Misbehavior Reaches Critical Mass

| USA | Family & Kids, Religion

(My husband and I are sitting a few tables down from a family of six. All of the children are older, the youngest looking about 17, so I didn’t expect any problems until a priest walks in.)

Teenage daughter: “Hey [brothers’ names], look at the priest!”

Mother: “Shush, don’t embarrass yourself.”

Son #1: “S***, does this mean we can’t do s***?”

Teenage daughter: “Oooh, you swore in front of a priest! You’re going to Hell!”

Son #1: “You’re going to Hell for being a wh***.”

(The parents look mortified at their behavior. I am shocked, too, especially at a man in his early twenties calling his younger sister a wh***. After chastising them both, the parents go back to conversing with the older daughter until the other two start up again.)

Teenage daughter: “Hey, [other brother], I dare you to go ask for confession.”

Son #2: “Seriously, you both need to shut up.”

Teenage daughter: *completely ignoring her mother’s warning* “You’re scared of a little priest? What’s he going to do? Send me to Hell?”

(Finally, it appears the priest has had enough, and stands up, approaching the table from the girl’s side.)

Priest: “First off, young lady, I have heard your mother tell you to be quiet several times. The fourth commandment says honor thy mother and thy father. You, my dear, obviously need some work on that. Secondly, if anyone needs confession at this table, it is you. Thirdly, the makeup doesn’t quite cover the hickey on your neck.”

(At this, the second son bursts out laughing, and the father profusely thanks the priest for reigning in his now speechless daughter. They ask the priest to join them and insist on paying for his meal. Besides that, on the way out, I hear the mother tell the daughter she’s grounded until she’s 30.)

There’s Something In Those Poppy Seeds

, | NYC, NY, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

(My boss is known for being very strict, and demanding ‘good customer relations.’ He reprimands us if we say things that he thinks are ‘unprofessional,’ which has forced us to be very formal with everyone who comes into the shop. Today, he’s running late.)

Customer: “Can I get a toasted everything bagel, and-” *turns to daughter* “What do you want?”

Customer’s daughter: *about eight years old* “Poppy seeds and cream cheese!”

Customer: “…and a poppy seed bagel with cream cheese.”

Co-worker: “Sure, here’s your poppy seed. Just give me a minute to toast the everything.”

Customer’s daughter: *after a few seconds* “Mommy.”

Customer: “We’re almost ready to go, dear, mommy just needs her bagel too.”

Customer’s daughter: “Mommy…I dropped my bagel and the cream cheese is dirty.”

Co-worker: “Don’t worry about it. Here’s a new one for free.”

Customer’s daughter: *very excited* “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

Customer: “Bagel bagel bagel bagel!”

Me: *handing the customer her bagel* “Here’s your BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

Coworker: *joining in* “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

(Suddenly, my boss walks in the door. My coworker, the customer, and I all shut up and look embarrassed. The daughter doesn’t stop.)

Customer’s daughter: “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

Boss: “When in Rome. BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

All three of us: “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

(My boss is still serious, but whenever that customer comes in, he starts screaming ‘BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL’ over and over again!)

This Customer’s Spirit Is Unsinkable

, | Derbyshire, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Movies & TV, Top

(I am quite well-spoken and have what many people refer to as a ‘posh’ accent.)

Me: “Alright, so that will be £24, please!”

Customer: “You’re far too posh to be working in a place like this!”

Me: “Why, thank you! I do tend to hear that rather often! I’ve got to pay my way through university somehow, I suppose.”

Customer: “Ooh yes! You sound just like that Kate Winslet!”

Me: “Um, thank you! Have a good night!”

(About one week passes, when the customer comes through again, this time with her entire family in tow.)

Customer: “It’s Kate Winslet!”

Me: “Hello again! How are you all this evening?”

Customer: “I’d be better if you could just talk at my kids a second!”

Me: “Okay then. I mean, what would you like me to say?”

Customer: “They’ve been watching Titanic all week getting ready for this. Say that bit when she’s stuck on the door at the end!”

Me: “Um… ‘I’ll never let go, Jack!'”

Customer: *to her kids* “Ha! Didn’t I tell you she sounded just like her?!”

Me: “Well, I’m glad you liked it. Is there anything else I can help you all with tonight?”

Customer: “Oh, no thank you, darling. Just stay as you are. It’s so nice to be served by people that are just so happy!”

(These customers are now regulars, who not only ask me to quote Titanic every time they come through, but also got one of my coworkers to do the ‘Gangnam Style’ dance.)

He’s Obviously Just Wingin’ It

| Georgia, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(I serve a customer some food, specifically wings and fries. He approaches me with his meal; two of the wings are badly hidden in the fries.)

Customer: “Hey man, you didn’t give me two wings. Cook them again!”

Me:” I’m sure that I gave you the order just like you asked.”

Customer: “Yo man, I told you! I have two f***ing wings missin’! How the f*** do you know that I be gettin’ all my wings?!”

Me: “I also cook the food, sir.”

Customer: “THAT DON’T MEAN NUTTIN!”

Me: “I count before, during, and after food preparation. I guarantee you, you got what you ordered.”

Customer: “NO I DIDN’T!”

Me: “Okay, then please explain why there are chicken bones in the fries, and why you have hot sauce on your lips.”

Customer: *flips me the bird and storms out of the store*

Not Specifying Spices Can Spark Speculation

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

(I work a popular sub sandwich chain. I’m finishing up a customer’s sandwich with vegetables and condiments.)

Me: “Would you like anything else?”

Customer: “Yeah, some peppers.”

(Note: the customer is very clearly pronouncing the “s” in “peppers.” We have bell peppers, pepperoncinis, and jalapeños.)

Me: “Which kind?”

Customer: “Peppers.”

Me: “Which kind of peppers?”

Customer: “PEP-PERS. PEPPERS!”

Me: “Yes, but which kind?”

Customer: “Freaking black peppers! Right there in the shaker! The only peppers you have!”

Me: “Oh, pepper! I’m sorry, I thought you were talking about the veggies.”

Customer: “Why would peppers be a vegetable?! It’s just little black flakes!”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: *to her companion* “Dumb b****!”

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