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    Enough To Make Your Water Boil

    | Portland, OR, USA |

    (I’m an on-site manager for an apartment complex. There is knocking on the door at 2 am.)

    Me: *answering the door in my pajamas* “What’s going on, Miss [Tenant]? Is there an emergency?”

    Tenant: “You need to come quickly! There is water dripping everywhere!”

    Me: “Did you call the emergency pager?”

    Tenant: “No! I couldn’t remember the number and you were closer! You have to come!”

    (When I get to her apartment, I don’t see any water on the floor in the kitchen or bathroom.)

    Me: “Ma’am, where is the leak? I’m not seeing one.”

    Tenant: “The sink! There is water dripping all over!”

    (I walk over and see the faucet dripping a tiny bit.)

    Me: “Is this what you were talking about?”

    Tenant: “Yes!”

    Me: “You got me out of bed for your faucet dripping a tiny bit? Did you try twisting the knobs more?”

    Tenant: “I couldn’t get it to stop and it was keeping me awake!”

    (Turns the knob easily, stopping the drip.)

    Me: “This not considered an emergency. This could have easily waited until at least the morning, if not Monday, when the office is open.”

    Tenant: “Well, if I couldn’t get any sleep, you shouldn’t either!”

    Dripocalypse Now

    | St. Paul, MN, USA |

    (I work at a commercial property development/management company. I got this call from a new tenant’s office.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, [property management company].”

    Tenant: “This is going to sound crazy, but I think Armageddon might have just started in the break room.”

    Me: “Okay, why do you say that?”

    Tenant: “I turned on the tap, and blood came out of the faucet. So, it’s either the end of the world, or turkey blood.”

    Me: “Turkey blood?”

    Tenant: “We just washed out a turkey in the sink; maybe the blood got sucked back into the pipes. I don’t think we should drink the water.”

    Me: “Yeah, that’s pretty alarming. I’ve never heard of that happening, but I will get you a plumber out there ASAP.”

    Tenant: “Great, thanks. Everyone thinks I’m crazy, but I swear, blood came out!”

    Me: “I will take care of this, don’t worry.”

    (I hang up and call a plumber. While I’m waiting for the plumber to call back with a time, the tenant phones every 10 minutes and is getting increasingly hysterical. I finally get a time for the plumber and call the tenant.)

    Me: “A plumber should be out there within the hour.”

    Tenant: “Oh. Well. Um.”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Tenant: “False alarm…it wasn’t Armageddon, it was Crystal Light. The powder was stuck on the tap! Everybody here’s laughing! This is only my second day of this job. I’m never going to live this down!”

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