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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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    | Massachusetts, USA | Top

    (The cafe owners often bring their little one-year old girl with them, who sometimes plays with the register while standing on a crate. One day while I’m working on something else a few feet away, she’s doing this as a customer approaches.)

    Customer: “I’d like to order a sandwich to go.”

    Me: “Sure, I’ll be there in one minute. Let me just wash my hands.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but she can take my order now!” *points to the little girl*

    Me: “She’s just playing. She can’t actually ring you up.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “She’s one.”

    Customer: *heavy sigh*

    Toddler: “Cheese?”

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    Seven Sons For Seven Burgers

    , | Connecticut, USA |

    Customer: “You seem a bit slow. Is this your first day?”

    Me: “Actually, it is. I’m sorry if I held you up.”

    Customer: “No problem. You’ll get the hang of it. I should know. I have seven sons, and they all work at fast food places just like you.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s nice!”

    Customer: “No, it’s not. It’s pathetic and disappointing!”

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    One Ring To Sue Them All

    | Australia | Top

    (I am a shift manager at a restaurant. I have many facial piercings, but always take them out for work.)

    Me: “Hello this is the manager speaking, what seems to be the problem today?”

    Caller: “I am calling to complain about one of your staff. They have horrendous facial piercings. It’s disgusting!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I must let you know that all of our staff are required to take out any piercings before starting their shift. What did this employee look like?”

    Caller: “She looked like the devil! She had piercings in her lip nose and eyebrow!”

    (I am the only one with these piercings, so she must be referring to me.)

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, are you sure you saw this employee at the restaurant?”

    Caller: “No, she was at the supermarket!”

    Me: “You’re calling about one of our employees while they were off duty?”

    Caller: “Yes! She never has them on at your restaurant, so they must have fallen into my food!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Caller: “YOU’RE GETTING SUED!”

    Those Are My Stories And I’m Sticking To Them

    , | Grand Rapids, MI, USA |

    (My coworker and I are talking to each other at the counter of our restaurant when a customer comes up.)

    Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I ordered a medium pizza, but I wanted a small.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Do you need a box for the extra pizza?”

    Customer: “No. I ordered a large pizza, but you brought me a medium.”

    (A little confused, I glance at my coworker. She glances back at me with the same confused look.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am…would you like me to put a small pizza in so that you have more pizza?”

    Customer: “No! I ordered a medium pizza, and you brought me a medium pizza! But don’t worry, I’m not mad at you.”

    (At this point, both my coworker and I are too confused to know what to say, so we just look back at the customer.)

    Customer: “I know! Sometimes my dog can be distracting!” *walks away*

    Me and coworker: *still confused*

    When Super-Sized Burgers Meet Bite-Sized Brains

    , | NSW, Australia | Food & Drink

    (At the fast food restaurant where I work, we’ve just introduced a burger that is very large. Three customers come into the store…)

    Customer #1: “Can I get that new burger?”

    Me: “Sure, would you like anything else?”

    Customer #2: “Oh my God! You’re getting the new burger?!”

    Customer #1: “Yeah!”

    Customer #2, to me: “Hey, would that burger fit in my mouth?” *opens his mouth wide*

    Me: “No, sir. I seriously believe it won’t.”

    Customer #2: “What about now?” *opens bigger*

    Me: “No, sir.”

    Customer #2: “NOW?” *opens it as large as he possibly can*

    Me: “No.”

    Customer #3: “I apologise for his small mouth.” *hits the second customer on the head*

    Me: “That’s okay.”

    Customer #3: “So, would it fit in mine?” *opens mouth*

    Me: “No it won’t, sir…”

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