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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Haphazardly Placed Vowels Does Not A Language Make

    | Branson, MO, USA |

    (I’m a customer and see an employee is waiting on another customer. The employee speaks perfect English and actually looks Hawaiian.)

    Customer: “EL POLO ICE-CREAMO!”

    Employee: Umm… yeah?”

    Customer: “I want some choco-lato ice-creamo. GRASSIOS!”

    Employee: “I speak English fine. What size do you want?”

    Customer: “Oh, you are doing so good. Good job, boy. Umm… I want a GRAND-AY!”

    Arithmophobia

    | Ohio, USA |

    (I work at a restaurant where customers can call and place an order to pick up).

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, how many wings can you get in an order?”

    Me: “We have orders of 6, 12, 18, 24, 50, and 100. Would you like to order some?”

    Customer: “Yes, I want 20.”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t have 20. The closest we have to 20 is 18.”

    Customer: “How many wings come in your 18-piece?”

    Me: “… 18.”

    Customer: “Okay, are you sure?”

    Me: “I can say for a fact that the 18-piece wing order comes with 18 wings.”

    (This went on for a few minutes. Back and forths of, “Are you sure?” and, “Yes, sir, I am sure you get 18 wings in an 18 wing order.”)

    Me: “Now what can I get you today?”

    Customer: “I think I’m going to eat elsewhere.” *click*

    Effective Marketing

    , | Orem, UT, USA |

    (An elderly woman is complaining to my manager about a recent ad in which a woman appears in lingerie. The ad is promoting a special on two fish sandwiches for $4.)

    Woman: “I was so offended. I can’t believe they would show that on TV. Children might have been watching!”

    Manager: “I’m very sorry you were offended, ma’am.”

    Woman: “It was so offensive! Is there anyone I can talk to?”

    Manager: “I can give you the number for the regional office or you can send an email from the website.”

    Woman: “It was just so offensive!”

    Manager: “Again, I’m very sorry ma’am. By the way, here are your two fish sandwiches.”

    Someone Seriously Needs A Time-Out

    | New York, NY, USA |

    (I was in line at a Texas-style BBQ restaurant that serves you counter-style. A Wall Street-type dressed in a very expensive designer business suit is two people ahead of me.)

    Counter guy: “What can I get you?”

    Customer: “I need two pounds of moist brisket, wrapped up to go.”

    Counter guy: “Sorry, we just ran out.”

    Customer: ¬†*slams fist on counter* “AAGGHH, ¬†F***! What the f***?!”

    Counter guy: ¬†”Um…. I’m sorry sir. We still have plenty of the lean brisket.”

    Customer:¬†”I don’t want the f***ing lean brisket.¬†I came all the way here for the moist.¬†I can’t f***ing believe this s***! What the f***?”

    Counter guy: “Sir…”

    Customer:¬†”Ahh, s***! I can’t believe I came all the way the f*** up here for this s***. Of course you’re out! Why wouldn’t you f***ing have the moist? Ahh!”

    Counter guy: “Sir, really, we have the lean and its still very good.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want the lean, I came for the moist.¬†S***! This f***ing sucks!”

    Counter guy: “C’mon, sir, just try the lean. I’m sure you’ll like it.”

    Customer: “No, I won’t! I want the moist. How the f*** can you be out?¬†F***!”

    Counter guy:¬†*offers a free sample of lean brisket* “I’ll give you some to try. Please, sir, just try it.”

    Customer: “Fine! ¬†I’ll try the d*** lean!”

    (He takes a bite.)

    Customer: *completely calm* “Yeah. Yeah, that’s not bad at all. I’ll take two pounds to go, please.”

    Simple Coke For Simple Folk

    | Fort Worth, TX, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss, but what is in your black currant tea?”

    Me: “Oh, it’s just black currant tea.”

    Customer:¬†”But what’s in it?”

    Me: “Dried black currant tea leaves.”

    Customer: “But what’s in it?”

    Me: “Black. Currant. Tea.”

    Customer: “But you aren’t telling me what’s in it!”

    Me:¬†”Ma’am, the tea distributors pluck leaves from a black currant plant. Then, they dry them out, and package them. Then, we pour hot water over the tea leaves, which infuses the hot water with the flavor of the tea.”

    Customer: “But what’s in it?”

    (My boss comes over.)

    Boss:¬†”Ma’am, would you like a Coke?”


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