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    Every Valet’s Dream Come True

    | Lake Tahoe, CA/NV, USA | Top

    (A man pulls into the parking lot with a beautiful 1972 Rolls Royce. As a general rule, when someone comes in with a car that nice I just let them park it themselves right up front. This conversation takes place as he is leaving the restaurant.)

    Customer: “I need you to pull my car around for me.”

    Me: “I never took the keys from you.”

    Customer: “The keys are in the ignition. Please go get my car.”

    Me: “Well, if you insist…”

    (I pull the car around VERY carefully.)

    Customer: “That was completely unacceptable. I want you to drive around again, only this time when you start off, do a burnout!”

    Simple Conversations, Even Simpler Minds

    | St. Augustine, FL, USA |

    (A customer comes up to the window where you pick up your order after your number was called. All he ordered was a biscuit.)

    Customer: “Biscuit?”

    Cook: “Biscuit.”

    Customer: *cocks head to one side* “Biscuit?”

    Cook: “Biscuit.”

    Customer: *cocks head to other side* “BISCUIT?”

    Cook: *picks up biscuit, shows the customer each side slowly* “Bis-cuit.”

    Customer: “OH! BISCUIT!” *proceeds to take plate to table*

    Dysfunctional Doppelgangers

    , | Cooby, Australia |

    (An old, drunken man stumbles in to our fast food restaurant.)

    Me: “Hello, how are you tonight sir?”

    (He stumbles to the front counter, leans over, and stares intently at my name badge.)

    Me: “Umm, can I help you?”

    Drunken customer: *reads my badge* “Tahiiinaaa..”

    Me: “…yes?”

    Drunken customer: “That’s a really pretty name. I want your name. Sell me your name!”

    Me: “Sorry, I can’t sell you my name… do you want some chicken?”

    Drunken customer: “I. WANT. YOUR. NAME!”

    (Suddenly, the drunken guy lunges over the counter and rips my badge off of my shirt and runs out of the store laughing.)

    Me, to my manager: “I think I need a new shirt…”

    Too Much Information, Part 6

    | Delaware, USA |

    (I’m cleaning up several tables at a restaurant and overhear this conversation between three customers.)

    Female Customer #1: “…porn star. You can’t be shy about it! There’s not being shy if you’re just going to be a porn star, anyway.”

    Female Customer #2: “Yeah! What’re you working with, anyway?”

    Male Customer: *gets up and faces table, hands moving towards jeans*

    Me: *abandons tasks and leaves section immediately*

    Related:
    Way, Way, Way Too Much Information
    Way, Way Too Much Information
    Way Too Much Information
    TMI Redux
    TMI (Too Much Information)

    When In Rome (Or An Indian Restaurant)…

    | Southampton, UK |

    Me: “Did you enjoy your meal?”

    Customer: “No, the madras was hot.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry it wasn’t to your liking, but madras is a hot dish.”

    Customer: “No, no it’s not. Madras is a mild dish. It’s mild.”

    Me: “Okay, but if I check with the chef, he’ll tell me we serve it as a hot dish.”

    Customer: “What would he know? He’s Indian! What would he know about curry?”

    Related:
    When In Rome (Or A Kosher Deli)


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