November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Staff Efforts Are All In Vein

| NY, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m work with a server who faints around blood. A couple with their young son call the server over. The son has a bad nosebleed.)

Customer: “We need the table wiped.”

Server: “Certainly, sir.”

(The server goes to the kitchen, and I come out to clean up the blood.)

Customer: “Where’s our server!?”

Me: “She can’t handle blood, and asked me to help.”

(The customer begins to use a somewhat angry tone explaining about how he wanted his server to clean it up.)

Me: “She’ll pass out, sir.”

Customer: “You’re just trying to get out of making her do her job!”

(The server then comes out, takes one look at the blood on the table, and passes out on the spot.)

Customer: *shouting* “Now this is ridiculous! Doesn’t anybody want to do their job around here?”

An Abundance Of Nuttiness, Part 3

| Buffalo, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(At the register where I work, we try to push sales of cookies. We have only two kinds of cookies: walnuts and without walnuts.)

Customer: “I think I will take a chocolate chip cookie without walnuts. It should be cheaper since it has no nuts, right? Because it’s lighter, I feel I should get a discount.”

Me: “Actually, sir, the plain chocolate chip cookies are the same weight as the cookies with the walnuts. It’s because we add extra chocolate chips to balance it out.”

Customer: *pause* “Dang, you’re good at this.”

An Abundance Of Nuttiness, Part 2
An Abundance Of Nuttiness

No Omelettes Are Totally Waffle

| Kill Devil Hills, NC, USA | Top

Me: “And here’s your waffle, sir, with bacon on the side.”

Customer: “What? No, I didn’t order this. I ordered the bacon egg and cheese omelette.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I have it written down that you got a waffle with bacon. I will have to fix that.”

Customer’s wife: “No, you will not. He ordered the waffle. I heard him.”

Customer: “No, I didn’t. I specifically ordered the omelette. I know I did.”

Customer’s wife: “No, honey! We had the conversation on which one you were going to get. You told me you were going to get the omelette, and it surprised me when you didn’t.”

Customer: “Then why didn’t you say something?”

Customer’s wife: “Because you always ask my opinion, and say that’s what you’ll do. Then you change your mind! I just figured you were ignoring my opinion again!”

Customer: “Well, fine. I guess I’ll have to eat this.”

Me: “Are you sure? I can change it.?”

Customer: “Actually, would you?”

Customer’s wife: “No! You ordered it, you eat it.”

Customer, to me: “That’s what she says to the kids.”

Telling Porkies, Part 2

| Denver, CO, USA | Top

Customer: “Is the chicken caesar sandwich vegetarian?”

Me: “No, ma’am. It has chicken in it. But we can substitute tofu if you’d like.”

Customer: “I don’t want tofu. Don’t you have any vegetarian meat?”

Me: “Vegetarian means no meat, ma’am. Would you like a non-vegetarian option?”

Customer: “No, I’m a vegetarian. Your menu says you have vegetarian options.”

Me: “We do have vegetarian options. Anything can be made without meat.”

Customer: “Why don’t you have any vegetarian meat?”

Me: “Are you sure you’re a vegetarian, ma’am?”

Telling Porkies

Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought, Part 2

| Arlington, VA, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m packing a carry-out order for someone who ordered two of each item: one regular, one gluten-free.)

Me: “There’s your order. It’s all ready to go.”

Customer: “Which of the chickens is gluten free?”

Me: “The one on top. I put a little gluten-free sticker on it.”

Customer: “Oh. Which of the soups is gluten free?”

Me: “Well, I put the sticker on this one. But the soup actually has no gluten to begin with.”

Customer: “Oh. But I can eat the gluten. It’s my friend that can’t.”

Me: “I see. Well, neither of the soups has wheat products, so you’re fine.”

Customer: “Oh.” *seems to be waiting* “Shouldn’t you put the gluten back in mine?”

Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought