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    How To Austra-cize Common Sense

    | Sydney, Australia | Top

    (A customer asks for the bill. I give it to her.)

    Customer: “Hold on, where am I?”

    Me: “You’re in [restaurant].”

    Customer: “No, what country?”

    Me: “Seriously?”

    *blank stare*

    (At this moment I notice a large bag on the table next to her and a large travel backpack on the seat next to her.)

    Me: “Australia. Are you backpacking the world?”

    (The customer opens her bag and pulls out over a dozen envelopes with different countries written on them. France, Russia, China, Germany, Thailand, etc. She pulls Austria out of the pile.)

    Me: “No, it’s Australia.”

    (The customer puts it back and finds her Australia envelope. Out of the envelope comes Euros.)

    Me: “Okay, get Austria.”

    Customer: “You told me that’s wrong.”

    Me: “You misplaced your money.”

    (The customer reluctantly gets her Austria envelope again. Out of the envelope comes Australian dollars, which I happily accept. She puts everything back in the wrong envelope.)

    Me: “I think you should put them in the correct envelope this time. Euros doesn’t need to be separated by country. You can name multiple countries on that one envelope.”

    Customer: *yelling* “Don’t tell me what to do! I’m the one travelling, not you. Don’t forget, you’re the one who told me my first envelope was wrong!”

    When Bowels Camembert It Any Longer

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Can I get a quesadilla with guacamole, but no sour cream? I’m lactose intolerant.”

    Me: “You do realize that a quesadilla is just cheese in a flour tortilla, right?”

    Customer: “I do. You should pray you never have to live in a world where you can not eat cheese without incurring the wrath of your own bowels.”

    Getting Pea’d Off Is A Bad Sign

    | Poulsbo, WA, USA | Uncategorized

    (Because of a food shortage due to weather, we are required by management to cut back on our vegetables. In front of our veggie selection is a sign explaining the situation.)

    Customer: “This piece of paper is in the way. I can’t see some of your veggies. Can you take it down?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m not allowed to remove or alter any signs posted by my manager. We have a list of all the veggies we offer here.”

    (I point to our veggies list, which is right next to it.)

    Customer: “Why are you being so skimpy with the veggies? It’s not like you don’t have more.”

    Me: “Actually, our supply is very limited right now due to our shortage of produce.”

    Customer: “You need to have a sign explaining this.”

    Me: “We do. It’s the piece of paper you wanted me to move.”

    Customer: “No one is going to see that!”

    Staff Efforts Are All In Vein

    | NY, USA | Uncategorized

    (I’m work with a server who faints around blood. A couple with their young son call the server over. The son has a bad nosebleed.)

    Customer: “We need the table wiped.”

    Server: “Certainly, sir.”

    (The server goes to the kitchen, and I come out to clean up the blood.)

    Customer: “Where’s our server!?”

    Me: “She can’t handle blood, and asked me to help.”

    (The customer begins to use a somewhat angry tone explaining about how he wanted his server to clean it up.)

    Me: “She’ll pass out, sir.”

    Customer: “You’re just trying to get out of making her do her job!”

    (The server then comes out, takes one look at the blood on the table, and passes out on the spot.)

    Customer: *shouting* “Now this is ridiculous! Doesn’t anybody want to do their job around here?”

    An Abundance Of Nuttiness, Part 3

    | Buffalo, NY, USA | Uncategorized

    (At the register where I work, we try to push sales of cookies. We have only two kinds of cookies: walnuts and without walnuts.)

    Customer: “I think I will take a chocolate chip cookie without walnuts. It should be cheaper since it has no nuts, right? Because it’s lighter, I feel I should get a discount.”

    Me: “Actually, sir, the plain chocolate chip cookies are the same weight as the cookies with the walnuts. It’s because we add extra chocolate chips to balance it out.”

    Customer: *pause* “Dang, you’re good at this.”

    Related:
    An Abundance Of Nuttiness, Part 2
    An Abundance Of Nuttiness

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