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    Inexorably Inconsiderate

    , | Guelph, ON, Canada |

    (The customer is four cents short for his order.)

    Customer, to friend: “Hey man, do you have a nickel or something?”

    Friend: “Yeah man, here.”

    Customer: “No, that’s okay. I’ll just get some out of here.”

    (He reaches into the tip jar.)

    Customer: “Can I just take out four cents from in here?”

    Me: “Um, no. That’s actually our tip jar–”

    Customer: “Too late. It’s happening.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Keep That Style To Yourself

    , | Stockton, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (I take orders at a fast food restaurant. We have a secret menu with special type of fry we call “animal style”, which is pretty popular. A customer walks up.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you doing today? How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I have heard about this secret style french fry you guys make. Could I have one order of french fries, doggy style, please?”

    Me: “Um…do you mean animal style fries?”

    Customer: *turning red* “Yeah, that’s what I meant.”

    Related:
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 4
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 3
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

    I Meant What I Said And I Said What I Meant

    | Albuquerque, NM, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “What can I get you, sir?”

    Customer #1: “Um, I’d like a quickie.”

    Me: *offended* “EXCUSE ME?”

    Customer#1: “A quickie!” *licks his lips*

    (Offended, I skip him and serve the next table.)

    Customer #2: *apparently having overheard* “I think it’s pronounced ‘quiche’.”

    Me, to customer #1: “Oh! You meant quiche?”

    Customer #1: “No!”

    Related:
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 4
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 3
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

    Right Place, Wrong Menu

    | Galveston, TX, USA | Food & Drink

    (After staring at the menu displayed above the counter, a man finally approaches me to place an order.)

    Customer: “I’d like the large popcorn chicken.”

    Me: *thinking I’ve misheard him* “I’m sorry, sir, what was that?”

    Customer: “The large popcorn chicken.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t have popcorn chicken here.”

    (He steps back to examine the large menu, complete with pictures, once again. He takes a minute or two before stepping forward again.)

    Customer: “Can I get a half dozen drumsticks and some mashed potatoes?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t have any of those either.”

    (He steps back again, and looks up at the menu again, as I wait, rather perplexed. He seems to finally realize what he’s looking at.)

    Customer: “This is McDonald’s, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh.” *leaves looking embarrassed*

    DWC: Driving While Caffeinated

    | Aberdeen, UK | Food & Drink

    (I work in a restaurant. This conversation takes place when I am clearing plates away from a couple’s table.)

    Me: “Would you like any tea or coffee?”

    Customer: “Yes, please, I’ll have a latte.”

    Me: “No problem.” *turning to customer’s husband* “Would you like any tea or coffee?”

    Husband: “No coffee for me, thanks. I’m driving.”

    Me: *blank look*


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