November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Tipped To Be Bad Customers From The Beginning

| FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work in a restaurant where management at times allows us to politely approach customers who tip us very poorly, as long as we ask what we may have done wrong and if there is anything we can improve upon for next time, etc. Nothing rude, just simply asking why the service was not up to certain standards. I have couple sit in my section for a couple hours. They leave me $4 on a $60 tab. It is very rare that I receive such a low tip as I never have any complaints about my service.)

Me: “Pardon me, I do not mean to be rude or disrespectful but I was wondering if there was anything wrong with my service today?”

Woman: “No. It was fine. Why?”

Me: “Well I was just curious because the tip left on the credit card receipt was for less than 10% and I was wondering if there was something I did wrong.”

Man: “Was 10% not good enough?”

Me: “Well, sir, $4 is not even 10% of $60. And 10% is a low tip which usually reflects poor service, and I was just asking if there was something I could improve on to make your next experience with us better.”

Man: “Well… you didn’t bring us glasses of water.”

Me: “Sir, you never asked me for waters.”

Woman: “Well, that should hardly matter.”

Me: “So… just to be clear… you tipped me 10% because I didn’t bring you something that you never asked me for?”

Woman: “We shouldn’t have to ask. You should just know what we want. We’re the customer and it’s your job to know how to make us happy.”

Me: “Ma’am, it is my job to bring you what you order… not to read your mind. I’m a waitress, not a psychic.”

(They complained to my manager and my punishment was a free shot and getting sent home early to try and forget people like that exist… Sometimes mouthing off has its benefits.)

Big Mac Attack

, | Fond du Lac, WI, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Health & Body

Customer: “I’ll have a Big Mac, please.”

Customer’s Wife: “Oh! No onion on that.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, no onions. I’m really allergic to them.”

Me: “You know that there’s onions in the Mac Sauce, right?”

Customer: “Really? Wow, well that explains why I feel funny every time I eat a Big Mac…”

Has No Beef With The Chicken

| Istanbul, Turkey | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(We are tourists at a Turkish seafood and kebab place. After we place our order we complimented our waiter on his decent English. A few minutes later, we overhear our waiter at the next table:)

Customer: “What is in a kebab, because I only eat chicken.”

Waiter: “Then the chicken kebab would be perfect for you. It only has chicken and spices.”

Customer: “It doesn’t have beef in it, does it? Because I don’t eat beef.”

Waiter: *sighs* “There is NO beef. That’s only in the beef kebab.”

Customer: “I don’t eat lamb either. So there’s no lamb in the chicken kebab?”

Waiter: “No. Chicken kebab only has chicken and spices.”

Customer: “That sounds good. I’ll have that.”

(I share a look with the waiter as he passed my table. He at least grinned as I was trying hard not to choke on my appetizers from laughing.)

Beguiling Bagels

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(It is less than five minutes before closing on a Friday night, when a clearly drunk individual walks into the bagel shop where I work. The store manager has worked with me for years, in multiple settings, and we like to take turns pinning each other with the unruly guests.)

Customer: “I want a dozen doughnuts.”

Me: “I’m sorry; did you mean a dozen bagels?”

Customer: “Did I say I wanted f****** bagels? I said f****** doughnuts. I want a dozen doughnuts!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t carry doughnuts.”

Customer: “Well, why the f*** don’t you have any f****** doughnuts?”

Me: *in a sugary-sweet voice, with a cheek-aching, full toothed grin* “Because, we’re a F****** BAGEL SHOP, SIR. Also, we’re closed now. Have a lovely evening.”

(My manager proceeded to laugh hysterically, as she followed him to the door, locking it behind him.)

Don’t Ask Where The Chicken Came From

| SC, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I work at a new Chinese restaurant in a small town; a customer is looking over a menu.)

Customer: “What’s human chicken?”

(Cue laughter:)

Customer: “Oh! Hunan chicken! I mean Hunan chicken!”

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