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    When Matter Doesn’t Matter

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Math & Science

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you have Gatorade?”

    Me: “No, but we do have Powerade.”

    Customer: “Does it have electrons in it?”

    Me: “No, do you mean electrolytes?”

    Customer: “No, electrons.”

    Me: “I hope so.”

    Better Safe Than Saucy

    | Canada | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (A young boy comes up to me and points at the clam sauce for spaghetti.)

    Boy: “Can I have this sauce?”

    Me: “Sure, it’s clam. Is that okay?”

    Boy: “Clam? What’s clam?”

    (I start clapping my fingers together motioning a clam closing and opening.)

    Me: “A clam? You don’t know what a clam is?”

    Boy: *blank stare.*

    Me: “Okay, well are you allergic to any shellfish?”

    Boy: “What’s a shellfish?”

    Me: “Okay, you’re getting tomato sauce.”

    Asking The Eggs-pert

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (I am serving a table of 4, getting last customer’s order.)

    Me: “How would you like your eggs?”

    Customer: “How do people usually get them?”

    Me: “They get them whatever way they like them prepared.”

    Customer: “Can you name some of the ways?”

    Me: “Sure. Scrambled, sunny side up, over-easy, over-medium, over-well, poached, basted, soft-boiled, hard boiled, I think that’s all of them.”

    Customer: *long silence*

    Me: “Sir, what do the eggs you like best look like?”

    Customer: “Can you give me some examples?”

    Me: “Well, scrambled is yellow and fluffy, sunny side up the yellow is lightly cooked and the white isn’t all the way cooked, over-easy is the white part is all cooked, but the yellow is runny, over-medium is the white is all cooked with the edges a little crisp and the yellow a little thick, over-well is when the whites are cooked and a little brown and the yellow is cooked all the way through and dry.”

    Customer: “Which is the one where you can dip the toast in the yellow but there’s no goopy stuff?”

    Me: “Over-easy is the best option for that.”

    Customer: “That’s the way I like my eggs then.”

    Me: “Did you want me to write that down for you for the next time you go out for breakfast?”

    All of the customer’s friends: *in unison* “Yes, please!”

    The Sun Is Such A Slacker Sometimes, Part 2

    | Green Bay, WI, USA | Math & Science

    ( I work near to a city park where a lot of events like fairs or public concerts are held.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling, how may I help you?”

    Caller: “You will be shooting off fireworks tonight, right?”

    Me: “We won’t be, but yes, the city is setting off fireworks.”

    Caller: “When is that going to happen? When have you scheduled it?”

    Me:  “We aren’t scheduling it, but my guess is the city will be shooting them off at around sunset.”

    Caller:  “Well, when is that going to happen?”

    Me: “I don’t know ma’am.Wwe aren’t in charge of that. Perhaps you want to try calling the park and rec department?”

    Caller: “How can you not know when you scheduled the sun to set?”

    Related:
    The Sun Is Such A Slacker Sometimes

    Acting Disorderly

    | Madison, WI, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Are you ready to order?”

    Customer: “No, we’re not ready to order yet.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll come back later.”

    (I start to walk away.)

    Customer: “Hey! Aren’t you going to ask us what we want to eat?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I thought you said you didn’t want me to take your order yet.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t really care what order you ask us in. I just want my food!”

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