October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

New Years Resolution: Get A Brain

| Manistee, MI, USA | Uncategorized

(Every year in December at our buffet, we give out Chinese wall scroll calendars for the upcoming year.)

Me: “Would you like one of our calendars, sir?”

Customer: “No thanks. I got one last year!”

Me: “Well, the dates are different on this one.”

Customer: “Really?!”

A Grave Realization

| Eureka, KS, USA | Uncategorized

(After a fellow waitress had passed away, we had just returned from her funeral.)

Customer: “Oh my gosh, we are so glad to see you here!”

Me: “Why?”

Customer: “We thought that it was you that had passed away!”

Me: *after thinking for a minute* “I didn’t see you at my funeral!”

So Pho, So Crazy, Part 2

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello ma’am, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Sorry, I was just curious. What ethnicity are you?”

Me: “Oh, I’m Vietnamese.”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “You know, from Vietnam?”

*blank stare*

Me: “…like the Vietnam War?”

Customer: “Oh! You were in that?”

So Pho, So Crazy

Catfish Caught His Tongue

| Gray, GA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I want fish.”

Me: “Alright, what kind of fish? We have catfish, tilapia, or grouper.”

Customer: “I just want fish.”

Me: “I have to know what kind you want.”

Customer: “I just want some d*** fish. How hard is that?”

Me: “Catfish it is. Whole or filet?”

Customer: “Whole is with the bones?”

Me: “Yes sir.”

Customer: “Filet. I don’t like bones.”

Me: “Alright.”

(I return ten minutes later with his order.)

Me: “Here you are sir. Any sauce or anything?”

Customer: “This isn’t what I wanted.”

Me: “What’s the problem?”

Customer: “I’m allergic to fish!”

Crashed Diet

| New York, NY, USA | Top

(A well-dressed woman and her teenage daughter are out to lunch at one of my tables. I have already brought them their drinks.)

Customer: *waving me over* “Miss! I asked for a diet soda.”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry. I must have picked up another server’s order by mistake. Let me get you a new one.”

(I fill a diet soda myself and deliver it. Before even tasting it, she speaks up.)

Customer: “No! This isn’t diet soda! I’m on a very strict diet and I can’t have carbs!”

Me: “I filled it myself. I assure you that it is diet.”

Customer: *poking the drink with a straw* “Then what are these? I can see the carbs everywhere!”

Me: “You can see the carbs, Ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes! Are you blind? Can’t you see the bubbles?”

Customer’s teenage daughter: “Oh my God, mom! ‘Carbs’ mean carbohydrates, not carbonation!”

See this story as a comic!

Page 184/265First...182183184185186...Last