July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Fluid Memory; Difficult To Grasp

| Tucson, AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(I sometimes eat in at a pizza joint about a block or so down the road from work when my shift is over and I’m hungry enough to eat a rhinoceros.  I’m doing so after a very busy Christmas week shift I hadn’t been prepared for. Needless to say, I’m a bit out of it, and I usually order the same thing, so I hardly ever look at the menu. The drink order goes a bit like this.)

Employee: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get you to drink?”

(At this point, I recall a half-and-half mix of root beer and Dr Pepper I grew fond of during a recent dinner party, and decide that’s my drink order for the evening.)

Me: “Could I get a half-and-half of root beer and Dr Pepper?”

Employee: “We don’t have Dr Pepper. Would you like something else in that half-and-half?”

Me: “Well, could you please tell me what you do have?”

Employee: *lists several sodas, including root beer – which I somehow mishear as Dr Pepper*

Me: “Dr Pepper.”

(The waitress repeats that Dr Pepper is unavailable at least three more times before I pause for about three seconds. I face-palm and start chuckling once I realize I’ve momentarily become that customer who never seems to understand something spoken to him, clear as day, regardless of how many times it’s mentioned.)

Me: “Oh, my God. Ah, I’ll have a cola-root beer half-and-half, please.”

Employee: “All right, a cola-root beer half-and-half. Anything else to drink?”

Me: “No. Thanks for being so patient with me, by the way!”

(I still visit that particular pizza joint. But every so often, as I’m eating my pizza, I still remember how I once somehow failed to understand what “We don’t have Dr Pepper” means.)

Totally Estúpido, Part 2

, , | Cleveland, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

(I have a Hispanic name, but was born in raised in the United States; therefore, I have no accent. The phone rings and I’m the closest so I go to pick it up.)

Me: “Having a great day at [Restaurant]. This is [Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Customer: *beep*

Me: “Hello?”

Customer: *beep*

Me: *I try one more time before hanging up*

Customer: “English.”

Me: *in an overly enthusiastic voice* “Having a great day at [Restaurant]. This is [Non-Hispanic Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Oh, that’s better. I think I got the Spanish line when I first called.”

Mexican’t Have Cheese

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink

Waiter: “Table five wants vegan nachos. And yes, I already told them that that’s basically just toasted chips with tomatoes and jalapenos and they still want it.”

An Ounce Of Principles

| MA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

(I work in a very popular coffee chain. We allow people to bring in company mugs and charge accordingly to how many ounces of liquid the cups hold.)

Me: “All right, ma’am, that’ll be $2.37.”

Customer: “No, it’s not. I pay $1.50 for this.”

Me: “That is a 24 oz cup, correct?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “And you can see on the display screen I have hit personal cup 24 oz?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “And you can see that it’s ringing in $2.37 after tax?”

Customer: “Listen here, you snide little b*****, I don’t need you standing here calling me stupid. I can read and I see what you did but you’re just trying to rob me! I pay $1.50 every f****** day for this cup and that’s what I’m going to pay.”

Me: “Well, I can’t sell you our product for that price so you have two options: either hand me the amount you’ve been rightfully charged or have a good night.”

Customer: “You are a c*** and I’m going to corporate with this! Get me the number for your corporate office!”

(I get her the number and she leaves screaming.)

Customer: “I’ll have your job and your stupid face won’t ever work anywhere in this town again! I always pay $1.50! It’s the principle not the price! I’m the customer!”

(She did call corporate but they sided with me and the next time I saw her she had no problem paying the proper amount.)

Race And Relations

| Nashville, TN, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(I’m working as a server in my family’s restaurant. It’s important to note that I’m half-black, but can pass for being a tan white. A group I’m serving flag me down.)

Customer: “Hey, I got a complaint about you.”

Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “My wife and I’ve been finished for ten minutes and those white people over at the other table got their checks and their table cleaned and we still haven’t even gotten ours.”

(I look down at their table, I checked up on them not five minutes ago to ask for the check and they said they weren’t done, and they haven’t eaten much more. Meanwhile the customers they’re talking about had cleaned their plates.)

Customer: “You think we’re gonna pay at all, much less tip, for such a discriminatory business? Forget it. We want to talk to your manager and get your racist a** fired.”

Me: “Sir… I’ll do you one better. Want me to get the owner?”

(The customer grins smugly and nods.)

Me: “Hey, Dad!”

(My dad, who is unmistakably black, came up to the table. Upon seeing him, the customer looked at me and registered that I’m not just really tan, and just kind of sank into his bench while his wife, who had just looked embarrassed at this ordeal, burst out laughing. My dad at least got a good laugh out of it – immediately before he banned the guy from the restaurant for trying to use the race card to snag a free meal.)

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