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    On The Need For Meant-al Telepathy

    | Australia | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Hi, I would like a vanilla chai latte without the chai.”

    Me: “So, you want a vanilla latte?”

    Customer: “No, I want a vanilla chai latte without the chai! As a professional, aren’t you meant to know what I mean?”

    Me: “Of course. Ma’am, one vanilla chai latte without chai coming right up.”

    (I make her a vanilla latte and she takes a sip.)

    Me: “Is that what you wanted, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I don’t know! You’re meant to tell me!”

    Nanny Nanny Boo Boo, The Golden Years

    | Maine, USA | Bizarre

    (An older gentleman is standing at the register looking directly at me.)

    Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Older customer: “Do I look like I need help? No! Oh, boo hoo, I’m a poor little boy who needs help!” *blows his tongue at me and leaves*

    Me: “What just happened to me?”

    Hashpocalypse Now

    , | Sydney, Australia | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I’m working the breakfast shift when a man comes in with his children who look about 5 or 6. He orders a large amount of food.)

    Customer: “And can I get…four hash browns with that?”

    Me: “Certainly.”

    (I type in the total and show it to him.)

    Customer: “What? $4.80? Are you kidding?”

    Me: “That’s how much it is.”

    Customer: “No way! That’s too expensive! I can’t justify that. Get rid of them!”

    (I cancel the last item while the customer continues ranting.)

    Customer: “It’s also the fact that they’re just hot oil! I can’t give my kids that poison!”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “This whole place is poison! All of it! You know the cancer charities you guys set up? Your food is causing the cancer that those kids are dying from!”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “You’re poisoning people! Poisoning my kids! Working here, you kill more people a year than smoking!”

    Me: “Really?”

    Customer: *mimicking me* “‘Really?’ Why don’t you do some bloody research before you start a job, girl?!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “This whole place is evil! You should have a freaking skull and crossbones out the front! I can’t justify buying hash browns and poisoning my kids!” *leaves with his kids and his food, minus the evil hash browns*

    More Repulsive Than Attractive

    | California, USA | Language & Words

    (I overhear a coworker, who is currently on the register, talking with a customer as he hands her the food she just paid for.)

    Coworker: “Here you go ma’am. Have a nice night!”

    Customer: “Can I get one of those maggots?”

    Coworker: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “A maggot!”

    Coworker: “I don’t understand what you’re asking for.”

    Customer: “One of the maggots you have all over your fridge!” *points at our drink refrigerator*

    Coworker: “Oh! A magnet. Sure! Let me get you one…”

    Super Fries Me

    | Hawaii, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m working as a register for a fast food restaurant.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I would like an extra large fries.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we have discontinued the extra large fries, sir.”

    Customer: “Just dump the fries into an extra large cup and give it to me!”

    Me: “Um, let me go check with my manager if that’s all right.”

    (While he waits, the customer behaves oddly and starts doing a jig in front of the counter. My manager says to give the customer what he wants.)

    Me: “My manager has agreed to serve you the fries in an extra large cup.”

    Customer: “Thank you!”

    (I ring him up for an extra large soda, and then hand him the cup of fries with the lid on. He pays and inspects the cup.)

    Customer: “I also need you to put soda and ice cream in here. These fries are too dry!”

    Manager: *hesitantly* “Okay…”

    (My manager takes the cup, pours soda and dispenses some ice cream onto the fries, and hands him a fork and spoon as well. The customer walks over to a table and begins eating.)

    Customer: “This tastes funny! I want a full refund!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, I cannot do that—”

    (Suddenly, the customer throws the fork and spoon at us and spills some of his cup onto the counter trying to get it on me. He then goes outside and throws the cup into the window, splattering its contents everywhere, before storming off.)

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