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    Lost And Found Rebound

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I work for a section of a resort that plans activities, sells discount cards for certain activities, etc. Our lost and found section is behind our desks, in the break room.)

    Customer: “Have you had a brown purse turned in to your lost and found?”

    Me: “Give me just one second and I’ll go back and see about that for you!”

    Customer: “Can you make it quick? I really don’t have the time.”

    (I go back and look for the purse in our lost and found. It is not there.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I see no purses back there resembling the one you’ve described. You can fill out a lost item report and someone will call you if the item shows up.”

    Customer: “I do not want to fill out a report! This is ridiculous! Let me see if it’s back there!”

    (Customer charges back behind the desks, heading straight for me, full-steam ahead.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you’re not allowed back there!”

    (A manager sees what’s going on and comes over.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, I can assure you. If my employee didn’t see your purse back there, it isn’t back there.”

    Customer: “This is bulls***! Let me go back there!”

    (Customer charges again, only to be held back by my manager.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, could you give us a better description of the purse?”

    Customer: “Oh, my god! It’s brown, and has one strap. It’s Coach. It has an iPhone, a Coach wallet, and a makeup bag inside it!”

    Manager: “Does it resemble the purse hanging off your shoulder?”

    (Customer looks at her shoulder and her mouth drops open.)

    Customer: “You planted it on me while I wasn’t looking! You were going to steal it if I hadn’t come back here!”

    Health Conscious Mosquitoes Source Their Food

    | Dominican Republic | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Tourists/Travel

    (My wife and I are on vacation in a resort. We just had a ‘new arrivals’ meeting, and were told about possible malaria infection from mosquitoes. We both took the appropriate medication before traveling, but not everyone agrees that it is indeed necessary.)

    Tourist: “Taking that medication is not necessary you know. I should know, since I work for [our country's health regulation service]. Every person that has contracted malaria while on holiday here was from [a certain province]. Since we are from [another province] there are absolutely no risk!”

    (We laughed so hard we had to leave the room, and are still wondering how the mosquitoes manage to determine the province of origin of the tourist they are about to feast on…)

    The Expiring Is Not Inspiring

    | South Africa | Family & Kids, Tourists/Travel

    (I do the entertainment program at the resort. Just to add, I am 25 years old. The children of the guests that stay at the resort will come and play with me. We do arts & crafts, colouring-in, swimming, etc. All the kids are currently sitting down on a round table, busy making some paper dolls. Between the kids there are two girls sitting across the table from me. They are between four and five years old.)

    Girl: “So, where are your children?”

    Me: “I don’t have any kids.”

    Girl: “Where is your husband?”

    Me: “I do not have a husband.”

    Girl: “Boyfriend?”

    Me: “No. I do not have a boyfriend either.”

    (The girl elbows the other girl next to her, and says:)

    Girl: “Isn’t she past her expiry date?”

    You Drive Me Crazy, Part 2

    | Southern Utah, USA |

    (I work on a resort where we rent golf carts out to our guests. I rent a cart out to a guest and her sons. She gets into the cart and I begin explaining how to use it.)

    Me: “This is the gas pedal, here. If you push this knob all the way to the left, it will go into drive.”

    Guest: “Okay. Like this?”

    (She then proceeds to hit the gas pedal and drives up over the curb while screaming.)

    Guest’s son: “I think we’ll walk.”

    Related:
    You Drive Me Crazy

    Voodoo Or Do Not, There Is No Jedi

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

    (I’m the resort coordinator and often deal with claims from guests who have had an incident.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [resort]. How may I help you today?”

    Guest: *already irate* “You can help me by filing a claim for me! I slipped and fell on your property during my vacation and I deserve compensation.”

    Me: “I’m so very sorry that happened to you. Can you please provide me with your name and the dates of your stay so I can pull the incident report?”

    (She gives me the information.)

    Me: “It seems that your stay with us occurred in 2007, almost three years ago. The report says you didn’t want to file a claim at the time. May I ask why you’re just now contacting us?”

    Guest: “You should know! You’re the one that hired that voodoo man!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Guest: “The security guard! The security guard who helped me up! He wiped my memory and his spell just wore off!”

    Me: “He wiped your memory?”

    Guest: “That’s what I just said, you idiot! Wiped it clean so I wouldn’t sue you people!”

    Me: “He wiped your memory? Like a Jedi?”

    Guest: “Yes! A Jedi! Now you understand why I have to deal with this now! That voodoo man is evil!”


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