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    Done With You

    | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I work as a server, attending to a husband and wife. From the get-go, I get the sense that the wife is looking for something to be mad about. The husband, meanwhile, was quite affable and desperately trying to make up for his wife’s grouchiness by being extra pleasant. Taking their order, she is very specific about how she wants her salad, which is fine, and I take great pains to ensure it come out from the kitchen correctly. When I deliver their meals, the husband starts chowing down, but the wife spends a good five minutes inspecting her dish. Finally, after ostensibly finding nothing wrong with her meal, she sighs heavily and eats her meal. Since she looks so unhappy, I check up a few more times than usual, just to cover my own butt.)

    Me: “Is everything to your liking?”

    Husband: “Oh, yes. I really enjoyed the food.”

    (The wife didn’t say much of anything, choosing instead to mutter under her breath. Finally, I notice that their plates are empty, so I go to pre-bus their table. The husband sheepishly thanks me for an excellent meal. Now, her plate is completely empty; no sauce to lick up, nothing. I go to take it away, when…)

    Customer: “HEY! Why are you taking that away?! Did I say I was done?!”

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am! I assumed as much because the plate is completely empty.”

    Customer: *looks at her own plate* “…Oh, I guess I WAS done!”

    If Life Can’t Give You Lemons…

    , | Monument, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a lemonade.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we do not have lemonade.”

    Customer: “Do you have diet lemonade?”

    Me: “…”

    Dealing With A Very Sour Lemon

    | PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I am a waiter at a very popular Italian restaurant chain. I am serving two middle-aged women. Customer #1 is a very frumpy woman, while Customer #2 is much nicer and does not make a single complaint. I start by welcoming them.)

    Me: “Good evening, ladies, welcome to [Restaurant]! Would you like to try our—”

    Customer #1: “Iced tea, unsweetened, with lemon.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but we have just run out of lemon. I could substitute it with a lime, if you’d like.”

    Customer #1: “I can’t drink iced tea without the lemon! What kind of restaurant runs out of lemon?! Fine, I’ll have a diet soda with lemon, then.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry, but we’re out of lemon. We have iced tea and diet soda, but we’re out of lemon.”

    Customer: “I CAN’T DRINK DIET SODA WITHOUT LEMON! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF FOR RUNNING OUT OF LEMONS!” *she calms down a bit* “Okay, I’ll have a water with lemon.”

    (I see her friend mouth “Sorry!” at me. Later on, after the drink fiasco and their meals have been served, I come to check back on them.)

    Me: “How are your meals so far, ladies?”

    Customer #1: “My food is great, but the tines on my fork are too far apart, and I cannot twirl my pasta properly!”

    Me: “Oh, I am very sorry, but these are the only forks we have.” *turning my attention towards Customer #2, as I’ve had enough of Customer #1’s complaints* “How is your food, ma’am?”

    Customer #2: “Well, my dinner is excellent, young man. You are an outstanding server!”

    (After they paid the check, which they had requested to be separate, I find that Customer #1 has left me a very disappointing tip, but Customer #2 has left me more than enough to make up for dealing with her friend’s outrageous behavior!)

    Not Always Right: The Comic – Crashed Diet

    | NY, USA | Not Always Right: The Comic
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    Read the full story here.

    How To Narrowly Avoid An Argument

    , | Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

    (It is late at night and I have been in the order taker booth in the drive-thru. The lane itself can be narrow at some points and many customers sometimes struggle in navigating it. A customer drives up and I can see that he has trouble navigating the drive-thru lane.)

    Customer: “Your drive-thru is really narrow. You should fix it.”

    Me: *with a weird look* “Well, I didn’t design the bloody thing 30-plus years ago, so why are you telling me?”

    (The customer then remained silent during the rest of the transaction and drove off.)

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