November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Don’t Bow Down To Your Desires

| Little Rock, AR, USA | Uncategorized

(A coworker of mine brings in a pin to put on my shirt that says, “Talk dirty to me”. The boss is okay with it, and we have a lot of cool regulars that come in.)

Me: “I love your bow-tie! You never see anyone wear them nowadays!”

Customer: *noticing my pin* “You wanna touch it?”

Me: *nervous laughter*

Lights Aren’t The Only Thing A Bit Dim, Part 2

| Illinois, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Your lights are so dim. Can you please turn them up?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, there are only two settings, on and off.

Customer: “Well, turn them on, then!”

Me: “They are on.”

Customer: “Liar!”

Lights Aren’t The Only Thing A Bit Dim

Working Drive-Thru Is A Scream

, | Bristow, VA, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m working the drive-thru window.)

Me: “Hi, you had a number two with a coke. That’ll be $6.45.”

Customer: “Okay, sure.”

(She rummages in her wallet.)

Me: “Thanks.”

(I gather her change.)

Customer: *screaming in my face* “I’m paying! I’m paying!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I know you’re paying. I’m just getting your change. They’re bagging your order right now.”

Customer: “Okay, great.”

(There is a pause while I check her order. Suddenly, I hear her screaming.)

Me: *very concerned* “Ma’am? What’s wrong?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “You screamed.”

Customer: “No, I didn’t.”

Me: “You definitely did. The whole drive-thru staff heard you.”

Customer: “You’re mistaken.”

Me: “Okay then. Here’s your food. Number two with a soda. Can I get you any condiments?”

Customer: *screaming in my face* “I’m eating! I’m eating!”

Me: “So, no condiments?”

Customer: *bellowing* “Goodbye! GOODBYE!”

Lost In No Translation, Part 2

, | Newport Beach, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “What can I get you, sir?”

Customer: “WHAT?!”

Me: “What can I get you, sir?”

Customer: “Ham and swiss on rye.”

Me: “What would you like for your side?”

Customer: “WHAT?!”

Me: “What. Would. You. Like. For. Your. Side?”

Customer: “Are you speaking French?”

Lost In No Translation

Let There Be Light(ers)

| Houston, TX, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you have any tables available outside?”

(They look straight ahead to the patio and cut me off before I can say a word.)

Customer: “Oh, never mind. The sun is shining in the direction of the patio.”

Me: “We have a second patio on the other side of the restaurant.”

(I am about to lead them there when the customer realizes there is a non-smoking sign.)

Customer: “Oh, never mind. I need to be able to smoke. I guess we’ll take the patio with the sunlight shining.”

(I am taking them out to their table when the customer’s wife turns and smiles to me.)

Customer’s wife: “We just don’t want to get cancer from the sun.”