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  • Random Encounters

    | Bay Area, CA, USA | Top

    (A girl orders a cheeseburger and fries.)

    Me: “All right, you want that for here or to go?”

    (There is a long pause as she very loudly ‘hmms’ and ‘haws’ about this question, until finally:)

    Customer: “…sweatshirts.”

    Cereal Alcoholic

    | Manitoba, Canada |

    (It is 9 AM. I am serving a mother and her young son.)

    Me: “Can I get you anything to drink while you’re looking at the menus?”

    Mom: “What’s in a Roy Rogers?”

    Me: “Grenadine and coke.”

    Son: “I want that!”

    Mom: “No, you can’t have coke for breakfast!” *to me* “Can you make it with sprite instead?”

    Sadly Just Small-Fry

    , | New York, NY, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like some of your free Wi-fries.”

    Me: “Um, excuse me?”

    Customer: “I heard on your commercial that you were offering free Wi-fries.”

    Me: “Oh, you must have misunderstood. It means we offer free wireless internet here, not free fries.”

    Customer: “Oh man, I was looking forward to trying a new kind of fry.”

    The Wisdom To Know The Difference

    , | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Top

    (I’m with my wife at a well known fast food place, and they employ a young man with special needs who we both know and are very friendly with. An angry customer accosts him at the register.)

    Customer: “S***, they’re taking so f***ing long with my food!”

    Employee: “Just a sec, sir…”

    Customer: “You’d better!”

    (Not three minutes later, the employee comes with the customer’s food.)

    Employee: “Here you go, sir.”

    Customer: “Where’s the f***ing ranch?”

    Employee: “Right away, sir!”

    Customer: “No, forget it! You’ll probably slobber all over it!”

    Wife: “Excuse me, sir, but this young man is doing his job. He’s not doing anything to hurt you, so how about you shut the f*** up!”

    Customer: “F*** you, fat a**!”

    Employee: “She’s a nice lady! There’s a baby inside her, and she’s not fat!”

    Customer: “F*** you!” *storms out, upsetting some chairs*

    Wife, to the employee: “People are so mean to you, honey. I’m so sorry, I can’t believe he said that to you, that a**hole!”

    Employee: *grinning* “Don’t worry about it, Jesus and my mama still love me!” *walks away, the happiest man on earth*

    Neither Conspiracy Nor Coincidence Nor Concept Of Time

    | Texas, USA |

    Me: “[Restaurant], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, what time do you stop serving breakfast?”

    Me: “10:30.”

    Customer: “Okay, and what time does lunch start?”

    Me: “10:30.”

    Customer: “Well, that works out nicely, doesn’t it?”

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