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    A Couple Of Weighty Requests

    | Payson, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

    (Because I was tied up with other tables, my manager kindly seated and provided drinks for an older couple in my section.)

    Me: “Hello, sorry for the wait. I see you already have menus and drinks, is there anything else I can get you?”

    Husband: “Well, [manager] suggested we try this beer and it’s fabulous! It has a funny name though, I can’t remember it.”

    (I notice the orange slice on the glass and identify the beer as a Hefeweizen.)

    Me: “That is a hefeweizen, sir. They are very tasty.”

    Husband: “No, that’s not it. It was something else.”

    Me: “Hefeweizens are commonly served with citrus, I’m sure that is a hefeweizen.”

    Husband: “No, it wasn’t that. It was something German. Hoffenschneider?”

    Wife: “No, it was something like hoffenweizer.”

    Husband: “That might be it!”

    Me: “It is German, it’s called a hefeweizen.”

    Husband: “No, you’re wrong. Go get your manager, she knows.”

    (Several minutes later I overhear my manager attempting to explain to the couple how to pronounce “Hefeweizen.” She eventually gives up and says, “Just say ‘Hef’.” I return to the couple shortly after my manager leaves.)

    Me: “Did [manager] clear up the confusion for you?”

    Husband: “Oh yes! It certainly is a strange name. We’d like two more heifers, please!”

    Udderly Ridiculous

    | VA, USA | Top

    (A young woman is ordering her breakfast.)

    Me: “Would you like eggs as well?”

    Customer: “No thanks, I’m trying to become a vegetarian and eggs come from cows.”

    (Please note she had already ordered bacon.)

    Smoke Your Veggies

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Top

    (I’m a waitress taking the order of a little girl and her mother.)

    Young Daughter: “I’ll get the mac’n’cheese. Extra cheesy!”

    Mother: “No, you certainly will not. It’s your third day eating mac n’ cheese, missy! You’re going to get chicken and broccoli.”

    Young Daughter: “But mommy! Eddie said that broccoli is bad for you!”

    Mother: “Your brother most certainly did not!”

    Young Daughter: “Yeah! The other day I saw him smoking his broccoli and when I asked if I could he looked at me and said that it’s very bad for little girls like me. His eyes were all red and everything!”

    Mother: “When was this?!”

    Young Daughter: “Yesterday! But his friend brought over more broccoli today. They’re weird.”

    Me: *feeling very awkward* “Ma’am, I can get the check for you if you’d like to leave?”

    Mother: “That’d be great. And could you box up an order of mac’n’cheese please? Oh, and some really good smelling stuff? I figure they’ll have the munchies and I want to torture them.”

    New Years Resolution: Get A Brain

    | Manistee, MI, USA | Uncategorized

    (Every year in December at our buffet, we give out Chinese wall scroll calendars for the upcoming year.)

    Me: “Would you like one of our calendars, sir?”

    Customer: “No thanks. I got one last year!”

    Me: “Well, the dates are different on this one.”

    Customer: “Really?!”

    A Grave Realization

    | Eureka, KS, USA | Uncategorized

    (After a fellow waitress had passed away, we had just returned from her funeral.)

    Customer: “Oh my gosh, we are so glad to see you here!”

    Me: “Why?”

    Customer: “We thought that it was you that had passed away!”

    Me: *after thinking for a minute* “I didn’t see you at my funeral!”

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