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    Some Kids Are All Work And No Play

    | Huntsville, TX, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I work as a hostess. A family of four walk in, and I seat them. The nine-year-old son leaves the table and comes up to the host stand.)

    Nine-Year-Old Son: “Do you like your job?”

    Me: “Sometimes it gets a little crazy, but it’s all good! Do you need some extra crayons or something?”

    Nine-Year-Old Son: “No. Are you tired of your job yet?”

    Me: “No, I’m doing all right.”

    Nine-Year-Old Son: “Because if you’re tired, I’ll take over for you. Just come tell me at my table.”

    (I laugh.)

    Me: “Thank you very much, but I have to stay up here and work until the end of my shift!”

    (His older sister comes over.)

    Nine-Year-Old Son: “I’m serious! If you’re tired, I can take over!”

    Older Sister: “Come on, let’s go!”

    Service To Swear By

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I am waiting on a table being used by a family: a mother, two teenagers, and one younger son. I am taking the order from the mother; everyone else has given their order.)

    Me: “…and what side dish would—”

    (The young son hits me in the back of the head. I find this funny, as the kid is so young.)

    Me: “Hey buddy, what’s the matter?”

    Child: “Where the f*** is my food?”

    (I look at the mother in expectation of her to do something.)

    Mother: “Well? Are you going to answer him?”

    (I stare at the mother in disbelief.)

    Me: “Well… the kitchen needs to cook your food for you, which takes time. I haven’t left the table yet, which means they don’t know what you would like to eat; it hasn’t even started being cooked yet.”

    (The mother just kept going like nothing happened.)

    Judging A Book By Its Fabulous Cover

    | Nashville, TN, USA | Bigotry, Food & Drink, Religion, Top

    (I am standing in the waiting area near the hostess station. A man who is gay is requesting a table. A primly dressed woman walks in.)

    Woman: “Ugh, how horrid! You should be ashamed of yourself dressing like one of those sinful f***! People will get the wrong idea about you.”

    (The man keeps his calm like he’s used to this.)

    Man: “Actually, ma’am, it wouldn’t be a wrong idea as I am—in fact—gay.”

    Woman: “Have you no shame at all!? You sound proud of it! You should be more like this young man.”

    (She gestures to me.)

    Woman: “He obviously is a proper, god-fearing individual.”

    Me: “I’m honored. You really believe he should be like me?”

    Woman: “Of course, you obviously have your priorities straight.”

    (I walk over to the man and extended a hand for a handshake. He takes it.)

    Me: “Well, you heard her…”

    (I lean in and give him a quick peck on the lips.)

    Me: “Never change sweetie.”

    (The other three people in the waiting area break out laughing and the woman goes beet.)

    Woman: “Well, I never!…”

    (She stomps out. The man and I end up sharing a table for dinner. We’re now good friends and we laugh about that meeting a lot.)

    The Booth And Nothing But The Booth

    | USA | Food & Drink, Money

    (I work at business that has a full service restaurant, as well as a grocery store/deli area. Customers often purchase food in the store, expecting to eat it in the restaurant as if it was a cafeteria and not a fine dining area.)

    Customer: “Can I take this food from the deli and eat it over there at a booth?”

    Me: “You certainly can; however, you would have to place the order through your server. They will plate it for you. This portion of the store is for carryout and grocery purchases only. If you speak to the hostess she’ll be happy to find you a seat.”

    Customer: “But, I just want to eat this food over there!”

    Me: “You definitely can; you just have to place your order with your server, and not with me.”

    Customer: “Well, aren’t they going to just charge me more?!”

    Me: “No, the prices are pretty much the same. Sometimes there’s a difference of a few cents, but we attempt to keep the prices in the restaurant as equivalent as we can to the store prices.”

    Customer: “Oh, but they’re going to expect me to tip them if I sit in the restaurant, aren’t they?”

    Me: “Well, yes, that is how servers earn their income.”

    Customer: “WELCOME TO AMERICA!” *storms off*

    Dining Sin

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m a waitress, seating a woman next to a pair of young men holding hands across the table. They are talking quietly to each other, very obviously on a date. One of the men is drastically shorter than the other, making him appear much younger.)

    Female Customer: “Well, isn’t that sweet, taking your little brother out? How old is he, 10?”

    (Customer #1 blushes and bites his lip.)

    Customer #2: “He’s 19, and he’s my boyfriend.”

    (I’m about to walk away, when the woman gasps and shrieks at me in outrage.)


    (Both men visibly flinch. The smaller starts pulling his hand away, blinking back tears. The taller catches it and gives him a reassuring smile. Being bisexual myself, I’ve learned how to deal with this.)

    Me: “Look at that couple over there.”

    (I point to a girl and boy, on the other side of the restaurant. They are about the same age, doing the exact same thing the other couple just was.)

    Me: “What do you think of them?”

    Female Customer: “Well, they’re cute!”

    (I point to the gay couple.)

    Me: “And if one of them was a girl?”

    (The female customer stammers furiously. She stands up, almost knocking the table over, and starts stomping away.)

    Female Customer: “I’m never coming here again! I’ll have you reported for allowing these f*****s to sin here!”

    (Luckily for me, my boss laughs in her face. He bans her from the restaurant, and calls other branches to warn them about her. The two men are incredibly sweet, and make sure to give me a twenty dollar tip. They’ve been regulars ever since!)