October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

That’s (Not) A Wrap Folks

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

Me: “Good afternoon.”

Caller: “I was there at lunch today and got take out. When I got home I realized I had a salad and not the wrap. Your staff obviously can’t get an order right. You better rectify this. I am not impressed at all.”

Me: “What did you order?”

Caller: “A caesar salad.”

Me: “But isn’t that what you got?”

Caller: “But I wanted the caesar salad wrap. You guys screwed up.”

Me: “We don’t have a caesar salad wrap. Did you tell the cashier that you wanted a wrap?”

Caller: “You have caesar salad wraps, so she was pretty stupid if she didn’t know what I wanted.”

Me: “We have a roma chicken wrap with caesar dressing and feta. Is that what you wanted?”

Caller: “Well, your business is pretty stupid if you call a salad a caesar salad but don’t call a wrap that when you have one. I expect to be compensated for your stupidity.”

Me: “So you want to be compensated because you ordered the wrong item and our staff didn’t tell you that you really wanted something else?”

Caller: “Well…yes!”

Not The Only Thing In Need Of Maintenance

, | Saskatchewan, Canada | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

(We’re closed for maintenance, and have shut off all the exterior lights, including those in drive-thru. We also put a sign on the drive-thru menu stating we’re closed. A car pulls into drive-thru, and I put on a headset. All of this takes places via drive-thru speaker.)

Me: “Hi, I’m sorry, but we’re currently closed for maintenance. Our other location down the street will be happy to serve you.”

Customer: “Hey, we just need a minute. Your lights are off, and it’s hard to see the menu.”

Me: “Sorry, I said we’re closed for maintenance. That’s why the lights are off.”

Customer: “Okay, we’re ready.”

Me: “Sorry, I said we’re closed. Our other store just a few blocks down the street will be happy to help.”

(The customer says their order.)

Customer: “Hello? Did you get that?”

Me: *gives up* “Welcome to [restaurant]. Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed due to the store being closed for maintenance. For service in English, please press one.” *switches to French* “Pour service en Francais, poussez le deux.” *switches to Spanish* “Para el servicio en Español, presione por favor el numero tres.”

(Faint laughter as the rest of the car’s passengers start laughing.)

Customer: “Uh…” *whispers* “What do I do?” *laughter from other passengers* “Uh… one?”

Me: “Thank you for calling [restaurant]. Our hours of operation are 7 am to 3 am, except today, because we are closed… due… to… maintenance. Please leave a message after the beep. BEEP!”

(Squeal of tires as the car peels away, the rest of the passengers killing themselves laughing.)

Best Not Order The French Fries

| Tennessee, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Uncategorized

(I come in on my day off to get my paycheck. My boss asks me to help with a table of two people who are speaking mostly French before I go. When I am done another customer calls me over.)

Customer: “Excuse me, don’t you work here?”

Me: “Yes, sir, I do. It’s just my day off today. Would you like me to get your server?”

Customer: “What were you just talking in? It was some kind of foreign talk. At that other table there?”

Me: “Oh, I speak a little bit of French, so I was helping the server.”

Customer: “You can do that?”

Me: “Do what, sir?”

Customer: “You can speak French in here? Isn’t that illegal?!”

Me: “To speak French?”

Customer: “Yeah! I mean, this is a Mexican restaurant. You could get shot for speaking in French! Or even just thinking about talking in French!”

Me: “Well–”

Customer: “Shot!”

Me: “I don’t think–”

Customer: “Shot!”

Me: “Sir–”

Customer: “SHOT I SAID!”

Boss: “It’s okay. She was thinking about the words in Spanish.”

Customer: “Oh good.” *whispers to me* “Don’t ever try to talk in British in here. It won’t end well.”

(My boss made a gun out of paperclips and attached them to all of my paychecks after that.)

Meaty Political Issues

, | Michigan, USA | Food & Drink, Politics, Uncategorized

(One of the meats we offer is a barbecued shredded beef, which we refer to as Barbacoa.)

Customer: “I’ll take a burrito with Barack Obama.”

Me: “One burrito with barbacoa coming up.”

Customer: “What’d you call it?”

Me: “Barbacoa.”

Customer: “Oh, thank God. I’m a Republican.”

Babel-ing On

| Chula Vista, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Uncategorized

Me: “Welcome to [restaurant] I’ll be your server this evening.”

Customer: “Habla español?”

Me: “No sir, I don’t.”

Customer: “Italian?”

Me: “Nope.”

Customer: “French?”

Me: “Sorry, no.”

Customer: “Well, then what language do you speak?”

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