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  • Wish You Could Jew Something

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry

    (A heavily tattooed bald man walks in to the restaurant where I am working. I am at the register. The guy orders his lunch.)

    Me: “That’ll be [total].”

    Customer: “Good, you didn’t overcharge me. Last week there was some Jewish b**** who got my order wrong. Of course, what do you expect? F****** Jews.”

    (I grit my teeth and smile. He hands me a some money.)

    Me: “Here’s your change and your receipt. Have a good day sir.”

    (During the course of this conversation he insulted me, my brother, my mother, my grandfather, my late grandmother, and my best friend from school, all without knowing it. I kind of wish I could have told him, but I doubt my manager would have been happy!)

    Your Last (Corn) Meal

    , | NJ, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink

    (A regular bar patron who would drink Irish coffee and run his yap is talking about French fries, when he spots me, the chef.)

    Customer: “Do you put corn meal on your French fries?”

    Me: “Uh… no.”

    Customer: “F*** you!”

    (He later died, and his repass was held in our banquet room. That day, we put corn meal on our French fries.)

    Tipping The Scales Of Sobriety

    | OK, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money, Pets & Animals

    (I am ringing up a couple customers. The first is visibly drunk, but has been pleasant throughout the transaction.)

    Me: “That will be [total], sir.”

    Customer: “What’s that mean?”

    (He is pointing at our tip jar, which has a sign reading ‘Tipping: Bad for Cows, Good for Staff.’)

    Me: “You mean cow tipping?”

    (He stares at me, clearly very confused.)

    Me: “It’s a stereotypical redneck activity where you go out into a field and push a cow over while she’s sleeping.”

    Customer: “You… what? Why do you push the cows?”

    Me: “… because it’s funny?”

    (I spend another five minutes trying to explain the concept. He really tries to wrap his head around it but he’s just too inebriated to manage it. Finally, he gives up and walks off with his food. The second customer, who has witnessed all of this, steps up to the register. He’s laughing and gesturing to his flannel shirt and jeans.)

    Customer #2: “Don’t worry, honey. I’m a farm boy and I know what cow tipping is.”

    Me: “Oh, thank goodness.”

    Drive-Thru Has Its Hang-Ups

    | VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

    (I’m a customer in line at the drive thru. I’ve just ordered and this happens with the customer behind me:)

    Employee: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. May I take your order?”

    (A few moments pass, and the employee repeats the greeting.)

    Employee: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. May I take your order?”

    Customer: “Hang on! Jesus, can’t you see I’m on the phone!?”

    A Continuous Sauce Of Stress, Part 2

    | NC, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Money

    (I work in a restaurant where we make the majority of our food in-house, down to dressings and sauces. The menu says in at least two places that extra sauces are available for 50 cents. Three women sit at my table.)

    Woman #1: “I want to try a couple of these sauces.” *indicating our buffalo style sauces*

    Me: “Well, ma’am, we generally don’t do that. I may have to charge you 50 cents”

    Woman #1: “We’ve done it before. And I need some celery to dip in the sauces.”

    (Rather than putting up a fight I bring her two sauces and a couple of sticks of celery. Woman #1 gets 10 wings in one of the sauces she tried. When the wings come out…)

    Woman #1: “I need some extra sauce for my wings.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, that’s 50 cents extra. Is that okay?”

    Woman #1: “It’s not extra cause I don’t have enough sauce on my wings.”

    Me: “I’m sorry that you don’t feel the kitchen didn’t give you enough, but I’ll have to charge you 50 cents to get you more.”

    Woman #2: “That’s bad customer service! The customer is always right!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I apologize but I’m just doing my job the way I was taught to do it, and the menu says that extra sauces cost extra.”

    Woman #1: “Bring me the manager!”

    (My manager visits the table, offers to re-toss her wings in the kitchen but she just insists on having extra sauce brought to her without wanting to pay. My manager brings her half of a ramekin of sauce as a compromise but tells me that anything else they order will be extra. The women are grumpy for the rest of their meal and request a to go box toward the end.)

    Woman #2: *holding her ramekin of blue cheese dressing* “I need another container.”

    Me: “An empty container?”

    Woman #2: “No, with extra blue cheese.”

    Me: “That’ll be 50 cents. Is that okay?”

    Woman #2: “No! Its not like I want extra because I ate it all. I just want extra to go!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; ma’am, but extra dressings are 50 cents…”

    (She turned it down and their checks did not include any extra dressing charges. The women berated me more anyway, asked me if I was new, and asked where the ‘other girl’ they had before was. The girl they described to me had actually been recently fired. One lady asked for change for a dollar, which I gave her, and left two quarters on the table with a note that said ‘Customer service goes toward your tip. Here’s your 50 cents.’ Sorry, giving out free stuff isn’t part of my job, lady!)

    A Continuous Sauce Of Stress

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