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    Tooth Isn’t The Only Thing Chipped

    | Lethbridge, AB, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Hi, I was in a few days ago, and something I ate chipped my tooth. I called and your boss said you would reimburse me.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, it’s not our policy to offer cash reimbursement without the manager present. However, if you leave your information I will pass it along to the owners and we’ll see what we can do.”

    Customer: “Oh.” *stands there staring at me for a minute*

    Me: “Is there something else I could help you with?”

    Customer: “Are you going to give me the money?”

    Me: “No, sorry, like I said, that’s not within our policy.”

    Customer: “Oh, ok.”

    (I leave to refill another customers beverage. The customer robs my float container from the drawer through some sneaky maneuvering.)

    Me: *catching the customer at the door* “I’m going to need to take that back from you.”

    Customer: *reluctantly hands the float container back to me, looking forlorn* “But….but….it’s for ME!”

    I Scream Fraud

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

    Me: “Hello, welcome to [ice cream department]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: *sounding angry* “I just purchased some of your ice cream for my son and now he’s broken out in hives! He has an allergy and all your ingredients should be clearly labelled!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. It does say that our ice cream is both peanut and gluten free, and our ingredients are available upon request, as they vary, depending on the type of ice cream someone orders.”

    Customer: “Well you didn’t tell me that before! And now my son has broken out in hives! This is all your fault!”

    Me:”May I ask what your son is allergic to?”

    Customer: “Sucrose. I don’t see why this matters.”

    Me: *raises eyebrow* “Our ice cream doesn’t contain sucrose.”

    (At this point, said customer’s young son walks in, looking perfectly fine and eating his ice cream.)

    Customer: *surprised* “I told you to wait outside!” *in a lower voice* “…and out of sight!”

    Takeout The Decision Making Process

    | Melbourne, Australia | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I’m a new waiter and I’m alone during an afternoon shift when a customer calls.)

    Customer: “I’m [name]. I’d like to order my usual for takeaway.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m new. Could you tell me what you would like to order?”

    Customer: “My usual.”

    Me: “I don’t know what that is, sir.”

    Customer: “Just tell the kitchen that it’s for [name]. They’ll know what it is.”

    Me: “Okay, but just in case they don’t know, could you tell me what your usual is?”

    Customer: “Oh, they’ll know, I’m a regular.”

    (He hangs up. Fifteen minutes later a man turns up in the restaurant.)

    Customer: “I’m [name]. I ordered my usual over the phone.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, the kitchen staff don’t know what your usual is so they weren’t able to make it.”

    Customer: “But I’m a regular! They know who I am.”

    Me: “They don’t. They cook whatever we tell them to cook. They never interact with the customers. If you would like to tell me what your usual is I could place your order.”

    Customer: “Never mind.”

    (Customer leaves. Later, I tell the manager what happened. The manager laughs and says that that particular customer always orders his usual which is whatever dish the staff member chooses for him.)

    Give One, Get One Free

    | United Kingdom | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m waiting in line after ordering a cheeseburger. Another customer is being particularly annoying.)

    Server: “Your cheeseburger’s ready sir. That’ll be £2.80.”

    Me: *handing over money* “Thanks.”

    Other customer: “Hey! Why’s he getting his first? We were here first, that’s mine!”

    Server: “He ordered a cheeseburger. They’re quicker to make than double bacon burgers. Yours will be done in a minute.”

    Other customer: “I want that one! That one is mine!”

    (I nod to the server, and they hand the woman the burger.)

    Other customer: “This has got cheese in it! And no bacon! Are trying to rip me off?!”

    Server: “You said you wanted that one rather than what you ordered.”

    Other customer: “This is appalling! I’m going elsewhere. You can’t get your orders in the right order!” *slams cheese burger on van shelf then walks off*

    Server, to me: *smiling* “Would you like a free bacon burger with your cheeseburger?”

    History (Deep) Pans Out

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, History, Language & Words

    (A Native Canadian customer comes into the store with five small children.)

    Customer: “Why do the Deluxe and the Hawaiian pizza cost the same? One has more toppings!”

    Me: “To be honest, I’m not really sure. That’s just the way the company works, I guess.”

    Customer: “Well, can I get a discount for the Hawaiian, then? It has five less toppings!”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but I can’t do that.”

    Customer: *long pause* “You’re a cruel person.”

    Me: “Come again?”

    Customer: “Your people come here, give diseases, kill us all, steal our land, put our children in residential schools, and now this!”

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