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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Can’t Be Free From Customers Like This

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Money

    (I worked at a steakhouse that had a limited time special, clearly marked on banners outside; “Kids eat free on Tuesdays, with the purchase of an adult entree!” Sometimes, it could bring out the worst in people.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. Can I get you started with an appetizer or beer?”

    Customer: *one adult with two kids* “Uh, yes, we would like your ‘kids eat free’ special, please! Both of the kids will have the child’s steak dinner, medium rare, with baked potato, and does it come with soup or salad?”

    Me: “The adult entrees come with soup or salad, so you can share yours with them if you like, or would you like to order an extra for them?”

    Customer: “Oh, I wasn’t going to order anything; I’m not very hungry.”

    Me: “I apologize for the confusion. The ‘kids eat free’ deal is with the purchase of an adult entrée.” *I point to the advert on the table, where it repeats the banner*

    Customer: “This is how you get the customers? You trick us into coming in saying that kids eat free?!”

    Me: “The kids DO get to eat for free. Restaurants would go out of business if they only offered free meals with no purchase required. But with this deal, you save quite a bit! It comes to the equivalent of ‘buy one and get two free.’”

    Customer: “Fine! What is the cheapest adult entree you have? And sodas come with their meals, right?”

    Me: “Yes, they get a child’s souvenir cup with their choice of drink. And the BBQ chicken is our current special for $9.95. It does come with soup, too.”

    Customer: “Child’s cup size? Can we just get it in a larger size so you don’t have to make as many trips?”

    Me: *looking at the three- and four-year-olds* “The adult glasses are fairly large and heavy. For young children we have plastic, non-spill cups.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll have that, and more of your free bread, like, two more loaves for now. And I’ll have a water to drink.”

    (When I bring her the sixth refill on both kid’s drinks and her soup, there are crackers on the dish.)

    Customer: “I didn’t order crackers! Take those off my bill!”

    Me: “Ma’am, like the bread, we don’t charge for crackers.”

    Customer: “Really? They are free? In that case, I’d like more, like, a lot more!”

    (The customer continued that way the entire evening. In the end, after running me ragged with countless refills of the “kids” sodas and anything free, she then emptied out the sugar caddy, stole the condiments from the table, and left EXACT change for the bill. When the manager and I watched her pack the kids in her Porsche Cayenne, we noticed her take out of her HUGE purse a ton of water bottles filled with soda and resealable bags full of loaves and crackers. She later called to complain, saying that the meal was unsatisfactory and she would like an additional dinner for three on us.)

    Reduced Intelligence, Not Reduced Hours

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (The restaurant I work at is open 24 hours and does not close for holidays. It is less than a week before Christmas when the phone rings.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling 24 hour [Restaurant]. [My Name] speaking. We are open all night Christmas Eve and Christmas day. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, how late will you be open on Christmas Eve?”

    Me: “We will be open 24 hours during the holidays. We don’t close.”

    Customer: “So, when do you open on Christmas?”

    Me: “We will be open non-stop from now through the foreseeable future unless weather causes the store to lose power.”

    Customer: “So, do you have reduced hours on Christmas?”

    (This exchanged happened to all of us working every shift for the following week at least three times a shift.)

    A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s Christmas Eve. I’m waiting tables with one other waitress for the night at a diner. This waitress is a sweetheart, but has had a terrible year. She was evicted from her apartment shortly after her boyfriend died, leaving her a homeless single mother, crashing on couches, trying to finish her last year of nursing school. A man who comes in regularly asks to be placed at one of her tables. He orders a single cup of coffee, and asks for the check.)

    Customer: “Miss, I have my money to pay.”

    Waitress: “All right. So, that’s $1.10.”

    (The customer takes her hand in his, places a wad of money in it, and closes it.)

    Customer: “Merry Christmas. Keep the change.”

    (He left without saying another word. She opened her hand and burst into uncontrollable tears when she found $500.00 with a note that said ‘For Mama and Baby.’)

    Get Into The Antichrist-mas Spirit

    | Ocean Springs, MS, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (There is soft Christmas music playing overhead.)

    Customer: “Can you change this to Christmas music? Put it on [FM radio station].”

    Me: “Christmas music is currently playing and this is satellite radio.”

    Customer: “No, this is about Santa. SANTA equals SATAN! So change it to [FM radio station], now!”

    Me: “Sir, once again, it’s satellite radio. I can’t change it to a local station.”

    Customer: “So I have to sit here and listen to this?!”

    Me: “No, you may leave.”

    Doing A Fat Lot Of Good

    | FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (I pick up a double to help out a coworker. I have tables: 16 people total and one really annoying guy running me ragged with all sorts of weird requests and what he thinks are ‘cute’ jokes.)

    Annoying Guy: “…and I want them to cook fat and put it on top of my steak.”

    Me: “Of course, sir. I’ll bring it out when it’s ready.”

    (In between then and his food, he demands several other things, as do my other tables, which is obviously making things take a little longer. Finally, his food is out:)

    Annoying Guy: “Oh, you’re here? You were gone so long, I thought you didn’t work here anymore. I lost 10 pounds waiting for you!”

    (I finally lose my composure a bit.)

    Me: “Well, then it’s a good thing you’ve added this fat to your steak!”

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