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    Doesn’t Know Their A(merican)B(orn)C(hinese)’s

    | Greenville, SC, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Chinese restaurant], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like an order for delivery.”

    Me: “Okay, if you’ll just give me your-”

    Customer: *cutting me off* “Is this a real Chinese restaurant?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I’ve just never heard any one talk like you at a Chinese restaurant. I’m just making sure Americans aren’t cooking my Chinese food!”

    How About Some Dessert Instead

    | Ireland |

    (I have a table of four foreign business-men. One of them looks very sad.)

    Sad customer: “And also, you bring me tea because this country is very cold and I am sick.”

    Me: “I’m sorry you’re not well. Of course I’ll bring you some tea.”

    Sad customer: “…and then you marry me, because no-one will marry me.”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Extra Crime Rib

    | Grants Pass, OR, USA |

    Customer: “I ordered a large prime rib last time I was here and it was awful! I want a new one.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am I will be happy to remake it for you. We’ll have it ready for you in a few minutes.”

    (I make a sandwich while the woman strolls over to the chips, hides a bag in her jacket and takes it to her truck. She comes inside with a water bottle, fills it up with soda and takes a seat.)

    Me: “Ma’am, your sandwich is ready. So you had a large prime rib and a bag of chips.”

    Customer: “I didn’t have chips!”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, you took a bag of chips to your truck. We have it on camera.”

    Customer: “Okay, maybe I got chips.”

    Me: “And I have to charge you for a medium drink.”

    Customer: “I didn’t get a drink!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. You filled up your water bottle with soda.”

    Customer: “But it’s my water bottle!”

    Me: “Yes, but you filled it with our soda. We have you on camera.”

    Customer: “Okay, maybe I did that. But my sandwich is still free, right?”

    Bawk-Bawk-Moooooo

    | Georgia, USA |

    Customer: “I was reading your menu. What is a smoked half-chicken?”

    Me: “It’s half of a chicken that has been smoked over pecan wood.”

    Customer: “What kind of chicken?”

    Me: “Do you mean flavor? We don’t put any sauce on it…it’s served plain.”

    Customer: “No…I mean what kind of chicken?”

    Me: “Well, they just cut a whole chicken in half so you get the white and dark meat.”

    Customer: “No! I mean, is it like from a cow or what?!”

    Life Mangoes On

    , | Bloomington, MN, USA |

    Customer: “I want a shake.”

    Me: “What kind would you like?”

    Customer: “A milkshake.”

    Me: “Okay, sir. What flavor would you like?”

    Customer: “Whatever kind you have.”

    Me: “We have, vanilla, chocolate, banana, strawberry, peach and fudge. Which one would you like?”

    Customer: “Mango.”

    Me: “We don’t have mango sir, would you like the peach?”

    Customer: “No! I want a mango milkshake. Why does nobody ever understand?” *walks away*

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