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    It’s All In The Wrist

    , | Oregon, USA | Top

    Me: “Okay, will that be everything for you? For here or to go?”

    Customer: “Here.”

    Me: “That will be $8.42.”

    (The customer pulls out a $1 bill and slaps it on the table.)

    Customer: “Wham!”

    Me: *blank stare*

    (The customer’s girlfriend starts cracking up.)

    Customer: “Oh. whoops! Lets try that one again…” *pulls out a $10 bill* “Wham!”

    Watch For Grease Stains In The Concord

    , | Rohnert Park, CA, USA |

    Me: “Hello, this is **** Pizza. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like a medium cheese pizza and a 2-liter of Sierra Mist, please.”

    Me: “All right, that’ll be $**.**. Would you like to come pick it up or have us deliver it?”

    Customer: “Delivery, please. My address is…” *lists a house in Philadelphia* “Would you be able to get it here in about thirty minutes?

    Me: “Uh, sir, we’re in California, and we don’t deliver to Philadelphia. Especially not in thirty minutes.”

    Customer: “Oh, well, on your website it said you deliver in thirty minutes or less.”

    Me: “Yes, locally. Not to Philadelphia.”

    Customer: “Oh, well. Uh, thanks anyways.”

    Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

    So Much For Buying American

    | Austin, TX, USA |

    Server: “That will come with potatoes,cottage cheese or fruit.”

    Customer: “What kind of fruit do you have?”

    Server: “We have grapes, oranges, bananas, pears or pineapple.”

    Customer: “Is your pineapple local?”

    Server: “Yes, sir. It is from the pineapple farm in Dallas.”

    Customer: *makes a sour face* “I’ll have the oranges…”

    It’s Baaccoonnnn!!!

    | Columbus, OH, USA |

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for ya?”

    Customer: “Yeah, um…do you guys serve breakfast?”

    Me: “Oh no, sorry, we only serve brunch on Sundays. We have bagels and pastries in the case right there.” *pointing*

    Customer: “Hmm, no, I really wanted breakfast.”

    Me: “Sorry, it’s just Sundays.”

    Customer: “But I smell bacon!”

    Me: “Yeah, the cook is in the back prepping for the day, and we have some sandwiches with bacon on them.”

    Customer: “I smell bacon! You serve breakfast! I want a hot breakfast!”

    Me: “Uh, no… just brunch on Sundays. Our lunch starts at 11:00am if you want to come back.”

    Customer: “NO! I smell bacon and I want breakfast now!” *storms out*

    Me: “…”

    Related: It’s Bacon! (YTMND)

    Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota, Part 3

    | Levittown, PA, USA |

    (One night while working a busy dinner shift, a elderly couple shows up in my section, at a table that just left. I had assumed that the hostesses were just busy and sat them immediately.)

    Me: “Welcome to *****, what can I get you to drink?”

    Them: “We’ve been sitting here for 10 minutes? What took you so long?”

    (I knew that I had cleared the table not more than 5 minutes ago.)

    Me: I’m terribly sorry, we’re awful busy. Now, what can I get you tonight?”

    (They order coffee and water, with extra cream. I get their coffee as fast as possible, but have to make a second trip for the creamer. Before I can let them know I’ll be right back…)

    Them: “That took forever! What’s wrong with you? It’s never taken this long before. Where’s our creamer?!”

    (I calm them down enough to get away from the table and get the creamer. I am gone less than 30 seconds.)

    Them: “This is the worst service I’ve ever had! I can’t believe they would hire you! This isn’t enough creamer!”

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry, but I am trying my best to satisfy your dining needs. If you don’t feel that my service is adequate, please feel free to request another waiter.”

    (I walk away to take care of my other tables. Shortly thereafter, the owner calls me over.)

    Owner: “What did you say to those people?”

    Me: *repeat the story to him*

    Owner: “Okay, who sat them?”

    Me: “I don’t know. They just showed up. I thought a hostess did.”

    Owner, to hostess: “Who sat that couple?”

    Hostess: “They sat themselves.”

    Owner, to customers: “You sat yourselves while we have a 20 minute wait?”

    Customers: “Well, there was an empty table!”

    Owner: “Get the f*** out of my restaurant!”

    Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota, Part 2
    Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota
    Even Customers Have A Stupid Quota

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