October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Mess Up The Ketchup And She’ll Mess You Up

| Memphis, TN, USA | Food & Drink

Me: “Okay, ma’am, a number 3 with a root beer. Is there anything else I can get for you today?”

Customer: “No, that’ll be all, but do me a favor.”

Me: “Alright, what can I do for you?”

Customer: “Don’t put any ketchup packets in my bag.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll be sure not–”

Customer: “You better not! I can’t eat ketchup! They piss me off!”

If It Looks Like A Cow And Moos Like A Cow

, | Wisconsin, USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

(Due to difficulties returning from a petting zoo, my mother and I had a 3 month old calf riding in the front seat of our truck. We were hungry so we went thru a drive thru on our way home. After we ordered we drove up to the first window.)

Cashier #1: “Your total is [total]. Is that a real cow?”

Mom: “Why, yes, she is.”

(The cashier gives my mom the change and points the animal out to her coworkers around her. We drive up to the second window.)

Cashier #2: “Here’s your order. Is that cow real?”

Cow: “Mooooo!”

Mom: “As you can see, she is real and really hungry, so thank you for the hamburgers. She will really enjoy them.”

Big Ol’ Bag Of Bagel-y Biggle Bits

, | Sacramento, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

(I work at a pretzel place in a mall. On the posters, menu, and signs hanging in our store and outside of it, the bite-sized pieces of pretzels are called “pretzel bites”. It says that everywhere because they’re our most popular product.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [store]. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Can I get some of your pretzel nubbins?”

Me: “Ex-Excuse me?”

Customer: “The nubbins. The little bits. The pretzel bagels.”

Me: “Do…do you mean pretzel bites?”

Customer: “Yeah, the bagel bites, or the pretzel nuggets. With salt.”

Me: “So you want a big ol’ bag of bagel-y biggle bits, huh?”

Customer: *offended* “Excuse you?”

Me: “Small, medium, or large pretzel nubbins, ma’am?”

Picky Penny Pinching Plant Pilfering Patrons Provide Poor Perks

| Ohio, USA | Food & Drink, Money, Uncategorized

(A couple walks in, takes a look at the buffet, and then signals me over.)

Me: “What can I do for you?”

Customer: “So, we’re vegetarian. What can we eat?”

(I point out which dishes are vegetarian and explain a little bit about the food.)

Customer: “Okay, thanks, but we aren’t going to be eating any meat. Can you please take the chicken dishes away? We don’t want them.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is a buffet open to everyone. Other customers will eat the chicken dishes.”

Customer: “Well, can you just move them aside for me then? I don’t want to look at them. We won’t be needing them.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t change the order of the buffet. If you look, you’ll notice that the chicken and vegetarian are completely separate from each other. It would be hard to get them confused.”

Customer: “Okay, fine! Also, we don’t eat that much, so you should only charge us for one buffet.”

(They both proceed to get at least 5 plates each. Normally I would have charged them for two people, but my workplace is pretty lenient. I don’t want to cause any more trouble, so I only charge them for one buffet when the wife comes up to pay.)

Me: “That will be $8.50, please.”

Customer: “What?! But I told you to only charge us for one buffet! We didn’t eat that much!”

Me: “We charge $7.99 per person plus tax. I only charged you for one.”

Customer: *happily* “Oh, okay!”

(She hands me 25 cents.)

Customer: “Here you go, dear! I know how you servers don’t like being tipped on a credit card! This way, you won’t get taxed! Thanks so much!”

Press One For Faster Service

, | CA, USA | Uncategorized

(I am taking orders on a headset while also taking money at the window. A customer drives up to my speaker.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [restaurant]. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “No hablo inglés!”

Me: “Un momento…”

(I take the money from the customer at the window, planning to get a Spanish speaking manager as soon as I can. After a few minutes…)

Customer: “Okay, fine! I speak English!”

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