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    Half Agreeing To Half And Half

    | Seaside, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners

    (I am joining my family for dinner when I overhear this exchange between my mother and our waiter:)

    Mom: “Can I have a cappuccino?”

    Waiter: “I am sorry, We do not have any.”

    Mom: “Do you have any green tea?”

    Waiter: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Mom: “Can I have that with vanilla?”

    Waiter: “We do not have any vanilla.”

    Mom: “Nothing vanilla.”

    Waiter: “Vanilla vodka.”

    Mom: “Peppermint? Gingerbread?”

    Waiter: “We do not have any flavorings.”

    Mom: “Any [Flavored Creamers]?”

    Waiter: “We have half and half.”

    Mom: “See, I did not want half and half.”

    (My father breaks his silence and speaks up and says to the waiter.)

    Dad: “Just say yes to whatever she says and bring her half and half.”

    Mom: “That works for me.”

    Children Can Man-age To Listen

    , | NH, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Top

    (I’m a female-to-male transgender person who is not on hormones yet; despite this, I don’t have much of a problem with pronoun mistakes. The customer I have is a middle-aged woman and her young son, about six or seven.)

    Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. How are you today?”

    Woman: “I’m good.” *to her son* “Tell the lady what you want!”

    Son: “Momma, that’s a man.”

    Woman: “Shhh! Don’t say that! You’ll make her feel bad.”

    Me: “Actually, he’s right. I am a boy.”

    Woman: *ignoring me* “I can see why you’re confused, though.” *to me* “You need to start wearing makeup or something. My son is getting confused!”

    Me: “Ma’am, your son is correct.”

    Woman: *still ignoring what I’m saying* “And would it kill you to grow your hair out? Everyone’s going to think that you’re a lesbian!”

    Me: *getting fed up* “Ma’am. I. Am. A. Man.”

    Woman: “Why didn’t you say so?”

    Son: “He did. You didn’t listen, mommy.”

    Me: “Look, it’s not really a big deal. It happens all the time—”

    Woman: “Then grow some facial hair or something! I can’t tell what you are!”

    Me: “Um…”

    Son: “Mommy, stop being stupid!”

    (The son said his order and they checked out. The woman was completely silent after the son’s comment and she booked it out of the store.)

    In Desperate Need Of A Guide

    , | Kalix, Sweden | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Movies & TV

    (I’m working at a small fast food restaurant where we also have some assorted snacks, magazines, and newspapers. An elderly customer walks in.)

    Customer: “Oh, this TV-guide is old!”

    Me: “It is? Can I take a look? No, it’s the current one, till the fourth of December.”

    Customer: “But it came yesterday!”

    Me: “Yes, it did.”

    Customer: “I don’t want to pay for the day I missed! Remove that day from the price!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t do that.”

    Customer: *angrily* “But it’s old! I shouldn’t pay for a day I can’t use!”

    Me: “I don’t control what day you buy your TV-guide on…”

    (She eventually bought the TV-guide and left in a snit, slamming the door behind her.)

    Not In His Salad Days Anymore

    , | WA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Military

    (I am a civilian contractor at a military installation’s dining hall. Unlike some of the comfort facilities at the installation, we don’t have restrictions on who can dine here; as long as they can access the installation, they can eat. It is my turn to tear down the salad bar at the end of dinner. I have taken out all of the utensils and begun to pull the dishes, when an older man in civilian clothing comes up behind me.)

    Customer: “What are you doing with the salad bar?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Did you order a salad?”

    Customer: “No, I just wanted to get a few of these.” *gestures at the fruit mix at the end of the bar*

    Me: “So, you did order a salad bar?”

    Customer: “No, I just wanted to get a few of these.”

    Me: “Sir?”

    Customer: “Oh, you mean I have to order a salad bar to get things from the salad bar?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    Food For Reading Your Thought

    | San Bernardino, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (My brother and I work at the same store and always order the same lunch at the fast food place in the parking lot. There is another guy that also orders the same lunch every day. The three of us get in line one after the other.)

    Cashier: “$4.79″

    (Customer #1 pays, gets number.)

    Cashier: “$4.79″

    (Brother pays, and gets number.)

    Cashier: “$4.79″

    (I pay, and get my number.)

    Cashier: *to next person in line* “Welcome to [Fast Food Place]. May I take your order?”

    (Customer #2 stares at the cashier intently.)

    Cashier: “Sir? May I take your order?”

    (Customer #2 stares harder and cocks his head to the side.)

    Cashier: “Sir?”

    Customer #2: “You don’t know yet?”

    Cashier: “What?”

    Customer #2: “I mean, you’re psychic, right?”

    Cashier: “Oh! No, they just always have the same thing.”

    Customer #2: “Good! I wouldn’t want people reading my mind! Um, I’ll have the number three combo.”

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