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    Tea Drag

    | Weston, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

    (I’m waiting to pick up my friend from her shift, when a customer comments on her.)

    Customer: “There’s something strange about that lady over there.”

    Me: “She’s a wonderful tea-brewer.”

    Customer: “Well, there’s something strange about her appearance.”

    Me: “Oh, she gets a lot of questions about that. That’s because she was originally born a man.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “As in, she’s a transsexual.”

    Customer: “Oh! Does she sing?”

    Not In Full Receipt Of Your Faculties

    | Downers Grove, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

    Caller: “Hi, I need a copy of my receipt for an order I had the other day.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. I will need the date, your name, the company name, and if you have it, the amount.”

    Caller: “Yes, my name is Diane, I’m calling from [Company] and it was for yesterday. The amount was $158.26. No, wait. It was $128.26. At least, that’s what it says on the receipt that I’m holding.”

    Me: “So you have the receipt, then?”

    Caller: *pause* “Yes! Thanks for your help!” *click*

    Too Much Gravy For The Brain

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    (I’m a cook in a restaurant that many tourists visit.)

    Me: *to waitress* “So, how did everyone like their food?”

    Waitress: “The table complained that the meal contains too much sauce.”

    Me: “His order gets the sauce on the side.”

    Waitress: “Yeah, he complained that he added too much.”

    A Complete Ba-SKET Case

    | Orlando, FL USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Uncategorized

    (At our store, we have a dish called the Bruschetta (bru-SHET-ta) Chicken Pasta. I am delivering a party their food.)

    Me: “So that leaves the Bruschetta Chicken Pasta. Here you go.”

    Customer: “I didn’t order no bru-SHET-ta! I ordered a bra-SKET-ta pasta!”

    (I turn around and put the item back on the tray, pause, then pick the same bowl up again.)

    Me: “Bra-sket-ta chicken pasta. Here you go.”

    Customer: “Thank you!”

    What Came First – The Allergen Or The Egg?

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    (I’m a cook at a restaurant. A sandwich comes back rung up “No Mayo, allergy”. I call the server back to the kitchen.)

    Server: “What’s the problem?”

    Me: “So, what’s the guy allergic to? The eggs or the vinegar?”

    Server: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “That’s what’s in mayonnaise. Eggs and vinegar. If he’s allergic to the eggs, I’m going to need to get rid of two of the things on the sandwich. If it’s the vinegar, I’ll need to get rid of four. If it’s any of the other chemicals or preservatives or whatnot, I’ll have to leave off everything.”

    (The server goes and talks to the table, and returns a minute later.)

    Server: “He’s not really allergic to anything. He just wanted to make sure that it didn’t have mayo on it.”

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