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    Date Fright

    | Springville, UT, USA | Food & Drink, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

    (I’m hosting and whenever I seat a table, I put an ‘X’ next to the server who got the table so that all the servers get the same amount of tables. Two women walk in.)

    Me: “Hello, how many for you today?”

    Woman 1: “Just the two.”

    Me: *marking the next server* “Well, if you just want to follow me.”

    Woman 2: “That wasn’t our name!”

    Me: “What?”

    Woman 2: “We didn’t have a reservation. That wasn’t us!”

    Me: “Oh, I was just marking the server you’ll be having today.”

    Woman 1: “Sorry, we just saw Date Night and they took someone’s reservation and almost died!”

    When Life Presents A Fork, Choose The Right Way

    , | Illinois, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

    Customer: *walks up to the counter* “Hey, you guys forgot my fork and croutons!”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that, ma’am. Here you are.”

    Customer: “Well, don’t I get free food because you guys messed up?!”

    Me: “You get a free fork and croutons.”

    Reaching New (Faren)Heights Of Stupidity

    | Manila, Philippines | Math & Science, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (I overhear a tourist couple at breakfast one table over.)

    Customer: “Every day! This coffee is never hot enough.”

    Customer’s husband: “You’re just gonna have to get used to that. In these countries that use the Celsius scale, they boil their water at only 100 degrees.”

    Can’t Keep A Good Waitress Down

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science, Top

    (I am working as a bartender at a restaurant. The waitress has added a 15% gratuity because the party has been large and difficult to deal with.)

    Customer: “Miss? What’s this ‘gravity’ crap?! I ain’t paying for no ‘gravity!'”

    Waitress: *without missing a beat* “Ma’am, that’s what holds the food to your plate.”

    Customer: “Oh, alright then.” *pays the check*

    That’s (Not) A Wrap Folks

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

    Me: “Good afternoon.”

    Caller: “I was there at lunch today and got take out. When I got home I realized I had a salad and not the wrap. Your staff obviously can’t get an order right. You better rectify this. I am not impressed at all.”

    Me: “What did you order?”

    Caller: “A caesar salad.”

    Me: “But isn’t that what you got?”

    Caller: “But I wanted the caesar salad wrap. You guys screwed up.”

    Me: “We don’t have a caesar salad wrap. Did you tell the cashier that you wanted a wrap?”

    Caller: “You have caesar salad wraps, so she was pretty stupid if she didn’t know what I wanted.”

    Me: “We have a roma chicken wrap with caesar dressing and feta. Is that what you wanted?”

    Caller: “Well, your business is pretty stupid if you call a salad a caesar salad but don’t call a wrap that when you have one. I expect to be compensated for your stupidity.”

    Me: “So you want to be compensated because you ordered the wrong item and our staff didn’t tell you that you really wanted something else?”

    Caller: “Well…yes!”

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