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    She’s Nuts About Her Husband

    | North Carolina, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Customer: “Do these cookies contain nuts?”

    Me: “Which cookie are you thinking about?”

    Customer: “The toffee nut cookies.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, they contain brazil nuts.”

    Customer: “I’ll take one.”

    (After a few minutes, the customer returns.)

    Customer: “What kind of nuts do those cookies contain?”

    Me: “Ma’am, they contain brazil nuts.”

    Customer: “Oh, my husband is deathly allergic to those.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can call 911 or direct you to the nearest hospital.”

    Customer: “Oh, I know where it is, but first, I want to get a sandwich to go…”

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    Try Our New Three Slice Pizza

    , | Syracuse, NY, USA | Food & Drink

    (I am talking to a woman on the phone who is ordering a pizza.)

    Customer: “How many slices come in a large pizza?”

    Me: “The large comes with 12 slices.”

    Customer: “Ok, I will take a large pizza, but can you cut it into 8 slices instead? I couldn’t possibly eat 12 slices.”

    The Land Of The Free And Home Of The Portable Umbrella

    | Anchorage, AK, USA | Food & Drink

    (I am clearing off the tables on the deck of the restaurant because it has just started raining. Most people have moved inside.)

    Customer: “Are you guys kicking us off the deck?”

    Me: “No, sir, you are welcome to stay out here as long as you wish.”

    Customer: “In that case, can you move one of the tables with the umbrellas so they cover my wife?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the tables are bolted down to the deck and I can’t move them.”

    Customer: “The tables…they don’t move? But this is America!”

    Sanguine Mealtime Entertainment

    | Rockville, MD, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Do you have any crayons?”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am. Unfortunately, we are all out and our shipment doesn’t come in until Tuesday.”

    Customer: “Well what is my child supposed to color with?! Her blood?”

    An Ate For Two Special

    | Fort Lee, NJ, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Hi, I’ll have one Penne Milano.”

    Me: “Okay, is there anything else I can get you?”

    Customer: “One should be enough to feed eight people, right?”

    Me: “No, unfortunately. At most, it could feed two.”

    Customer: “Well, how can I make it feed eight?”

    Me: “Perhaps you can order more than one?”


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