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    Tall Is The New Small

    | Denver, CO, USA |

    Me: “Hello, ladies. What can I start you off to drink?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a draft beer.”

    Me: “Certainly. Would you like the 12 ounce or the 18 ounce?”

    Customer: “Oh, bring me the tall.”

    (I return with her large beer in a scooner that looks like a mini fishbowl.)

    Customer: “Good Lord, this is your 12 ounce?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. That’s the 18 ounce. I’m sorry, I must have misheard you. I thought you said the tall beer. Let me go fix that.”

    Customer: “I did say tall. Tall is small, you know.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We’re not [coffee chain]. In beer language, tall means large.

    Customer: “Well, you’re just behind on the times. Everybody knows tall is small!”

    The Fearsome Foursome

    | Flint, MI, USA |

    (Note: I’m taking a drive-thru order.)

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant]. What can I get you today?”

    Customer: “I’d like a large coffee with four creams and four sugars in it.”

    Me: “That was a large coffee with quadruple cream and sugar?”

    Customer: “No, you dumb f***! I wanted a large coffee with four creams and four sugars!”

    Me: “Ma’am, quadruple means four.”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    You Can’t Scam Your Cake And Eat It Too

    | Oshawa, ON, Canada |

    Me: “So, can I get you anything else?”

    Customer: “No, I’d like to make a complaint. The chicken was dirty. You didn’t wash it off before cooking it. Could you take it off my bill?”

    Me: “But you still ate it?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “You would get a discount if you sent it back, but you ate it.”

    Customer: “Can I speak to your manager?”

    (The manager comes out and they talk for a moment.)

    Manager: “Alright, so I’ll just bring you your bill then.”

    Customer: “But my friend told me if I complained, I’d get my meal free.”

    Manager: “You ate the meal, so you don’t get a discount.”

    Customer: “I didn’t bring any money, because I thought I wouldn’t have to pay!”

    Now Accepting Cash, Checks And Cheez-Its

    | Massachusetts, USA | Top

    (The cafe owners often bring their little one-year old girl with them, who sometimes plays with the register while standing on a crate. One day while I’m working on something else a few feet away, she’s doing this as a customer approaches.)

    Customer: “I’d like to order a sandwich to go.”

    Me: “Sure, I’ll be there in one minute. Let me just wash my hands.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but she can take my order now!” *points to the little girl*

    Me: “She’s just playing. She can’t actually ring you up.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “She’s one.”

    Customer: *heavy sigh*

    Toddler: “Cheese?”

    Related:
    Now Accepting Cash, Checks, And Fingerpaint

    Seven Sons For Seven Burgers

    , | Connecticut, USA |

    Customer: “You seem a bit slow. Is this your first day?”

    Me: “Actually, it is. I’m sorry if I held you up.”

    Customer: “No problem. You’ll get the hang of it. I should know. I have seven sons, and they all work at fast food places just like you.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s nice!”

    Customer: “No, it’s not. It’s pathetic and disappointing!”

    Related:
    Childhood Dream, Meet Retail Nightmare

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