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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Well, It’s The Sponge’s Day Off

    | Ord, NE, USA | Food & Drink

    (It’s my first time running drive-through. The floor manager and one or two other employees also have their headsets on.)

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant]. What can I get you?”

    Customer: “I will have a chicken sandwich, and my grandson will have a Crabby Patty kids meal.”

    (The floor manager’s jaw drops. The other employees burst out laughing.)

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “Ma’am, we don’t have Crabby Patties. Those are off of a kids’ TV show.”

    Customer: “Oh…well, do you have anything like it?”

    Meathead In The Making

    | Orange County, CA, USA | Food & Drink

    (I am a server assistant at a popular 40′s style diner.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, there’s something wrong with my burger.”

    Me: “What is it?”

    Customer: “Well, it doesn’t have a bun.”

    Me: “Hmm, what did you order?”

    Customer: “The all-natural, low-carb burger.”

    Me: “Well, the bun is made of bread which is loaded with carbs. So, if you wanted a low-carb burger, there would be no bun.”

    Customer: “Oh…that makes sense now!”

    Illegalize Stupidity

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Food & Drink

    Guest #1: “What’s a Flaming Dr. Pepper?”

    Me: “It’s a shot of Amaretto topped with Bacardi 151 and set on fire. You drop it into half a beer and chug it. It tastes just like a Dr. Pepper.”

    Guest #1: “We’ll take two.”

    Me: “Sorry, since they’re on fire, we can’t serve them. It violates city fire code.”

    Guest #2: “C’mon, we want to try it.”

    (I explain that if they drink them at the bar in front of me I’ll allow it. I pour the half beers, the shot of Amaretto, and top it with the 151. I place all this in front of them and light the shots on fire.)

    Guest #1: “Now what?”

    Me: “Hold the beer in one hand and the shot in the other.”

    (They do so.)

    Me: “Now drop the shot.”

    Guest #1: “Drop the shot?”

    Me: “Drop the shot.”

    (Guest #2 drops the shot in the beer and begins to chug as instructed. Guest #1 misunderstands and drops the shot on the bar, spilling the now flaming shot all over the counter. The Bacardi, as well as the flames, spread. I put it out but it takes a few moments and it is a little frightening.)

    Me: “Now, do we know why they are illegal to serve?”

    Will That Be Paper Or Plastic

    , | Kildare, Ireland | Food & Drink, Money

    Customer: “Can I get a cheeseburger and a bottle of water?”

    Me: “Yes, that’s $3.70, please.”

    (The customer holds out five napkins and starts counting them. He then hands them to me as payment.)

    Me: “Sorry, do you have $3.70?”

    Customer: *points at napkins* “Yea, there! Look!”

    Me: “Those are not money. Do you have any money to pay?”

    Customer: “Yeah! I’m paying with napkins!”

    Coworker: “Sorry, we only take money…”

    (Eventually, security had to come and him (and his napkins) away from the tills.)

    Your Attitude Is Teri-yucky

    | Sammamish, WA, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    (Note: I work at a restaurant that specializes only in teriyaki-style food.)

    Customer: “So, what kind of food do you guys sell here?”

    Me: “We sell teriyaki.”

    Customer: “Is your chicken teriyaki-style?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Is your beef teriyaki-style?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Is your pork teriyaki-style?”

    Me: “Yes, the majority of our menu is teriyaki.”

    Customer: *looking upset* “You should really have more variety. I don’t want teriyaki. I didn’t wait in line for 15 minutes for teriyaki!”

    Next customer in line: “Well, then, get the f**k out of a teriyaki restaurant!”


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