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    The Wisdom To Know The Difference

    , | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Top

    (I’m with my wife at a well known fast food place, and they employ a young man with special needs who we both know and are very friendly with. An angry customer accosts him at the register.)

    Customer: “S***, they’re taking so f***ing long with my food!”

    Employee: “Just a sec, sir…”

    Customer: “You’d better!”

    (Not three minutes later, the employee comes with the customer’s food.)

    Employee: “Here you go, sir.”

    Customer: “Where’s the f***ing ranch?”

    Employee: “Right away, sir!”

    Customer: “No, forget it! You’ll probably slobber all over it!”

    Wife: “Excuse me, sir, but this young man is doing his job. He’s not doing anything to hurt you, so how about you shut the f*** up!”

    Customer: “F*** you, fat a**!”

    Employee: “She’s a nice lady! There’s a baby inside her, and she’s not fat!”

    Customer: “F*** you!” *storms out, upsetting some chairs*

    Wife, to the employee: “People are so mean to you, honey. I’m so sorry, I can’t believe he said that to you, that a**hole!”

    Employee: *grinning* “Don’t worry about it, Jesus and my mama still love me!” *walks away, the happiest man on earth*

    Neither Conspiracy Nor Coincidence Nor Concept Of Time

    | Texas, USA |

    Me: “[Restaurant], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, what time do you stop serving breakfast?”

    Me: “10:30.”

    Customer: “Okay, and what time does lunch start?”

    Me: “10:30.”

    Customer: “Well, that works out nicely, doesn’t it?”

    Thinking Outside The Box

    | Hahira, GA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [restaurant]. Can I help you?”

    Caller: “I just picked up an order from you and it is completely wrong. It should not be so difficult to get an order right.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry. What was the name on your ticket and I’ll see if I can fix this for you.”

    (I pull the customer’s ticket and read the order to her.)

    Me: “Is that what you ordered?”

    Caller: “Yes, but I didn’t get it and my husband said he is very upset as well!”

    Me: “What did you get ma’am?”

    Caller: “Well there’s a large container of soup in here that I did not order and I haven’t even opened the Styrofoam boxes but I’m sure they’re wrong!”

    Me: “Could you open the boxes and check for me?”

    Caller: “Your d*** restaurant screwed up! There is no reason for me to open the boxes!”

    Me: “I’m just trying to find out what happened to your order.”

    Caller: “Fine!” *checks boxes* “Well the food in the boxes is right but I did not order any soup!”

    Me: “Don’t worry. The soup was placed in your bag by mistake. You weren’t charged for it.”

    Caller: “I’m still not happy about all this. I want to speak to a manager!”

    (My manager took the phone, and listened to the woman’s story.)

    Manager: “Just so I’m clear here ma’am, you’re angry because
    you got free soup?”

    Caller: *click*

    Related:
    Not Thinking Outside The Box, Part 3
    Not Thinking Outside The Box, Part 2
    Not Thinking Outside The Box

    1 Billion Served (And Eaten)

    , | Texas, USA |

    (I’ve just finished ringing up a customer’s order.)

    Customer: “Is it too late to make the drink and fries big?”

    Me: “Of course not, let me just charge it.”

    Customer, to my manager: “It should be free since she didn’t offer it to me! You should offer it to everyone equally!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry sir, she can’t give it to you for free. We’re all human. We all make mistakes.”

    Customer: “Well, fine! Next time I want to be helped by someone who isn’t human!”

    No Wonder He’s Always Stuffed

    | Watertown, NY, USA |

    (Seated at one of my tables is a grown woman. Placed across from her is a stuffed animal.)

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant]. Can I start you off with a drink?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like a diet coke.”

    Me: “Okay, one diet–”

    Customer: *gestures to stuffed animal* “…and he’ll have
    our house wine.”

    Me: *laughs, playing along* “He doesn’t look over 21, ma’am.”

    Customer: *completely serious* “Oh, you’re right. He’ll just have a lemonade, then.”

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