I’ve always enjoyed seafood, so when a new seafood restaurant opens up in my fairly small city, I’m thrilled. I decide to bring a friend and try it out.

When we get there, it turns out they have a fairly eclectic menu. They seem to be serving anything fish-related — sushi, fish and chips, Swedish pickled herring, French cuisine, etc. I opt for my favourite, moules-frites, while my friend orders sushi.

When my moules arrives, I discover that a fair amount of the mussels are still closed, which means they’ve gone bad. I wave our server over.

Me: “Hi, I’m sorry. I notice that a lot of these are closed. Can you have a word with the chef about that, please?”

Server: “Absolutely, I will inform him.”

In the meantime, I eat my fries and the sauce, which is pretty tasty. My friend who ordered the sushi seems to enjoy her nigiri. Then, the server returns and hands me a steak knife.

Server: “Here you are!”

Me: “Sorry, what is this?”

Server: “It’s for opening the closed mussels! The chef is sorry he missed them.”

Me: “[Friend], stop eating, right now.”

Friend: “What, why?”

Me: “They apparently don’t know that you’re not supposed to eat closed mussels, so how confident are you about eating their raw fish?”

The very embarrassed server comped our meals, and we left as soon as we could. I don’t know if the problem was with the server or the chef, but I never ate there again, and the place went out of business within months of opening.

I’m the bad guy in this one, though I didn’t intend to be. My wife and I go on a Valentine’s Day Dinner Cruise at a location that features free valet parking. We have a great dinner and a fun cruise.

Afterward, we disembark and go to pick up our car. I suddenly realize I didn’t bring any cash with me with which to tip the valet.

Me: “Did you have any cash?”

Wife: “No.”

We wait for our car and as the valet gives me the key, I try to apologize for not tipping him. I’m normally not shy about talking to people, but the situation made me feel self-conscious and I stutter out, “I forgot to bring cash,” in a low voice.

It is very busy and there is a lot of ambient noise, so the valet doesn’t hear me clearly.

Valet: *Politely* “I’m sorry?”

Me: “Uh, no tip.”

The valet scowls, shrugs, and hurries off to fetch another car. I realize that I sounded like a jerk who was making a point of telling him I wasn’t going to tip him.

As busy as it is, sticking around to try to apologize will back up traffic and interfere with the poor guy trying to do his job. Sadly, all I can do is drive home. I take the coward’s way out with my wife, who also hasn’t heard the exchange.

Wife: “Did you apologize for not tipping?”

Me: “Um, yeah. I did.”

We’ll probably do the dinner cruise again and I won’t forget cash this time. I can always hope I encounter the same valet guy and, though he’s probably already forgotten me, I’ll give him a little extra.

If I like a dish, I will order it repeatedly. However, I’m not so much a creature of habit that I always order the same every time. My husband is mostly the same.

There is a restaurant we’ve frequented regularly for takeout and they got a new waiter, who has seen us only twice so far.

Waiter: “Oh, hello. That’s the usual?”

And before we can say anything, he scurries away, so my husband has to hunt him down and actually make our order that’s not the same as last time.

A week later, it’s even more absurd. When we enter, he just smiles and leaves, and after a while, he tries to hand us some boxes.

Waiter: “Hello there! Great to see you again! Here’s your usual.”

Me: “Erm, we don’t have a ‘usual’. What’s this?”

Waiter: “It’s [what we ordered once the last time]. You always take this!”

Husband: “No, the first time, I had [Dish #1] and my wife had [Dish #2]. The second time, she had [Dish #1] and I had [Dish #2]. And that’s [Dish #3] and [Dish #4] which we just had last time. We want two of [Dish #1] today, please.”

The waiter huffs and puffs but scuttles away to supposedly get [Dish #1].

We take it home just to find out he just packed us what he made the first time, pretending it was [Dish #1]. The food is also stone cold by now.

We go back, and when he sees us he just vanishes, so we ask his colleague for the owner and relate the whole story to him.

The owner calls the waiter and asks him for his side.

Waiter: “I don’t know what’s wrong with those people! They always take the same! They just change it to make it harder for me and to prove a point.”

Owner: “These people have come here for several years. They sometimes take the same dishes and they sometimes order different stuff. We’ve had this discussion several times now. We have weekly changing specials, and customers often change their preferences. We always ask! Just stop assuming things!”

The waiter tried to discuss his point some more, but the owner sent him in the back and went to remake our order himself. He also gave us a gift card for our next meal. When we left, we saw them arguing further. I don’t know what made him so adamant that all regulars always eat the same.

The last time we got takeout there, we didn’t see him. I don’t know if he doesn’t work there anymore or if he just had a different shift. I’d not be sad to never have to deal with him again. I at least hope the owner finally managed to get through to him.

I was driving cross-country after visiting some family. I’d been driving for several hours, and I’d foolishly skipped lunch, so by evening, I was starving.

I stopped at a local restaurant, got seated, and was looking over the menu. There were two different entrees that looked pretty good to me: a burger and a sandwich. Given how hungry I was, I decided to order both.

Waiter #1: “And what can I get for you?”

Me: “I’d like to get the [burger] and the [sandwich].”

Waiter #1: “Which one?”

I held up and pointed to the menu.

Me: “The [burger] here, and the [sandwich].”

Waiter #1: “But which one are you ordering?”

Me: *Now thoroughly confused* “Both?”

Waiter #1: *Sighing* “You have to pick one or the other.”

Me: “Why?”

Waiter #1: “One person, one meal.”

Me: “It will be just one meal. I’m starving, and these are what I’d like to order, please.”

I guess my voice might have gotten too loud, as another waiter came up.

Waiter #2: “Everything okay here?”

Before the first waiter could speak, I did.

Me: “No. Apparently, I’m not allowed to order both a burger and a sandwich at the same time.”

Waiter #2: “What?”

Waiter #1: “It’s too much. Meals are designed for one person; he’s going to be wasting food.”

Waiter #2: “Look, I… [Waiter #1], I’ll take over here.”

They made eye contact for a bit, and then the first waiter stalked off. The second waiter took my order with no problem and brought out the food. Both the burger and sandwich were delicious, and it took me practically no time at all to polish them both off, leaving two completely empty plates.

I went up to the front to pay, and as I was waiting on my receipt to print, I saw the first waiter stalk over to my table and start poking around, going as far as to look under the table. I’m guessing he was trying to prove himself right about me wasting food, and he couldn’t believe that I’d honestly emptied both plates.

I left a big tip for [Waiter #2] and filled out a comment card for [Waiter #1]’s behavior.

I’m working in a restaurant, and I answer the phone.

Customer: “I ordered takeaway, and my soup wasn’t with my order!”

Me: “I distinctly remember putting the soup in there.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, there it is. I couldn’t find it under the [item].”

She couldn’t find the biggest thing in the bag. Sure, lady.