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    Holy Guacamole, Get Off The Phone!

    , | College Station, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (I’m a customer in line at a fast food restaurant that makes burritos. I am behind a customer in line who is talking on his cell phone, not acknowledging the employee trying to take his order and holding up the whole line. There are two employees making the food, the first one putting the hot ingredients into the orders and the other handling the cold. The first employee is smiling and being patient with the customer on the phone, but I can tell it’s difficult.)

    Employee #1: “Sir, what type of beans—”

    Customer: *to phone* “Hang on, this guy is asking me something.” *he looks up, annoyed* “What?”

    Employee #1: “Black or pinto beans, sir?”

    Customer: “Ugh, black. So anyway—” *he launches back into the conversation with the person on the phone*

    Employee #1: “The meat, sir? Sir, what type of meat would you like? Excuse me, sir?”

    (The employee waves to catch the man’s attention, but he completely turns his back to him. The employee looks taken aback, but leaves the customer’s unfinished burrito where it is on the line and comes back to me, smiling as best he can.)

    Employee #1: “All right, then. Hi, what can I do for you?”

    Me: Hi. I’ll have a bowl for here: white rice, veggies, no beans, steak, please.”

    (I catch Employee #1’s eye, point to the guy in front of me, mimic putting a telephone to my ear, and do a ‘what the h***?’ expression. He laughs, shrugs in a resigned sort of way, puts my order together efficiently, and moves on to the next customer. Meanwhile, Employee #2 has completely cleaned out all the customers in front of the phone guy, and brought his meatless burrito up into the area of the line with cold ingredients. The phone guy finally turns back around.)

    Employee #2: “Vegetarian burrito, sir? Would you like any mild, medium, or hot salsa?”

    Customer: “Chicken.”

    (Employee #2 quickly reaches over to scoop out a portion of chicken, even though it’s on Employee #1’s area of the line.)

    Employee #2: “Yes, sir. Mild, medium, or hot salsa? Maybe some corn or sour cream?”

    Customer: “CHICKEN!”

    (I swear I can see Employee #2’s eye twitch, but she keeps smiling as the chicken scoop makes it to the burrito.)

    Employee #2: “Yes, sir! Would you like any salsa today?”

    Customer: *into the phone* “Ugh, hold on again.” *slowly and loudly, to [Employee #2]* “CHIIIICKEEEEEN.”

    (At this point Employee #1’s side of the line is totally full of customers’ orders waiting to move on to Employee #2’s area, and Employee #1 cannot physically fit any more orders in the line to get them started. More people come in, and the line’s getting halfway to the door. I have had enough.)

    Me: “Excuse me? If you were paying attention, you’d see she got your chicken already. Do you want mild, medium, or hot salsa?”

    Customer: “What? Who do you think you are?”

    Me: “I’m the first in a long line of people who wants you to get off your phone and finish your order already.”

    Customer Behind Me: “Seriously!”

    Me: “Mild, medium, hot. Pick.”

    Customer: “Wh- uh, medium.”

    Me: “Corn, sour cream, cheese.”

    Customer: “Sour cream and cheese, and uh, guacamole, but—”

    Me: *instinctively, without even thinking about it* “It’s going to cost extra; is that okay?”

    (The employees all laugh.)

    Employee #2: “That’s my line!”

    (The flustered customer finally finished up. I went back and finished off my order, and I got it for free!)

    Driving Through The Line

    , | IN, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (I am working at the drive-thru and our customer traffic is far higher than usual. A vehicle drives up to the pick-up window. It’s a large white fleet van for an HVAC contractor, and the driver is wearing matching overalls. I read his order from the monitor.)

    Me: “That’ll be [amount], please.”

    Customer: “I haven’t ordered yet.”

    Me: “You didn’t order [items]?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Then why are you in line?”

    Customer: “I cut in line. I want you to take my order now.”

