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    Those Are My Stories And I’m Sticking To Them

    , | Grand Rapids, MI, USA |

    (My coworker and I are talking to each other at the counter of our restaurant when a customer comes up.)

    Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I ordered a medium pizza, but I wanted a small.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Do you need a box for the extra pizza?”

    Customer: “No. I ordered a large pizza, but you brought me a medium.”

    (A little confused, I glance at my coworker. She glances back at me with the same confused look.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am…would you like me to put a small pizza in so that you have more pizza?”

    Customer: “No! I ordered a medium pizza, and you brought me a medium pizza! But don’t worry, I’m not mad at you.”

    (At this point, both my coworker and I are too confused to know what to say, so we just look back at the customer.)

    Customer: “I know! Sometimes my dog can be distracting!” *walks away*

    Me and coworker: *still confused*

    When Super-Sized Burgers Meet Bite-Sized Brains

    , | NSW, Australia | Food & Drink

    (At the fast food restaurant where I work, we’ve just introduced a burger that is very large. Three customers come into the store…)

    Customer #1: “Can I get that new burger?”

    Me: “Sure, would you like anything else?”

    Customer #2: “Oh my God! You’re getting the new burger?!”

    Customer #1: “Yeah!”

    Customer #2, to me: “Hey, would that burger fit in my mouth?” *opens his mouth wide*

    Me: “No, sir. I seriously believe it won’t.”

    Customer #2: “What about now?” *opens bigger*

    Me: “No, sir.”

    Customer #2: “NOW?” *opens it as large as he possibly can*

    Me: “No.”

    Customer #3: “I apologise for his small mouth.” *hits the second customer on the head*

    Me: “That’s okay.”

    Customer #3: “So, would it fit in mine?” *opens mouth*

    Me: “No it won’t, sir…”

    The (ever)Last(ing) Supper

    , | Houston, TX, USA | Top

    (I work as a cook at a pizza place. A tall and thin customer comes in and begins to place an order with the cashier.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I want the large pepperoni.”

    Cashier: “For here?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Cashier: “Would you like anything with that?”

    Customer: “Yeah, let me have the spaghetti dinner.”

    Cashier: “Oh, did you want that instead of the pizza?”

    Customer: “Naw, I want the pizza too. Can I get extra garlic bread?”

    Cashier: “Um, sure.”

    Customer: “Sweet. Can I also get one of them open-faced sandwiches? The roast beef and cheese…and can you add some sausage to the sandwich too?

    Cashier: “Yeah…”

    Customer: “…and a salad. What kind of salad do you have?”

    Cashier: “Well, we have a small side salad, or a larger dinner salad…”

    Customer: “Well…”

    Me: *speaking over the counter* “We also have the antipasto salad! It’s pretty big!”

    Customer: “Yeah! I want that!”

    Cashier: “Um…is there anything else?”

    Customer: *looks around, and sees the bags of potato chips on
    display*
    “Yeah, those look good. Give me two bags of chips!”

    Cashier: “Okay…is there anything else?”

    Customer: “Naw, I think that’s it.”

    Cashier: “Do you need us to box up any of this to go?”

    Customer: “Naw.”

    Cashier: “Will you have anything to drink with this?”

    Customer: “Oh yeah, I totally forgot! I’ll have a small Coke!”

    (When we finally brought the food out to the customer, it was a LOT of food. Surprisingly, the customer stayed in the restaurant for over 4 hours, and he ate almost everything!)

    Not How You A-Dress A Customer

    , | Manchester, UK |

    Me: “Hello, [pizza delivery]. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like to order some pizzas, please.”

    Me: “No problem.”

    (The call proceeds normally; she orders two pizzas and we make a little small talk.)

    Customer: “Can you deliver them, please?”

    Me: “Sure, address?”

    Customer: *long pause* “Pardon?”

    Me: “The address?”

    Customer: *long pause again* “I’d like to speak to your manager now, please.”

    Me: “Is there a problem?”

    Customer: “Just put your manager on!”

    (I call my manager over.)

    Manager: “Hello, what appears to be the issue?”

    (The manager talks with the customer for a while. He eventually hangs up, throws the order slip in the trash, and bursts out laughing.)

    Me: “What was all that about?”

    Manager: “She thought you were asking if she was wearing ‘a dress’ and wanted to complain.”

    Lost In Translation

    | Avon, IN, USA | Bizarre

    (I’m a host at a restaurant and am talking to a customer after ringing them out.)

    Customer: “So, are you in high school?”

    Me: “No, I’m in college.”

    Customer: “Oh, that’s great! What do you want to do with your degree?”

    Me: “Well, I’m majoring in history. I want to get a Ph.D. and be a professor.”

    Customer: “Oh, you shouldn’t do that. You should be an air traffic controller!”

    Me: “Um…I don’t know if that’s the right job for me. It would be a little too stressful.”

    Customer: “But you know what the worst job in the world is?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “Translator.”

    Me: “A translator? Why?”

    Customer: “Because the government kills them.”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “It’s true, my husband was in the Navy for 35 years, and after secret meetings the translators knew too much, so they would take them out back and shoot them.”

    Me: “Oh. Wow, that’s…terrible. I guess I won’t be a translator then.”

    Customer: “Good. Remember, become an air traffic controller!”

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