Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
    (2,772 thumbs up)
  • Old MacDonald Had A Meal

    | Australia |

    (I’m a waitress at a restaurant, and an elderly man just ordered a steak.)

    Me: “How would you like your steak, sir?”

    Customer: “Alive.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Alive. I want it alive.”

    Me: “I’m not sure I get you sir – do you mean rare?”

    Customer: “No. Alive! When I poke my fork in, it will have to say ‘MOO!’”

    Me: “…I’m not sure we can arrange that for you, sir. It’s impossible.”

    Customer: “You’re saying it’s impossible for you to bring a cow in here?”

    Me: “That’s right, sir.”

    Customer: “OK, I’ll have mine well done then.”

    They Always Hunt In Packs

    , | Minnesota, USA |

    (I’m working at the fast food drive-thru with a particularly large group of cars in line.)

    Customer: “It sure got busy all at once.”

    Me: “Yeah, it happens like that.”

    Customer: “You know why that is, right?”

    Me: “No, tell me?”

    Customer: “We wait around the corner until we have a group of about ten cars, and then we swarm all at once!”

    (And from that day forward, everything made sense.)

    The Real Meaning Of Finger Food

    , | Bozeman, MT, USA |

    (I work at a restaurant that specializes in roast beef. A customer is standing at the end of the counter, staring at the meat slicer.)

    Customer: “Can I touch the beef?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “The beef. On the slicer. I want to touch it.”

    Me: “Uh, I can’t let you do that.”

    Customer: “But why?”

    Me: “Well, we can’t turn the slicer off during the lunch rush unless we’re putting a new roast on it.”

    Customer: “Oh, you don’t have to turn the slicer off, I just wanna touch the beef!”

    Me: “Well, I don’t want to serve anyone a sliced beef and finger sandwich today, so tough luck.”

    Love The Life Choice, Hate The Life

    | Hagerstown, MD, USA |

    (A woman called in to make a reservation.)

    Woman: “Hi, I’m a vegetarian, what can you do for me?”

    Host: “Well, I can check with the kitch–”

    Woman: *interrupting* “And I don’t wanna hear pasta, tofu or vegetables!”

    Host: “Well ma’am, what did you have in mind?”

    Woman: “I don’t know, but everywhere I call offers me that, and I don’t like any of it!”

    Now In Original & Extra Bandwidth Flavor

    | Austin, TX, USA |

    (I work at a sandwich place, where we have signs up promoting free Wi-Fi. A uninformed lady comes in to the store.)

    Lady: *looking the menu over and over* “How big is the serving of free Wi-Fi?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, can you say that again?”

    Lady: “The serving of Wi-Fi, how big is the free portion? Can I pay extra and get a bigger one to share with my husband, or can we get two cups for free?”

    Me: “The Wi-Fi is a signal for computers that can connect to the internet wirelessly…it isn’t something edible.”

    (She looks around for a long time, checks her phone and then walks out.)

    Page 180/230First...178179180181182...Last