Stupidity In Bloom

| Long Beach, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

(We have run out of sandwiches that had meat and are only left with garden/veggie burgers.)

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “It’s a veggie burger, so there’s no meat in it. We call it a garden burger here.”

Customer: “Garden burger? So there are flowers in there?”

One More Of These And I’ll Squit

| Alberta, Canada | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Uncategorized

Customer: “I’ll have the chicken salad.”

Me: “Alright.”

Customer: “Is there MSG in it?”

Me: “There might be some in the dressing, I can check for you. Are you allergic?

Customer: “No, it just gives me diarrhea.”

Me: “Uh…ok?”

Customer’s friend: “That’s too much information!”

Customer: “No she needs to know. You need to know right?”


Me: *nervous laughter* “Oh, absolutely.”

Count-er Productive

| Hershey, PA, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

(I work as a hostess at a restaurant in a busy tourist area. As a result, we are frequently on a wait.)

Me: “Hi! How many today?”

Customer: “Six please.”

(Note, our biggest tables are meant for six.)

Me: “Great! And how many children’s menus for you?”

Customer: “I have a four year old, so only one.”

Me: “Okay! Take a seat and I’ll call you when your table’s ready.”

(Since we were especially busy, the party waited for about twenty minutes. When a table is finally available, I call them up. The six walk up, carrying two toddlers and pushing a baby carrier with an infant inside.)

Me: “Ma’am, I thought you said there were six?”

Customer: “There are only six that are going to eat! Wait, you mean my kids count?”

Me: “There is not room for nine at that table. I’m afraid you’re going to have to wait longer.”

Customer: *storming out* “I’m going to a place that doesn’t count my kids!”

Pray She Doesn’t Order Steak

| Portland, OR, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

Customer: “Good morning! What is the special today?”

Me: “We have a type of baked chicken with a sort of lemon sauce on top.”

Customer: “Is the chicken alive?”

Me: “No, I don’t think so.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t eat deceased meat, I’m sorry.”

Me: “Ok, well here is a menu. What else interests you?”

Customer: “How about a turkey sandwich?”

The Frozen Wastes

| Canada | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Top

Customer: “Hello dear. Could you tell me where the bathrooms are?”

Me: “Towards the back of the restaurant, behind the bar.”

Customer: “Thank you.”

(The customer goes away for a time and comes to find me later.)

Customer: “Thank you again, dear, but you may want to change your bathroom decor. It looks a lot like a freezer.”

Me: “Ma’am, our bathrooms look nothing like a freezer. They are normal bathrooms.”

Customer: “Oh dear…”

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