Featured Story:
  • A Total Brazil Nut
    (1,450 thumbs up)
  • April Theme Of The Month: Losing My Religion!
    Submit your story today!

    Best Not Order The French Fries

    | Tennessee, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Uncategorized

    (I come in on my day off to get my paycheck. My boss asks me to help with a table of two people who are speaking mostly French before I go. When I am done another customer calls me over.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, don’t you work here?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I do. It’s just my day off today. Would you like me to get your server?”

    Customer: “What were you just talking in? It was some kind of foreign talk. At that other table there?”

    Me: “Oh, I speak a little bit of French, so I was helping the server.”

    Customer: “You can do that?”

    Me: “Do what, sir?”

    Customer: “You can speak French in here? Isn’t that illegal?!”

    Me: “To speak French?”

    Customer: “Yeah! I mean, this is a Mexican restaurant. You could get shot for speaking in French! Or even just thinking about talking in French!”

    Me: “Well–”

    Customer: “Shot!”

    Me: “I don’t think–”

    Customer: “Shot!”

    Me: “Sir–”

    Customer: “SHOT I SAID!”

    Boss: “It’s okay. She was thinking about the words in Spanish.”

    Customer: “Oh good.” *whispers to me* “Don’t ever try to talk in British in here. It won’t end well.”

    (My boss made a gun out of paperclips and attached them to all of my paychecks after that.)

    Meaty Political Issues

    , | Michigan, USA | Food & Drink, Politics, Uncategorized

    (One of the meats we offer is a barbecued shredded beef, which we refer to as Barbacoa.)

    Customer: “I’ll take a burrito with Barack Obama.”

    Me: “One burrito with barbacoa coming up.”

    Customer: “What’d you call it?”

    Me: “Barbacoa.”

    Customer: “Oh, thank God. I’m a Republican.”

    Babel-ing On

    | Chula Vista, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Uncategorized

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant] I’ll be your server this evening.”

    Customer: “Habla español?”

    Me: “No sir, I don’t.”

    Customer: “Italian?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Customer: “French?”

    Me: “Sorry, no.”

    Customer: “Well, then what language do you speak?”

    Flattery Is Fully Charged

    | Wilmington, DE, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello! I’m [name] and I’ll be your server today. Are you ready to order?”

    Customer: “No! You can’t serve me! You’re prettier than I am! You’re damaging my self-esteem!”

    Me: *pause* “Well, you can request another server, if you like?”

    Customer: “Yes! Get me another server. Someone less pretty!”

    (Another waitress comes out. She’s perfectly good-looking, but visibly older than the customer whereas I’m younger, so we figured that would be okay.)

    Waitress: “May I take your order, ma’am?”

    Customer: “No no no! I asked for someone who isn’t pretty! Doesn’t this place employ ugly people?!”

    (In the end, after deciding that even the male servers were far too good-looking, she left us feeling flattered, but very confused.)

    Not Much Food For Thought

    | Livonia, MI, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    (I’m a hostess seating a very attractive couple and their adorable 9-month-old baby.)

    Me: "Do we have anything to celebrate tonight?"

    Wife: "No…well…"

    Me: "Yes?"

    Wife: *as if divulging a great secret* "Well, I’ve been on a cleanse since I had my baby, and I’m only allowed to eat on certain days. Today…I get to eat DINNER!"

    Me: “Uhm…”

    Wife: *nervous giggle*

    Page 165/243First...163164165166167...Last