November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Eggs Aren’t The Only Things Getting Beaten

| Naperville, IL, USA | Uncategorized

(My restaurant has a deal. If the lunch time food takes longer than 15 minutes to deliver to the table, the meal is free. I explain the concept to a table of three customers.)

Me: “If I don’t have that food out for you in 15 minutes, you guys don’t have to pay for lunch!”

Customer: “Wait. If you take too long and we don’t have to pay, does the price of the food come out of your salary?”

Me: *jokingly* “Oh, no, but my managers do take me outback and beat me.”

Customer: *pauses* “Can I watch?”

If You’re Rude, You Get Screwed

| Berlin, Germany | Top

(I am serving a customer. He appears to be trying to impress his girlfriend.)

Customer: “This wine is corked!”

Me: “No, sir. It’s not corked.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! How dare you? A simple server should never say I’m lying! I want to speak to the manager!”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “This wine is corked, and this guy is calling me a liar!”

Manager, to me: “How can you be so sure his wine is not corked?”

Me: “The bottle had a screw cap.”

How You Know You’ve Been Working Too Long

, | London, UK | Top

(The customer is apparently employed at another branch of the same fast food chain.)

Customer: “I’d like a [burger] meal with lemonade, please.”

Me: “That’s one [burger] meal with lemonade?”

Customer: “Would you like to go large with that?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Oh! I mean, yes. Thank you.”

Some Allergies Can Be Swept Under The Table

, | Capitol Hill, Seattle, WA, USA | Uncategorized

(At closing time I mop the back lobby, the area farthest from the door and counter. This is so we don’t have to do it after we close and can leave faster. There are two customers, a mother and her teenage son, in the back lobby.)

Me: “Just to let you know, after I finish wiping all the unoccupied tables I’ll be sweeping and mopping the floor. If you’re still here by then, the floor will be a little slippery when you stand up. I just wanted to let you know to be careful.”

Customer: “I have asthma, and a lot of allergies. If you sweep back here while I’m here, I’ll have an asthma attack. Can’t you do it after you close?”

Me: *smiling* “I have to clean the area now, but I’ll start on the other side of the back lobby.”

(I finish sweeping the other section of the back lobby. I avoid the corner in which she and her son are sitting.)

Customer, to her son: “She didn’t even listen to me! I’m going outside!”

Me: “Ma’am, are you going to be all right? There’s a hospital right across the street. I’m sure they’d be able to help you if you’re having an asthma attack.”

Customer: “No! I’m going outside to smoke!”

Anything You Order I Order Better

, | Evans, GA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer #1: “I’d like a house salad with fried chicken. That’s with ranch dressing.”

Me: “Okay then.” *turns to customer 2* “And for you?”

Customer #2: “I want the exact same thing!”

Me: “Okay, two fried house salads.”

Customer #2: “Oh! I wanted mine with grilled chicken.”

Me: “Okay. So one grilled house and one fried house, both with ranch.”

Customer #2: “No. I want blue cheese dressing.”

Me: “Okay, so a fried house with ranch, and a grilled house with blue cheese. Is that all?”

Customer #2: “Yup!”

Me: “Alright, your total is going to be–”

Customer #2: “Oh! No cheese! I don’t like cheese.”

(I’ve already sent the order to the kitchen. I excuse myself to go let them know. I come back and take their money.)

Customer #2, to customer #1: “Isn’t it so much easier when we order the exact same thing?”