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  • Bigotry Is Not On The Menu
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  • Give One, Get One Free

    | United Kingdom | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top, Uncategorized

    (I’m waiting in line after ordering a cheeseburger. Another customer is being particularly annoying.)

    Server: “Your cheeseburger’s ready sir. That’ll be £2.80.”

    Me: *handing over money* “Thanks.”

    Other customer: “Hey! Why’s he getting his first? We were here first, that’s mine!”

    Server: “He ordered a cheeseburger. They’re quicker to make than double bacon burgers. Yours will be done in a minute.”

    Other customer: “I want that one! That one is mine!”

    (I nod to the server, and they hand the woman the burger.)

    Other customer: “This has got cheese in it! And no bacon! Are trying to rip me off?!”

    Server: “You said you wanted that one rather than what you ordered.”

    Other customer: “This is appalling! I’m going elsewhere. You can’t get your orders in the right order!” *slams cheese burger on van shelf then walks off*

    Server, to me: *smiling* “Would you like a free bacon burger with your cheeseburger?”

    History (Deep) Pans Out

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, History, Language & Words

    (A Native Canadian customer comes into the store with five small children.)

    Customer: “Why do the Deluxe and the Hawaiian pizza cost the same? One has more toppings!”

    Me: “To be honest, I’m not really sure. That’s just the way the company works, I guess.”

    Customer: “Well, can I get a discount for the Hawaiian, then? It has five less toppings!”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but I can’t do that.”

    Customer: *long pause* “You’re a cruel person.”

    Me: “Come again?”

    Customer: “Your people come here, give diseases, kill us all, steal our land, put our children in residential schools, and now this!”

    Unable To Bridge The Gap

    | Nevada, USA | Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

    Customer:“Where is it?”

    Me: “Where is what?”

    Customer:“The bridge! The bridge over the lake.”

    Me:“I’m sorry, sir, but there is no bridge over the lake.”

    (The customer points to a local map.)

    Customer: “There is, it’s right there! A bridge.”

    Me: “Sir, that would be the state line that you are pointing at. It’s the line that separates California from Nevada. The state line.”

    Customer:“Oh…so there’s no bridge?”

    Waiter Hater

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

    (A man and his girlfriend walk in to our restaurant.)

    Me: “Hello, and welcome to [restaurant]. I’ll be your server tonight.”

    Customer: “Yeah. What happened to your nose?”

    (I instinctively touch my nose to feel if anything is wrong with it.)

    Customer: “Gotcha! I made you touch your nose.”

    Me: “Yes, very amusing sir. Now may I interest you in–”

    Customer: “You’re zipper is undone.”

    Me: “Oh, but I’m not wearing pants with a zipper.”

    Customer: “But you probably didn’t notice your pants are split open!”

    Customer’s girlfriend: “I’m sorry, I should have just left him at home with a bowl of kibble and water.”

    When Matter Doesn’t Matter

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Math & Science, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you have Gatorade?”

    Me: “No, but we do have Powerade.”

    Customer: “Does it have electrons in it?”

    Me: “No, do you mean electrolytes?”

    Customer: “No, electrons.”

    Me: “I hope so.”

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