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    So Pho, So Crazy, Part 2

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello ma’am, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Sorry, I was just curious. What ethnicity are you?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m Vietnamese.”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “You know, from Vietnam?”

    *blank stare*

    Me: “…like the Vietnam War?”

    Customer: “Oh! You were in that?”

    Related:
    So Pho, So Crazy

    Catfish Caught His Tongue

    | Gray, GA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “I want fish.”

    Me: “Alright, what kind of fish? We have catfish, tilapia, or grouper.”

    Customer: “I just want fish.”

    Me: “I have to know what kind you want.”

    Customer: “I just want some d*** fish. How hard is that?”

    Me: “Catfish it is. Whole or filet?”

    Customer: “Whole is with the bones?”

    Me: “Yes sir.”

    Customer: “Filet. I don’t like bones.”

    Me: “Alright.”

    (I return ten minutes later with his order.)

    Me: “Here you are sir. Any sauce or anything?”

    Customer: “This isn’t what I wanted.”

    Me: “What’s the problem?”

    Customer: “I’m allergic to fish!”

    Crashed Diet

    | New York, NY, USA | Top

    (A well-dressed woman and her teenage daughter are out to lunch at one of my tables. I have already brought them their drinks.)

    Customer: *waving me over* “Miss! I asked for a diet soda.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry. I must have picked up another server’s order by mistake. Let me get you a new one.”

    (I fill a diet soda myself and deliver it. Before even tasting it, she speaks up.)

    Customer: “No! This isn’t diet soda! I’m on a very strict diet and I can’t have carbs!”

    Me: “I filled it myself. I assure you that it is diet.”

    Customer: *poking the drink with a straw* “Then what are these? I can see the carbs everywhere!”

    Me: “You can see the carbs, Ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes! Are you blind? Can’t you see the bubbles?”

    Customer’s teenage daughter: “Oh my God, mom! ‘Carbs’ mean carbohydrates, not carbonation!”

    UV: Under Valued

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    (It is mid-afternoon and the sun is starting to directly shine in the windows. The shades are already down but some light still shines through.)

    Customer: “It is way too bright. I have very sensitive eyes. You need to do something about the sun.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but the shades are already down. Would you like to move to a different table that is away from the windows?”

    Customer: “No! I want you to do something about the sun!”

    Me: “Sir, I really can’t control the sun.”

    Customer: “You can’t do anything? I have very sensitive eyes!”

    Me: “I can move you to another table.”

    Customer: “No, that won’t work. How about you just stand here while I eat and block the sun?”

    Date Fright

    | Springville, UT, USA | Food & Drink, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

    (I’m hosting and whenever I seat a table, I put an ‘X’ next to the server who got the table so that all the servers get the same amount of tables. Two women walk in.)

    Me: “Hello, how many for you today?”

    Woman 1: “Just the two.”

    Me: *marking the next server* “Well, if you just want to follow me.”

    Woman 2: “That wasn’t our name!”

    Me: “What?”

    Woman 2: “We didn’t have a reservation. That wasn’t us!”

    Me: “Oh, I was just marking the server you’ll be having today.”

    Woman 1: “Sorry, we just saw Date Night and they took someone’s reservation and almost died!”

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