July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Smoke Your Veggies

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Top

(I’m a waitress taking the order of a little girl and her mother.)

Young Daughter: “I’ll get the mac’n’cheese. Extra cheesy!”

Mother: “No, you certainly will not. It’s your third day eating mac n’ cheese, missy! You’re going to get chicken and broccoli.”

Young Daughter: “But mommy! Eddie said that broccoli is bad for you!”

Mother: “Your brother most certainly did not!”

Young Daughter: “Yeah! The other day I saw him smoking his broccoli and when I asked if I could he looked at me and said that it’s very bad for little girls like me. His eyes were all red and everything!”

Mother: “When was this?!”

Young Daughter: “Yesterday! But his friend brought over more broccoli today. They’re weird.”

Me: *feeling very awkward* “Ma’am, I can get the check for you if you’d like to leave?”

Mother: “That’d be great. And could you box up an order of mac’n’cheese please? Oh, and some really good smelling stuff? I figure they’ll have the munchies and I want to torture them.”

New Years Resolution: Get A Brain

| Manistee, MI, USA | Uncategorized

(Every year in December at our buffet, we give out Chinese wall scroll calendars for the upcoming year.)

Me: “Would you like one of our calendars, sir?”

Customer: “No thanks. I got one last year!”

Me: “Well, the dates are different on this one.”

Customer: “Really?!”

A Grave Realization

| Eureka, KS, USA | Uncategorized

(After a fellow waitress had passed away, we had just returned from her funeral.)

Customer: “Oh my gosh, we are so glad to see you here!”

Me: “Why?”

Customer: “We thought that it was you that had passed away!”

Me: *after thinking for a minute* “I didn’t see you at my funeral!”

So Pho, So Crazy, Part 2

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello ma’am, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Sorry, I was just curious. What ethnicity are you?”

Me: “Oh, I’m Vietnamese.”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “You know, from Vietnam?”

*blank stare*

Me: “…like the Vietnam War?”

Customer: “Oh! You were in that?”

Related:
So Pho, So Crazy

Catfish Caught His Tongue

| Gray, GA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I want fish.”

Me: “Alright, what kind of fish? We have catfish, tilapia, or grouper.”

Customer: “I just want fish.”

Me: “I have to know what kind you want.”

Customer: “I just want some d*** fish. How hard is that?”

Me: “Catfish it is. Whole or filet?”

Customer: “Whole is with the bones?”

Me: “Yes sir.”

Customer: “Filet. I don’t like bones.”

Me: “Alright.”

(I return ten minutes later with his order.)

Me: “Here you are sir. Any sauce or anything?”

Customer: “This isn’t what I wanted.”

Me: “What’s the problem?”

Customer: “I’m allergic to fish!”

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