Featured:
May Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

Seven Of Nine

| Lafayette, IN, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

Me: “Welcome to [restaurant]. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Uh…how many pieces are in your nine piece bucket?”

Me: *jokingly* “Seven. I’m taking two out for you asking that question.”

Customer: “Seven? That’s a good deal!”

No Vocation For Location

, | Fargo, ND, USA | Food & Drink, Money, Uncategorized

Customer: “Can I have a [competitor’s burger] please?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t do that burger. The [competitor] is across the street.”

Customer: “But I have a coupon.”

Me: “That does not change the fact that we don’t serve that burger here.”

Customer: “Can you read, mister?”

Me: “Very well.”

Customer: “Well, I can, too! The coupon says available at all locations, smart-a**!

Related:
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 3
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 2
No Fortitude For Longitude
No Aptitude For Latitude

Unconcentrated Juice

| Springfield, MO, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

Me: “Welcome to [restaurant name]. My name is Julie and I’ll be talking care of you today. What may I get you to drink?"

Customer: “Where am I?!”

Customer’s Daughter: “She’ll have a vodka on the rocks…straight.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “Who are you?! Where’s my juice?!”

Me: “Um…” *looks at customer, then back at the daughter* “Are you sure?”

Customer’s Daughter: “Trust me, the vodka is the only thing that shuts her up.”

(I bring them the vodka.)

Customer: “Who are you!? My juice is funny!”

(3 vodkas later.)

Me: “How was your meal, ladies?”

Customer: “You smell nice. And you have good juice.”

Pause For (Lack Of) Thought

, | Waukesha, WI, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [Fast Food Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yea, I’m calling about the nuts you put in my son’s ice cream.”

Me: “Um, sir, we don’t sell ice cream here.”

Caller: “Yeah, you did. I came in last night.”

Me: “Sir, this is [Fast Food Restaurant]. We don’t serve ice cream here.”

Caller: “Yeah, you do. For 49 cents. And you put nuts in my son’s ice cream! I’d like to speak to your manager!”

Me: “You’re speaking to her.”

Caller: “Oh, and you said you don’t serve ice cream here?”

Me: “No sir, we don’t. I think you needed the number for [other restaurant] across the street.”

Caller: You own both the restaurants?

Me: “No sir, we don’t. We’re just us.”

Caller: *long pause* “So what kind of desserts do you sell there?”

Me: “Cinnamon Twists.”

Caller: “I hate those things. What else you got?”

Me: “Cinnamon Twists. That’s it.”

Caller: “I heard you say that! What else do you have?”

Me: “That’s it.”

Caller: *longer pause* “Well, can you concoct something for me if I came in?”

Me: “No, sir, we can’t do that.”

Caller: “Oh…”

Me: “Was there anything else you needed help with?”

Caller: “No. Just to clarify, you don’t sell ice cream?”

Me: “That’s right.”

Caller: *long pause* “You should probably hang up now.”

Seeing The Sun In A Whole New Light

| Tromsø, Norway | Uncategorized

(Our city is in Northern Norway, above the arctic circle. A tourist comes in.)

Tourist: “Sir, can you tell when the Midnight sun goes down?”

Me: “Well it actually doesn’t, that the point. It’s up all night.”

Tourist: “I see. Thanks.”

(She leaves with an expression telling me that she really doesn’t. The following day she comes back looking annoyed.)

Tourist: “You lied to me.”

Me: “I’m sorry madam I don’t understand?”

Tourist: “I was up all night, and there was no midnight sun. Just the normal one I can see all day!”

Page 182/251First...180181182183184...Last