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    Customer Of The Week: The Epicure

    | Lithia Springs, GA, USA | Old Comics

    Customer Of The Week: The Epicure
    Created by our friends at Quitting Time

    Original Story

    So That’s The Difference…

    | Lithia Springs, GA, USA |

    Me: “Ma’am, are you ready to order?”

    Customer: “Yes…how many pieces come in the grilled chicken meal?”

    Me: “It comes with one, but we can put on a second for $2 extra, no problem at all.” ¬†

    Customer: “Okay, do that, then.” ¬†

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. That comes with two sides, what would you like?”

    Customer: “Just give me a double order of the steamed veggies, please. I’m a vegetarian.”

    Me: ¬†*surprised* ¬†”All right, well, are you sure you want the chicken, then? It’s made of actual meat….”

    Customer: *angrily* “I said I’m VEGETARIAN, not a damn VEGAN!”

    Me: “…yes, ma’am, my apologies.”

    (I then retreat to the back to enter in her order. As I do so, the manager walks up.)

    Manager: “You look annoyed; something wrong?”

    Me: “Just wishing we served alcohol…I could use a shot.”

    Man Cannot Live By Water Alone

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. ¬†Can I get you anything to drink?”

    Customer: “Yes, please. I would like a glass of water.”

    Me: “Coming right up.”

    Me: delivering the water* “There you are, ma’am. Have you decided what you want to order?”

    Customer: *downing the water* “Wow, this water is great. Do you happen to have any more, sweetie?”

    Me: “Er…yeah we do. Do you want another glass?”

    Customer: “I would appreciate it.”

    (I go to get her another glass of water, and as soon as I come back, she begins to speak up about the menu.)

    Customer: “Oh Lord! Don’t you have any vegetarian stuff here?”

    Me: “I’m sorry miss, but this is a bar and grill. We have salads, but they all come with chicken or beef.”

    Customer: “That’s inhumane! Don’t you know what you’re doing to the animals?”

    Me: “I think you should go to a vegan restaurant. What did you expect from a bar and grill?”

    Customer: “Don’t give me your sass! I just want some non-animal food! Don’t you have any of that?”

    Me: “Well..we have grilled cheese, and–”

    Customer: *cutting me off* “WHAT?! CHEESE COMES FROM MILK, WHICH COMES FROM COWS! I’M NOT EATING THAT!”

    Me: “I’m sorry then, ma’am, there’s really nothing for you here. Please quiet down; you’re disturbing the other customers.”

    Customer #2: *from across the room* “Listen to what he tells you, you stupid b****!”

    Customer: “Goodness! You god**** animal murderers deserve to go to hell! *pause* “Er, sonny, may I get another glass of that water?”

    Me: “OUT!”

    Customer #2: *from across the room* “Mmm… murder.”

    It Will Return Soon Enough

    , | Buffalo, NY, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I ordered some food and I need a refund.”

    Me: “Of course – can you please explain what the matter with your food was?”

    Customer: “Well, I drove it home and put it on the counter. My husband asked me to help him rake up some leaves. When I got back in, the dog had gotten up on the counter and eaten everything.”

    Me: “You want me to replace the food your dog ate?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “…”

    That’s A Talented Cow

    , | Elmira, NY, USA |

    Me: “What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a turkey sub. No. Ham. I’ll have a ham and cheese sub.”

    Me: “What kind of cheese would you like?”

    Customer: “Bologna.”


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