November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Must Be Really Hungry

, | Annapolis, MD, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

Me: “Your table is not quite ready yet. Let me give you this pager it will go off as soon as the table is set.”

Customer: “Ok, thank you. What’s the range on this pager?”

Me: “Just on this side of the courtyard.”

Customer: “Alright, and if I lick it, will it electrocute me?”

Me: *pause* “Please…just…don’t.”

Fritzl Be One Of Those Days

, | Morgantown, WV, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Uncategorized

Me: “Hello sir, welcome to [fast food]. What would you like today?”

Customer: *stares wide-eyed for a few moments* “Well, aren’t you the most adorable creature I have ever seen!”

Me: “Thank you, sir. Can I interest you in our special today?”

Customer: “I could just steal you and take you home in my wallet to live in my basement! My wife doesn’t like the basement, but it can be quite homey!”

Me: “That’s nice, sir.”

Customer: “Hurry! Into my wallet before anyone else decides to steal you!”

More Truffle Than It’s Worth

| State College, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

Customer: “I’ll take the southwestern burger, but absolutely no mushrooms. I’m allergic to mushrooms.”

(I go back to the kitchen to let the cook know of the allergy. This means they have to clean every cooking utensil and grill that may have touched a mushroom. After stopping service  for ten minutes to clean, the cook lets me know of some complications.)

Me: “Ma’am, we’ve removed all allergens from the cooking area but the cook has let me know that the bun for your burger is toasted on the same toaster as the mushroom focaccia and can’t be cleaned. We can grill it on the grill for you instead?”

Customer: “That’s fine. No mushrooms. I’m allergic.”

(I return to the kitchen, and the cook is meticulously going through our ingredients to make sure no other issues arise. He finds

Me: “Ma’am, sorry to bother you again. But the salsa on your burger doesn’t list all of the ingredients so better safe than sorry; we didn’t put the salsa on the burger.”

Customer: “Why not? I want the salsa!”

Me: “But it probably has chopped mushrooms.”

Customer: “I don’t care. I’m not really allergic. I just really don’t like them.”

(The cook nearly killed me when I went back to tell him.)

On A Steak Out

| Dartford, UK | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

(I’m a policeman and my colleagues and I went to subway for something to eat. I order my sandwich and it’s the turn of my colleague.)

Officer: ” What’s in a steak and cheese?”

Assistant: “I’m sorry?

Officer: ” The steak and cheese, what’s in it?

Assistant: “Steak and cheese?”

Me: “Don’t worry, he’ll never make detective.”

Half A Brain And A Pound Foolish

, | TN, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

Me: “Would you like to try our new Texas Toast Bacon Cheese Thickburger?”
Customer: “Nope. I want a… I’m not sure what it is called. But it has BBQ sauce, bacon, cheese and all that.”
Me: “Okay, that is our Texas Toast Bacon Cheese Thickburger.”
Customer: “Yeah, sure.”
Me: “Okay, would you like to add fries and a drink for a combo?”
Customer: “Nope, no combo.”
Me: “Okay, would you like the quarter, third, or half pound for that?”
Customer: “For what?”
Me: “The size of the meat patty; you can get either the quarter, third, or half pound.”
Customer: “I’m not stupid; I can read a sign. Is the half pound the biggest?”
Me: “Yes, sir.”
Customer: “So, the quarter-third is next size down?”
Me: “No, sir. Those are two different sizes. The third is smaller than the half, but larger than the quarter. The quarter is smallest of all.”
Customer: “Oh, okay. I will have the quarter-third.”

(I contemplate for a moment, then ring him up for a third pound.)
Me: “Okay, is that going to complete your order today?”
Customer: “What about some fries and a coke?”