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    A Sticky Proposition

    | Amsterdam, Holland |

    Me: “Would you like mayonnaise on your croquette?”

    Customer: “Yes, please… but not on the croquette itself. Do you have a cup or something?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh, well… just put it in my hand, then.”

    Me: “… Mayonnaise?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: ‘… in your hand?”

    Customer: “Yes, yes!”

    Me: “Are you sure?”

    Customer: Yes!”

    Me: *fills the customer’s hand with mayonnaise*

    Customer: “Thank you!” *smiles and leaves*

    Me, to my manager: “I need a break.”

    Right Next To The Special Chinese Gefeltifish

    | Omaha, NE, USA |

    Customer: “Miss, I need some ranch for my crab rangoon.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, Ma’am, we don’t serve ranch here.”

    Customer: “What kind of g**d**ned Chinese restaurant doesn’t have ranch? What? You don’t have barbeque sauce either?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, we don’t. I’m very sorry. I could walk down to the pizza place next door and get you a container of ranch.”

    Customer: “NO! I WANT YOUR SPECIAL CHINESE RANCH!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we do not serve ‘special Chinese ranch.’ I’m very sorry, but like I said, I ca–”

    Customer: “WHATEVER, YOU G**D**NED C**T!” *storms out*

    All Signs Point To No

    , | Oregon, USA |

    (A customer pulls up and parks in a handicapped spot in front of the store.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’ll take a fresh squeezed orange juice.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry sir, we just cleaned our juicer and the chemical that we use had to dry or else it’s toxic. We won’t be able to squeeze any juice until tomorrow.”

    Customer: “What the f***? This is the second time this has happened.”

    Me: “Well, we clean it a half hour before we close–”

    Customer: “You should put up a sign!”

    Me: “Oh, um. Well, I’ll mention that to my manager–”

    Customer: “PUT UP A SIGN!”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t have the authority to do that, but I’ll–”

    Customer: “JUST PUT UP A SIGN!”

    Me: “Oh, and you’re parked in a handicapped zone.”

    Customer: “THEY SHOULD–”

    Me: “Yes, they have a sign up, sir.”

    Gotta Love Them Regulars

    , | Cottage Grove, MN, USA |

    (This very friendly woman come in 3-4 days a week, and I am usually the one who winds up taking her money at the window.)

    Me: ¬†”Hi, it’ll be two dollars.”

    Customer: ¬†”Oh, you got your braces off! They look so nice!”

    Me: ¬†”Oh… thank you!”

    Customer: ¬†”And you got your hair cut!”

    Me: ¬†”Yes, I did!”

    Customer: ¬†”… I come here a little too often, don’t I?”

    Related:
    Why (Good) Regulars Really Rock

    Toasted

    | Ryebrook, NY, USA |

    (Within a few minutes of a family of four sitting down, the fire alarm went off at our restaurant.)

    Me: “Hello folks, sorry for the terrible inconvenience. I’m sure everything will be cleared up here very soon.”

    Customer: “Is this a joke?”

    Me: “I assure you this isn’t a joke, unless you find it funny!” *laughs*

    Customer: *deafening silence*

    Me: “… but I also assure that there is no fire.”

    Customer: “I’d like to speak with a manager, please.”

    Me: “Sorry, but my manager is very busy at the moment dealing with the fire department. The drinks are on the house. If you could just sit tight, we’ll be with you shortly.”

    Customer: “You know it’s my son’s birthday, right?”

    Me, to son: “Oh! Happy birthday buddy!”

    (I jokingly slide the beer towards the son, which sets the customer off even more.)

    Customer: “Get a manager over here, right now!”

    (My manager tells me that there is a problem with the ovens that the fire department has to figure out, and that we have to evacuate the building.)

    Me: “I’m sorry to inform you that the grills have been turned off and–”

    Customer: “How can we order our food then?”

    Me: “Well… yeah, that’s the thing. We have to get everyone out of the building.”

    Customer: “Excuse me? We don’t get to eat? It’s my son’s birthday. Is there anything you can do? We are very unhappy with this!”

    Me: “Well, the fire department has ordered the evacuation, so I also have to leave the building.”

    Customer: “It is my son’s birthday. He is turning 13. How often do people turn 13? Once! You have ruined my son’s only 13th birthday!”

    Me: “Sorry buddy, I hope you get everything you want for your birthday!”

    Customer’s son: “This was my birthday present and you ruined it!”

    Customer: “What did you do on your 13th birthday?!”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “NOTHING! BECAUSE YOU RUINED MY SON’S BIRTHDAY!”

    Me: “My 13th birthday was 8 years ago exactly.”

    Customer: *confused*

    Me: “How many times to you turn 21? Is this how you spent YOUR 21st birthday? GET OUT BEFORE I SET YOU ON FIRE!”

    (It’s was a bitter-sweet birthday present: Leaving work 5 hours early, but with no money.)

    Related:
    Smoked
    Burned


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