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    Fast Food For Fast Thinkers

    , | Maryland, USA | Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Top

    (I am working as a cashier and two customers come in talking loudly about how dumb minimum wage fast-food workers are. One of them decides to prove it…)

    Customer: “Let me ask you a question. What’s 7 times 7?”

    Me: “49.”

    Customer: “What’s 8 times 8?”

    Me: “64.”

    Customer: “E equals MC squared?”

    Me: “What about it?”

    Customer: “What does it mean?”

    Me: “Energy equals mass times the speed of light squared.”

    Customer: “Uhm…”

    Me: “Would you like fries with that?”

    Stir, Yes, Sir!

    , | Rochester, NY, USA |

    Coworker: “Thank you for choosing [fast food restaurant]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Medium! Coffee! Two! Equal!”

    Coworker: “Okay, will that be all?”

    Customer: “NOOO! Medium! Coffee! Two! Cream! Three! Equal!”

    Coworker: “Okay, two medium coffees. Will that be all?”

    Customer: “NOOO! Medium! Honey! Lemon! Tea! Three! Splendid!”

    Coworker: “Okay, will there be anything else?”

    Customer: “YESSS! Large! Coffee! French Vanilla! Double! Double!”

    Coworker: “Is that all?”

    Customer: “YESSS!”

    Tall Is The New Small

    | Denver, CO, USA |

    Me: “Hello, ladies. What can I start you off to drink?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a draft beer.”

    Me: “Certainly. Would you like the 12 ounce or the 18 ounce?”

    Customer: “Oh, bring me the tall.”

    (I return with her large beer in a scooner that looks like a mini fishbowl.)

    Customer: “Good Lord, this is your 12 ounce?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. That’s the 18 ounce. I’m sorry, I must have misheard you. I thought you said the tall beer. Let me go fix that.”

    Customer: “I did say tall. Tall is small, you know.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We’re not [coffee chain]. In beer language, tall means large.

    Customer: “Well, you’re just behind on the times. Everybody knows tall is small!”

    The Fearsome Foursome

    | Flint, MI, USA |

    (Note: I’m taking a drive-thru order.)

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant]. What can I get you today?”

    Customer: “I’d like a large coffee with four creams and four sugars in it.”

    Me: “That was a large coffee with quadruple cream and sugar?”

    Customer: “No, you dumb f***! I wanted a large coffee with four creams and four sugars!”

    Me: “Ma’am, quadruple means four.”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    You Can’t Scam Your Cake And Eat It Too

    | Oshawa, ON, Canada |

    Me: “So, can I get you anything else?”

    Customer: “No, I’d like to make a complaint. The chicken was dirty. You didn’t wash it off before cooking it. Could you take it off my bill?”

    Me: “But you still ate it?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “You would get a discount if you sent it back, but you ate it.”

    Customer: “Can I speak to your manager?”

    (The manager comes out and they talk for a moment.)

    Manager: “Alright, so I’ll just bring you your bill then.”

    Customer: “But my friend told me if I complained, I’d get my meal free.”

    Manager: “You ate the meal, so you don’t get a discount.”

    Customer: “I didn’t bring any money, because I thought I wouldn’t have to pay!”

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