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    Some Years Are More Golden Than Others

    | New Mexico, USA |

    (Note: I work at a restaurant where I have to wear an extremely conservative uniform with minimal makeup and jewelry. I’m serving two elderly ladies.)

    Me: “Hey guys, how are y’all doing today? What can I get for you to drink?”

    Customer #1: “Coffee.”

    Customer #2: “Me too, please.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll have that right out for you.”

    Customer #1 to #2: “Doesn’t she look like a gold digger?”

    Customer #2: “I was thinking the same thing!” *to me* “Honey, are you a gold digger?”

    Me: “Um, no, ma’am. I am just a waitress.”

    Customer #1: “Well, come on now dear. It’s obvious that you’re a gold digger.”

    Customer #2: “It’s nothing to be ashamed of! Be proud! In all my years of living, I’ve learned it’s the best thing to do–be a gold digger!”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer #2: “It’s okay to be a gold digger, honey. I’m sure you’re a very good one! You look like you’d be great at it.”

    Customer #1: “Yes! Well, I’m glad we know that you’re a gold digger now. I’m proud of you. I’d like cream with my coffee.”

    Me: “O…Okay, I’ll have that right out…”

    Clarissa Kent To The Rescue

    | Tennessee, USA |

    (Note: These are very frequent customers of ours.)

    Me: “Hey Mr.***. How’re you guys doing tonight?”

    Customer: “Um, hi…uh…do you by any chance have a twin?”

    Me: “A twin? No. Why?”

    Customer: “It’s just that there’s a girl who works here and usually serves us. She looks just like you, but she wears glasses.”

    Me: “Oh, that is me. I just took my glasses off.”

    Customer: “No! It’s not you, I know you’re her twin! She always has glasses on! Is she here tonight? I want her to serve us. I don’t know you.”

    Me: “Um, yeah, sure. Hang on…”

    (I go in back, put on my glasses, and come back to their table.)

    Me: “Hey Mr.***, how’re you guys doing tonight?”

    Customer: “Oh ***, there you are! We we just met your twin! Why didn’t you ever tell us?”

    Related:
    Bad Customer Tip #103: Pull A Clark Kent

    Allergic To Honesty

    , | Duluth, MN, USA |

    Me: “Hello, thanks for calling [pizza place] how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I ordered a pizza and it has green peppers and mushrooms on it.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but it says here that’s what you ordered.”

    Customer: “No! I am allergic to green peppers! Why would I order something I’m allergic to?”

    Me: “Alright, I understand. What did you intend to order?”

    Customer: “Ham and pepperoni.”

    Me: “Okay, we’ll have that out to you right away. Just make sure to give us the other pizza when we get there, okay?”

    Customer: “I can’t.”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Customer: “I ate it already.”

    Fast Food For Fast Thinkers

    , | Maryland, USA | Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Top

    (I am working as a cashier and two customers come in talking loudly about how dumb minimum wage fast-food workers are. One of them decides to prove it…)

    Customer: “Let me ask you a question. What’s 7 times 7?”

    Me: “49.”

    Customer: “What’s 8 times 8?”

    Me: “64.”

    Customer: “E equals MC squared?”

    Me: “What about it?”

    Customer: “What does it mean?”

    Me: “Energy equals mass times the speed of light squared.”

    Customer: “Uhm…”

    Me: “Would you like fries with that?”

    Stir, Yes, Sir!

    , | Rochester, NY, USA |

    Coworker: “Thank you for choosing [fast food restaurant]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Medium! Coffee! Two! Equal!”

    Coworker: “Okay, will that be all?”

    Customer: “NOOO! Medium! Coffee! Two! Cream! Three! Equal!”

    Coworker: “Okay, two medium coffees. Will that be all?”

    Customer: “NOOO! Medium! Honey! Lemon! Tea! Three! Splendid!”

    Coworker: “Okay, will there be anything else?”

    Customer: “YESSS! Large! Coffee! French Vanilla! Double! Double!”

    Coworker: “Is that all?”

    Customer: “YESSS!”

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