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    I Meant What I Said And I Said What I Meant

    | Albuquerque, NM, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “What can I get you, sir?”

    Customer #1: “Um, I’d like a quickie.”

    Me: *offended* “EXCUSE ME?”

    Customer#1: “A quickie!” *licks his lips*

    (Offended, I skip him and serve the next table.)

    Customer #2: *apparently having overheard* “I think it’s pronounced ‘quiche’.”

    Me, to customer #1: “Oh! You meant quiche?”

    Customer #1: “No!”

    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 4
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 3
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

    Right Place, Wrong Menu

    | Galveston, TX, USA | Food & Drink

    (After staring at the menu displayed above the counter, a man finally approaches me to place an order.)

    Customer: “I’d like the large popcorn chicken.”

    Me: *thinking I’ve misheard him* “I’m sorry, sir, what was that?”

    Customer: “The large popcorn chicken.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t have popcorn chicken here.”

    (He steps back to examine the large menu, complete with pictures, once again. He takes a minute or two before stepping forward again.)

    Customer: “Can I get a half dozen drumsticks and some mashed potatoes?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t have any of those either.”

    (He steps back again, and looks up at the menu again, as I wait, rather perplexed. He seems to finally realize what he’s looking at.)

    Customer: “This is McDonald’s, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh.” *leaves looking embarrassed*

    DWC: Driving While Caffeinated

    | Aberdeen, UK | Food & Drink

    (I work in a restaurant. This conversation takes place when I am clearing plates away from a couple’s table.)

    Me: “Would you like any tea or coffee?”

    Customer: “Yes, please, I’ll have a latte.”

    Me: “No problem.” *turning to customer’s husband* “Would you like any tea or coffee?”

    Husband: “No coffee for me, thanks. I’m driving.”

    Me: *blank look*

    Not Big On Beef That’s Big

    | Brampton, ON, Canada | Food & Drink

    Me: “What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “I have a question.”

    Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”

    Customer: “Will the ribs come cut up?”

    Me: “No, they’ll be a full rack.”

    Customer: “Oh, can I get them cut up?”

    Me: “I’m afraid the kitchen doesn’t do that.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, if the meat is too big, it scares me!”

    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 5

    | Jackson, WY, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “All of today’s specials and all of the sandwiches on the menu come with your choice of soup or salad or potato salad. What can I get for you today, sir?”

    Customer: “You say that the sandwiches come with salad?”

    Me: “That’s correct. So do all of the specials. You can get soup, salad, or potato salad.”

    Customer: *pointing to the sandwich side of the menu* “So, all of these come with salad?”

    Me: “Yup, or soup or potato salad. All of ‘em.”

    Customer: “What about this option?” *pointing to a particular sandwich* “Does this come with salad?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, that one too. You can also choose soup or potato salad.”

    Customer: “I’ll have that one, then.”

    Me: “Okay, what would you like as your side?”

    Customer: “What are my choices?”

    Me: *speechless*

    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 4
    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 3
    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 2
    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition

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