Best Not Order The French Fries

| Tennessee, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Uncategorized

(I come in on my day off to get my paycheck. My boss asks me to help with a table of two people who are speaking mostly French before I go. When I am done another customer calls me over.)

Customer: “Excuse me, don’t you work here?”

Me: “Yes, sir, I do. It’s just my day off today. Would you like me to get your server?”

Customer: “What were you just talking in? It was some kind of foreign talk. At that other table there?”

Me: “Oh, I speak a little bit of French, so I was helping the server.”

Customer: “You can do that?”

Me: “Do what, sir?”

Customer: “You can speak French in here? Isn’t that illegal?!”

Me: “To speak French?”

Customer: “Yeah! I mean, this is a Mexican restaurant. You could get shot for speaking in French! Or even just thinking about talking in French!”

Me: “Well–”

Customer: “Shot!”

Me: “I don’t think–”

Customer: “Shot!”

Me: “Sir–”

Customer: “SHOT I SAID!”

Boss: “It’s okay. She was thinking about the words in Spanish.”

Customer: “Oh good.” *whispers to me* “Don’t ever try to talk in British in here. It won’t end well.”

(My boss made a gun out of paperclips and attached them to all of my paychecks after that.)

Meaty Political Issues

, | Michigan, USA | Food & Drink, Politics, Uncategorized

(One of the meats we offer is a barbecued shredded beef, which we refer to as Barbacoa.)

Customer: “I’ll take a burrito with Barack Obama.”

Me: “One burrito with barbacoa coming up.”

Customer: “What’d you call it?”

Me: “Barbacoa.”

Customer: “Oh, thank God. I’m a Republican.”

Babel-ing On

| Chula Vista, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Uncategorized

Me: “Welcome to [restaurant] I’ll be your server this evening.”

Customer: “Habla español?”

Me: “No sir, I don’t.”

Customer: “Italian?”

Me: “Nope.”

Customer: “French?”

Me: “Sorry, no.”

Customer: “Well, then what language do you speak?”

Flattery Is Fully Charged

| Wilmington, DE, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

Me: “Hello! I’m [name] and I’ll be your server today. Are you ready to order?”

Customer: “No! You can’t serve me! You’re prettier than I am! You’re damaging my self-esteem!”

Me: *pause* “Well, you can request another server, if you like?”

Customer: “Yes! Get me another server. Someone less pretty!”

(Another waitress comes out. She’s perfectly good-looking, but visibly older than the customer whereas I’m younger, so we figured that would be okay.)

Waitress: “May I take your order, ma’am?”

Customer: “No no no! I asked for someone who isn’t pretty! Doesn’t this place employ ugly people?!”

(In the end, after deciding that even the male servers were far too good-looking, she left us feeling flattered, but very confused.)

Not Much Food For Thought

| Livonia, MI, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

(I’m a hostess seating a very attractive couple and their adorable 9-month-old baby.)

Me: "Do we have anything to celebrate tonight?"

Wife: "No…well…"

Me: "Yes?"

Wife: *as if divulging a great secret* "Well, I’ve been on a cleanse since I had my baby, and I’m only allowed to eat on certain days. Today…I get to eat DINNER!"

Me: “Uhm…”

Wife: *nervous giggle*

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