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    They Don’t Have Lines Like They Used To

    | AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque

    (Our business is near a retirement community so we get a lot of senior citizens who come in for breakfast. As I’m cleaning tables a very elderly man in a walker approaches me and hands me a 20 dollar bill.)

    Me: “Um, thank you, sir. I’m sorry, but what is this for?”

    Customer: “Well, young lady, I was just telling my friend that they don’t make ‘em like they used to. But then you came along and made my day!”

    Me: “Oh, haha! Thanks that’s very sweet, but I can’t accept this.”

    Customer: “Nonsense! Get yourself a nice pair of black garters. You know, like Betty Page used to wear. Then you can give me a heart attack and I’ll die a happy man.”

    (He gives me a saucy wink and scoots off on his walker, leaving me holding the bill. I was left slightly perplexed, but I had to admire the old goat’s chutzpah.)

    A Slow And Ready Response

    , | Turku, Finland | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (It’s an extremely busy Saturday, as usual, and even though we have all four tills open, there’s a massive queue. Everything goes smoothly however, until a family of five enters the line. The father starts immediately to complain about absolutely everything. I try to be extra nice to smooth things over.)

    Customer: *uses a lot of profanities* “How slow are you people?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, Saturdays are really busy days for us. What would you like to order?”

    (The kids want our most popular meal, which comes from our hamburger kitchen, and the wait for the burgers is minimal. The parents want kebabs from our other, significantly smaller kitchen, which is backed up for at least 15 minutes.)

    Customer: “So, for how long do I have to wait until I get my darn food?!”

    Me: “The hamburgers will take only a couple of minutes, but unfortunately the kebabs will take a while. If you’re in a hurry today, I recommend that you change our order to only hamburgers.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! You’re so f****** slow! We are really in a hurry. We need to be at the cinema in the city center in half an hour! You need to be faster than this!”

    (I’ve done my best to be polite, but now I lose my composure.)

    Me: “Sir, you saw how long our line was when you entered our facility. You had to know that the service would be a tad slower today and frankly, it is not my problem that you are late for your movie, especially since you insist on having kebabs, even though the line is really long and you’ll have to wait. Maybe you shouldn’t have come here at all, if you were so keen on making it to the movies!”

    (The face of the customer was priceless and the rest of the transaction was made in silence. I was chagrined by my outburst and told my manager what I did, in case the family wanted to give feedback, so that he would know that I was the culprit. The manager just shrugged and said that things like that happen, and as long as I don’t do it again I wouldn’t get more than a verbal warning!)

    Thinking Outside The Box, Part 5

    | Portland, OR, USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre

    Me: *to a customer that has just walked in* “Hi, there! Go ahead and sit anywhere you like!”

    Customer: “Can we sit outside?”

    Me: “That certainly qualifies!”

    Related:
    Thinking Outside The Box, Part 4
    Thinking Outside The Box, Part 3
    Thinking Outside The Box, Part 2

    Ripe For A Correction

    | Hattiesburg, MS, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I am working the salad bar at our buffet restaurant and overhear a conversation between a little girl and her mother.)

    Girl: “Mom, can I have some of those pickles?”

    Mom: “Those aren’t pickles. They are cucumbers. They are pickles before they turn ripe.”

    The Sauce Of Confusion

    | Vallejo, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (As always with restaurants, you get the guest who wants to specialize their entire meal because they have a strict diet. I approach a table with a lady who is eating lunch alone.)

    Me: “Good afternoon. Are you ready to order, or would you like a couple of minutes?”

    Customer: “No, I’m ready. First of all, I’m a vegetarian, so I’d like to start off with the minestrone soup, and then for my entree, I’d like wheat pasta with the meat sauce on the side.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, did you just say you’d like the MEAT sauce?”

    Customer: “On the side.”

    Me: “The MEAT sauce?”

    Customer: “On. The. Side.”

    Me: “I understand ‘on the side’, but you are aware that the meat sauce has ground beef and ground sausage in it?”

    Customer: “Yes, and I’d like it very much if the sauce was on the side.”

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