October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

A Slippery Slimy Slope

| Detroit, MI, USA | Uncategorized

(I cashier at a food booth for a festival every year. One year, a customer comes up to order with a large stuffed animal of a blue clown fish sticking out of his jean pocket. He pulls the fish out of his pocket and points it at me.)

Customer: “Would you like to kiss my fish?”

Me: “Uh, no. Thank you.”

Customer: “Alright.”

(At the moment, my little sister is sitting next to me doing some work. He then points to my sister, who isn’t paying attention.)

Customer: “Does she want to kiss my fish?”

Me: “Uh, no, she definitely doesn’t.”

Customer: “Haha, okay.”

(He takes his food and leaves.)

Having Funion With Food

, | York County, ME, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body

Me: “Any veggies on your sandwich?”

Customer: *mumbles*

(I think I hear “onions” and reach for them.)

Customer: “No, no, no, no, no, no, NO! No onions, no onions, no, no, NO!”

Me: “I’m sorry, no onions then. What did you say?”

Customer: *repeats veggie order*

(I get to ringing her up and she begins to apologize.)

Customer: “I’m sorry if I startled you.”

Me: “Oh, it’s okay.”

Customer: “It’s just…I don’t like onions.”

Me: “It’s really okay.”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. You would have had to remake my sandwich. I hate onions! They make me want to vomit! Vomit everywhere!”

She’s Nuts About Her Husband

| North Carolina, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

Customer: “Do these cookies contain nuts?”

Me: “Which cookie are you thinking about?”

Customer: “The toffee nut cookies.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, they contain brazil nuts.”

Customer: “I’ll take one.”

(After a few minutes, the customer returns.)

Customer: “What kind of nuts do those cookies contain?”

Me: “Ma’am, they contain brazil nuts.”

Customer: “Oh, my husband is deathly allergic to those.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can call 911 or direct you to the nearest hospital.”

Customer: “Oh, I know where it is, but first, I want to get a sandwich to go…”

Through Joy And Sorrow, Sickness And Health Insurance

Try Our New Three Slice Pizza

, | Syracuse, NY, USA | Food & Drink

(I am talking to a woman on the phone who is ordering a pizza.)

Customer: “How many slices come in a large pizza?”

Me: “The large comes with 12 slices.”

Customer: “Ok, I will take a large pizza, but can you cut it into 8 slices instead? I couldn’t possibly eat 12 slices.”

The Land Of The Free And Home Of The Portable Umbrella

| Anchorage, AK, USA | Food & Drink

(I am clearing off the tables on the deck of the restaurant because it has just started raining. Most people have moved inside.)

Customer: “Are you guys kicking us off the deck?”

Me: “No, sir, you are welcome to stay out here as long as you wish.”

Customer: “In that case, can you move one of the tables with the umbrellas so they cover my wife?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the tables are bolted down to the deck and I can’t move them.”

Customer: “The tables…they don’t move? But this is America!”

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