(A tenant in an office building calls the property management office. It’s autumn, and a bit chilly outside. Not every office in this building has a window, but hers does. Tenants pay more for the larger suites with windows.)
Tenant: “Ever since the heat came on last week, my office has been stifling! Can’t the maintenance do anything?”
Me: “I’m sorry, the office suites do not have individual heat controls. However, I can put in a ticket for maintenance to come and adjust your overhead vent so you don’t have as much warm air coming in.”
Tenant: “Well how long will that be? I’m dying in here!”
Me: “Maintenance is usually able to complete their tickets in a day or two.”
Tenant: “What? He can’t come today? This is completely ridiculous! How do you expect me to work, or see clients? I’m sweating!”
Me: “Well, in the meantime, you could certainly crack a window. It’s nice and cool outside.”
Tenant: “THAT’S NOT WHAT I PAY FOR!”
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(I’m a leasing agent for a local management company. A large percentage of our leasees are college students. I am showing a home to 5 students. On the second floor, there are two bathrooms back to back.)
Me: “Here’s the 2nd bathroom.”
Student: “Can we knock the wall down between the two bathrooms?”
Me: “Um, no. I can tell you now that the owner will not do that.”
Student: “Aww, come on. You should at least ask!”
Me: “Why do you want to knock down the wall anyway?”
Student: “So we can do GROUP POOP!”
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Me: “Thank you for calling **** Realtors, this is ****, how may I help you?”
Customer: “Hi, I’m interested in 734 **** Street. Could you tell me more information about it?”
Me: “You must mean 732 **** Street?”
Customer: “No, 734.”
Me: “Does the house have a sign in the yard that says **** Realtors?”
Customer: “No, but the one next door does. I figured I’d just call you guys since you sell houses.”
Me: “Has it occurred to you that somebody probably lives in 734 **** Street?”
Customer: “Well, yeah, but can’t you just, like…give it to me?”
Me: “You want me to call the family and tell them that they have to leave their house because I’m selling it to you?”
Customer: “Yeah, that would be good. And can I move in by Thursday? I’m all packed.”
(It took a good 15 minutes to explain to him that I couldn’t just sell random peoples’ homes.)
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(My boss is a realtor; she has sign toppers for various occasions. This one happened to be for the Christmas season: “Home for the Holidays”.)
Customer: “I’m calling about the ‘Home for the Holidays’ house.”
Me: “Sure, what’s the address?”
(She reads it to me.)
Me: “Okay, how can I help you?”
Customer: “When can I move in?”
Me: “Excuse me? I’m sorry–do you mean you want to write an offer for the house?”
Customer: “No, it says ‘Home for the Holidays.’ I want to move in before Christmas.”
Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. We’re not giving the house away, we’re selling it.”
Customer: “Well I can’t afford a house!” *click*
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