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    A Win Fail

    , | Fort Collins, CO, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (We’re currently running a promo.)

    Me: “With a meal deal you get this offer. You can enter the code online and see if you win concert tickets at Red Rocks.”

    Customer: “Whoa. So, how does this work?”

    Me: “You can go to the website written on the card and enter the code to see if you can win concert tickets.”

    Customer: “So I go to a website and enter a code?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “So… what happens if I DON’T win?”

    Me: “Then you don’t win the concert tickets.”

    Customer: “Isn’t there a consolation prize?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “What kind of contest is this? I’m not guaranteed to win concert tickets?”

    Me: “A raffle.”

    Customer: “What’s a raffle?”

    (We are inside a university, as well…)

    Should Have Been A Piece Of Cake

    | QC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work in a cafe that also serves gelato. We also make ice cream cakes which are entirely made of ice cream. We just put layers of different flavors in a pan, freeze it and unmold it. To prevent any sort of misunderstanding, we also put a big sticker on each box saying ‘keep frozen.’ Even then, the concept seems to be hard to get for some customers. A customer that bought a cake four hours ago rushes into the shop looking really angry.)

    Customer: “I want to have a refund! The cake you sold me did not work!”

    Me: “What do you mean, it did not work?”

    Customer: “Your cake melted before I could serve it to my guests! I want a refund!”

    Me: “Did you leave the cake on the counter for a little while before serving it to your guests?”

    Customer: “Of course not! I’m not an idiot! When I put it out of the fridge it was already melted!”

    Me: “Wait… what? You left the cake in the fridge?”

    Customer: “Yes, I did!”

    Me: “But, sir, it needs to be kept in the freezer. It’s ice cream!”

    Customer: “And?”

    Me: “Ice cream needs to be kept frozen if you don’t want it to melt!”

    Customer: “You really think I am stupid? I know ice cream melt! We are talking about a cake!”

    Me: “Yes, a cake made of ice cream.”

    Customer: “And?”

    Me: “Like ice cream it needs to be kept in a freezer.”

    Customer: “But it’s a cake!”

    Me: A cake made of ice cream!”

    Customer: *pause*

    Me: (pause)

    Customer: “But it’s a cake!”

    Wish You Could Jew Something

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry

    (A heavily tattooed bald man walks in to the restaurant where I am working. I am at the register. The guy orders his lunch.)

    Me: “That’ll be [total].”

    Customer: “Good, you didn’t overcharge me. Last week there was some Jewish b**** who got my order wrong. Of course, what do you expect? F****** Jews.”

    (I grit my teeth and smile. He hands me a some money.)

    Me: “Here’s your change and your receipt. Have a good day sir.”

    (During the course of this conversation he insulted me, my brother, my mother, my grandfather, my late grandmother, and my best friend from school, all without knowing it. I kind of wish I could have told him, but I doubt my manager would have been happy!)

    Your Last (Corn) Meal

    , | NJ, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink

    (A regular bar patron who would drink Irish coffee and run his yap is talking about French fries, when he spots me, the chef.)

    Customer: “Do you put corn meal on your French fries?”

    Me: “Uh… no.”

    Customer: “F*** you!”

    (He later died, and his repass was held in our banquet room. That day, we put corn meal on our French fries.)

    Tipping The Scales Of Sobriety

    | OK, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money, Pets & Animals

    (I am ringing up a couple customers. The first is visibly drunk, but has been pleasant throughout the transaction.)

    Me: “That will be [total], sir.”

    Customer: “What’s that mean?”

    (He is pointing at our tip jar, which has a sign reading ‘Tipping: Bad for Cows, Good for Staff.’)

    Me: “You mean cow tipping?”

    (He stares at me, clearly very confused.)

    Me: “It’s a stereotypical redneck activity where you go out into a field and push a cow over while she’s sleeping.”

    Customer: “You… what? Why do you push the cows?”

    Me: “… because it’s funny?”

    (I spend another five minutes trying to explain the concept. He really tries to wrap his head around it but he’s just too inebriated to manage it. Finally, he gives up and walks off with his food. The second customer, who has witnessed all of this, steps up to the register. He’s laughing and gesturing to his flannel shirt and jeans.)

    Customer #2: “Don’t worry, honey. I’m a farm boy and I know what cow tipping is.”

    Me: “Oh, thank goodness.”

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