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    Keep Your Shirt On

    | AL, USA | Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (Customer #1 is man in his mid-50s, in a suit, and very polite. Customer #2 is in his mid-30s, with a greasy ponytail and tie-dyed shirt. I go to deliver the food.)

    Me: ”Can I bring you gentlemen anything else?”

    Customer #1: ”No, thank you.”

    Customer #2: ”No, I’m fine.”

    (As I’m turning around, Customer #2 snaps his fingers at me.)

    Me: ”Yes, sir?”

    Customer #2: ”You know, I own a restaurant.”

    Me: ”That’s nice, sir.”

    Customer #2: *leers* ”I’ll give you $10 and a t-shirt for an ‘interview’ in my car.”

    Me: ”No, thanks. I love my job.”

    Customer #2: ”I could make it two t-shirts?”

    Finished The Transaction At Break-Neck Speed

    , | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (I am fresh out of high school. I work at a popular fast food chain and my long-term partner lives about an hour away. I have just returned from a short vacation, during which I spent my time at her house. As we didn’t see each other often we had to make the most of our time together. A customer in his 50s, male, is at my counter.)

    Customer: “You’ve been a naughty girl.”

    Me: “… Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You’ve been very naughty.” *points at me*

    Me: “Uh… what?”

    Customer: “The marks on your neck.”

    Me: *instinctively pull up my collar, embarrassed*

    Customer: “That’s all right. Seems like you’ve got a lucky boy on your hands.” *winks*

    Doing Them A Flavor Favor

    , | Ireland | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (I work as a waitress and am waiting on a table of a really nice family with three kids. It is an unusually hot day and each of the children has one of those really tall, exaggerated slushies with in-built straws.)

    Me: “Where did you get those slushies? They look pretty cool!”

    Father: “Oh, just next door.”

    Me: “Oh, I didn’t realize they sold them. I’ll have to get one next time I’m in. It’s been so hot recently.”

    Father: “What’s your favourite flavour?”

    Me: “I don’t know. All of them, I guess! So, are you guys ready to order?”

    (I proceed to take their order. Their food is served and they have their meal, pay, and leave with no hassle or problems and nice chit chat all the way through. They’ve left after their meal for about 20 minutes when the father enters back in. I’m behind the bar at this point.)

    Father: “Hey, I got you this. It is really hot today!” *hands me one of the slushies, with all the flavours mixed together*

    Me: “Oh, thank you!”

    (He smiled and walked out again. It made my day! Sometimes, the customer is the good guy!)

    Looking For Excitement In The Workplace

    , | Scottsdale, AZ, USA | Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (A young man comes into the store and approaches the counter. He is probably about 17 or 18, dressed all in black, with hair down to his waist and fingernails that are about two inches long.)

    Customer: “Hi. I’d like to apply for a job.”

    Me: “Okay, just fill out this application.”

    (He takes the application, fills it out, and leaves. I immediately look through it. Under ‘tell us about yourself’ he wrote: ‘I am a gothic semi-pantophile. The smallest things excite me.’ We has to look up pantophile. It means someone who is sexually aroused by anything. We didn’t hire him.)

    Mayo-Phased

    , | Fort Collins, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Two girls order a foot-long and split it. One of them wants mayonnaise and the other one doesn’t.)

    Coworker: “Do you want me to wrap this as two six inches?”

    Girl #1: “No, thanks.”

    (They take the sub and leave. About four minutes later, they walk up with a bite taken out of one half.)

    Girl #1: “You didn’t put mayonnaise on my half.”

    Girl #2: “You put mayonnaise on my half.”

    Me: “Did you try swapping them?”

    (The girls blink, look at themselves, and then at me.)

    Girl #2: “Oh, my God. I’m an IDIOT!”

    Girl #1: “I’m SOOO sorry for this!”

    (They walk away laughing.)


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