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  • Thou Shalt Not Pick And Choose
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    Bean There, Done That

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Hello, sir, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “I just came from Mexico. I had some good beans there. What were they? Ah, yes! Frijoles!”

    Me: “Sir, frijoles is just the word for beans in Spanish.”

    Customer: “No! I had special beans in Mexico and they were called frijoles! Get me frijoles!”

    Me: “Sir, we only have refried beans at this deli. These are frijoles. Would you like these, or something else?”

    Customer: “Frijoles! How is this so difficult to understand?”

    Me: “Sir, frijoles are beans…in Spanish.”

    Customer: “Then get me beans in Spanish!”

    A Heated Topic

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | Food & Drink, Math & Science, Top

    (Note: a lunch party is sitting outside on our deck, which overlooks the waterfront.)

    Me: “How is everything, folks?”

    Customer: “Oh, the food’s great! It’s just a bit chilly out here.”

    Me: “If you’d like, I can move you to a table inside, where it’s warmer.”

    Customer: “Actually, could you just turn up the heat?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “The heat? Could you turn it up out here?”

    Me: “There is no heating system.”

    Customer: “Then, what’s that?” *points to railing around the deck*

    Me: “That’s the railing.”

    Customer: “No it’s not, it’s a heater! It’s warm!” *touches railing as to show me how warm it is*

    Me: “It’s warm because its been sitting in the sun.”

    Customer: “Don’t try to trick me! I’m a scientist, and I know that heaters make things warm!”

    Clearer Than Black And White

    | Ireland | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    Customer: “Can I get a milkshake, please?”

    Me: “What flavor?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “What flavor?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “What flavor?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Customers friend: “She said what flavor.”

    Customer: “Oh, I thought she was saying ‘White flavor’. I just thought that’s what they call vanilla in their country!”

    Tea Drag

    | Weston, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (I’m waiting to pick up my friend from her shift, when a customer comments on her.)

    Customer: “There’s something strange about that lady over there.”

    Me: “She’s a wonderful tea-brewer.”

    Customer: “Well, there’s something strange about her appearance.”

    Me: “Oh, she gets a lot of questions about that. That’s because she was originally born a man.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “As in, she’s a transsexual.”

    Customer: “Oh! Does she sing?”

    Not In Full Receipt Of Your Faculties

    | Downers Grove, IL, USA | Extra Stupid

    Caller: “Hi, I need a copy of my receipt for an order I had the other day.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. I will need the date, your name, the company name, and if you have it, the amount.”

    Caller: “Yes, my name is Diane, I’m calling from [Company] and it was for yesterday. The amount was $158.26. No, wait. It was $128.26. At least, that’s what it says on the receipt that I’m holding.”

    Me: “So you have the receipt, then?”

    Caller: *pause* “Yes! Thanks for your help!” *click*

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