    Me: “Sir, that’s not fair to the many vehicles in line behind you. Please get in line and order like everyone else.”

    Customer: “I’m f**** here right f**** now, and you’re gonna take my f***** order!”

    Me: *pointing at headset* “I can’t take your order unless you use the radio unit by the menu at the start of the line.”

    Customer: “I wanna talk to your manager!”

    (My manager had been listening in on the other headset, and was already at the window.)

    Manager: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “This f***** won’t take my order!”

    Manager: “I will take and fill your order personally, but only after you personally explain to all the cars in line behind you why they have to wait an extra fifteen minutes because of you.”

    (The customer launched into a hysteric stream of profanity and drove away. My manager was already dialing the HVAC contractor’s phone number written on the side of the customer’s van. The HVAC contractor’s boss assured us that a stern reprimand would be in order.)

    In Need Of A Golden Nugget

    , | LA, USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (I’m working the drive-thru window when a customer orders two meals, plus two extra 12-nugget boxes. I don’t think anything of it, as this is fairly normal, but then they drive up. There are two large dogs in the back, where the seats are folded down, and the customer and her husband in the front seats.)

    Me: “That will be [price].” *sees the dogs* “Oh, I love dogs! Yours are gorgeous! Are they Huskies?”

    Customer: “Aw, thank you, honey! Well, one is, and one’s a Malamute.”

    (I have quickly processed the transaction as we chat, and I hand her card back, then her drinks, and then the bags.)

    Me: “They look really well-behaved, too.”

    Customer: “Oh, yes. They were so good at the dog park, we had to come get them a treat. They just love [Restaurant].”

    (As she’s saying this, she hands one nugget box to her husband, they both open them as if on cue, and put them in the back where the dogs gobble them down.)

    Me: *blinks* “Have a good day, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh, we will. Bye!”

    (They drive off, and my coworker and I look at each other.)

    Coworker: “She just spent ten bucks on those dogs… I need that kind of money.”

    The Medium Suddenly Felt Very Small

    , | Daytona Beach, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (I am a customer waiting in line at a popular fast food restaurant’s drive thru. I am next to place my order, and behind a large black SUV with a middle-aged blonde soccer mom type in the driver’s seat, another person in the passenger’s seat, and what must be her son in the back seat. She places the order for the son and begins to give her order.)

    Mother: “I’d like a #4.”

    Cashier: “And what size would you like that?”

    Mother: “Medium.”

    Cashier: “Okay, and what to drink?”

    Mother: “Medium.”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, what would you like to drink?”

    Mother: “MEDIUM!”

    Cashier: “Miss, I’m sorry, I just want to know what you would like your beverage to be today.”

    Mother: “MEDI—”

    (At this point I have had more than enough, as I detest people who don’t listen when ordering and treat food service employees like they are lesser. I stick my head out the window and shout at the top of my lungs.)

    Me: “SHE’S ASKING WHAT YOU WANT TO DRINK, YOU IDIOT!”

    (The mother sticks her head out her window as well to glare at me, when she notices my gleaming, freshly shaven bald head, large beard, and scowl barely covered by my sunglasses. She turns back to the speaker and meekly replies…)

    Mother: “A Diet Coke, please.”

    (After I give my order, actually giving the size and beverage without needed to be prompted, I pull up to pay.)

    Cashier: “Oh, my God, thank you. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that!”

    Me: “Don’t worry. For a long time I used to work in restaurants. I’ve wanted to do that forever, too!”

    Take Your Hat Off To Their Detective Skills

    | UK | Criminal/Illegal, Holidays

    (A customer has been telling me about all the break-ins recently over Christmas, and how a lot of houses have been robbed in the village.)

    Customer: “Yeah, the police told us that a CCTV camera caught some young guy wearing a woolly hat.”

    Me: *looks up at customer who is wearing woolly hat*

    Customer: *quickly snatches hat off his head* “Oh, my, it’s not me. NOT ME!”

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