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    Putting The Men On The Menu

    | St. George, UT, USA | Uncategorized

    (Some customers come up to my till to pay for their meals.)

    Me: “How was your meal today, sir?”

    Customer: “It was good and I was delicious.”

    Salad Of The Dead

    | Tucson, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

    (Two customers are having a conversation as they order.)

    Customer #1: “I have a whole bunch of studying for school this weekend. I have a test in one class, and I have to memorize the Greek alphabet for my sorority.”

    Customer #2: “Wait, you have to memorize the Greek alphabet? That’s, like, so stupid. What use are you going to have memorizing the alphabet to a dead language? Or wait, is it dead? Or do some people still speak it?

    Customer #1: “No, it’s dead. Or, maybe they still speak it in Greece. I think.”

    Me: “Hello, what can I get for you?”

    Customer #1: “Greek salad!”

    Killing Two With One Stone

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Uncategorized

    (I am making calls to confirm reservations.)

    Me: “Hello, may I please speak to [name]?”

    Customer: “I’m sorry, he’s not available.”

    Me: “Oh, well this is [name] calling from [restaurant]. I am calling to confirm his reservation for 6 pm tomorrow night for two people. Do you know if he will still be needing the reservation?”

    Customer: “I don’t think so, sorry.”

    Me: “That’s okay. Will you let him know he can call to reschedule for another time? We still have a few openings for the next night.”

    Customer: “That won’t be necessary. He died last night and we’re burying him tomorrow. Thank you for checking, though.”

    Me: “No problem, ma’am. We’re so sorry for your loss, and we’ll go ahead and take care of that cancellation for you.”

    Customer: “Oh, thank you! Wait, do you guys cater funerals?”

    Have Mouth, Will Shovel

    , | Kannapolis, NC, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “What can I get you today?”

    Customer: “I’ll have the grinder.”

    Me: “Okay, what would you like on it?”

    Customer: “Whatever is on a grinder.”

    Me: “Ma’am, a grinder is just another name for a sandwich–just like hoagie or sub. I need to know what you would like on it.”

    Customer: “How should I know what’s on a grinder? The old place had a grinder. I ordered a grinder, and they gave me a grinder!”

    Me: “So, you don’t know what kind of meat or cheese you would like?”

    Customer: “Whatever is on a grinder! They made a grinder, and they put the right stuff on it! How would I know what I eat?!”

    Giving Orders Vs. Just Ordering

    , | Watervliet, NY, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Can I take your order?”

    Customer: “HOT DOG!”

    (Pause.)

    Customer: “PLAIN!”

    (Pause.)

    Customer: “MILKSHAKE!”

    (Pause.)

    Customer: “STRAWBERRY!”

    (Pause.)

    Me: “What size milkshake would you like?”

    Customer: “STRAWBERRY!”

    (I just gave her a medium.)

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