November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Give Me Whatever Moos

| TVM, Kerala, India | Food & Drink

(Note: most of our customers on our home-delivery call number are tourists, foreigners, or upper-class residents who speak in English.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you today? Would you like to hear about our specials?”

Customer: “Um, let me think. No?”

Me: “That’s quite fine. Can I take your order?”

Customer: “One stir-fried peas and three butter pattora please.”

Me: “Okay, one order of stir-fried peas and three butter parrota. Can I have–”

Customer: Not peas. It’s stir-fried peas.”

Me: “That is one stir-fried peas, right?”

Customer: “No! It’s PEAS! PEA-SEF!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m hearing stir-fried peas: P as in potato, E as in eclairs, A as in apple, and S as in suga–”

Customer: “No! No! Moooo!”

Me: “What’s that, ma’am? I didn’t hear you.”

Customer: “MOO! MOOOO!”

Me: “Oh! You mean beef. Sorry about that, ma’am. So, one order of stir-fried beef and three butter parrota. Are we good?”

Customer: “Ha! yes! Stir-fried pea-sef! *gives address*

Me: “Alrighty, we’ll have it delivered in 15-minutes. Have a nice day!”

Customer: “MOO! I will!” *click*

Do Unto Others

, | Cape Carteret, NC, USA | Food & Drink, Top

(This takes place toward the end of my shift in the drive-thru. Everything has been slow for awhile.)

Customer: “Two cheeseburgers and that’ll be it.”

Me: “Okay sir, your total will be–”

(The customer drives ahead to the window before I can finish.)

Me: “Evening, sir. Your total will be $2.14.”

Customer: “I KNOW how to add!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t give you your total.”

Customer: *hands me money* “I know, I’m sorry.”

Me: *makes change* “Long day?”

Customer: “Yeah, lot of customers being a**holes.”

Me: “Yeah. I know the feeling. Have a nice day!”

The Lost And Eaten

, | Kansas City, MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(Sometimes, customers call the store when their order is wrong. This one was a little bit more special.)

Manager: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I didn’t get my food!”

Manager: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “When I came through the drive-thru, I got my food. But when I got home it was gone!”

Manager: “Let me get this straight. You got your food at the window?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Manager: “And it was in your car when you left?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Manager: “And it was gone when you got home?”

Customer: “It wasn’t there anymore.”

Manager: “So between here and home, you lost your food? How do you expect us to fix it?”

Customer: *hangs up*

Dripular Reasoning

, | Kennebunk, ME, USA | Uncategorized

(I live in a relatively small town and have lived there all my life. Needless to say, I know the place inside out and walk through downtown to get to work pretty much every day.)

Tourist: “Excuse me, do you know where the nearest Starbucks is?”

Me: “Of course, if you go–”

Older Man: “Yes it’s downtown right before the bridge detour you can’t miss it!”

Me: “Sir, I believe that’s [coffee shop], not Starbucks.”

Older Man: “No, it’s Starbucks!”

Me: “Sir, that’s [coffee shop]. There’s never been a Starbucks there.”

Older Man: “No, you’re wrong! When exactly did it become [coffee shop]?! Hmm?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it’s been [coffee shop] for about two years now.”

Older Man: “Well, unless Starbucks left and changed the name overnight, you’re wrong!”

Me: “It didn’t. It’s–”

Older Man: “Right! So it’s Starbucks and you’re wrong!”

And The Thigh Bone’s Connected To The

, | Newport, UK | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’ll have two wings, one breast, and one side-breast.”

Cashier: “Side-breast?”

Customer: “Yes, side-breast…” *repeats order*

Cashier: “What’s that?”

Customer: “Well, you have the breast, which is the front of the chicken, and the side-breast, which is half of the breast.”

Cashier: “Well, we don’t do that. We have thighs, legs, wings, ribs, and breast.”

Customer: “No, you have side-breast! I always have side-breast! There it is–those ones there!”

(The customer points to a pile in one of the heating units.)

Cashier: “Oh, you mean rib!”

Customer: “Yes, side-breast!”