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    Bring Home The Bacon

    | Florida, USA |

    (A customer comes in to pick up a catered BLT tray she had previously ordered over the phone.)

    Customer: “I can’t take these, they have bacon on them!”

    Me: “I apologize, ma’am, there must have been a mistake. This ticket is for the BLT tray?”

    Customer: “Right, that’s right. You shouldn’t put bacon on them! My boss is Jewish!”

    Me: “But you did order the BLT?”

    Customer: “Right, yes.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, there must have been a misunderstanding. The BLT comes with bacon, lettuce, and tomato. I can get a manager to help you correct the order if you’d like.”

    Customer: “But my boss is Jewish!”

    Me: “I completely understand; we’d be happy to remake the tray for you if you’re willing to wait about ten minutes until we serve the people in our take-out line.”

    Customer: “But my boss is Jewish!”

    Me: “I understand, and I apologize. We’ll be happy to remake the tray for you without bacon if you can wait just a few minutes.”

    Customer: “I can’t wait that long!” (She rips off the tray and starts throwing strips of bacon on the counter. The manager looks up and sees her.)

    Manager: “Excuse me, ma’am, that’s against the health code!”

    Customer: “But my boss is Jewish!”

    Of Quick Comebacks And Minute Men

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | Top

    (The store is very small with 2 registers and we call customers over one at a time to prevent overcrowding. A customer walks over to register with his wife, without being called.)

    Me: “Oh, hold on there, sir. You came too fast.”

    Customer’s Wife: “Story of my life.”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Now Made With Real Vegetarians

    , | Hull, UK |

    Customer: “There is no pasta in my pastarami sandwich, just some meat.”

    Me: “It’s Pastrami, peppered beef–not pastarami.”

    Customer: “Oh, can I change it please? I’m vegetarian.”

    GPS Needs Some Maine-tenance

    | Boise, ID, USA |

    Me: “Okay, which sandwiches off the menu would you like?”

    Customer: “I want olives.”

    Me: “Yes, but what kind of meat, sauce, cheese? We have our recipes up there for you.”

    Customer: “Look, all I want is olives. And sauerkraut.”

    Me: “I don’t have any sauerkraut for you sir.”

    Customer: “They have sauerkraut at other places! Like in Maine!”

    Me: “But not here. I’m sorry. And we are not in Maine.”

    Customer: *deadly serious and worried* “We’re not?”

    Disappointed By A Lack Of Disappointment

    | Ann Arbor, MI, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [restaurant]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “How long is your wait right now?”

    Me: “There is no wait at the moment.”

    Caller: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “That you don’t have to wait for a table.”

    Caller: “But how long is the wait?”

    Me: “There is none. You will be seated right away.”

    Caller: “I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me!”

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