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    Please Placebo Me

    | Ocala, FL, USA |

    Customer: “I need some help over here!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “This salt is too salty!”

    Me: “But it’s salt, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I don’t care! It’s too salty! You need to bring me a different shaker!”

    (I proceed to bring her another shaker, which is no different than the first.)

    Customer: “That’s better! Thank you!”

    Fresh From The Ocean, Into Your Mouth

    | Iowa City, IA, USA | Food & Drink

    (I am a waiter in a sushi bar in Iowa.)

    Customer: “Do you guys catch your own fish?”

    It Blows Hard

    | Bismarck, ND, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I am working at the counter of a slushie shop in our mall.)

    Me: “What’s all the hustle about out there?”

    Customer: “Oh, they brought in the coolest thing this morning. It’s a hurricane stimulator!”

    Me: “A stimulator?”

    Customer: “Yes, it stimulates hurricanes! You have to try it out.”

    Me: “I’ll be sure to do that. Have a nice day!”

    Customer: “Oh, I will! That hurricane stimulated me to the max!”

    Water You, Stupid, Part 5

    | California, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    Customer: “I’d like a kid’s bean and cheese burrito.”

    Me: “Alright, would you like a fountain drink, juice, or milk?”

    Customer: *turns to her child* “Okay, do you want soda or juice?”

    Customer’s daughter: “I just want water.”

    Customer: “But soda’s better for you!”

    Related:
    Water You, Stupid, Part 4
    Water You, Stupid, Part 3
    Water You, Stupid, Part 2
    Water You, Stupid

    Inexorably Inconsiderate

    , | Guelph, ON, Canada |

    (The customer is four cents short for his order.)

    Customer, to friend: “Hey man, do you have a nickel or something?”

    Friend: “Yeah man, here.”

    Customer: “No, that’s okay. I’ll just get some out of here.”

    (He reaches into the tip jar.)

    Customer: “Can I just take out four cents from in here?”

    Me: “Um, no. That’s actually our tip jar–”

    Customer: “Too late. It’s happening.”

    Me: *speechless*


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