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    The Fearsome Foursome

    | Flint, MI, USA |

    (Note: I’m taking a drive-thru order.)

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant]. What can I get you today?”

    Customer: “I’d like a large coffee with four creams and four sugars in it.”

    Me: “That was a large coffee with quadruple cream and sugar?”

    Customer: “No, you dumb f***! I wanted a large coffee with four creams and four sugars!”

    Me: “Ma’am, quadruple means four.”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    You Can’t Scam Your Cake And Eat It Too

    | Oshawa, ON, Canada |

    Me: “So, can I get you anything else?”

    Customer: “No, I’d like to make a complaint. The chicken was dirty. You didn’t wash it off before cooking it. Could you take it off my bill?”

    Me: “But you still ate it?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “You would get a discount if you sent it back, but you ate it.”

    Customer: “Can I speak to your manager?”

    (The manager comes out and they talk for a moment.)

    Manager: “Alright, so I’ll just bring you your bill then.”

    Customer: “But my friend told me if I complained, I’d get my meal free.”

    Manager: “You ate the meal, so you don’t get a discount.”

    Customer: “I didn’t bring any money, because I thought I wouldn’t have to pay!”

    Now Accepting Cash, Checks And Cheez-Its

    | Massachusetts, USA | Top

    (The cafe owners often bring their little one-year old girl with them, who sometimes plays with the register while standing on a crate. One day while I’m working on something else a few feet away, she’s doing this as a customer approaches.)

    Customer: “I’d like to order a sandwich to go.”

    Me: “Sure, I’ll be there in one minute. Let me just wash my hands.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but she can take my order now!” *points to the little girl*

    Me: “She’s just playing. She can’t actually ring you up.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “She’s one.”

    Customer: *heavy sigh*

    Toddler: “Cheese?”

    Related:
    Now Accepting Cash, Checks, And Fingerpaint

    Seven Sons For Seven Burgers

    , | Connecticut, USA |

    Customer: “You seem a bit slow. Is this your first day?”

    Me: “Actually, it is. I’m sorry if I held you up.”

    Customer: “No problem. You’ll get the hang of it. I should know. I have seven sons, and they all work at fast food places just like you.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s nice!”

    Customer: “No, it’s not. It’s pathetic and disappointing!”

    Related:
    Childhood Dream, Meet Retail Nightmare

    One Ring To Sue Them All

    | Australia | Top

    (I am a shift manager at a restaurant. I have many facial piercings, but always take them out for work.)

    Me: “Hello this is the manager speaking, what seems to be the problem today?”

    Caller: “I am calling to complain about one of your staff. They have horrendous facial piercings. It’s disgusting!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I must let you know that all of our staff are required to take out any piercings before starting their shift. What did this employee look like?”

    Caller: “She looked like the devil! She had piercings in her lip nose and eyebrow!”

    (I am the only one with these piercings, so she must be referring to me.)

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, are you sure you saw this employee at the restaurant?”

    Caller: “No, she was at the supermarket!”

    Me: “You’re calling about one of our employees while they were off duty?”

    Caller: “Yes! She never has them on at your restaurant, so they must have fallen into my food!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Caller: “YOU’RE GETTING SUED!”

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