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    Self Serve And Self Deserved

    | Ohio, USA | Food & Drink

    (I work at an all-you-can-eat buffet. My job is to bring drinks to the table and take away the dirty plates.)

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant name]! I’ll go ahead and get your drinks. The buffet is ready when you are.”

    Customer: “Thanks!”

    (I bring their drinks to the table and see that they are still there and have not gotten up to get their plates. I go about my business. About 10 minutes later, I see they are still sitting at their table with no food in front of them.)

    Me: “Are you waiting on someone?”

    Customer: “There you are! We’re starving! I’ll start off with chicken, corn, and mashed potatoes.”

    Me: “Okay, well, the buffet is over there and you can help yourself.”

    Customer: “You mean we have to get it ourselves?”

    Customer #2: “Can’t you get our food for us?”

    Me: “Are you disabled?”

    Customer: “No, we’re not.”

    Me: “The buffet is self-serve. The plates are up at the buffet.”

    (Needless to say, I didn’t get a tip.)

    The Count Would Be Proud

    , | Eugene, OR, USA | Top

    (A customer bursts into the store and slams a bag of food onto the counter and immediately starts yelling.)

    Customer: “I ordered six hamburgers and I only got…”

    (The customer starts pulling the burgers out one by one counting them loudly for the whole store to hear.)

    Customer: “ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE!”

    (Her face turns bright red as she realizes her error.)

    Customer: “…six.”

    (The customer quickly throws the burgers back into the bag and runs out of the store.)

    Can’t Spell Without Without With

    , | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Food & Drink

    (A customer pulls up in our drive thru. Note that our bacon cheeseburger is made exactly the same as our cheeseburger, except for the bacon. The bacon cheeseburger is also more expensive.)

    Me: “Hi there, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like a bacon cheeseburger with no bacon. Just mayonnaise and ketchup.”

    Me: “Okay, so a cheeseburger with only mayo and ketchup.”

    Customer: “No, a bacon cheeseburger with no bacon, and only mayonnaise and ketchup.”

    Me: “Well, our cheeseburger is made exactly the way we make our bacon cheeseburger, except it has bacon on it and it costs more. So a bacon cheeseburger with no bacon is a cheeseburger.”

    Customer: “NO! You don’t understand! I want a BACON CHEESEBURGER, with NO BACON, just mayonnaise and ketchup!”

    Me: “I understand ma’am, but if I charge you for a bacon cheeseburger with no bacon, it’s more expensive than buying a cheeseburger, which is the same thing.”

    Customer: “I DON’T CARE! I want a bacon cheeseburger with NO BACON! Just mayonnaise and ketchup!”

    Me: “All right then.” *charges her for a bacon cheeseburger with no bacon* “That will be $*.** at the first window.”

    (The customer comes up to the window and reads her receipt, looking satisfied.)

    Customer: “Now, was that so hard?”

    Vulgar Verbage

    , | Colchester, CT, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I am making casual conversation with a pleasant customer, who is however, somewhat odd. At some point, a coworker of mine joins the conversation.)

    Customer: “Hey, those shirts look kinda tight on you guys.”

    Me: “Yeah, the green sizes run smaller than the blue ones, I think.”

    (The customer points to my coworker.)

    Customer: “Yeah, her shirt is like, vagina-ing open on her chest.”

    Simple Menus Vs. The Simple-Minded

    , | Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Our shop has a very basic menu of chicken burgers, chips, and chicken pieces.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Customer: “I don’t know what this is…”

    (The customer stares blankly at the menu for about 10 seconds.)

    Customer: “No. No! I don’t know what any of this is!” *walks away*

    Me: *speechless*


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