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    Give Me Whatever Moos

    | TVM, Kerala, India | Food & Drink

    (Note: most of our customers on our home-delivery call number are tourists, foreigners, or upper-class residents who speak in English.)

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you today? Would you like to hear about our specials?”

    Customer: “Um, let me think. No?”

    Me: “That’s quite fine. Can I take your order?”

    Customer: “One stir-fried peas and three butter pattora please.”

    Me: “Okay, one order of stir-fried peas and three butter parrota. Can I have–”

    Customer: Not peas. It’s stir-fried peas.”

    Me: “That is one stir-fried peas, right?”

    Customer: “No! It’s PEAS! PEA-SEF!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m hearing stir-fried peas: P as in potato, E as in eclairs, A as in apple, and S as in suga–”

    Customer: “No! No! Moooo!”

    Me: “What’s that, ma’am? I didn’t hear you.”

    Customer: “MOO! MOOOO!”

    Me: “Oh! You mean beef. Sorry about that, ma’am. So, one order of stir-fried beef and three butter parrota. Are we good?”

    Customer: “Ha! yes! Stir-fried pea-sef! *gives address*

    Me: “Alrighty, we’ll have it delivered in 15-minutes. Have a nice day!”

    Customer: “MOO! I will!” *click*

    Do Unto Others

    , | Cape Carteret, NC, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    (This takes place toward the end of my shift in the drive-thru. Everything has been slow for awhile.)

    Customer: “Two cheeseburgers and that’ll be it.”

    Me: “Okay sir, your total will be–”

    (The customer drives ahead to the window before I can finish.)

    Me: “Evening, sir. Your total will be $2.14.”

    Customer: “I KNOW how to add!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t give you your total.”

    Customer: *hands me money* “I know, I’m sorry.”

    Me: *makes change* “Long day?”

    Customer: “Yeah, lot of customers being a**holes.”

    Me: “Yeah. I know the feeling. Have a nice day!”

    The Lost And Eaten

    , | Kansas City, MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Sometimes, customers call the store when their order is wrong. This one was a little bit more special.)

    Manager: “How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I didn’t get my food!”

    Manager: “What do you mean?”

    Customer: “When I came through the drive-thru, I got my food. But when I got home it was gone!”

    Manager: “Let me get this straight. You got your food at the window?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Manager: “And it was in your car when you left?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Manager: “And it was gone when you got home?”

    Customer: “It wasn’t there anymore.”

    Manager: “So between here and home, you lost your food? How do you expect us to fix it?”

    Customer: *hangs up*

    Dripular Reasoning

    , | Kennebunk, ME, USA |

    (I live in a relatively small town and have lived there all my life. Needless to say, I know the place inside out and walk through downtown to get to work pretty much every day.)

    Tourist: “Excuse me, do you know where the nearest Starbucks is?”

    Me: “Of course, if you go–”

    Older Man: “Yes it’s downtown right before the bridge detour you can’t miss it!”

    Me: “Sir, I believe that’s [coffee shop], not Starbucks.”

    Older Man: “No, it’s Starbucks!”

    Me: “Sir, that’s [coffee shop]. There’s never been a Starbucks there.”

    Older Man: “No, you’re wrong! When exactly did it become [coffee shop]?! Hmm?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it’s been [coffee shop] for about two years now.”

    Older Man: “Well, unless Starbucks left and changed the name overnight, you’re wrong!”

    Me: “It didn’t. It’s–”

    Older Man: “Right! So it’s Starbucks and you’re wrong!”

    And The Thigh Bone’s Connected To The

    , | Newport, UK |

    Customer: “I’ll have two wings, one breast, and one side-breast.”

    Cashier: “Side-breast?”

    Customer: “Yes, side-breast…” *repeats order*

    Cashier: “What’s that?”

    Customer: “Well, you have the breast, which is the front of the chicken, and the side-breast, which is half of the breast.”

    Cashier: “Well, we don’t do that. We have thighs, legs, wings, ribs, and breast.”

    Customer: “No, you have side-breast! I always have side-breast! There it is–those ones there!”

    (The customer points to a pile in one of the heating units.)

    Cashier: “Oh, you mean rib!”

    Customer: “Yes, side-breast!”


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