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    May We Suggest The Covert Cauliflowers

    , | Edmonton, Canada |

    (I’m restocking a salad bar at a restaurant when a customer walks up to me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me? You’re running out of espionage in the Salad bar.”

    Me: “….excuse me? Espionage?”

    Customer: “Yes, espionage.”

    (He meant spinach, since I hadn’t gotten around to restocking that.)

    Eww, Fresh Food

    | Alberta, Canada |

    Server: “Um… one of our tables asked me to bring this salad back.”

    Cook: “What’s wrong with it? It looks fine to me.”

    Server: “He complained that the lettuce was too green in his Greek salad.”

    Cook: “His lettuce was too green?”

    Server: “Yeah.”

    Cook: “I really don’t want to know what kind of lettuce that guy’s been eating…”

    (In the end, we had to call our manager in to explain to this guy that lettuce only comes one color, green.)

    Fact Check Fail

    , | Liberty, MO, USA |

    Customer: “I want a refund. NOW!”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

    Customer: “I came through the drive-thru about fifteen minutes ago, and you shorted me six tacos!”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Well?!”

    Me: “We don’t have a drive-thru.”

    Customer: *slinks out of the store*

    Related:
    Fibbing Fail
    Cheapskates: FAIL
    Guilt Trip: FAIL
    Impersonating Your Boss: FAIL

    Milton Goes To The Buffet

    , | Vancouver, WA, USA |

    (I’m a cashier at a buffet restaurant. A customer walks up and is kinda twitchy. We go through the transaction and I am about to staple the receipt to the ticket…)

    Customer: “NO! DON’T STAPLE! DON’T STAPLE! I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU STAPLE MY TICKET…!”

    Me: “Uh, okay sir, I won’t staple it for you…”

    (All of a sudden, the customer calms down. He smiles, and walks away, only to later approach me again.)

    Customer: “Ma’am, I think there is a problem in your bathrooms.”

    Me: “Okay, what is the problem?”

    Customer: “Well, in the men’s bathroom the left… left… faucet has very… very… poor water pressure.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “I will come in again, and if you have not fixed this problem by then, I’m afraid I’m going to have to speak with a manager.”

    Me: “Okay, sir. I will let a manager know.”

    Customer: “Please do so… immediately.”

    Me: “Immediately.”

    Customer: *smiles a creepy smile and walks away*

    Related: Milton from Office Space

    I Think I Struck Me Some Gold, Pa

    | New Berlin, Wisconsin, USA |

    (It was our restaurant’s policy to keep the front door unlocked after closing if there were still customers seated in the dining room. ¬†Unfortunately, this meant people were free to wander in, even though we couldn’t serve them. One night, a teenage couple came in after we were closed.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, we’re closed.”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “I can’t perform any more transactions; I don’t have a cash register anymore.”

    Customer: “So, what, everything’s free?”

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