This Vegetarian Is A Red Herring

| Orillia, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’d like your chicken caesar wrap, please. With no chicken or bacon bits.”

Me: “Are you a vegetarian?”

Customer: “Yes, why?”

Me: “Well, I just wanted you to know that the caesar salad dressing has anchovy paste in it.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “Anchovy is a kind of fish.”

Customer: “I said I was vegetarian, not vegan.”

The Brewery Isn’t The Only Thing That’s Micro

| FL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “What sort of soda do you carry?”

Me: “We have organic root beer-”

Customer: “Does that taste like root beer?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll take one of those.”

(I go get her root beer and bring it back. It’s in a glass bottle. The woman stares at the bottle.)

Customer: “This root beer. It doesn’t have alcohol in it, does it?”

Me: “No, it does not.”

Customer: “It says ‘beer’ on the side.”

Me: “That’s part of the name.”

Customer: “But, it says ‘micro-brewed’ on the side.”

Very Sake Customers

| Long Island, NY, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, what would you like to order?”

Customer #1: “I want a salmon roll. It comes with salmon inside…wrapped in rice and seaweed.”

Me: “Sure. That is how salmon rolls always come, anyway.”

Customer #2: “I would also like a spicy tuna roll. Just spicy tuna…wrapped in rice and seaweed.”

Me: “Okay, that’s how all of our rolls come. You can just say the name of the roll.”

Customer #1: “Oh, and I’ll also have a cucumber roll…with cucumber inside, wrapped in rice and seaweed.”

How To Austra-cize Common Sense

| Sydney, Australia | Top

(A customer asks for the bill. I give it to her.)

Customer: “Hold on, where am I?”

Me: “You’re in [restaurant].”

Customer: “No, what country?”

Me: “Seriously?”

*blank stare*

(At this moment I notice a large bag on the table next to her and a large travel backpack on the seat next to her.)

Me: “Australia. Are you backpacking the world?”

(The customer opens her bag and pulls out over a dozen envelopes with different countries written on them. France, Russia, China, Germany, Thailand, etc. She pulls Austria out of the pile.)

Me: “No, it’s Australia.”

(The customer puts it back and finds her Australia envelope. Out of the envelope comes Euros.)

Me: “Okay, get Austria.”

Customer: “You told me that’s wrong.”

Me: “You misplaced your money.”

(The customer reluctantly gets her Austria envelope again. Out of the envelope comes Australian dollars, which I happily accept. She puts everything back in the wrong envelope.)

Me: “I think you should put them in the correct envelope this time. Euros doesn’t need to be separated by country. You can name multiple countries on that one envelope.”

Customer: *yelling* “Don’t tell me what to do! I’m the one travelling, not you. Don’t forget, you’re the one who told me my first envelope was wrong!”

When Bowels Camembert It Any Longer

| San Diego, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Can I get a quesadilla with guacamole, but no sour cream? I’m lactose intolerant.”

Me: “You do realize that a quesadilla is just cheese in a flour tortilla, right?”

Customer: “I do. You should pray you never have to live in a world where you can not eat cheese without incurring the wrath of your own bowels.”

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