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    Allergic To Honesty

    , | Duluth, MN, USA |

    Me: “Hello, thanks for calling [pizza place] how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I ordered a pizza and it has green peppers and mushrooms on it.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but it says here that’s what you ordered.”

    Customer: “No! I am allergic to green peppers! Why would I order something I’m allergic to?”

    Me: “Alright, I understand. What did you intend to order?”

    Customer: “Ham and pepperoni.”

    Me: “Okay, we’ll have that out to you right away. Just make sure to give us the other pizza when we get there, okay?”

    Customer: “I can’t.”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Customer: “I ate it already.”

    Fast Food For Fast Thinkers

    , | Maryland, USA | Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Top

    (I am working as a cashier and two customers come in talking loudly about how dumb minimum wage fast-food workers are. One of them decides to prove it…)

    Customer: “Let me ask you a question. What’s 7 times 7?”

    Me: “49.”

    Customer: “What’s 8 times 8?”

    Me: “64.”

    Customer: “E equals MC squared?”

    Me: “What about it?”

    Customer: “What does it mean?”

    Me: “Energy equals mass times the speed of light squared.”

    Customer: “Uhm…”

    Me: “Would you like fries with that?”

    Stir, Yes, Sir!

    , | Rochester, NY, USA |

    Coworker: “Thank you for choosing [fast food restaurant]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Medium! Coffee! Two! Equal!”

    Coworker: “Okay, will that be all?”

    Customer: “NOOO! Medium! Coffee! Two! Cream! Three! Equal!”

    Coworker: “Okay, two medium coffees. Will that be all?”

    Customer: “NOOO! Medium! Honey! Lemon! Tea! Three! Splendid!”

    Coworker: “Okay, will there be anything else?”

    Customer: “YESSS! Large! Coffee! French Vanilla! Double! Double!”

    Coworker: “Is that all?”

    Customer: “YESSS!”

    Tall Is The New Small

    | Denver, CO, USA |

    Me: “Hello, ladies. What can I start you off to drink?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a draft beer.”

    Me: “Certainly. Would you like the 12 ounce or the 18 ounce?”

    Customer: “Oh, bring me the tall.”

    (I return with her large beer in a scooner that looks like a mini fishbowl.)

    Customer: “Good Lord, this is your 12 ounce?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. That’s the 18 ounce. I’m sorry, I must have misheard you. I thought you said the tall beer. Let me go fix that.”

    Customer: “I did say tall. Tall is small, you know.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We’re not [coffee chain]. In beer language, tall means large.

    Customer: “Well, you’re just behind on the times. Everybody knows tall is small!”

    The Fearsome Foursome

    | Flint, MI, USA |

    (Note: I’m taking a drive-thru order.)

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant]. What can I get you today?”

    Customer: “I’d like a large coffee with four creams and four sugars in it.”

    Me: “That was a large coffee with quadruple cream and sugar?”

    Customer: “No, you dumb f***! I wanted a large coffee with four creams and four sugars!”

    Me: “Ma’am, quadruple means four.”

    Customer: “Oh…”

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