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    Eternal Persistence Is The Price Of Coffee Or Tea

    | New York, NY, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, can I get some coffee?”

    Me: “Sure, decaf or regular?”

    Customer: ¬†”Oh! Sugar too, please!”

    Me: “Not a problem. Decaf or regular?”

    Customer: “None of that sweet and low stuff. Real sugar!”

    Me: “Yes, sir. Decaf or regular?”

    Customer: “Oh, and milk, too!”

    Me: “Absolutely. Decaf or regular?”

    Customer: “But not skim, or whole, or 2%. You got any half and half?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Customer: “Good!”

    Me: “Right. Coffee with sugar and half and half. Do you want decaf or regular?”

    Customer: “Make sure there’s not too much milk. Gotta be a bit strong.”

    Me: “Right. Decaf or regular?”

    Customer: “Oh, and lots of sugar! I like it sweet… but not too much milk!”

    Me: “Decaf or regular?”

    Customer: “Oh, bring out some extra sugar, would you? Just in case.”

    Me: *gives up* “Okay, one decaf coffee, half and half, extra sugar?”

    Customer: “No, REGULAR! Geez, I swear… people just don’t pay attention anymore!”

    Don’t Burn Your Bridges Or We’ll Burn Your Pizza

    , | Columbus, OH, USA |

    Me: “Welcome to [pizza place], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I have a pickup for Smith.”

    Me: “That name doesn’t show up in our system… what phone number did you place it under?”

    Customer: *gives phone number*

    Me: “That’s the number for our competitor.”

    Customer: “Yes, I know… but the last time I went there, the service was so bad I told them I would never come back, and I don’t want them to know I’m ordering again. So, I thought maybe you guys could go pick it up for me?”

    By Jove, I Think He’s Figured It Out

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA |

    Me: “Hey there, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like to know the 9 types of lemonade you have.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, we only have ONE kind of lemonade and we’re out of it.”

    Customer: “Okay, but what are your 9 different types?”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t think you understand. We only have one kind of lemonade and we’re currently out of it.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (The customer walks away, only to come back five minutes later.)

    Customer: “If I ask you the same question from earlier, you’re still going to give me the same answer, aren’t you?”

    Me: “Yes…”

    I Came, I Complained, I Became An Employee

    | Houston, TX, USA |

    Customer: “I’d like a table for two, please.”

    Me:” For two? Alright, it should only be about a minute. We have some tables being cleaned right now.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.”

    (Thirty seconds later…)

    Customer: “Oh my God! what is taking so long?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, our busser is still cleaning the table. He should be done in a couple of minutes.”

    Customer: “Ugh! Well, this is just taking forever. Y’know, at my house, it wouldn’t take me this long to clean up my table!”

    Me: “Umm… want a job?”

    Customer: “What?! Oh…that was good.” *smiles*

    (After that, she calmly waited for the table to be cleaned.)

    If A Tree Falls In A Forest…

    | Melbourne, Australia |

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant] how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like to book a table for three for tonight.”

    Me: “No problem, we have one available, what time would you like to come in?”

    Customer: “Around 1 am.”

    Me: “Um, sir, we close at 11 pm.”

    Customer: “But I want a table at 1 am. You should stay open and wait for us.”

    Me: “Are you joking?”

    Customer: “No, I am not joking. If you wont give me a table at, 1 am I won’t come and eat at your restaurant!”

    Me: “Well, you can come here at 1 am, but no one will be here.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m going to come down there at 1 am and knock until you open the door!”

    Me: “Okay… see you then, sir…”

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