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    Fast Times At Fry Cook High

    , | Ontario, Canada | Top

    Me: “Hi, what can I get you?”

    Teenage girl #1: “Oh my God… like.. could we talk to the cook?”

    Me: “… what?”

    Teenage girl #2: “Yeah. Could you go get him?”

    Me: “Why?”

    Teenage girl #1: “He’s hot.”

    Me: “Alright, then.”

    (The cook then comes out to talk with them.)

    Cook: “Yes?”

    Teenage girl #2: “Like… what’re you doing after work?”

    Cook: “Going home to see my one month old son and girlfriend.”

    Teenage girl #1: “Oh my God, you have a son!? That’s so gross. You’re so young!”

    Cook: “This is why you use condoms, kids. Stay in school!”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Chivalry Isn’t Dead, But Your Sex Life Is

    , | Calgary, AB, Canada | Top

    (I’ve just come in from putting out some trash and notice a woman a few meters behind me, so I decide to wait and hold the door open.)

    Female customer: “Excuse me, what are you doing?”

    Me: “I’m holding the door op–”

    Female customer: “No, you’re being sexist! That’s what you are!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Female customer: “You think that just because I’m a woman I can’t open a door for myself? I’ll have you know that I have been opening doors all my life.”

    Me: “I don’t doubt that, ma’am. I was just trying to be polite.”

    Female customer: “Pig! I am never going to eat here again!”

    (She storms off as my manager, who is also a woman, walks by.)

    Manager: “God, that girl needs to get laid!”

    Eternal Persistence Is The Price Of Coffee Or Tea

    | New York, NY, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, can I get some coffee?”

    Me: “Sure, decaf or regular?”

    Customer: ¬†”Oh! Sugar too, please!”

    Me: “Not a problem. Decaf or regular?”

    Customer: “None of that sweet and low stuff. Real sugar!”

    Me: “Yes, sir. Decaf or regular?”

    Customer: “Oh, and milk, too!”

    Me: “Absolutely. Decaf or regular?”

    Customer: “But not skim, or whole, or 2%. You got any half and half?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Customer: “Good!”

    Me: “Right. Coffee with sugar and half and half. Do you want decaf or regular?”

    Customer: “Make sure there’s not too much milk. Gotta be a bit strong.”

    Me: “Right. Decaf or regular?”

    Customer: “Oh, and lots of sugar! I like it sweet… but not too much milk!”

    Me: “Decaf or regular?”

    Customer: “Oh, bring out some extra sugar, would you? Just in case.”

    Me: *gives up* “Okay, one decaf coffee, half and half, extra sugar?”

    Customer: “No, REGULAR! Geez, I swear… people just don’t pay attention anymore!”

    Don’t Burn Your Bridges Or We’ll Burn Your Pizza

    , | Columbus, OH, USA |

    Me: “Welcome to [pizza place], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I have a pickup for Smith.”

    Me: “That name doesn’t show up in our system… what phone number did you place it under?”

    Customer: *gives phone number*

    Me: “That’s the number for our competitor.”

    Customer: “Yes, I know… but the last time I went there, the service was so bad I told them I would never come back, and I don’t want them to know I’m ordering again. So, I thought maybe you guys could go pick it up for me?”

    By Jove, I Think He’s Figured It Out

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA |

    Me: “Hey there, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like to know the 9 types of lemonade you have.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, we only have ONE kind of lemonade and we’re out of it.”

    Customer: “Okay, but what are your 9 different types?”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t think you understand. We only have one kind of lemonade and we’re currently out of it.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (The customer walks away, only to come back five minutes later.)

    Customer: “If I ask you the same question from earlier, you’re still going to give me the same answer, aren’t you?”

    Me: “Yes…”


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