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    We Can See Through Your Whine

    | Margarita, Venezuela | Food & Drink, Top

    Me: “Evening! Welcome to [restaurant]. How can I serve you?”

    Customer: “I’m sorry, I don’t see the Californian wine in the menu.”

    Me: “That’s because we don’t have it, miss.”

    Customer: “And why is that, exactly? I am a wine lover. The Californian wine is the very best and I only drink the very best.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, because the Californian wine has a very low demand in this country, it is extremely hard to find. We have Chilean and Argentinian wine, if you like.”

    Customer: “All right. I guess i’ll have to adjust to your low standards. Give me a bottle of the Chilean.”

    Me: “All right, miss. Would you have Cabernet, Malbec, or Carmenerè?”

    Customer: “I don’t want any of that! I just want red wine! Is it so hard to understand that?

    Me: “All right, ma’am, I’ll bring you the Cabernet then.”

    Customer: “I said I don’t want that? I only want red wine! Please get me the manager!”

    Let Me Give You A Pita My Mind

    , | Ontario, Canada | Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, there. What could I get for you?”

    Customer: “Hi. Uh, do you guys sell slices?”

    Me: “No, this is a pita shop.”

    Customer: “So you don’t have pizza?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Well, what do you have?”

    Me: “Pitas. We’re a pita shop.”

    Customer: “Well, what’s a pita?”

    Me: “It’s like a wrap.”

    Customer: “That’s gross!”

    Related:
    Let Me Give You A Pizza My Mind, Part 2
    Let Me Give You A Pizza My Mind
    Giving A Pizza My Mind

    For Some, Childhood Never Ends, Part 4

    | New York City, NY, USA |

    (I’m at the computer putting an order in when I notice a guest at a table adjacent to me behaving oddly.)

    Customer: *cranes his head around frantically*

    Me: “Excuse me, sir, is there anything I can do for you? I noticed you looking around—”

    Customer: “Oh! Sorry. We were just playing ‘I Spy.’”

    Related:
    For Some, Childhood Never Ends, Part 3
    For Some, Childhood Never Ends, Part 2
    For Some, Childhood Never Ends

    Somebody Took An Evolutionary Detour

    | RestaurantUK | Food & Drink, Top

    (The waitress is trying to take our orders when a customer from the next table rudely interrupts.)

    Customer: *interrupting* “Is the fish suitable for vegetarians?”

    Waitress: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “The fish. Is it suitable for vegetarians?”

    Waitress: *very politely* “No, it’s meat.”

    Customer: “But it doesn’t say that there’s any meat. It says fish and chips and peas.”

    Waitress: “The fish is meat.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not. Only mammals have meat, like cows and chickens.”

    Me: “Chickens aren’t mammals.”

    Customer: “Of course they are; they have meat! Honestly, don’t you know how rude it is to interrupt somebody else’s conversation?!”

    A Hearty Heart Meal

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant)]. My name is—”

    Customer: *rudely* “Can we go ahead and order? I am starving.”

    Me: “Go right ahead, sir.”

    Customer: “I’ll have the never-ending pancake sampler, but make it all bacon and add an extra egg over easy.”

    (He finishes his order, but continues to stare at me the entire time, until his food arrives. Note that his order comes with 3 eggs, 6 strips of bacon, hash browns and 3 pancakes. He asks me to bring out more pancakes twice, bringing his total to 8.)

    Me: *dropping off the check* “Is there anything else I can get for you today?”

    Customer: “No, that was great. I’m sorry I was so rude earlier; I was just starving. I just got out of the hospital for a heart attack. They don’t let you eat anything in there!”

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