An Extra Shot Of Irony

| England, UK | Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

(I am at a New Year’s Eve party.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer #1: “Yes, I need to replace someone’s drink. I accidentally spilt it.”

(As it is only a small drink, I gave it to him without charge.)

Customer #2: *to me* “How much of an idiot do you have to be to spill someone’s drink?!”

(Customer#2 orders various drinks, but there are 2 expensive bottles of wine and mixer drinks with at least 3 shots of various spirits in.)

Me: “All together that will be £50.”

Customer #2: “No problem, but seriously can you imagine if I was as stupid as him and spilled these!”

(Customer #2 turns with tray of drinks to return to his friends. As he does, he drops the entire tray, smashing the wine bottles and the other drinks all over the floor.)

Customer #2: “I guess I deserved that. Don’t suppose I could have free replacements?”

(The guy bought another round, as well as two more drinks, one for me and one for the guy he had been joking about.)

Putting The Bus Into Busy

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Food & Drink, Top

(My mother and I go to lunch at a popular fast food restaurant. The store’s location is in a plaza directly across the street from the local mall; as such, despite the fact that it is the lunch hour, there are few customers in the dining room other than us, though the drive-thru is a flurry of activity. We wait at the counter, and the woman there takes our order.)

Cashier: “Will there be anything else today, sweetie?”

(I am a pretty scrawny and short eleven year old, and painfully shy.)

Me: “No thank you, that’s okay. But um… there’s a bus full of kids coming here for lunch. They should be here soon.”

Cashier: “Wait, what?”

My Mother: “Well, my daughter was late to school today because of a doctor’s appointment. I normally drop her off with a note for the teacher, but her grade is on a field trip touring the local police station up the street from the restaurant. I drove her to the station and stayed with her as we caught up with the tour, and then decided to drive the two of us to the restaurant after. We’re here first because it takes time to load up two classes of kids into a school bus.”

Cashier: *pale* “Could you just wait one moment, please?”

(She goes and gets her manager, and my mom and I explain everything again.)

Manager: “How many people are we talking about here?”

Mom: *to me* “How many kids in your class, honey?”

Me: “It’s not just my class. It’s [other teacher]’s class too, and there’s 25 kids in hers. [My teacher] has 27 kids, but there’s [classmate] and [teacher’s aide] ’cause she’s special ed. And [third teacher] has some of his kids too, so…” *does the mental math* “Maybe 60 people?”

Manager: “60. Some adults, mostly kids.”

(She breathes deeply in and lets it out slowly with a whoosh.)

Manager: “Got it.”

(She turns to her crew, barks out orders, and the previously laid-back kitchen area explodes into action. Meat’s on the grill, batches of fries and nuggets are dropped into the fryer and just in time because five minutes later my classmates and teachers are swarming the place. The manager was nice enough to track me down in all the fuss and give me a free sundae. It wouldn’t be until years later, when I was working in fast food myself that I appreciated the reprieve even a few minutes’ advance warning could bring!)

Fight The NotAlwaysRight Fight

| São Paulo, Brazil | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

(I am a cashier at a fast food restaurant and we’re quite full today. Three teenagers (two girls and one guy) are in the line. As I hand over their orders and they give me the money, she gets closer to me.)

Girl #1: *whispering* “Please don’t freak out and play along.”

(Suddenly she starts screaming making everyone else look at us.)

Girl #1: “OH MY GOD! ARE YOU STUPID? I CLEARLY DIDN’T ORDER THIS! AND NOW YOU SAY I CAN’T HAVE MY MONEY BACK! HOW DARE YOU?!”

Me: *frightened* “Sorr-”

Girl #1: “DON’T YOU DARE SAY YOU’RE SORRY! I WANT WHAT I ORDERED AND I’M NOT PAYING FOR THIS! I WANT TO SEE A MANAGER!”

(This goes for another minute with me trying to apologize until she turns around and notices everyone else is looking at her. Her friend notices that and starts to speak.)

Girl #2: “Now, ladies and gentleman, this is how to make an a**hole out of yourself. This is how stupid you look when you get mad for no reason with people that are just doing their jobs.”

Boy: “And we would like to ask you to never behave like that. Not only will you not solve your problems but you’ll just make things worse for you and for the employees.”

Girl #1: “I’d like to thank this wonderful lady here for putting up with the crazy girl that I am. And the rest of the staff too. Let’s give them a round of applause.”

(Surprisingly, most customers start clapping. Even more surprising, the girl gives me R$50.)

Girl #1: “You deserve it because I know what you go through every day! And with this said, we’ll be leaving. Thanks for your time and remember, don’t be a bad customer.”

Me: *to coworker* “Umm… what just happened?”

Coworker: “I’m just as confused as you.”

Me: “Best. Day. Ever.”

Un-Sue-table Parenting

| IN, USA | Family & Kids, Wild & Unruly

(I walk out to the dining room and see a kid, about five years old, running on some of our booths. I walk up to the mother.)

Me: “Ma’am, please stop your kid from running on our booths. It’s not safe.”

Mother: “He’s just having fun.”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s not safe, and I’m asking you to stop your kid.”

Mother: “He’s just playing. He’s not going to get hurt.”

(This goes on for several minutes.)

Me: “Fine, then this is your disclaimer.” *turns to a regular customer* “You’re my witness.” *to the mother* “Ma’am, if your child falls and injures himself then we at [restaurant] hold no responsibility. We are not liable for any medical costs that may result in him injuring himself in our store.”

Mother: “You can’t do that.”

Me: “I have told you multiple times to stop your child from engaging in such dangerous activities and you have ignored me. Have a nice afternoon.”

(I turn and walk away.)

Mother: *to child* “Sit down now before you hurt yourself!”

They Don’t Know That Band Aid Feeds The World

, | OK, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(A customer pulls up into the drive thru.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes. Do you have a grilled chicken salad?”

(I list off all our chicken salads.)

Customer: “Yes, I’ll take the BLT salad. Does that come with lettuce?”

Me: “Yes. It’s a salad with lettuce.”

Customer: “Okay. One BLT grilled salad with lettuce.”

(I tell her the total, and she pulls up to the window. I’d cut myself earlier in the day on my finger, so I have to wear a band-aid. I’m only working with money, and try to keep it out of sight of customers as much as possible.)

Me: “Your total is $5.85.”

(The customer glances at my finger when I push the button to see her total. She looks like I’d just killed someone right in front of her.)

Customer: “Oh. My gosh. I’m sorry. That’s so gross!”

(She drops her change from spazzing out.)

Customer:“J-just take the twenty and forget the change!”

Me: “You sure? I can wait.”

Customer: “Y-yes!” *shoos me away in disgust*

(I give her the change, and close the window. I tell my coworkers it would be best if someone else handed out her food. My coworker hands the salad out to the spazzing customer.)

Coworker: “Did you see her? ”

Me: “No?”

Coworker: “She was staring at you and making praying gestures and talking to herself!”

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