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    A Sign That Tells The Future Is A Sign

    , | Chapel Hill, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

    (A customer comes in and orders two large pizzas and tries to pay with a $100 bill.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we can’t provide more than $20 in change.”

    Customer: “What? Why not?”

    Me: “It’s our policy.”

    Customer: “Then you should have a sign up telling people that!”

    Me: “Well, sir, if you look to your right you’ll see just such a sign.”

    Customer: “You should have a sign that tells people before they get here!”

    Stupidity In Bloom

    | Long Beach, CA, USA | Food & Drink

    (We have run out of sandwiches that had meat and are only left with garden/veggie burgers.)

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “It’s a veggie burger, so there’s no meat in it. We call it a garden burger here.”

    Customer: “Garden burger? So there are flowers in there?”

    One More Of These And I’ll Squit

    | Alberta, Canada | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Customer: “I’ll have the chicken salad.”

    Me: “Alright.”

    Customer: “Is there MSG in it?”

    Me: “There might be some in the dressing, I can check for you. Are you allergic?

    Customer: “No, it just gives me diarrhea.”

    Me: “Uh…ok?”

    Customer’s friend: “That’s too much information!”

    Customer: “No she needs to know. You need to know right?”

    *pause*

    Me: *nervous laughter* “Oh, absolutely.”

    Count-er Productive

    | Hershey, PA, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I work as a hostess at a restaurant in a busy tourist area. As a result, we are frequently on a wait.)

    Me: “Hi! How many today?”

    Customer: “Six please.”

    (Note, our biggest tables are meant for six.)

    Me: “Great! And how many children’s menus for you?”

    Customer: “I have a four year old, so only one.”

    Me: “Okay! Take a seat and I’ll call you when your table’s ready.”

    (Since we were especially busy, the party waited for about twenty minutes. When a table is finally available, I call them up. The six walk up, carrying two toddlers and pushing a baby carrier with an infant inside.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I thought you said there were six?”

    Customer: “There are only six that are going to eat! Wait, you mean my kids count?”

    Me: “There is not room for nine at that table. I’m afraid you’re going to have to wait longer.”

    Customer: *storming out* “I’m going to a place that doesn’t count my kids!”

    Pray She Doesn’t Order Steak

    | Portland, OR, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    Customer: “Good morning! What is the special today?”

    Me: “We have a type of baked chicken with a sort of lemon sauce on top.”

    Customer: “Is the chicken alive?”

    Me: “No, I don’t think so.”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t eat deceased meat, I’m sorry.”

    Me: “Ok, well here is a menu. What else interests you?”

    Customer: “How about a turkey sandwich?”

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