July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Forget The Coupon, Just Wing It

| Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [restaurant]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’ve got coupon for 12 wings free. But, it says it excludes boneless wings. So, I was wondering if I could place an order and get the boneless wings free.”

Me: “Sir, if it says it excludes the boneless wings, then I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Oh. So, even if I cross it off, it won’t work?”

Beer Is Sold On A Case By Case Basis

| Fort Smith, AR, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, welcome to [drive in]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah. I’d like a deluxe burger and a fry.”

Me: “Did you want to make that a combo today, and add a drink for only fifty cents more?”

Customer: “Well, shoot! Yeah, give me a beer.”

Me: “Sir, this is a drive in. We don’t serve beer.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because this is a drive in. It’s illegal to drink and drive.”

Customer: “I bet you’d get a lot more business if you sold beer.”

Needs A Good Dressing Down

| Poulsbo, WA, USA | Uncategorized

(I am making a customer a salad. She is listing off what she wants on it.)

Me: “So that was oil, vinegar, and honey mustard for the dressings?”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

(I proceed to put them on.)

Customer: “I didn’t want honey mustard.”

Me: “I just asked you if you wanted it, and you said yes.”

Customer: “I never said I wanted it.”

(To avoid confrontation, I set it aside and make a new one. I finish putting all the dressings on, except the honey mustard.)

Me: “Sorry about that. Would you like anything else on it?”

Customer: “You know what, I will try some honey mustard on it after all.”

Eggs Aren’t The Only Things Getting Beaten

| Naperville, IL, USA | Uncategorized

(My restaurant has a deal. If the lunch time food takes longer than 15 minutes to deliver to the table, the meal is free. I explain the concept to a table of three customers.)

Me: “If I don’t have that food out for you in 15 minutes, you guys don’t have to pay for lunch!”

Customer: “Wait. If you take too long and we don’t have to pay, does the price of the food come out of your salary?”

Me: *jokingly* “Oh, no, but my managers do take me outback and beat me.”

Customer: *pauses* “Can I watch?”

If You’re Rude, You Get Screwed

| Berlin, Germany | Top

(I am serving a customer. He appears to be trying to impress his girlfriend.)

Customer: “This wine is corked!”

Me: “No, sir. It’s not corked.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! How dare you? A simple server should never say I’m lying! I want to speak to the manager!”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “This wine is corked, and this guy is calling me a liar!”

Manager, to me: “How can you be so sure his wine is not corked?”

Me: “The bottle had a screw cap.”

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