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    Gobble Grunt Gobble

    | San Jose, CA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [restaurant], how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I was wondering if you guys sold male chicken?”

    Me: “We do sell chicken, but I am not sure we know the gender.”

    Customer: “But someone told me that you guys sold male chicken for Thanksgiving dinners.”

    Me: “Thanksgiving dinner? Are you talking about a turkey?”

    Customer: “Yeah! The male chicken!”

    He Prefers The Strong And Silent Type

    | Melbourne, Australia |

    (An older customer enters the restaurant and walks straight to the bar where I’m drying glasses. Note that I’m female.)

    Me: “Yes sir, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “No, that won’t do.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “That’s a weak mentality. None of this, ‘Yes sir, no sir,’ business. You need to have confidence in yourself, men don’t like women without confidence!”

    Me: “Uh, I’m sorry sir. See, my job is–”

    Customer: “Still with the yes sir, no sir! I don’t like it. Stop it!”

    Me: *says nothing*

    Customer: “Better.” *walks off to a table*

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    An Un-Usual Request

    , | Bangor, ME, USA |

    Me: “What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “I’ll just have my usual.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, we don’t know your usual.”

    Customer: “They know it on [other location in town].”

    Me: “We’re not that location, sir. What would you like?”

    Customer: “Just call ‘em up and ask. I’ll wait!”

    Some Years Are More Golden Than Others

    | New Mexico, USA |

    (Note: I work at a restaurant where I have to wear an extremely conservative uniform with minimal makeup and jewelry. I’m serving two elderly ladies.)

    Me: “Hey guys, how are y’all doing today? What can I get for you to drink?”

    Customer #1: “Coffee.”

    Customer #2: “Me too, please.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll have that right out for you.”

    Customer #1 to #2: “Doesn’t she look like a gold digger?”

    Customer #2: “I was thinking the same thing!” *to me* “Honey, are you a gold digger?”

    Me: “Um, no, ma’am. I am just a waitress.”

    Customer #1: “Well, come on now dear. It’s obvious that you’re a gold digger.”

    Customer #2: “It’s nothing to be ashamed of! Be proud! In all my years of living, I’ve learned it’s the best thing to do–be a gold digger!”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer #2: “It’s okay to be a gold digger, honey. I’m sure you’re a very good one! You look like you’d be great at it.”

    Customer #1: “Yes! Well, I’m glad we know that you’re a gold digger now. I’m proud of you. I’d like cream with my coffee.”

    Me: “O…Okay, I’ll have that right out…”

    Clarissa Kent To The Rescue

    | Tennessee, USA |

    (Note: These are very frequent customers of ours.)

    Me: “Hey Mr.***. How’re you guys doing tonight?”

    Customer: “Um, hi…uh…do you by any chance have a twin?”

    Me: “A twin? No. Why?”

    Customer: “It’s just that there’s a girl who works here and usually serves us. She looks just like you, but she wears glasses.”

    Me: “Oh, that is me. I just took my glasses off.”

    Customer: “No! It’s not you, I know you’re her twin! She always has glasses on! Is she here tonight? I want her to serve us. I don’t know you.”

    Me: “Um, yeah, sure. Hang on…”

    (I go in back, put on my glasses, and come back to their table.)

    Me: “Hey Mr.***, how’re you guys doing tonight?”

    Customer: “Oh ***, there you are! We we just met your twin! Why didn’t you ever tell us?”

    Related:
    Bad Customer Tip #103: Pull A Clark Kent

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