July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Please, Take A Crap

| West Midlands, UK | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “I’d like a crap, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

Customer: “I’d like a crap with sugar and lemon, please.”

Me: “Oh, I see! A crepe with sugar and lemon.”

Customer: “Yes, that’s what I said. A crap with sugar and lemon!”

Hot Flashes Of Inspiration

, | Minnesota, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Here’s your change, ma’am. Have a great day!”

Customer: “Oh, how pleasant! Excuse me dear, but what is your name?”

Me: “Why, it’s Katie.”

Customer: “Katie, huh? Katie… what a gorgeous name! Why, if I hadn’t already gone through menopause, I would have named one of my kids after you!”

Trucker In Need Of Break Fluid

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Top

(I’m working in a diner at the crack of dawn. A surly trucker sits down at the counter.)

Me: “Good morning, can I start you with something to drink?”

Customer: “Coffee. Now.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we’re all out of ‘coffee now’. All we have left is ‘coffee please’.”

A Couple Of Weighty Requests

| Payson, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

(Because I was tied up with other tables, my manager kindly seated and provided drinks for an older couple in my section.)

Me: “Hello, sorry for the wait. I see you already have menus and drinks, is there anything else I can get you?”

Husband: “Well, [manager] suggested we try this beer and it’s fabulous! It has a funny name though, I can’t remember it.”

(I notice the orange slice on the glass and identify the beer as a Hefeweizen.)

Me: “That is a hefeweizen, sir. They are very tasty.”

Husband: “No, that’s not it. It was something else.”

Me: “Hefeweizens are commonly served with citrus, I’m sure that is a hefeweizen.”

Husband: “No, it wasn’t that. It was something German. Hoffenschneider?”

Wife: “No, it was something like hoffenweizer.”

Husband: “That might be it!”

Me: “It is German, it’s called a hefeweizen.”

Husband: “No, you’re wrong. Go get your manager, she knows.”

(Several minutes later I overhear my manager attempting to explain to the couple how to pronounce “Hefeweizen.” She eventually gives up and says, “Just say ‘Hef’.” I return to the couple shortly after my manager leaves.)

Me: “Did [manager] clear up the confusion for you?”

Husband: “Oh yes! It certainly is a strange name. We’d like two more heifers, please!”

Udderly Ridiculous

| VA, USA | Top

(A young woman is ordering her breakfast.)

Me: “Would you like eggs as well?”

Customer: “No thanks, I’m trying to become a vegetarian and eggs come from cows.”

(Please note she had already ordered bacon.)

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