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    When In Rome (Or An Indian Restaurant)…

    | Southampton, UK |

    Me: “Did you enjoy your meal?”

    Customer: “No, the madras was hot.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry it wasn’t to your liking, but madras is a hot dish.”

    Customer: “No, no it’s not. Madras is a mild dish. It’s mild.”

    Me: “Okay, but if I check with the chef, he’ll tell me we serve it as a hot dish.”

    Customer: “What would he know? He’s Indian! What would he know about curry?”

    Related:
    When In Rome (Or A Kosher Deli)

    Always Right, Especially When It’s Mom

    , | Buffalo, NY, USA |

    Coworker: “Guys! There’s a car pulled in backwards in the drive-thru. They’re backwards!”

    Backwards customer: “Hi, I just want a fish sandwich and a chocolate milk shake.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry. We don’t have those items. Is there something else I can get you?”

    Backwards customer: “No, I just want a fish sandwich and a chocolate milk shake!”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, do you realize you’re at [Mexican fast food restaurant]? Would you like a taco?”

    Backwards customer: “Okay, okay, we’re kidding! Alice, this is your mom and Aunt Marie!”

    (I happen to be Alice. Family are the worst customers!)

    A Number 666 With A Side Of Brimstone

    , | Newfoundland, Canada |

    (After serving them their fast food, a woman with a family of six runs up to the counter, furious.)

    Customer: “You! You stacked our food wrong! Now my kids are crying!”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “Come look!”

    (She brings me down to their table, where their three pre-teens are crying their eyes out and her husband looks incredibly frustrated.)

    Customer: “Look!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t see anything wrong with your food–”

    Customer: “[Child #1] is supposed to eat first, but his food is on the bottom! We won’t be able to get it without moving the other things!”

    Me: “I don’t think I understand.”

    Customer: “He’s the first person on the left! He has to eat first, or Satan will claim his soul!”

    Me: “Uh…”

    (I decide to ask counter-clockwise around the table what everyone ordered, and hand them their food out off the pile.)

    Customer:, “Oh, thank you! You will serve as a warrior of God someday!”

    Me: “…right.”

    (That family still shows up once a month or so, and suffice to say, I always run out to see what order they’re sitting in before I serve their food.)

    Finally, Mayonnaise That Burns Calories

    , | Rincon, GA, USA |

    (A lady comes into our sandwich shop and orders a sub. Everything is normal until…)

    Customer: “Could I get mayonnaise?”

    Me: “Sure”.

    (I put the mayonnaise on the sandwich.)

    Customer: *orgasm noise* “Mooooore.”

    Me: “Okay…”

    Customer: *orgasm noise* “More mayonnaise!”

    (I honestly think a little bit of my spirit died that day.)

    Abandon All Hope, All Ye In Dante’s Diner

    | Sydney, Australia | Top

    (We provide a complimentary bowl of prawn crackers at our restaurant. When I go to take a customers order, I notice he has eaten the entire bowl.)

    Customer: “You know, I’m allergic to MSG. I’ll die immediately if I even eat one milligram.”

    Me: “Those prawn crackers you just ate have MSG in them.”

    Customer: “Oh my God, I’m going to die!”

    (Two hours later, when the bill comes around…)

    Customer: “I don’t think I should pay for the meal. I’m going to die anyway.”

    Me: “Um… yes that will happen eventually, but it’s been two hours and you’re still kicking.”

    Customer: “Maybe I’ve died and we’re all in purgatory? In that case, technically, I haven’t eaten anything.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to pay for your meal.”

    Customer: “Purgatory waitresses aren’t very compassionate, are they?”

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