(It is Monday afternoon and the customer on the phone needs their shipment in a hurry.)

Me: “Since it’s late in the day, shipping will resume tomorrow. Would you like next day or second day shipping?”

Caller: “Next day. I’ll get that tomorrow, right?”

Me: “No, we can ship tomorrow, Tuesday, and you’ll have it on Wednesday.”

Caller: “What about second day?”

Me: “Shipping it tomorrow via second day will get it to you on Thursday.”

Caller. “Wait. Next day is tomorrow. Tomorrow in the next day. Wednesday is two days from now. Why are telling me that next day is really two days from now?”

Me: “Because we will not be shipping until tomorrow. All shipments for today have already left.”

Caller: “Since I can’t get it until Wednesday, just ship it second day. Why pay all that extra money when they will both arrive on the same day?”

Me: “Sir, second day won’t arrive Wednesday.”

Caller: “Yes it will. I’m good at math and I can add! Goodbye!”

(I made a great many notes in his account for whatever poor agent gets him on the phone when his package does not arrive on Wednesday.)

(Note: I’m on the phone with a customer, who is asking if we have a certain book available.)

Me: “We do have that book. Would you like to order a copy?”

Caller: “I don’t have time to wait for the mail. Can you just read it to me?”

Me: “Read you the book? It’s over 600 pages.”

Caller: “That’s okay. I have time!”