Fighting Hate Is Everyone’s Job

| Halifax, NS, Canada | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Top

(There are three customers outside on the patio: three men, one with long hair. The other two customers are friends and start volleying increasingly homophobic insults at him. I, as the hostess am closest and move to intervene.)

Me: “Gentlemen, please return to your meal. Abuse of the other patrons will not be tolerated and I do not want to have you thrown out.”

Customer #1: “What the h*** are you talking about, are you dumb? That guy’s a fucking f**. Look at his f***ing hair!”

Me: “You cannot discern another person’s sexuality from a hairstyle, sir, and I’m going to have to ask you to leave. I already told you that I cannot allow you to insult the other patrons. I do not want to retrieve security.”

Customer #2: “Screw that, b****! We’re not going anywhere. I’m in the middle of eating.”

(Surprisingly, a police man still in uniform walks up to us.)

Customer #1: “Hey, police man! This dumb f***ing c*** wants to throw us out instead of that d*** gay over there. Can you f***ing believe that?”

Policeman: “What I believe is that I should be very grateful to have a wonderful boyfriend who waited for me even though I was late and two idiots were heckling him. I believe that this young lady is quite commendable for standing up to those two idiots. I also believe you two want to pay for you lunches and leave.”

(There’s a bit of a stand off before the two get up and simply leave two twenty dollar bills. I turn to the remaining customer.)

Me: “I’m very, very sorry, sir. I’ll tell your waiter that lunch for you and your partner is free.”

Customer #3: “No need, miss.”

(He pulls a ten dollar bill out of his wallet.)

Customer #3: “Hostesses don’t get tipped, do they?”

Me: “That’s really not necessary, sir. It’s all just part of my job. I was happy to help.”

Policeman: “And for that miss, I think it is necessary.”

(He sits down across from his boyfriend and also hands me a ten. One of the men returned to complain to my manager ten minutes later and was summarily banned from the restaurant when the policeman and his partner explained what happened. I went to their wedding eight months later.)

Tipping On Tiptoes

, | ME, USA | Awesome Customers, Money, Top

Regular: *pulls out two dollars and looks around* “You know, I’ve never seen a tip jar. Where is it?”

Me: “We aren’t supposed to have one. It would be taxed out of our paychecks.”

Regular: “But [coffee shop next door] has one! And what if you guys do a good job and I want to tip you?”

Me: “Then we still aren’t supposed to accept it.”

Regular: “Well, that sucks!” *drops the dollars on the counter* “Oh no! I accidentally dropped my money and now I’m leaving because I totally forgot it bye!” *runs out the door*

Full Metal Jacket Potatoes

, | Norway | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Military

(On my way home from work, a buddy and I are stopping at a fast food joint just outside the military camp/training facility in my town. There is a long line of soldiers, privates, I assume, but also a young civilian lady almost at the front. As we have finally gotten to the front and are waiting for our food, a sergeant comes through the camp gates and walks directly to the front of the line.)

My Friend: “Excuse me, but I think this young man was first.”

(He points to the private who was about to place his order when the sergeant, rather rudely, walked in front of him.)

Sergeant: “No, I think that will be fine. Don’t you think so, [private’s name]?”

Private: “Yes, of course, sir.”

My Friend: “I don’t. Why do you think you can just go ahead of everyone else?”

Sergeant: “Because I am their superior officer! Now quit wasting my time.”

Me: “Ahem. Are you her superior officer too?”

(I point at the young girl standing a couple places behind him in line.)

Sergeant: “Well, no…”

My Friend: “Then get to the back of the line then! Have some common courtesy!”

(The sergeant walked sheepishly to the back of the line. We went over to our car and made sure to stay and watch until everyone had gotten their food, so he wouldn’t just barge ahead again.)

She Would Like To Make An Out Of Order

, | Atlanta, GA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(We are always packed out during lunch. The drive-thru is slammed. A woman in a black SUV pulls out of the parking lot—as opposed to the line that everyone else is using—around the cones intended to keep cutters out, and is a good 9 feet away from the order box, very crooked. She is cutting in line in front of at least 10 people.)

Me: “Excuse me, black SUV, is there something we can help you with?”

Lady: “Yeah! I wanna order!”

Me: “Out of courtesy for our other guests, would you mind pulling around the building and using the line?”

Lady: “It says lane 2 is open, but these cones are in the way!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, that’s because there’s one line that diverges right before the cones and then after the box, merges back tog—”

Lady: “Gimme a number 1 with lemonade and 8 nuggets.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, out of courtesy for the other guests in li—”

Lady: “GIMMEA NUMBER 1 WITH LEMONADE AND 8 NUGGETS!”

Me: “Ma’am, please pull—”

Lady: “NUMBER 1 WITH LEMONADE AND 8 NUGGETS!”

Driver behind Lady: “Lady! Get in line with the rest of us!”

Lady: “NUMBER 1 WITH LEMONADE AND 8 NUGGETS! YOU CAN HEAR ME, SO YOU HAVE TO TAKE MY ORDER!”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Lady: “You know what? I’m coming to the window.”

(She pulls forward, and the driver behind her gets to the box.)

Driver behind Lady: “That lady was a total b****! I can’t believe you have to put up with that kinda stuff!”

Me: “Sometimes I just really don’t understand people. But what can I get for you, sir?”

Driver behind Lady: *laughs* “I just want a chicken sandwich with honey.”

Me: “No problem! Anything else for you today?”

Driver behind Lady: “That’s it! And good luck!”

Me: “Thanks! I’ll need it!”

Running Onion Rings Around Common Sense

, | Eagle River, AK, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science, Money

(At our store, ordering a combo will always be cheaper than ordering the three items separately. This applies for all sides, not just fries. Our menu and prices reflect this, and most people have no problem understanding.)

Customer: “I’d like a number three combo, but with onion rings instead of fries.”

Me: “No problem. That’ll be [price].”

(The customer gets his food to go, pays, and then demands to talk to me when he sees his receipt.)

Me: “What’s the trouble, sir?”

Customer: “I was supposed to pay an dollar for those rings!”

Me: “No, sir. If you’ll notice our prices, you ordered the combo meal, which means the onion rings are cheaper than if you’d ordered them separately.”

(I point out the two different prices, clearly labelled as ‘alone’ and ‘replacing fries’. However, he barely glances at where I’m pointing.)

Customer: “Your menu is misleading!”

Me: “I’m sorry if you thought that sir, but you are paying for a dollar cheaper than if you’d—”

Customer: “I want to see the manager!”

(The manager has been listening this whole time, and comes over. He tells the customer the exact same thing I’ve been telling him.)

Customer: “Well… your prices are still misleading! I can’t believe I paid this!”

Manager: “Sir, I’m sorry you feel that way, but as my employee has been telling you, our prices are clearly listed, and you actually saved money by getting the combo. I honestly don’t see the problem here.”

Customer: “The problem is that your prices are misleading!”

(He takes his food and storms out. The manager just shrugs and makes to return to his office, but an eat-in customer steps up to the counter.)

Customer #2: “Excuse me, folks? I want to register a complaint against you!”

Me: “Yes, sir?”

Customer #2: *smiles* “I want to complain because I’m actually saving money, and you’re giving me a good deal!”

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