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    Don’t Mind The Behind

    | Miami, FL, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m a hostess at a restaurant. Many of the employees wear headsets to communicate with each other. It’s a busy Friday night and I’m walking an English gentleman over to his table.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, why do you have a red light on your backside?”

    (I look around and realize what he’s talking about.)

    Me: “Oh, it’s my headset. The light just indicates that it is on.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.”

    (I drop him off at his table and leave laughing. Later, the server for his table comes up to me…)

    Server: “He asked me, ‘Do you have a red bottom too?’”

    Crunchy Convergent Evolution

    | Dayton, OH, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: *frantically* “Ma’am? Ma’am! My noodles are extremely dry!”

    Me: “Those are not noodles. They are tortilla strips.”

    Please Placebo Me

    | Ocala, FL, USA |

    Customer: “I need some help over here!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “This salt is too salty!”

    Me: “But it’s salt, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I don’t care! It’s too salty! You need to bring me a different shaker!”

    (I proceed to bring her another shaker, which is no different than the first.)

    Customer: “That’s better! Thank you!”

    Fresh From The Ocean, Into Your Mouth

    | Iowa City, IA, USA | Food & Drink

    (I am a waiter in a sushi bar in Iowa.)

    Customer: “Do you guys catch your own fish?”

    It Blows Hard

    | Bismarck, ND, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I am working at the counter of a slushie shop in our mall.)

    Me: “What’s all the hustle about out there?”

    Customer: “Oh, they brought in the coolest thing this morning. It’s a hurricane stimulator!”

    Me: “A stimulator?”

    Customer: “Yes, it stimulates hurricanes! You have to try it out.”

    Me: “I’ll be sure to do that. Have a nice day!”

    Customer: “Oh, I will! That hurricane stimulated me to the max!”

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