November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 4

| FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

(My mother takes my younger brother and me out to a restaurant for dinner. As we are eating we witness a car crash in the road. My mother, being an LPN (licensed practical nurse), leaves her meal to rush across the street to offer help. We are seated by an elderly couple right next to a window.)

Elderly Man: “Did your mom just go out there to help them?”

Me: “Oh, well, she’s a nurse. Pretty much anytime an accident occurs and she’s there, she tries to help.”

Restaurant Proprietor: “That’s your mother out there?”

Little Brother: “Yeah. Our mom’s a nurse, so she went to help out.”

Restaurant Proprietor: “Wow! How cool!”

(My mother spends the next 30 minutes out in the middle of traffic, helping both drivers with their injuries, and waiting until EMTs arrive. She comes back in, and we resume our meal like nothing has happened.)

Elderly Woman: “Are they okay?”

Mom: “Yeah, but the poor girl – her parents are out of town. She has to wait in the hospital for them to come and see her. She pulled out, and that guy pulled out in front of her and rammed her car.”

Elderly Woman: “Well, at least they’re okay.”

(Another 20 minutes pass while my mother finishes her meal and the check is brought out to us. As the proprietor from earlier leaves the check, the couple next to us get up to leave.)

Elderly Man: “Let me tell you something…”

(He quickly snatches the check off of our table.)

Elderly Man: “If I were in an accident like that and needed help, I would want you to come and help me. Anyone who selflessly dodges traffic to help someone like that deserves to have their meal paid for. I hope that if one day I’m in an accident I have you there for me.”

(Despite my mother’s protests, the man pays the bill without even glancing at the total. When we go to the front to explain ourselves, the cashier isn’t surprised.)

Cashier: “Oh, that’s Bill. He’s a regular here. I’m not surprised he did that. He’s a real sweetheart. He was actually on his first date with that girl!”

(If you ever read this, Bill, you moved my mom to tears that day. You have forever made me want to be a better person! It’s people like you that re-instill my hope in humanity.)

Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 3
Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 2

Give The Workers A (Prison) Break

, | UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(I’m on my way home after a hockey social, dressed as a prisoner in a bright orange jumpsuit and trick handcuffs. I’m pretty hungry, so I stop for food. Inside there is a drunk man yelling at the cashiers.)

Drunk: “I said [competitor’s signature item]! This is WRONG!”

Cashier: “I told you, you’re at [place], not [competitor]!”

Drunk: “I know where I am!”

Me: “Oh, do you?”

(He turns to me, and does a double take at my outfit.)

Me: “Because I think you’re in a whole world of trouble.”

(I start advancing, cackling Joker-style.)

Drunk: “What ya gonna do, crazy b****?”

(In answer, I stretch out, making it look like I’ve just torn apart my handcuffs.)

Drunk: “Holy s***!”

(I keep approaching, cackling.)

Drunk: “Psycho b****!”

(He throws his food at me and runs. I reach the counter, and drop the act.)

Me: “Can I get a portion of nuggets, please?”

(The cashier just stares at me for a moment.)

Cashier: “Y’know, I think he was right on the crazy part. Nuggets coming right up.”

It’s About To Get Crazy Horse Up In Here

, | OR, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Top

(I am on break and heading towards the restroom, when a customer asks me to take his order. Seeing that it’s busy, and assuming that the customer has been waiting for some time, I step up to the spare till that the managers all share. All of my on-duty coworkers are either Hispanic or African American.)

Me: “Sorry about the wait. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Number four, medium, with an iced tea to drink. I’m glad you finally came out of the kitchen. I thought I’d never get to order.”

Me: “I’m sorry again about your wait. We’ve been a little understaffed all day.”

Customer: “So, that must be why you were doing the Mexican’s work.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “The kitchen, the kitchen! I guess all these n****** who can’t take an order right needed someone back there who speaks English to fix everything. They need to hire more white folks like you to work here.”

Me: “Sir, I would appreciate it if you refrain from making such offensive remarks.”

Customer: “Aw, c’mon. No need to cater to them. Just between us, you think whites are the best race, right?”

Me: “Just between us?”

(I beckon the customer closer, then speak loudly enough for the entire restaurant to hear.)

Me: “If you spout any more of this racist bull-s***, I will not hesitate to kick you out.”

Customer: “But you’re white!”

Me: “Not that it matters, but I’m half Native-American.”

Customer: “You don’t look it. If that’s true, what’s your ‘Injun’ name?”

Me: “In my tribe, I am called ‘Ejects-Bigoted-A**-hole-From-Premises’. Now kindly get the f*** out.”

Think Small

| CT, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am working the pay window at a fast food restaurant.)

Me: “Hi, how are you?”

Customer: “Why did they ask me small, medium, or large?”

Me: “For the size of your combo.”

Customer: “That is too complicated for drive-thru.”

Must Have Got Their Brains From The Dollar Store

| CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am a customer standing in line at a very large fast-food chain. Two scruffy-looking males in their early twenties get in line behind me, and are looking up at the menu. I detect the odor of marijuana coming from their direction.)

Customer #1: *to his friend* “Why are there no prices on the menu?”

Customer #2: “Uh… what do you mean?”

Customer #1: “Dude, under the dollar menu, there are no prices! How stupid! How are we supposed to know how much things are?”

(I turn around just enough to see the confused expressions on both their faces. A few seconds pass, and his friend finally realizes.)

Customer #2: “Oh… dude! Those are all one dollar, because they’re on the dollar menu!”

Customer #1: “Oh… OH!”