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    Immeasurable Confusion

    | Santa Monica, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi, [pizza place].”

    Customer: “Hi, it says you have a nine inch small pizza. How big is that?”

    Me: “Nine inches, six slices.”

    Customer: “But how big is it?”

    Me: “The diameter of the pizza is approximately nine inches. There are six slices.”

    Customer: “Like, ok, but you already told me that. How big is it?”

    Me: “I’m not sure what other metric to use. The pie is slightly smaller across than a third of a meter.”

    Customer: *brief pause* “Okay, what size is the medium?”

    Me: “Twelve inches, six slices.”

    Customer: *another brief pause* “The small has six too. So they’re the same size?!”

    Customers This Dumb Are Rare

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss. Could you help me out here?”

    Me: “Sure, ma’am. Did you need anything else?”

    Customer: “No, it’s just that I really don’t like my sushi at all.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, that’s one of our most popular items on the menu. Would you mind telling me what’s wrong with it?”

    Customer: “There’s raw fish in it.”

    Udderly Stupid

    | Alberta, Canada | Uncategorized

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, this beef isn’t fresh. Can you take it back and get me fresh beef?”

    Me: “Ma’am, the beef we cook is the freshest we can get.”

    Customer: “Well, can’t you just kill a cow out back?”

    Me: “Um, no we don’t have cows in the back, that’s against the law.”

    Customer: “But isn’t this Canada? How can cows be illegal?”

    Customer Is No Shrimping Violet

    | Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

    Customer: “My shrimp is cold.”

    Me: “Okay, sorry about that ma’am. I’ll bring it to the kitchen and they’ll make you a new serving right away.”

    Customer: “Fine, but feel this shrimp. Feel how cold it is.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s unnecessary. I believe that it’s cold. Just let me take the plate away for you so I can get you a new serving.”

    Customer: “Feel my shrimp!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m not going to touch your shrimp.”

    Customer: “Feel my shrimp or I’m leaving!”

    Fowl Behavior, Part 3

    , | Kelmscott, WA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, sir, can I take your order?”

    Customer: “Uh, yeah…can I have two whole roast chickens?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we are all out at the moment. If you come back in 30 minutes, there will be some chickens available”

    Customer: “But what about those chickens over there?” *points at plastic display chickens*

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but those are display chickens. They are not real.”

    Customer: *raises voice* “I reckon those chickens are real and you’re just trying to keep them for yourself!”

    (The customer stabs the chicken with a plastic knife from our tray. A chunk of polystyrene is taken out.)

    Customer: “Oh, I guess you were telling the truth. I’ll come back in half an hour.”

    Related:
    Fowl Behavior, Part 2
    Fowl Behavior
    Fowl Play

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