: “OK, I’ll have mine well done then.”

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