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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Big Ol’ Bag Of Bagel-y Biggle Bits

    , | Sacramento, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    (I work at a pretzel place in a mall. On the posters, menu, and signs hanging in our store and outside of it, the bite-sized pieces of pretzels are called “pretzel bites”. It says that everywhere because they’re our most popular product.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [store]. What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Can I get some of your pretzel nubbins?”

    Me: “Ex-Excuse me?”

    Customer: “The nubbins. The little bits. The pretzel bagels.”

    Me: “Do…do you mean pretzel bites?”

    Customer: “Yeah, the bagel bites, or the pretzel nuggets. With salt.”

    Me: “So you want a big ol’ bag of bagel-y biggle bits, huh?”

    Customer: *offended* “Excuse you?”

    Me: “Small, medium, or large pretzel nubbins, ma’am?”

    Picky Penny Pinching Plant Pilfering Patrons Provide Poor Perks

    | Ohio, USA | Food & Drink, Money, Uncategorized

    (A couple walks in, takes a look at the buffet, and then signals me over.)

    Me: “What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “So, we’re vegetarian. What can we eat?”

    (I point out which dishes are vegetarian and explain a little bit about the food.)

    Customer: “Okay, thanks, but we aren’t going to be eating any meat. Can you please take the chicken dishes away? We don’t want them.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is a buffet open to everyone. Other customers will eat the chicken dishes.”

    Customer: “Well, can you just move them aside for me then? I don’t want to look at them. We won’t be needing them.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t change the order of the buffet. If you look, you’ll notice that the chicken and vegetarian are completely separate from each other. It would be hard to get them confused.”

    Customer: “Okay, fine! Also, we don’t eat that much, so you should only charge us for one buffet.”

    (They both proceed to get at least 5 plates each. Normally I would have charged them for two people, but my workplace is pretty lenient. I don’t want to cause any more trouble, so I only charge them for one buffet when the wife comes up to pay.)

    Me: “That will be $8.50, please.”

    Customer: “What?! But I told you to only charge us for one buffet! We didn’t eat that much!”

    Me: “We charge $7.99 per person plus tax. I only charged you for one.”

    Customer: *happily* “Oh, okay!”

    (She hands me 25 cents.)

    Customer: “Here you go, dear! I know how you servers don’t like being tipped on a credit card! This way, you won’t get taxed! Thanks so much!”

    Press One For Faster Service

    , | CA, USA | Uncategorized

    (I am taking orders on a headset while also taking money at the window. A customer drives up to my speaker.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [restaurant]. What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “No hablo inglés!”

    Me: “Un momento…”

    (I take the money from the customer at the window, planning to get a Spanish speaking manager as soon as I can. After a few minutes…)

    Customer: “Okay, fine! I speak English!”

    May Cause Belief In Humanity To Melt Away

    , | Wigan, England, UK | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I’d like to order a large whopper meal with a Coke, please.”

    Me: “Certainly.”

    (After serving the customer, she goes to sit outside on a rather warm, summer afternoon. Ten minutes pass, and she comes back inside looking rather annoyed.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but I’d like a replacement drink.”

    Me: “May I enquire as to why, madam?”

    Customer: “The ice in this one has melted!”

    Don’t Bow Down To Your Desires

    | Little Rock, AR, USA | Uncategorized

    (A coworker of mine brings in a pin to put on my shirt that says, “Talk dirty to me”. The boss is okay with it, and we have a lot of cool regulars that come in.)

    Me: “I love your bow-tie! You never see anyone wear them nowadays!”

    Customer: *noticing my pin* “You wanna touch it?”

    Me: *nervous laughter*

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