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    Actually, We’re Saving Them For WW3

    | Sydney, Australia (not USA yet) |

    (At our restaurant, an American tourist tries to pay for his meal in American currency.)

    Me: “Sorry, sir. We can only accept Australian Dollars here.”

    Customer: “What? What are you talking about? Isn’t this like, our colony?”

    Me: “I assure you, sir, Australia has never been an American colony. We were, however, once controlled by the British.”

    Customer: “But… wasn’t it you we beat in World War 2?!”

    What A Kilo-Moron

    , | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    Customer: “Hi, can you tell me how big an order of breadsticks is?”

    Me: “Well, a small is 6, and a large is 12.”

    (The customer and his wife confer for a moment before he turns back to me.)

    Customer: “We’re from the States; we don’t use the metric system. Can you convert it?”

    Healthy Without The Hassle

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    Me: “Would you like any soup or salad?”

    Customer: “Yes, a garden salad please.”

    Me: “All right, would you like any dressing?”

    Customer: “Ranch. Oh, and can you make sure that the garden salad doesn’t have any vegetables?”

    Me: “No vegetables?”

    Customer: “Yes. No vegetables at all. No tomatoes, no lettuce, no carrots, no vegetables!”

    Me: “But ma’am, if you order a no-vegetable garden salad, then all you’ll have is the dressing.”

    Customer: “…garden salads are vegetable salads?”

    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 4

    | Missouri, USA |

    Customer: “Yes, I’ll have a beer and my wife will have a diet cola.”

    Me: “Sir, we have over 80 beers to choose from. Did you know which one you wanted? Maybe I can make a suggestion for you.”

    Customer: “Just bring me whatever you like.”

    Me: *returns with beer* “Here you are, sir.”

    Customer: “This isn’t what I ordered! Let me speak to your manager.”

    Manager: “Is there a problem?”

    Customer: “This little a**hole brought me a beer I didn’t ask for.”

    Manager: “What did you order? I’ll go get one for you.”

    Customer: “I said to bring me whatever it is he drinks.”

    Manager & me: “…”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    Related:
    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 3
    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 2
    Be Careful What You Ask For

    (Gassy) Rumblings Of Discontent

    | Gonzales, LA, USA |

    (I run an overnight shift at the store. It’s New Year’s Eve and we’ve got cars around the store when we receive a phone call.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah… I just came through your drive-thru an hour ago and bought some potato wedges.”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “Well, I got home and ate them, and now I’ve been sitting on the toilet for the past half hour because of your food.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Customer: “So I wanna know who’s responsible for this?”

    Me: “Honestly, sir we cannot take responsibility for your stomach problems.”

    Customer: “Well, someone’s buying me a new pack of toilet paper because I’m out, and I’ll be d***ed if it’s me.”

    Me: “Sir, we cannot pay for any household products…”

    Customer: “Then why’d you sell me the wedges?!”


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