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    Sweet Midlife Crisis

    , | Fast Food Restaurant | Food & Drink

    (I work at a popular fast food place where cashiers ask for customer’s names so that they can be called when their order is ready. Customers who are members of our loyalty program are called whatever name they registered their card under. A middle aged man approaches.)

    Me: *holding back laughter* “Is this the name you want me to call?”

    Customer: “Yes, of course!”

    (Five minutes pass while his order is being made.)

    Coworker: *over the intercom* “Princess Bubblegum, your order is ready!”

    Like Explaining Red To The Blind

    | Westerville, Ohio, USA |

    (A customer calls to place an order for delivery. While entering the credit card information for payment, I need the zip code.)

    Me: “Can I get the ZIP code to the billing address?”

    Caller: “Where on the card is that?”

    Me: “The ZIP code. It’s not on the card.”

    Customer: “What is that? They always ask that, and it’s not on the card.”

    Me: “Um, the ZIP code. It’s…it’s a number the Post Office uses to tell where to deliver mail to.”

    (There’s a silence. I can’t tell if he’s thinking or if he’s just has no idea what’s going on.)

    Me: “I’ll just put [local ZIP code] and see if it works.”

    Customer: “Um, okay, yeah.”

    Me: “Ok, it went through. We’ll see you soon.”

    Just Turn Left At The Series Of Tubes

    , | Hilo, HI, USA | Technology

    (I am sweeping the dining room floor when I am waved over by an elderly couple.)

    Me: “Hi, anything I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Yes, we are heading around the island tomorrow and want to know if this rain will have stopped by then.”

    Me: “It will probably still be raining here. However, they only get about 8 inches of rain a year on the other side of the island, so chances are it’ll be sunny.”

    Customer: “Can you check the weather tomorrow for me?”

    Me: “Um, I don’t have a newspaper or anything, but I could ask the manager to turn the radio on. They give the weather at the top of every hour.”

    (Note that it is 9:57 PM.)

    Customer: “That will take too long. How about internets?”

    Me: “Sorry, we don’t have Wi-Fi here, but [coffee shop] does.”

    Customer: *irate* “No! Where are the Internets!?”

    Me: “Like an internet cafe? The only here is downtown, but it’s already closed.”

    Customer: “No! The INTERNETS!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

    Customer: “Fine!” *storms off with his wife in tow*

    Ketchup Me Right Or Don’t Ketchup Me At All

    , | Windsor, ON, Canada | Food & Drink, Top

    (I am a manager at a popular fast food restaurant and currently serving customers in the drive thru. I have a headset on to hear what customers are saying at the speaker.)

    Coworker: “Hi there, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I just came through here and got small fries, and I got NO ketchup! I want new fries WITH ketchup!”

    Coworker: “Okay, sorry about that ma’am. Just pull to the second window and our manager will help you.”
    (I prepare the new fries and put them in a bag, and make sure to grab a handful of ketchup packets to accompany them as she comes up to my window.)

    Me: “Sorry about that, ma’am! Here you are. The fries just came up!”

    Customer: “How can you give someone fries with no ketchup!”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am! Have a good day!”

    (Thinking that would be the end of ketchupgate, I resume my other regular duties. Ten minutes later, the same woman, now irate, storms into the lobby and up to the counter with her food bag in hand.)

    Me: “Hi there, ma’am, is there anything I can help you with?”

    (She overturns her empty bag and several unopened ketchup packets spill onto the counter.)

    Customer: “You gave me nine ketchup packets for one small fries?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “You gave me NINE KETCHUP PACKETS for ONE small fries! Are you trying to be smart?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, didn’t you return to the drive thru for the sole reason of getting ketchup?”

    Customer: “But NINE ketchup packets?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I suppose I just wasn’t aware of how much ketchup you wanted.”

    Customer: “I demand to speak with your manager!”

    (I look at my uniform and then the surrounding crew members’ uniforms. My uniform is quite clearly different from all others.)

    Me: “I am the only manager on duty, ma’am.”

    Customer: “YOU’RE the manager?!”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “And you gave me NINE packets of ketchup?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Well what do you have to say for yourself?”

    Me: “I suppose I am pleased to know that I was able to go above and beyond your expectations for ketchup sustenance.”

    Customer: *storms off muttering incoherently*

    Rare, Medium, And Free

    | Covington, LA, USA | Food & Drink

    (This occurs on a very slow day. I’m the only person working the cafeteria and register.)

    Customer: “I finally found a decent meal down here!”

    (She proceeds to show me her tray. It consists of various food items and drinks, one if which is a burnt pork chop. I ring her up anyway, as the customers serve themselves.)

    Customer: *looking at the receipt* “You charged me $1.90 for that pork chop?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. That’s the price of the pork chops.”

    Customer: “But it’s burnt.”

    Me: “If you don’t want that one, you can pick another.”

    Customer: “No, I wanted it burnt. I like my pork chops cooked really well. Can’t you give it to me for free?”

    Me: “You want a free pork chop because it’s burnt, but you wanted it burnt?”

    Customer: “I told you, I like my pork chops burnt!”

    Me: “Yeah, I can’t not charge you for the food if you’re still going to eat it.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! This cafeteria is just trying to rip us all off!”


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