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    Leave Out The Leaves And Leave

    | Chapel Hill, NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I am serving a middle-aged woman and her partner. I can tell as soon as I take drink orders that this is going to be an interesting table. After altering and modifying her entrée in every way possible, the woman decides to order a side salad.)

    Customer: “…and I want a side salad, lettuce, cheese and onions only!”

    Me: “No problem, ma’am. I’ll go ahead and put your order in.”

    (A little while later, I bring out the salad and their entrees. The salad is comprised of mixed greens, shredded cheese, and onions. The woman takes one look at her salad and is clearly displeased.)

    Customer: “What is this?! These are leaves!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what seems to be the problem with the salad?”

    Customer: “These are leaves! You gave me leaves! Leaves! I’m not a pig! Pigs eat leaves! I’m a human! I’m a country gal and when I order a salad with PLAIN LETTUCE, I don’t want no leaves!”

    (At this point, her partner seems extremely embarrassed, but doesn’t say anything.)

    Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. I can replace the salad for you if you’d like.”

    Customer: “No! It’s too late! You’ve ruined my night! Just go!”

    (I leave them to their dinners, unsure of how to remedy the “leaves” situation. When I check on them a little bit later, the woman is still very upset about the salad. I offer to get my manager and she accepts.)

    Manager: “Hello, ladies, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “Why are you smilin’?! Do you see me smilin’?! This isn’t a joke! And that waitress! She smiles too much, too! I’m just a country gal who wants some plain lettuce!”

    (In the end, the “leaves” get taken off her bill. At least she left a decent tip!)

    Here Today, (Not) Gone Tomorrow

    , | Melbourne, Australia | Extra Stupid

    (A man approaches the counter.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Yes, I was wondering what days you guys are closed.”

    Me: “We’re open everyday.”

    Customer: “Yes, but which days aren’t you open?”

    Me: “None. We are open every day.”

    Customer: *irritated* “Are you deaf? Which days AREN’T you open?”

    Me: “Sir, we are open on days that end with the letter Y.”

    Customer: “Right! So you’re open 4 days a week! Why didn’t you just say that?”

    The Rewards Of Hard Work

    | British Columbia, Canada | Bigotry, Food & Drink

    (At our store, we have this point card where if you get 10 points, you get a free drink. Unfortunately, if a customer has more than one card, we aren’t allowed to combine the points together.)

    Customer: *throws four cards in front of me* “Check these.”

    Me: “Wait, what?”

    Customer: “Check them! I want you to combine the points together. I should I have a free drink now.”

    Me: “Sorry, but we aren’t allowed to combine the poi—”

    Customer’s friend: “What’re you waiting for? She’s a customer! You have to do as we say. Hurry up and give us our free drink.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. As I was trying to say before, we can’t combine card points.”

    Customer: “Oh, well, just use the one that has the most points on it.”

    Me: *proceeds to check each card*

    Customer’s friend: “Hurry up! You’re Chinese! You have to work faster!”

    (Once we’ve finished dealing with the customers, my co-worker comes up to me.)

    Coworker: “Man those two were just…really annoying. I’m surprised you didn’t tell that guy off.”

    Me: “Ah, it’s okay. I just used the card with the fewest points.”

    Illegal Tender

    , | Australia | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

    (I work late at night at a well-known fast food chain. We often get customers who are a little bit under the influence at night.)

    Me: “That comes to $23.95, thanks.”

    (The customer goes through his wallet and pockets and comes up about $5 short.)

    Customer: “Do you want to buy some weed off me so I can pay for this order?”

    Mentally Closed Down

    | Goodyear, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (It’s a little after 10:00 PM and two customers walk in.)

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant]! Two tonight?”

    Customer: “Are you about to close?”

    Me: “No, we are open 24 hours.”

    Customer: “Oh…” *to his friend* “Let’s go then, dude.”

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