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    Unable To Bridge The Gap

    | Nevada, USA | Tourists/Travel

    Customer:“Where is it?”

    Me: “Where is what?”

    Customer:“The bridge! The bridge over the lake.”

    Me:“I’m sorry, sir, but there is no bridge over the lake.”

    (The customer points to a local map.)

    Customer: “There is, it’s right there! A bridge.”

    Me: “Sir, that would be the state line that you are pointing at. It’s the line that separates California from Nevada. The state line.”

    Customer:“Oh…so there’s no bridge?”

    Waiter Hater

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners

    (A man and his girlfriend walk in to our restaurant.)

    Me: “Hello, and welcome to [restaurant]. I’ll be your server tonight.”

    Customer: “Yeah. What happened to your nose?”

    (I instinctively touch my nose to feel if anything is wrong with it.)

    Customer: “Gotcha! I made you touch your nose.”

    Me: “Yes, very amusing sir. Now may I interest you in–”

    Customer: “You’re zipper is undone.”

    Me: “Oh, but I’m not wearing pants with a zipper.”

    Customer: “But you probably didn’t notice your pants are split open!”

    Customer’s girlfriend: “I’m sorry, I should have just left him at home with a bowl of kibble and water.”

    When Matter Doesn’t Matter

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Math & Science

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you have Gatorade?”

    Me: “No, but we do have Powerade.”

    Customer: “Does it have electrons in it?”

    Me: “No, do you mean electrolytes?”

    Customer: “No, electrons.”

    Me: “I hope so.”

    Better Safe Than Saucy

    | Canada | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (A young boy comes up to me and points at the clam sauce for spaghetti.)

    Boy: “Can I have this sauce?”

    Me: “Sure, it’s clam. Is that okay?”

    Boy: “Clam? What’s clam?”

    (I start clapping my fingers together motioning a clam closing and opening.)

    Me: “A clam? You don’t know what a clam is?”

    Boy: *blank stare.*

    Me: “Okay, well are you allergic to any shellfish?”

    Boy: “What’s a shellfish?”

    Me: “Okay, you’re getting tomato sauce.”

    Asking The Eggs-pert

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (I am serving a table of 4, getting last customer’s order.)

    Me: “How would you like your eggs?”

    Customer: “How do people usually get them?”

    Me: “They get them whatever way they like them prepared.”

    Customer: “Can you name some of the ways?”

    Me: “Sure. Scrambled, sunny side up, over-easy, over-medium, over-well, poached, basted, soft-boiled, hard boiled, I think that’s all of them.”

    Customer: *long silence*

    Me: “Sir, what do the eggs you like best look like?”

    Customer: “Can you give me some examples?”

    Me: “Well, scrambled is yellow and fluffy, sunny side up the yellow is lightly cooked and the white isn’t all the way cooked, over-easy is the white part is all cooked, but the yellow is runny, over-medium is the white is all cooked with the edges a little crisp and the yellow a little thick, over-well is when the whites are cooked and a little brown and the yellow is cooked all the way through and dry.”

    Customer: “Which is the one where you can dip the toast in the yellow but there’s no goopy stuff?”

    Me: “Over-easy is the best option for that.”

    Customer: “That’s the way I like my eggs then.”

    Me: “Did you want me to write that down for you for the next time you go out for breakfast?”

    All of the customer’s friends: *in unison* “Yes, please!”

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