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    Not The Brightest Idea

    | Iowa, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Can you turn this light off?” *points to the light hanging over the table*

    Me: “I’m sorry, but all the lights are connected. I can take the bulb out, but I would need to get a towel because it’s hot.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (I return under a minute later with a towel to see the light off.)

    Customer: “I took care of it.”

    (After clearing the table, I see she broke the bulb and put the glass pieces in her salad.)

    No Pancakes? How Waffle!

    | Springfield, MO, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi, thanks for choosing [name of restaurant]. What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “You guys serve breakfast all day?”

    Me: “Yes sir.”

    Customer: “Do you serve pancakes?”

    Me: “No, sir. Just waffles.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t like waffles. Can you just make this one exception?”

    Me: “Well, sir I can’t go against code and grill you up a regular pancake but I’ll tell you what: I can make you a pancake with these awesome little holes used to trap syrup on top so it cant escape off the side.”

    Customer: “Really!? You would do that for me? I’ll take two!”

    Tooth Isn’t The Only Thing Chipped

    | Lethbridge, AB, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hi, I was in a few days ago, and something I ate chipped my tooth. I called and your boss said you would reimburse me.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, it’s not our policy to offer cash reimbursement without the manager present. However, if you leave your information I will pass it along to the owners and we’ll see what we can do.”

    Customer: “Oh.” *stands there staring at me for a minute*

    Me: “Is there something else I could help you with?”

    Customer: “Are you going to give me the money?”

    Me: “No, sorry, like I said, that’s not within our policy.”

    Customer: “Oh, ok.”

    (I leave to refill another customers beverage. The customer robs my float container from the drawer through some sneaky maneuvering.)

    Me: *catching the customer at the door* “I’m going to need to take that back from you.”

    Customer: *reluctantly hands the float container back to me, looking forlorn* “But….but….it’s for ME!”

    I Scream Fraud

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, welcome to [ice cream department]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: *sounding angry* “I just purchased some of your ice cream for my son and now he’s broken out in hives! He has an allergy and all your ingredients should be clearly labelled!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. It does say that our ice cream is both peanut and gluten free, and our ingredients are available upon request, as they vary, depending on the type of ice cream someone orders.”

    Customer: “Well you didn’t tell me that before! And now my son has broken out in hives! This is all your fault!”

    Me:”May I ask what your son is allergic to?”

    Customer: “Sucrose. I don’t see why this matters.”

    Me: *raises eyebrow* “Our ice cream doesn’t contain sucrose.”

    (At this point, said customer’s young son walks in, looking perfectly fine and eating his ice cream.)

    Customer: *surprised* “I told you to wait outside!” *in a lower voice* “…and out of sight!”

    Takeout The Decision Making Process

    | Melbourne, Australia | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    (I’m a new waiter and I’m alone during an afternoon shift when a customer calls.)

    Customer: “I’m [name]. I’d like to order my usual for takeaway.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m new. Could you tell me what you would like to order?”

    Customer: “My usual.”

    Me: “I don’t know what that is, sir.”

    Customer: “Just tell the kitchen that it’s for [name]. They’ll know what it is.”

    Me: “Okay, but just in case they don’t know, could you tell me what your usual is?”

    Customer: “Oh, they’ll know, I’m a regular.”

    (He hangs up. Fifteen minutes later a man turns up in the restaurant.)

    Customer: “I’m [name]. I ordered my usual over the phone.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, the kitchen staff don’t know what your usual is so they weren’t able to make it.”

    Customer: “But I’m a regular! They know who I am.”

    Me: “They don’t. They cook whatever we tell them to cook. They never interact with the customers. If you would like to tell me what your usual is I could place your order.”

    Customer: “Never mind.”

    (Customer leaves. Later, I tell the manager what happened. The manager laughs and says that that particular customer always orders his usual which is whatever dish the staff member chooses for him.)

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