Kill The Bill, Double The Trouble

, | Ohio, USA |

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we cannot accept $50 bills. It’s against our security policy.”

Customer: “When the h*** did this happen?”

Me: “Two years ago, ma’am.”

Customer: “I was in here last week and paid with a $100 bill.”

Me: “Ma’am, our register wouldn’t allow us to enter $100 bills. Do you happen to have a credit card?”

Customer: “What’s your name! I want to speak with your manager!”

Manager: “What’s the problem?”

Customer: “Your staff is lying by telling me he cannot accept a $50 bill. I was in here last week and paid with a $100 bill!”

Manager: “I was on register all last week, ma’am, and I would have told you the same thing. It’s against our policy to accept bills $50 or larger.”

Customer: “FINE!” *rips the bill in half* “HOW ABOUT NOW?”

Related:
Sometimes, Even Yoda Isn’t Enough

When Stupidity Hits The Pint Of No Return

| New York, NY, USA |

Customer: “I see you changed your sizes?”

Me: “Yeah, we had to change it from pint and quart because too many people were asking which was bigger. Now we’ve got large and small.”

Customer: “They can’t tell by the price?”

Me: “Maybe they aren’t stressing it in schools anymore.”

(A second customer walks in and looks at a menu for a second.)

Customer: “But that is sad, kids don’t know which is bigger.”

Customer #2: “What’s bigger?”

Me: “Pint or a quart.”

Customer #2: “That’s pathetic.”

(A few moments of silence pass.)

Customer #2: “So, which is bigger, the large or the small?”

Doesn’t Know Their A(merican)B(orn)C(hinese)’s

| Greenville, SC, USA |

Me: “Thank you for calling [Chinese restaurant], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like an order for delivery.”

Me: “Okay, if you’ll just give me your-”

Customer: *cutting me off* “Is this a real Chinese restaurant?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “I’ve just never heard any one talk like you at a Chinese restaurant. I’m just making sure Americans aren’t cooking my Chinese food!”

How About Some Dessert Instead

| Ireland |

(I have a table of four foreign business-men. One of them looks very sad.)

Sad customer: “And also, you bring me tea because this country is very cold and I am sick.”

Me: “I’m sorry you’re not well. Of course I’ll bring you some tea.”

Sad customer: “…and then you marry me, because no-one will marry me.”

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

Extra Crime Rib

| Grants Pass, OR, USA |

Customer: “I ordered a large prime rib last time I was here and it was awful! I want a new one.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am I will be happy to remake it for you. We’ll have it ready for you in a few minutes.”

(I make a sandwich while the woman strolls over to the chips, hides a bag in her jacket and takes it to her truck. She comes inside with a water bottle, fills it up with soda and takes a seat.)

Me: “Ma’am, your sandwich is ready. So you had a large prime rib and a bag of chips.”

Customer: “I didn’t have chips!”

Me: “Yes ma’am, you took a bag of chips to your truck. We have it on camera.”

Customer: “Okay, maybe I got chips.”

Me: “And I have to charge you for a medium drink.”

Customer: “I didn’t get a drink!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. You filled up your water bottle with soda.”

Customer: “But it’s my water bottle!”

Me: “Yes, but you filled it with our soda. We have you on camera.”

Customer: “Okay, maybe I did that. But my sandwich is still free, right?”

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