No Omelettes Are Totally Waffle

| Kill Devil Hills, NC, USA | Top

Me: “And here’s your waffle, sir, with bacon on the side.”

Customer: “What? No, I didn’t order this. I ordered the bacon egg and cheese omelette.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I have it written down that you got a waffle with bacon. I will have to fix that.”

Customer’s wife: “No, you will not. He ordered the waffle. I heard him.”

Customer: “No, I didn’t. I specifically ordered the omelette. I know I did.”

Customer’s wife: “No, honey! We had the conversation on which one you were going to get. You told me you were going to get the omelette, and it surprised me when you didn’t.”

Customer: “Then why didn’t you say something?”

Customer’s wife: “Because you always ask my opinion, and say that’s what you’ll do. Then you change your mind! I just figured you were ignoring my opinion again!”

Customer: “Well, fine. I guess I’ll have to eat this.”

Me: “Are you sure? I can change it.?”

Customer: “Actually, would you?”

Customer’s wife: “No! You ordered it, you eat it.”

Customer, to me: “That’s what she says to the kids.”

Telling Porkies, Part 2

| Denver, CO, USA | Top

Customer: “Is the chicken caesar sandwich vegetarian?”

Me: “No, ma’am. It has chicken in it. But we can substitute tofu if you’d like.”

Customer: “I don’t want tofu. Don’t you have any vegetarian meat?”

Me: “Vegetarian means no meat, ma’am. Would you like a non-vegetarian option?”

Customer: “No, I’m a vegetarian. Your menu says you have vegetarian options.”

Me: “We do have vegetarian options. Anything can be made without meat.”

Customer: “Why don’t you have any vegetarian meat?”

Me: “Are you sure you’re a vegetarian, ma’am?”

Related:
Telling Porkies

Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought, Part 2

| Arlington, VA, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m packing a carry-out order for someone who ordered two of each item: one regular, one gluten-free.)

Me: “There’s your order. It’s all ready to go.”

Customer: “Which of the chickens is gluten free?”

Me: “The one on top. I put a little gluten-free sticker on it.”

Customer: “Oh. Which of the soups is gluten free?”

Me: “Well, I put the sticker on this one. But the soup actually has no gluten to begin with.”

Customer: “Oh. But I can eat the gluten. It’s my friend that can’t.”

Me: “I see. Well, neither of the soups has wheat products, so you’re fine.”

Customer: “Oh.” *seems to be waiting* “Shouldn’t you put the gluten back in mine?”

Related:
Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought

No Reservations About Reservations

| Hamburg, Germany | Uncategorized

(The time is exactly 7:42pm.)

Customer: “Hello. I’d like to make a reservation for two this evening, please.”

Me: “Absolutely. What time will you be back?”

Customer: “At a quarter to 8.”

(I wait to see if this is a joke.)

Me: “So, for right now?”

Customer: *completely deadpan* “Yes.”

A Hole In Your Thinking, Part 3

| Silverdale, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’d like Swiss cheese, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry. We only carry American, Pepperjack, Cheddar, and a shredded Cheddar.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll take Provolone then.”

Me: “Sir, I just told you. We only carry American, Pepperjack, Cheddar, and a shredded Cheddar. It is on the sign right here.”

Customer: “Then I’ll have Swiss.”

Me: “I think we have some in back. One moment.”

(My manager takes the American cheese into the back room. He cuts holes in a few of the slices, and brings them back out.)

Me: “Here you are. Swiss cheese.”

Customer: “I knew you guys always hid some in back!”

Related:
A Hole In Your Thinking, Part 2
A Hole In Your Thinking

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