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    Clucks Can Be Deceiving

    | Ohio, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I just ordered sweet and sour chicken from your establishment, and one of my pieces of chicken is shaped like a fish.”

    Me: “Well, the chicken is in all different shapes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “So it’s not fish? It’s still chicken?”

    Me: “Uh, yes.”

    Customer: “Oh, OK!”

    A Snake Eating Its Own Tail

    , | Essex, VT, USA |

    (It’s late at night and only one manager, another employee, and I are working. I’m manning the drive-thru when a car pulls up.)

    Customer: *over speaker* “I just came through the drive-thru, and I got a fish sandwich.”

    Me: “Okay, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “There was a bite in my sandwich!”

    Me: “I’m sorry? Please drive around and I’ll see what I can do.”

    Customer: *at window* “What you can do, young lady, is get me a new sandwich.”

    Me: “Um, sir, nobody here would have taken a bite of your sandwich. Are you sure it didn’t just break off?”

    Customer: “NO! Give me a new sandwich! I just tasted this sandwich and it tasted terrible.”

    Me: “Wait – you bit the sandwich after you found a bite?”

    Customer: “No, you idiot! I bit the sandwich, and I need another one!”

    Me: “…”

    Old MacDonald Had A Meal

    | Australia |

    (I’m a waitress at a restaurant, and an elderly man just ordered a steak.)

    Me: “How would you like your steak, sir?”

    Customer: “Alive.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Alive. I want it alive.”

    Me: “I’m not sure I get you sir – do you mean rare?”

    Customer: “No. Alive! When I poke my fork in, it will have to say ‘MOO!’”

    Me: “…I’m not sure we can arrange that for you, sir. It’s impossible.”

    Customer: “You’re saying it’s impossible for you to bring a cow in here?”

    Me: “That’s right, sir.”

    Customer: “OK, I’ll have mine well done then.”

    They Always Hunt In Packs

    , | Minnesota, USA |

    (I’m working at the fast food drive-thru with a particularly large group of cars in line.)

    Customer: “It sure got busy all at once.”

    Me: “Yeah, it happens like that.”

    Customer: “You know why that is, right?”

    Me: “No, tell me?”

    Customer: “We wait around the corner until we have a group of about ten cars, and then we swarm all at once!”

    (And from that day forward, everything made sense.)

    The Real Meaning Of Finger Food

    , | Bozeman, MT, USA |

    (I work at a restaurant that specializes in roast beef. A customer is standing at the end of the counter, staring at the meat slicer.)

    Customer: “Can I touch the beef?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “The beef. On the slicer. I want to touch it.”

    Me: “Uh, I can’t let you do that.”

    Customer: “But why?”

    Me: “Well, we can’t turn the slicer off during the lunch rush unless we’re putting a new roast on it.”

    Customer: “Oh, you don’t have to turn the slicer off, I just wanna touch the beef!”

    Me: “Well, I don’t want to serve anyone a sliced beef and finger sandwich today, so tough luck.”

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