Anything You Order I Order Better

, | Evans, GA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer #1: “I’d like a house salad with fried chicken. That’s with ranch dressing.”

Me: “Okay then.” *turns to customer 2* “And for you?”

Customer #2: “I want the exact same thing!”

Me: “Okay, two fried house salads.”

Customer #2: “Oh! I wanted mine with grilled chicken.”

Me: “Okay. So one grilled house and one fried house, both with ranch.”

Customer #2: “No. I want blue cheese dressing.”

Me: “Okay, so a fried house with ranch, and a grilled house with blue cheese. Is that all?”

Customer #2: “Yup!”

Me: “Alright, your total is going to be–”

Customer #2: “Oh! No cheese! I don’t like cheese.”

(I’ve already sent the order to the kitchen. I excuse myself to go let them know. I come back and take their money.)

Customer #2, to customer #1: “Isn’t it so much easier when we order the exact same thing?”

When Intelligence Just Melts Away

| Denver, CO, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Can I have cheese on my fries?”

Me: “Would you like American, Cheddar, Swiss, or Pepper Jack?”

Customer: “Cheddar is the one that melts, right?”

Customer Vs Cook: The Heat Is On

, | Atlanta, GA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hey! This burger is too damn hot!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it will cool down over time. Just wait a little while.”

Customer: “I want to eat it now! Why the h*** would you make it too hot to eat? Make me another one and don’t make it so hot this time!”

(He slams his burger down on the counter and stomps away. I don’t touch it, as I have to take care of the next couple of customers. A moment later, I call out to the customer.)

Me: “Sir, your burger is ready.”

(The customer comes back up, picks up the burger that hasn’t been moved since he put it down, and takes a bite.)

Customer: “There we go, much better. Don’t make them so d*** hot anymore. This one’s great!”

Me, Myself, And Iced Tea

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [restaurant]!”

Wife: “Hello. We’ll take two buffets, please.”

Me: “Alright, would you like drinks?”

Wife: “I would.”

Me: “And you, sir?”

Husband: *gives me an odd look, nods slightly, and then looks at his wife*

Wife, to her husband: “What’s that look for?”

Husband: *completely serious* “I don’t like when people talk to me. I can’t hear the voices…”

Apparently Bad Parenting

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Top

(I walk into the kitchen and see a toddler reaching for a knife, blade first. I run and grab him before he gets it. He cries, but I let him play with my necklace while I take him back out to his mother, who is attached to her cell phone.)

Mother: “Oh my God!”

(I hand him to her.)

Me: “Don’t worry Ma’am he’s fine, I just–”

Mother: “I’m calling the cops! You tried to kidnap my son!”

Me: “You’ve got to be kidding.”

Mother: “I saw you! You had my son!”

Me: “Yes, I found him in the kitchen.”

Mother: “You took him in there!”

Me: “Why would I do that?”

Mother: “Cause you want to be a mother so bad that you had to take my sweet boy!”

Me: “If I took him, why would I bring him back?”

Mother: “Stop distracting me!”

(She begins to dial 911. Another customer walks up. I recognize him.)

Officer: “Ma’am, hang up your phone. I’m a cop.”

(He shows his badge.)

Mother: “Arrest her!”

Officer: “Ma’am, I watched your son walk into the kitchen on his own accord. If anyone is getting arrested, it’s you for endangering the welfare of a child.”

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