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    Somebody Took An Evolutionary Detour

    | RestaurantUK | Food & Drink, Top

    (The waitress is trying to take our orders when a customer from the next table rudely interrupts.)

    Customer: *interrupting* “Is the fish suitable for vegetarians?”

    Waitress: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “The fish. Is it suitable for vegetarians?”

    Waitress: *very politely* “No, it’s meat.”

    Customer: “But it doesn’t say that there’s any meat. It says fish and chips and peas.”

    Waitress: “The fish is meat.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not. Only mammals have meat, like cows and chickens.”

    Me: “Chickens aren’t mammals.”

    Customer: “Of course they are; they have meat! Honestly, don’t you know how rude it is to interrupt somebody else’s conversation?!”

    A Hearty Heart Meal

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant)]. My name is—”

    Customer: *rudely* “Can we go ahead and order? I am starving.”

    Me: “Go right ahead, sir.”

    Customer: “I’ll have the never-ending pancake sampler, but make it all bacon and add an extra egg over easy.”

    (He finishes his order, but continues to stare at me the entire time, until his food arrives. Note that his order comes with 3 eggs, 6 strips of bacon, hash browns and 3 pancakes. He asks me to bring out more pancakes twice, bringing his total to 8.)

    Me: *dropping off the check* “Is there anything else I can get for you today?”

    Customer: “No, that was great. I’m sorry I was so rude earlier; I was just starving. I just got out of the hospital for a heart attack. They don’t let you eat anything in there!”

    It’s High Time To Lay Off The Drugs

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?

    Customer: “Yeah, when do you start lunch?”

    Me: “At 10:30, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Okay, so can I get [large lunch meal]?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, it’s still breakfast.”

    Customer: “But you just said you start lunch at 10:30!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, but it’s not 10:30 yet.”

    Customer: “What time is it?”

    Me: “6:00 am, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh.” *long pause* “Sorry, I didn’t realize I was this high when I left the house!”

    Getting To The Root Of The Problem, Part 3

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m a server at an Italian restaurant. I approach a table where my guest is pointing at a moderately-priced item on our wine list.)

    Me: “Hi, there! Welcome to [restaurant]. Can I answer any questions about the wine menu?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I was gonna ask if you had any wines from Venice, but then I realized there’s no dirt there!”

    Related:
    Getting To The Root Of The Problem, Part 2
    Getting To The Root Of The Problem

    Sauce For The Saucy

    | Washington, DC, USA | Food & Drink

    (At our take-out counter, we frequently have people order online and pay by credit card before they arrive. Once in a while, someone forgets they still have to sign the receipt when they get there.)

    Caller: “Yes, hello, I’d like to speak to a manager. I have a take-out complaint.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I work at take-out; what seems to be the problem?”

    Caller: “I just came and picked up my order, and it isn’t right at all!”

    Me: “Oh, yes. You came in just a moment ago, grabbed the bag on the counter, and left?”

    Caller: “Yes, and I already paid for it.”

    Me: “True, but that bag wasn’t yours. Sir, that bag was full of our spare packets of soy sauce.”

    Caller: “Oh. I was wondering why you gave me so much of the stuff.”

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