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    Diaper Baby Buffet Dumpers

    | Vancouver, Canada | Family & Kids

    (I’m a customer coming back from the buffet line with food and notice another customer changing her baby’s diaper, right in the middle of the seating area.)

    Me: “Madam? You can’t do that here.”

    Customer: “This won’t be too long!”

    Me: “That’s a table–you can’t change your baby there!”

    Customer: “Yes, I can! I just need to be quick! You can just clean this!”

    Me: “I happen to be a health inspector and–”

    Customer: “S***!” *runs away with the baby, leaving the dirty diaper on the table*

    Me: “–that was my table right there.”

    Bus boy: “Let me move you to a new table…”

    Shooting Yourself In The Foot After Getting It In The Door

    | Talent, OR, USA |

    (A woman with a resume approaches our hostess at 6 pm on a very busy Friday night.)

    Woman: “I’d like to speak to a manager, please.”

    Hostess: “They’re all busy right now, but I can take your resume and pass it along.”

    Woman: “No. I want to speak with a manager now.”

    Hostess: “Well, like I said, they’re all unavailable right now, but I can pass along–”

    Woman: “No. I want a manager now. I want them to put a face to the name on the resume. I want to be professional!”

    Hostess: “I’m sorry, but you’ve walked in at the beginning of the dinner rush. Perhaps you should try coming back during the slow times, usually 3-5 pm?”

    Woman: “No. I am here now, and I will speak with a manager now! You
    are being unprofessional!”

    Hostess: “I’m sorry ma’am, I really can’t ask them to conduct an interview when they are backed up with orders.”

    Woman: “Fine! This is a waste of my time!”

    (The woman rips her resume in two, drops it on the floor, and storms out the front door. Suffice to say, she wasn’t professional enough for the job.)

    The Great Melting Plot

    | New York, USA |

    Customer: “Miss! Miss! You need to see this!”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

    (The customer takes a coffee creamer, opens it, and pours it onto a plate.)

    Customer: “It’s melted! It’s all like this!” *points to pile of empty creamers*

    Me: “Ma’am, those are creamers. The butter is in the other dish.”

    Customer: “Well, those ones had better not be melted, too!”

    Happy PTLBOTT Day!

    | Pigeon Forge, TN, USA |

    (I work at a restaurant outside a national park. Our busiest season is the fall, when the leaves change.)

    Me: “[Restaurant], how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, are you outside?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m in an office. Is there anything I can do for you?”

    Caller: “Well, do you know when the leaves change out there?”

    Me: “Yes, they’re changing now. They’re very beautiful.”

    Caller: “What?! We missed it!”

    Me: “No, ma’am, the leaves aren’t done changing.”

    Caller: “Well, we live in New York and won’t be able to make it there today. What day do they change back?”

    Me: “Um…they don’t change back. They fall, like the season.”

    Caller: “Well, when do you put them back on the tree?”

    Me: *gives up* “Er…’Put The Leaves Back On The Trees’ day?”

    Caller: “Oh, thank you!”

    Kookie Cookie Karma

    | New York, USA | Top

    Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes. What are these?”

    Me: “That is a fortune cookie, ma’am.”

    Customer: “It doesn’t look like a cookie. Where are the chocolate chips?”

    Me: “Ma’am, these are a different kind of cookie. You open them up and they tell your fortune on a piece of paper.”

    Customer: “What kind of cookies have paper in them!?”

    Me: “Fortune cookies, ma’am.”

    Customer: “This is an outrage! Cookies are meant to be eaten, and paper isn’t EATABLE!”

    Me: “Please, ma’am, the paper is–”

    Customer: “Shut up! I’m leaving.”

    (The customer begins to storm out but in her anger misses the door and walks right into the wall. When she finally stumbles out, I open up the fortune cookie and read its message: “Do not worry. You will get what is coming to you in life.”)

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